Ukukhulumisana Okuhle—Yisihluthulelo Somshado Omuhle
Ngo-1778, uRobert Barron wasungula isihluthulelo esinemishudo emibili esisalokhu siyisisekelo sezihluthulelo zanamuhla. Lokhu akusungula kwakudinga kusetshenziswe ukhiye owodwa okwazi ukuphakamisa yomibili imishudo yalesi sihluthulelo kanyekanye.
NGOKUFANAYO, ukuze umshado uphumelele kudingeka indoda nomfazi basebenze ngokuvumelana. Ukuze bavule isihluthulelo esiyobenza bathole izinjabulo eziyigugu zomshado omuhle, enye yezinto ezibalulekile ukukhulumisana okuhle.
Okuhilelekile Ekukhulumisaneni Okuhle
Kuhilelani ukukhulumisana okuhle? Esinye isichazamazwi sichaza ukukhulumisana ngokuthi “ukudluliselana noma ukutshelana imicabango, imibono noma ukwaziswa, ngenkulumo, ngokubhala, noma ngezimpawu.” Ngakho ukukhulumisana kuhilela ukuhlanganyela imizwelo nemibono. Futhi ukukhulumisana okuhle kuhilela izinto ezakhayo, eziqabulayo, ezinhle, ezitusekayo neziduduzayo.—Efesu 4:29-32; Filipi 4:8.
Okwenza ukuba ukukhulumisana okuhle kwenzeke, ukwethembana nokuqondana. Lezi zimfanelo ziba khona uma umshado ubhekwa njengobuhlobo bakho konke ukuphila futhi kukhona ukuzimisela kwangempela ukuba uphumelele. Ekhuluma ngobuhlobo obunjalo, umlobi wezindaba wekhulu le-18, uJoseph Addison wabhala: “Abantu ababili abakhethene phakathi kwabo bonke abanye abantu, ngenjongo yokuba baduduzane futhi bajabulisane, ngokwenza kanjalo, baye bazibophezela ekubeni babe ngabathokozile, abanomusa, abanokuqonda, abathethelelayo, abanesineke, abajabulayo, ngokuqondene nobuthaka bomunye nanezici zakhe ezinhle kakhulu, kuze kube sekupheleni kokuphila kwabo.” Yeka ukuthi isibopho esinjalo sijabulisa kangakanani! Futhi lezi zimfanelo ezinjengamagugu zingawuhlobisa umshado wakho, ngoba nawe ungaba nazo ngokukhulumisana okuhle.
Izithiyo Zokukhulumisana Okuhle
Imibhangqwana eminingi ingenela umshado inombono wokuthi konke kuyohamba kahle, ize inanenjabulo enkulu. Nokho kwabaningi, ngokushesha leyo njabulo iyashabalala, nalowo mbono ufiphale. Esikhundleni sokuqiniseka umuntu angase ezwe ingxubevange yokukhungatheka, intukuthelo, ubutha, ngisho nokungamfuni umngane wakhe womshado. Umshado ube usuphenduka indaba yokubekezela “size sihlukaniswe ukufa.” Khona-ke kunezithiyo ezithile okumelwe zinqotshwe ukuze kuthuthukiswe noma kulondolozwe ukukhulumisana okuhle okudingekayo ukuze umshado uphumelele.
