Vanababa—Chikonzero nei Vari Kunyangarika

“Handiyeuki Amai naBaba vachirwa kana kupopotedzana. Chandinongoziva ndechokuti Baba vaivapo, uye—pakarepo!—rimwe zuva vakanga vasisipo. Handizivi kuti baba vangu vari kupi kusvika nhasi. Ndinoziva kuti handinzwi ndichivada.”—Bruce.

“Ndaiva mwana mumwe chete kuchikoro akanga asina vabereki vaviri uye aisagara mumba . . . Nguva dzose ndainzwa sokunge kuti ndakakurumbira. Nguva dzose ndainzwa ndakasiyana zvachose nomunhu upi noupi zvake wezera rangu.”—Patricia.

DAMBUDZIKO remhuri dzisina baba rakavamba panguva yakatanga kugadzirwa zvinhu mumaindasitiri. Mabasa omufekitari zvaakavamba kukwezva varume kuti vasagara kudzimba dzavo, kutonga kwababa mumhuri kwakatanga kuderera; vanamai vakatanga kuita basa rakakura mukurera vana.a Kunyange zvakadaro, vanababa vakawanda kwazvo vakaramba vaine mhuri dzavo. Zvisinei, pakati pama1960, kurambana muUnited States kwakatanga kuwedzera zvinoshamisa. Mitemo yaidzivisa kurambana yechitendero, yezvoupfumi, uye yenzanga yakatanga kuparara. Vakurudzirwa nezano revaizviti inyanzvi vaitaura kuti kurambana hakukuvadzi vana asi kuti chaizvoizvo kungavabatsira, vakaroorana vakasarudza kurambana zvakanga zvisina kumboitika. Bhuku rinonzi Divided Families—What Happens to Children When Parents Part, rakanyorwa naFrank F. Furstenberg, Jr., naAndrew J. Cherlin rinoti: “MuBelgium, muFrance nomuSwitzerland [kurambana] kwakapetwa nakaviri [kubvira kuma1960], nepo muCanada, muEngland nomuNetherlands kwakawedzera zvakapetwa katatu.”

Kunyange zvazvo vana vachiwanzogara namai vavo kana baba namai varambana, vanababa vakawanda zvikuru vanobva pamba vanoda kuti ukama navana vacho hurambe huripo. Kuchengetwa kwomwana navabereki vose ndeimwe mhinduro inozivikanwa navakawanda. Asi, vanababa vakawanda vakarambana navadzimai vavo havanyanyi kuonana navana vavo. Kumwe kuongorora kwakaratidza kuti mwana mumwe pavatanhatu anoona baba vake vakarambana namai vake vhiki roga roga. Inenge hafu yavana vacho yakanga isati yaona baba vayo kwegore rose!

Kukundikana Kwokuchengetwa Kwomwana Navabereki Vose

Kuti vakarambana vachengete mwana vose, zvinoda kushandira pamwe kukuru nokuvimba—zvinhu zvisingawanzoitiki. Vanotsvakurudza ruzivo Furstenberg naCherlin vanotaura nezvazvo vachiti: “Chikonzero chikuru nei vanababa vachirega kuona vana vavo ndechokuti havachadi kuonana nevaimbova vadzimai vavo. Uyewo vakadzi vakawanda vane pfungwa yakafanana iyoyo kuvaimbova varume vavo.”

Chokwadi, vanababa vakawanda vanoona vana vavo nguva dzose. Asi nemhaka yokuti havachabatanidzwi muupenyu hwezuva nezuva hwavana vavo, zvakaomera vamwe kuti vazvibate savanababa pavanenge vainavo. Vakawanda vanosarudza kuva shamwari dzokutamba nadzo, vachipedza inenge nguva yavo yose pamwe chete vachitandara kana kuti kutenga. Ari, ane makore gumi namana anorondedzera kwaaishanya pakupera kwevhiki nababa vake, achiti: “Hapana purogiramu yakarongwa, hapana mitemo iya yokuti ‘Unge wava pamba na5:30.’ Wakasununguka. Hapana mitemo. Uye baba vangu vanonditengera zvipo nguva dzose.”—How It Feels When Parents Divorce, rakanyorwa naJill Krementz.

Baba vane rudo vanofanira ‘kupa zvinhu zvakanaka kuvana vavo.’ (Mateu 7:11) Asi zvipo hazvitsivi kutungamirira nechirango zvinodiwa. (Zvirevo 3:12; 13:1) Apo munhu anorega basa rokuva mubereki kuti ave shamwari yokutamba nayo kana kuti mueni, ukama hwababa nomwana hunowanzoshata. Kumwe kuongorora kwakaitwa kwakagumisa kuti: “Kurambana kungaparadza zvechigarire ukama hwababa nomwana.”—Journal of Marriage and the Family, May 1994.

