Umntwana Uba Ngokabani?
NJENGOBA uPaul ayelinde ithuba lakhe enkantolo eyayinesimo esishubile yaseNew Hampshire, eU.S.A., kwaxhaphazela amathumbu. Emasontweni adlule, umkakhe wayethathe abantwana babo abaphile kahle ababili ngenkani ekhaya. UPaul wayengazimisele ukuyekela abantwana bakhe omunye oneminyaka eyi-7 noneyi-13 ubudala ngaphandle kokubalwela.
Ekugcineni, impi yakhe yasenkantolo yayisizophela. “Akulungile ngempela,” kucabanga uPaul njengoba ijaji lalikhipha isinqumo secala ngalinye ngemva kwesinye. “Lelijaji, esingazani nhlobo nalo, lizonquma ukuthi abantwana bami bazohlalaphi.”
UPaul nomkakhe babephakathi kwemibhangqwana yaseU.S. eyi-1 187 000 eyadivosa ngo-1985. Lokhu kwakuyinani eliliphinda kathathu elango-1960. Ukwanda kwamadivosi akwenzeki eUnited States kuphela kodwa kusemhlabeni wonke. Cishe amaphesenti ayi-15 kuya kwangama-20 amadivosi ahilela izimpi zasenkantolo maqondana nokondla. Endabeni kaPaul, wavela phambi kwenkantolo izikhathi eziningi. Ukucindezeleka kwakhula. “Ngolunye usuku ngisenkantolo nazo zonke lezizinto zinkeneneza ekhanda lami,” kuchaza uPaul, “ngazizwa sengathi ngizohlanya futhi ngiqale ukubamba abantu. Ngangikhungatheke kakhulu.”
Ngenhlanhla, uPaul wayilawula imizwelo yakhe. Nokho, izembozo zamaphephandaba ziye zaveza imibiko yokubulala nobudlova ngenxa yokungezwani ezimpikiswaneni zokondla. Kungani lezizimo ngokuvamile ziba ukungezwani okunonya kanjalo?
Impi Yabazali!
Imithetho ngokuqondene nokunikwa amalungelo okuhlala nomntwana iyahlukahluka emhlabeni wonke. Emazweni amaningi aseNtshonalanga umama nobaba banamalungelo afanayo phambi kwenkantolo. Ekunqumeni ukuthi umntwana uba ngokabani, emashumini amuva eminyaka izinkantolo ziye zagcizelela “izithakazelo ezingcono kakhulu zomntwana.” Lokhu kuvumela umzali ngamunye ukuba aneliseke ngokuthi uyilowo okufanelekela kangcono ukuhlala nabantwana.
Nakuba abanye abazali belwa ngenxa yezithakazelo zabantwana, abanye bashukunyiswa yinzondo nomhawu ngomngane wesikhathi esidlule. Umntwana uba “yithuluzi lokugcina lokuzwisa ubuhlungu” lelo umzali adedela ngalo ukuthukuthela nokucindezeleka. Abantwana, njengoba elinye ijaji lasho, bangase babe “izinto okunqakiswana ngazo” ukuze kwaneliswe umbono wokuthi ‘ngizokukhombisa’ lowo ngokuvame kakhulu oshukumisa abantu abakade beshadile.”
Abanye abazali baze ngisho bazibambele umthetho ngokwabo. Ukuthathwa ngenkani kwabantwana ngabazali sekuye kwaba yinkinga yomhlaba wonke. Ngokwezilinganiso, kunamacala amaningi abalelwa ezinkulungwaneni eziyikhulu eUnited States unyaka ngamunye! Elinye igatsha liye lathola ukuthi isibalo samacala saphindeka kabili phakathi neminyaka emihlanu eyandulela u-1983. Ngokuvamile kukhulu ukulimala okungokomzwelo kubantwana. Encwadini yakhe ethi Children in the Crossfire, uSally Abrahms uthi: “Ukwebiwa kwabantwana kuwusizi lweminyaka yawo-1980.”
Ukulunga Ezinkantolo?
Kusukela ezikhathini zasendulo, abazali baye bamangala kuhulumeni ukuba angenele ezimpikiswaneni ezinjalo zelungelo lokuhlala nabantwana. INkosi ehlakaniphile uSolomoni iyakhunjulwa ngesinqumo sayo esaziwayo ekuxazululeni inkinga yokuthi ubani owayezothatha umntwana phakathi komama ababili. (1 AmaKhosi 3:16-28) Kodwa akulula ngamajaji namuhla ukusebenzisa “inkemba kaSolomoni” engokwesaga.
Lapho umkhaya uchitheka ngenxa yedivosi futhi bobabili abazali befuna ilungelo lokuhlala nabantwana, inkantolo kumelwe inqume. Amajaji acabangela izici ezinjengesimo sengqondo esingaguquguquki somzali ngamunye, izifiso zomntwana, uhlobo lobudlelwano phakathi komzali ngamunye nomntwana, kanye namakhono abo angafani okulungiselela isimo sendawo esilondekile.
Nokho ezimweni eziningi umntwana ufuna futhi udinga ubudlelwano obufudumele nabo bobabili abazali. Ngakho, umgomo wezinkantolo eziningi “uwukuqinisekisa abantwana abancane ngokuthintana nabo bobabili abazali njalo nangokuqhubekayo.” Ecaleni eliphawulwe ekuqaleni, ijaji labona ukuthi ‘ukuphila kukaPaul kusekelwe kubantwana bakhe’ kulapho umkakhe ekhetha “ukuchitha isikhathi sakhe sokukhululeka endlini yokudlela yasendaweni ekhuluma nomama wakhe nabangane.” UPaul wanikezwa ilungelo lokuhlala nabantwana. Nokho, isidingo sabantwana sikamama wabo saqashelwa ngokuthi anikezwe “ilungelo lokuvakasha ngokukhululekile.”
Nokho, muva nje kuye kwavela isimo esithusayo. Ukuze baphumelele ecaleni, abanye abameli baye bashintsha izimpikiswano zelungelo lokuhlala nabantwana bazenza izimpikiswano ezingokwenkolo. Lomkhuba ongalungile uye waphambukisa ezinye izinkantolo ekusebenzeni kwazo okuyiqiniso kokugxila ezithakazelweni ezingcono kakhulu zomntwana. Esikhundleni salokho, amajaji aye azigaxa ekucubunguleni okungokwenkolo okungekho ngaphansi kwenkantolo engesiyo eyenkolo. Kodwa iyini imiphumela?
Abanye abathandi benkululeko bakholelwa ukuthi ukugxambukela kwezimpikiswano ezingokwenkolo ezimpikiswaneni zelungelo lokuhlala nabantwana kubeka engozini amalungelo abo bonke abantwana nabazali. Njengoba imikhaya eminingi iyochitheka ngenxa yedivosi noma ukuhlala ngokwahlukana eminyakeni ezayo, ukuphila kwakho kungase kuthinteke.
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EUnited States imikhaya enabantwana elinganiselwa kumaphesenti angama-40 ingase ithinteke ngenxa yedivosi noma ukuhlala ngokwahlukana eshumini leminyaka elizayo