Isithiyo sangempela sokukhulumisana okuhle singaba ukwesaba indlela umngane womshado azosabela ngayo lapho etshelwa okuthile noma kuzwakaliswa isifiso esithile. Ngokwesibonelo, umuntu angase esabe ukuthi ngeke esathandwa ngemva kokuzwa ukuthi uya ekhubazeka ngandlela-thile emzimbeni. Umuntu umchazela kanjani umngane wakhe womshado ukuthi ukwelashwa okuzokwenziwa kuzokushintsha kakhulu ukubukeka kwakhe noma kuzomenza angabe esakwazi ukwenza izinto ezithile? Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukukhulumisana ngokwethembeka nokuhlelela ikusasa okucatshangelwe kahle kudingeka ngaphezu kwanoma yinini ngaphambili. Ukumqinisekisa ngamazwi ukuthi uyomthanda njalo umngane wakho womshado, okuhambisana nezenzo zokuzwelana ezenziwa njalo kuyomtshela ukuthi unesithakazelo kuye, okuyosiza ekwakheni umshado owanelisa ngempela. Lesi saga kufanele sifezeke ngokugcwele emshadweni: “Umngane uthanda ngezikhathi zonke, nomzalwane uzalwa ekuhluphekeni.”—IzAga 17:17.
Ukubamba igqubu kungesinye isithiyo sokukhulumisana okuhle. Kuye kwashiwo ngokufanele ukuthi umshado ojabulisayo uwukuhlangana kwabantu ababili abathethelelayo. Ukuze ufanelane naleyo ncazelo, umbhangqwana oshadile kufanele wenze yonke imizamo ukuba ulandele iseluleko somphostoli uPawulu esithi: “Ilanga malingashoni nisesimweni sokucasuka.” (Efesu 4:26) Ukusebenzisa lesi seluleko esikhundleni sokugcina intukuthelo noma ukubamba igqubu ngokuqinisekile kudinga ukukhulumisana ngokuthobeka. Abangane abanomshado omuhle abalokhu bethukuthelelana, bexabana futhi bebambelana amagqubu. (IzAga 30:33) Balwela ukulingisa uNkulunkulu, ongalibambi igqubu. (Jeremiya 3:12) Ngempela, bathethelelana ngokusuka enhliziyweni.—Mathewu 18:35.
Into ekuthiyayo nakanjani ukukhulumisana kwanoma yiluphi uhlobo ukungakhulumisani. Lokhu kungahilela ukunyukubala, ukububula, izenzo ezingabonisi mzwelo, nokungafuni komunye ukukhuluma. Umngane womshado owenza ngale ndlela ubonisa ukungajabuli okuthile. Kodwa ukukhuluma komuntu ngemizwa yakhe ngokungafihli nangamazwi athandekayo kwenza lukhulu ekuthuthukiseni umshado kunokungakhulumi nokunyukubala.
Ukungalaleli kahle noma ukungalaleli nhlobo lapho omunye ekhuluma kungesinye isithiyo okumelwe sinqotshwe ukuze kube khona ukukhulumisana okuhle emshadweni. Mhlawumbe sisuke sikhathele kakhulu noma simatasa kakhulu ukuba sibe namandla engqondo nawomzwelo adingekayo ukuba silalelane ngokucophelela. Kungase kuvele impikiswano ngenxa yohlelo olungazange luqondwe kahle omunye abecabanga ukuthi lucaciswe kahle kodwa omunye aqinisa ngokuthi uyaqala ngqá ukuzwa ngalo. Ngokusobala, ukungakhulumisani kahle yiko okudala ubunzima obunjalo.
Indlela Yokuthuthukisa Ukukhulumisana Okuhle
Yeka ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukuzinika isikhathi sokukhulumisana kahle nangothando! Abanye bachitha isikhathi esiningi bephambi kwe-TV bebukele ukuphila kwabanye abantu kangangokuthi banesikhathi esincane sokwabo ukuphila. Ngakho, ukucisha ithelevishini ngokuvamile kuyisinyathelo esidingekile esiya ekukhulumisaneni okuhle.
