Kodi Kuyanjananso N’kotheka?

Buku lina lakuti “Couples in Crisis” linati: “N’kosavuta kuyamba kufunafuna chisudzulo kamodzi n’kamodzi, komabe pali anthu ena oyenerana bwino moti atati athetse mavuto awo, ukwati wawo ungakhalebe.”

MFUNDO imeneyi ikugwirizana ndi zimene Yesu Kristu anaphunzitsa kale kwambiri pankhani yachisudzulo. Ngakhale ananena kuti munthu angam’sudzule mnzake ngati wachita chigololo, sananene kuti munthu ayenera kutero mwanjira iliyonse. (Mateyu 19:3-9) Mwamuna kapena mkazi wokhulupirikayo angakhale ndi zifukwa zoyesera kuumanganso ukwatiwo. Mwina wochimwayo adakam’kondabe mkazi wake.a Mwina mwamunayo angakhale munthu wosamala bwino ndiponso tate wodzipereka ndi wokonda banja lake. Mkazi wosalakwayo, poganizira zosoŵa zake ndi za ana ake, mwina angaganize zoyanjananso m’malo mwa chisudzulo. Ngati zili choncho, ndi mfundo ziti zimene muyenera kuzilingalira, ndipo mudzathana nazo bwanji zothetsa nzeru zimene muzikumana nazo poyesa kumanganso ukwati wanu?

Tisanapite patali, ndi bwino kuneneratu kuti kusudzulana kapena kuyanjananso, zonse n’zovuta. Ndiponso, si kuti kum’khululukira mwamuna kapena mkazi wochita chigololoyo kudzathetsa mavuto aakulu m’banjamo. Nthaŵi zambiri munthu amayenera kudzifunsa mafunso opweteka, kulankhulana moona mtima, ndi kuyesetsadi kuumanganso ukwatiwo. Amuna ndi akazi ena amapeputsa zinthu, sazindikira kuti pafunikira nthaŵi yaitali ndi khama kuti amangenso ukwati wawo wogwederawo. Komabe, ambiri analimbikira mpaka ukwati wawo unalimbanso ndithu.

Mafunso Ofunika Kuyankhidwa

Mkazi wosalakwayo, kuti asankhe chochita mwanzeru, afunikira kumveketsa bwino maganizo ake kwa mnzakeyo ndi kumuuza njira zimene ali mfulu kusankha. Mkaziyo angalingalire monga zotsatirazi: Kodi mwamuna wake akufuna kuti ayanjanenso? Kodi walekeratu kuonana ndi mkazi yemwe anachita naye chigololoyo, kapena kodi akuzengereza kulekeratu nthaŵi yomweyo? Kodi wapepesa? Ngati wapepesa, kodi walapadi, akumvadi chisoni ndi zimene anachita? Kapena kodi amandiimba ine mlandu kuti ndine ndinam’chimwitsa? Kodi zikum’pweteketsa mtima kuti wandikhumudwitsa? Kapena kodi cham’khumudwitsa n’chakuti chigololo chake chatulukiridwa ndiyeno wadodometsedwa?

Nanga m’tsogolo? Kodi wayamba kusintha maganizo ake ndi zochita zake zimene zinam’pangitsa kuchita chigololo? Kodi watsimikiza kuti sadzachitanso tchimolo? Kapena kodi amakondabe kuseleula ndi akazi ndi kuyandikana nawo kwambiri mosayenera? (Mateyu 5:27, 28) Kodi akufunitsitsadi kumanganso banjalo? Ngati zili choncho, nanga akuchitanji? Mafunso amenewa mutawapezera mayankho okhutiritsa, angakhale chifukwa chabwino chokhulupirira kuti mukhoza kuyanjananso n’kukhalabe pabanja.

Kulankhulana Kofunika

Wina yemwe analemba Baibulo anati: “Zolingalira zizimidwa popanda upo.” (Miyambo 15:22) Zimakhaladi choncho ngati mkazi wosalakwayo akufuna kukambirana ndi mwamuna wake za kusakhulupirika kwake. Popanda kutchula n’zonyazitsa zomwe, aŵiriwo angakambirane moona mtima akumatchula mfundo zimene zidzapangitsa winayo kudziŵa chenicheni chimene chinachitika ndi kuthetsa malingaliro olakwika. Zimenezo zidzawathandizanso aŵiriwo kumakhalirana pafupi m’malo momakayikiranabe ndi kudana kwa nthaŵi yaitali. N’zoona, onsewo mwamuna ndi mkazi wake angaone kuti kukambirana zimenezo n’kopweteka kwambiri. Koma ambiri anaona kuti kukambiranako n’chinthu chofunika chomwe chinawathandiza kuyambanso kudalirana.

Njira inanso yabwino kwambiri yothandizira kuyanjananso ndiyo kuyesa kudziŵa mavuto a m’banjamo—zinthu zimene mwamuna ndi mkazi wake afunikira kuziwongolera. Zelda West-Meads analangiza kuti: “Mutatha kukambirana nkhani yopweteketsa mtimayo n’kuona kuti chibwenzicho chathadi, mutaona kuti mukufuna kuti banja lanu likhalebe, wongolerani zolakwika ndiyeno mukonzeno ukwati wanu.”

Kapena munkakonda kupeputsana. Mwina munkanyalanyaza zinthu zauzimu. Mwinanso simunkapeza nthaŵi yokwanira yocheza nokha. Kapena mkazi wanuyo simunali kum’konda kwambiri, kum’yamikira, ndi kum’lemekeza kwambiri monga mmene anafunikira. Mutati mukumbutsane zolinga zanu zidzakuthandizani kwambiri kuyanjananso ndipo zidzathandiza kuti wina asadzam’chimwire mnzake.

Kuyesetsa Kukhululuka

Ngakhale kuti mkazi wolakwiridwayo angayesetsedi, zingakhalebe zom’vuta kukhululukira mwamuna wake, makamakanso mkazi winayo. (Aefeso 4:32) Komabe, n’kotheka ndithu kutaya mkwiyo pang’onopang’ono mpaka kuleka kunyansidwa. Buku lina lolangiza linati: “Wosalakwayo afunikira kuzindikira kuti idzafika nthaŵi imene onse adzaiŵala zakale. Si bwinonso kumam’kumbutsa kaŵirikaŵiri mnzanuyo machimo ake akale, kuti mum’lange nthaŵi iliyonse mukakanganapo.”

Akazi ambiri anaona kuti atayesetsa kuchepetsa kapena kuthetseratu mkwiyo, kenaka analeka kunyansidwa ndi mnzawo wolakwayo. Imeneyo ndi njira yofunika yomangiranso ukwati.

Phunzirani Kum’daliranso

Mkazi wina wovutika maganizo anati: “Kodi tidzathanso kudalirana ngati poyamba?” Nkhaŵa yake n’njomveka chifukwa chinyengo cha wochita chigololoyo chawonongeratu—kapena chasokoneza kwambiri—chidaliro chake. Chidaliro chili ngati kambiya kamaluŵa kokongola, sikachedwa kusweka koma n’kovuta kumata. Mfundo n’njakuti onse aŵiri ayenera kudalirana ndi kulemekezana kuti unansi wawo upitirizebe ndi kuti ukhale wamtendere.

Kaŵirikaŵiri zimenezo zidzatanthauza kuphunziranso kum’dalira mnzanuyo. Wolakwayo, m’malo mochita ngati kumuumiriza mnzakeyo kuti azim’khulupirira, angam’pangitse mnzakeyo kum’dalira mwa kulankhula zoona ndi moona mtima pazochita zake zonse. Akristu amalangizidwa ‘kutaya kunama ndi kulankhula zoona wina ndi mnzake.’ (Aefeso 4:25) Zelda West-Meads anati, ngati mukufuna kum’pangitsa mkazi wanu kuyambanso kukudalirani, choyamba “muuzeni bwinobwino malo onse amene muti muyendeko. Muuzeni mkazi wanu kumene mukupita, kuti mukabwerako nthaŵi yanji ndipo tsimikizani kuti mukapezekadi komweko kumene mwamuuza kuti mukupitako.” Ngati mwasintha kalikonse, m’dziŵitseni.