Nokho, njengoba nje kukhona isikhathi esifanele sokukhuluma, kukhona nesikhathi sokuthula. Indoda ehlakaniphile yathi: “Konke kunesikhathi sakho, . . . isikhathi sokuthula nesikhathi sokukhuluma.” Ngempela, kukhona futhi namazwi afanele angase ashiwo. Isaga sithi: ‘Izwi ngesikhathi salo lihle kangakanani!’ (UmShumayeli 3:1, 7; IzAga 15:23) Ngakho thola ukuthi yisiphi isikhathi esingcono kakhulu sokuveza iphuzu lakho noma sokusho okukukhathazayo. Zibuze: ‘Ingabe umngane wami ukhathele noma usesimweni sengqondo esikhululekile nesiqabulekile? Ingabe le ndaba engifisa ukuyiveza ingase ivuse ingxabano? Yini umngane wami angayithandanga emagameni engawasebenzisa mhla sigcina ukukhuluma ngale ndaba?’
Kuhle ukukhumbula ukuthi abantu basabela kangcono kakhulu lapho beyibona indlela ukuhambisana nesicelo okungabazuzisa ngayo bona. Uma isimo siye sashuba phakathi kwabantu ababili abashadile, omunye angase athambekele ekubeni athi, “Kukhona into engikhathazayo, futhi kumelwe siyilungise njengamanje!” Yiqiniso, amagama asetshenziswayo angaya ngesimo, kodwa kungaba ngcono ukusho into enjengokuthi, “S’ thandwa, bengicabanga ngale ndaba esike saxoxa ngayo nangokuthi singayilungisa kanjani.” Iyiphi kulezi zindlela umngane wakho okungenzeka kakhulu ayazise?
Yebo, ibalulekile indlela amazwi ashiwo ngayo. Umphostoli uPawulu wabhala: “Amazwi enu ngaso sonke isikhathi mawabe nomusa, ayoliswe ngosawoti.” (Kolose 4:6) Zama ukuba ngonomusa ezwini lakho nasemazwini akho. Khumbula ukuthi “amazwi amahle anjengamakhekheba oju; amnandi emphefumulweni, ayimpiliso emathanjeni.”—IzAga 16:24.
Ngeminye imibhangqwana ukwenza imisebenzi ethile ndawonye ekhaya kungakha isimo esihle sokukhulumisana. Ukubambisana okunjalo kungathuthukisa umuzwa wokuhlanganyela izinto kube kunika isikhathi sengxoxo enhle. Ngeminye imibhangqwana eshadile, isikhathi esinokuthula indawonye ingazami ukwenza msebenzi singcono futhi sikuvumela kangcono ukukhulumisana okuhle.
Kuningi okungafundwa ngokuqaphela indlela imibhangqwana efanelanayo ekhulumisana ngayo. Yini eyenze yaba njalo? Cishe ukuzwana kwayo nokukhulumisana kwayo kalula kuwumphumela womzamo womuntu siqu, isineke nokucabangelana ngothando. Nayo ngokwayo ngokusobala kuningi okuye kwadingeka ikufunde, ngoba imishado emihle ayizenzakaleli. Khona-ke, yeka ukuthi kubaluleke kanjani ukuwucabangela umbono womngane wakho, ukuqonda izidingo zakhe nokuvimbela ukushuba kwesimo ngezwi elinokuqonda. (IzAga 16:23) Ngakho, uma ushadile sebenzela ukuba ngumuntu okujabulisayo ukuhlala naye futhi okulula ukuxolisa kuye. Lokho kuyosiza kakhulu ekwenzeni umshado wakho ube ngomuhle.
UJehova uNkulunkulu ufuna abantu babe nemishado enenjabulo nehlala njalo. (Genesise 2:18, 21) Kodwa isihluthulelo salokho sisezandleni zalabo abahlanganiswe yifindo lomshado. Kudinga abantu ababili abanothando abasebenzisana ngempela ukuvula umnyango oya emshadweni ophumelelayo ngokuba ngochwepheshe ekukhulumisaneni okuhle.
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Ukucisha i-TV kwenza kube nesikhathi esengeziwe sokukhulumisana
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Ukukhulumisana okuhle kusiza ekuhlanganiseni izinhliziyo othandweni oluhlala njalo