Kuti mkazi afikire pakudzimvanso ngati munthu wofunika, angafunikire kuchita khama kwa nthaŵi yaitali. Wolakwayo angathandize mwa kunena mawu ambiri achikondi omuuza mkazi wake ndi kum’yamikira—kumuuza mkazi wake kaŵirikaŵiri kuti amayamikira zimene mkaziyo amachita ndi kuti amam’konda. Phungu wolemekezeka wa za m’banja analangiza kuti: “Muyamikireni pa zochita zake zonse.” (Miyambo 31:31, Today’s English Version) Naye mkazi angayesetse kukhalanso wotsimikiza mtima mwa kusumika maganizo ake pazinthu zimene amachita bwino.

Zimatenga Nthaŵi

Chifukwa chakuti mnzako akakhala wosakhulupirika zimapweteketsa mtima kwambiri, n’zosadabwitsa kuti patapita zaka zambiri mudzaona kuti mukukumbukirabe bwino zimene zija ndipo mudzamvabe ululu. Komabe, pamene balalo likupola pang’onopang’ono, kudzichepetsa, kuleza mtima, ndi kupirira kwa nonsenu kudzakuthandizani kuyambanso kudalirana ndi kulemekezana.—Aroma 5:3, 4; 1 Petro 3:8,9.

Buku lakuti To Love, Honour, and Betray [Kukonda, Kulemekeza, ndi Kunyenga], linanena molimbikitsa kuti: “Ululu wong’amba mtima umene mumamva miyezi yoyamba sukhalitsa. Umamka ukutha pang’onopang’ono . . . Potsirizira muona kuti masiku, milungu, miyezi ndipo ngakhale zaka zikupita musakuziganiziranso.” Pamene mukupitirizabe kugwiritsa ntchito malamulo a Baibulo m’banja lanu, mukumapempha kuti Mulungu akudalitseni ndi kukutsogozani, mosakayikira mudzaona kuti “mtendere wa Mulungu wakupambana chidziŵitso chonse” ukukutonthozani mtima.—Afilipi 4:4-7, 9.

Pedro anati: “Tikayang’ana mmbuyomu, tikuona kuti vuto limeneli lasintha moyo wathu. Tikufunikirabe kumawongolera zinthu zingapo m’banja lathu nthaŵi zonse. Koma chiyesocho tachipirira. Tidakali pabanja. Ndipo tili ndi chimwemwe.”

Koma bwanji ngati wosalakwayo alibe chifukwa chom’khululukira mnzake wosakhulupirikayo? Kapena bwanji ngati mkazi angam’khululukire mwamuna wake (mwa kuleka kuipidwa naye) koma n’kusankhabe kum’sudzula monga momwe Baibulo limavomerezera poteropo?b Ngati winayo atafuna chisudzulo, kodi chingavutepo n’chiyani? Tikukupemphani kuŵerenga mfundo zina zokhudza chisudzulo, ndi mmenenso ena achitira nazo.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Bokosi patsamba 6]

KUWACHIRIKIZA MWACHIFUNDO

Popeza kuti pali zinthu zambiri zimene mungazilingalire, mwina zingakhale bwino kufunafuna wina amene angakulangizeni mwachifundo. Mwachitsanzo, a Mboni za Yehova ali ndi akulu achifundo m’mipingo.—Yakobo 5:13-15.

Alangizi, mabwenzi, ndi achibale akulimbikitsidwa kuti asalimbikire kunena maganizo awo pankhaniyo ndipo kuti asachirikize kapena kutsutsa munthu amene wasankha chisudzulo kapena kuyanjananso movomerezedwa ndi Malemba. Mkazi wina wachikristu yemwe nthaŵi ina anasankhapo chisudzulo, anati: “Ingotichirikizani kwambiri, ndiyeno mutisiye tisankhe tokha zochita.”

Uphungu uyenera kukhala wochokera m’Baibulo. Winanso yemwe anasankha chisudzulo anati: “Musawauze mmene ayenera kuganizira kapena mmene sayenera kuganizira. Koma ingowasiyani anene zakukhosi kwawo.” Mutamawakonda mwaubale, ndi kuwachitira chifundo, mudzathandiza kupoletsa mtima wawo, womwe unang’ambika chifukwa chakusakhulupirika kwa wina m’banja. (1 Petro 3:8) Mlangizi wina waluso anati: “Alipo wonena mwansontho ngati kupyoza kwa lupanga; koma lilime la anzeru lilamitsa.”—Miyambo 12:18.

Mwamuna wina wokhulupirika anati: “Ndinafunikira munthu womvetsetsa, wonditonthoza ndi mawu, ndi wondilimbikitsa. Ndipo mkazi wanga ankakhumba kuti ndizim’tsogolera pazinthu zonse ndi kum’yamikira pakhama lake—ankakhumba kuchirikizidwa kuti apitirizebe.”

Munthu ataganiza bwino ndipo atapemphera, kenaka n’kusankha chisudzulo kapena kupatukana, pachifukwa cha Malemba, sayenera kupatsidwa uphungu mwanjira yom’pangitsa kudziimba mlandu. M’malo mwake, ngati munthuyo anali kudziweruza yekha, mungam’thandize kuti asadzione ngati wopalamula.

Munthu wina wolakwiridwa anati: “Ngati mukufuna kukhala wochirikiza wachifundo, musaiŵale mmene munthu wachisoni amakhalira.”

[Bokosi patsamba 7]

CHIFUKWA CHAKE ENA SATHETSA UKWATI WAWO

M’madera ambiri, akazi amalephera kuchitira mwina kusiyapo kungokhalabe ndi mwamuna wachigololoyo wosalapa. Mwachitsanzo, akazi ena amene ali Akristu okhala m’madera ankhondo kapena m’madera osoŵa ntchito amalola kukhalabe ndi mwamuna wosakhulupirika yemwe m’njira zina amapitirizabe kusamala banja lake, ngakhale kuti angakhale wachipembedzo china. Zikatero, akaziwo amakhala ndi nyumba, amapeza chithandizo chofunika, sasoŵa ndalama, ndiponso amakhala ndi mtendere chifukwa choti m’nyumbamo muli mwamuna—ngakhale ali wosakhulupirika. Anaganiza kuti atakhalabe pabanja, ngakhale zili zosasangalatsa kapena zopepuka—malinga ndi mikhalidwe yawo—anaona kuti moyo wawo uziyenda bwino kusiyana ndi mmene zikanakhalira ngati akanaganiza zokhala okha.

Akazi ambiri atapirira mkhalidwe umenewo—mwina kwa zaka zambiri—anadzakondwa ndi dalitso lakuona amuna awo akusintha mikhalidwe yawo nakhala amuna achikristu okhulupirika ndiponso achikondi.—Yerekezerani ndi 1 Akorinto 7:12-16.

Choncho, amene asankha kukhalabe ndi amuna awo—ngakhale ali osalapa—sayenera kuimbidwa mlandu. Chinthu chimene asankha kuchita n’chovuta kwambiri ndiye ayenera kuthandizidwa ndi kuchirikizidwa.

[Bokosi patsamba 8]

KODI MLANDU N’NGWAYANI?

N’zoona, nthaŵi zina mwamuna kapena mkazi wosalakwayo angakhale iye amene anali kuyambitsa mavuto m’banja chifukwa cha kupanda ungwiro kwake, komabe Baibulo limanena kuti ‘munthu aliyense ayesedwa pamene chilakolako chake cha iye mwini chim’kokera nichim’nyenga.’ Pamenepo chilakolakocho chitaima, chibala uchimo.” (Yakobo 1:14, 15) Ngakhale kuti pangakhale zinthu zingapo zimene zinachititsa, chenicheni chimene chimachititsa munthu kuchita chigololo ‘n’chilakolako’ cha munthuyo. Ngati zolakwa za mwamuna kapena za mkazi zimayambitsa mavuto m’banjamo, kuchita chigololo sindiko njira yothetsera mavutowo.—Ahebri 13:4.

Koma, mavuto a m’banja angathe ngati mwamuna ndi mkazi amalimbikira kugwiritsa ntchito malamulo a Baibulo. Zimenezi zikuphatikizanso “kulolerana wina ndi mnzake, ndi kukhululukirana eni okha.” Ndiponso ayenera kupitirizabe kusonyeza mikhalidwe monga “kukoma mtima, kudzichepetsa, chifatso, [ndi] kuleza mtima.” Koma makamaka, ayenera ‘kuvala chikondi, chifukwa ndicho chomangira cha mtima wamphumphu, [“chifukwa ndicho chogwirizanitsa anthu,” NW].’—Akolose 3:12-15.

[Chithunzi patsamba 7]

Kumvetserana bwino wina akamalankhula kungathandize mwamuna ndi mkazi wake kumanganso banja