Varwadziwa uye vagumburwa nokuparadzaniswa noupenyu hwavana vavo—kana kuti zvimwe kusava nehanya kwoutsinye—vamwe varume vanotiza mhuri dzavo, vachitadza kutsigira nemari inodiwa.b (1 Timoti 5:8) “Hapana chandinombofunga nezvababa vangu chandinoda,” akadaro mumwe mukomana achiri kuyaruka akanga arwadziwa zvikuru. “Zvechokwadi havachambofunga nezvedu, chero kutitsigira kana kuita chipi nechipi, uye ndinofunga kuti izvozvo zvinonyangadza.”

Vabereki Vasina Kuchata

Nhamba huru dzokubereka vana pasina muchato dzakonzera kuwedzera kukuru zvikuru kwavana vasina baba. “Kunenge kuberekwa kwomwana mumwe pavatatu voga voga vanoberekwa mu[United States] zvino kunoitwa navanhu vasina kuroorana,” rinodaro bhuku rinonzi Fatherless America. Pavana vanofungidzirwa kuva 500 000 vanoberekwa gore roga roga naavo vane makore anobvira pa15 kusvika ku19, 78 muzana vacho ndevepwere dzichiri kuyaruka dzisina kuroorwa. Zvisinei, pamuviri panoitwa nepwere dzichiri kuyaruka idambudziko riri munyika yose. Uye mapurogiramu anodzidzisa nezvekudzivirira kubata pamuviri kana kuti anotsigira kusaita zvepabonde haana zvakawanda zvaakabatsira nazvo kuchinja kuita zvepabonde kunoitwa nepwere dzichiri kuyaruka.

Bhuku rinonzi Teenage Fathers, rakanyorwa naBryan E. Robinson, rinotsanangura kuti: “Pamuviri panoitwa nevasina muchato hapachambonyadzisi sezvapaiita muma1960 nemhaka yepfungwa yenzanga yakasununguka zvakanyanya yezvepabonde napamuviri panoitwa vanhu vasati vachata. . . . Uyewo pwere dzanhasi dziri kuramba dzichinzwa mashoko ezvepabonde mukushambadzira, mumimhanzi, mumabhaisikopo nomuterevhizheni. Zvinobudisa nhau zveAmerica zvinoudza vari kuyaruka kuti kuita zvepabonde zvinoratidza kudanana, zvinofadza, uye zvinoita kuti unakidzwe zvisingamboratidzawo migumisiro chaiyo muupenyu yemiitiro yokuita zvepabonde zvachero uye nokusangwarira.”

Vaduku vakawanda vanoratidzika sevanotofara havo vasingazivi migumisiro yokuita zvepabonde vanhu vasina kuroorana. Cherekedza mamwe mashoko akanzwiwa naRobinson: “‘Aisaratidzika somunhu [angabata pamuviri]’; ‘Taingoita zvepabonde kamwe chete pavhiki’; kana kuti ‘Handina kufunga kuti ungabata pamuviri nokungozviita kokutanga.’” Chokwadi, mamwe majaya anonyatsoziva kuti kuita zvepabonde kungaguma napamuviri. Bhuku rinonzi Young Unwed Fathers rinoti: “Kuvakomana vakawanda, [vari mukati meguta], kuita zvepabonde chiratidzo chinokosha chemamiriro ezvinhu omunzvimbo yacho; kuita zvepabonde kakawanda kunova nhau yokuvavarira kukunda vamwe. Vasikana vakawanda vanobvuma kuita zvepabonde sechipo chokuti vadiwe nejaya.” Mune mamwe maguta, vakomana vasati vava vanababa vevana vangatsvinyirwa nokuda kwokuti “havasati varara nevasikana”!

Mamiriro acho ezvinhu angatonyanya kusafadza paunofunga nezvemigumisiro yokuongorora kwakaitwa muna 1993 kwavanamai vezera rokuenda kuchikoro muCalifornia. Zvakaratidza kuti vasikana vaviri pavatatu voga voga vakanga vapiwa pamuviri, kwete navakomana vavo vachiri kuyaruka, asi navarume vane makore anopfuura 20! Kutaura zvazviri, kumwe kuongorora kunoratidza kuti vanamai vachiri kuyaruka vasina kuchata vakawanda ndivo vanowanzoita zvepabonde navakomana ivo vachiri vaduku—kana kuti kutobatwa zvisina kunaka. Kupararira kwokushandiswa zvisina kunaka kwakadaro kunoratidza kuora nokushata kwaita nzanga yanhasi.—2 Timoti 3:13.

Chikonzero nei Majaya Achitiza

Vakomana vachiri kuyaruka vanova vanababa vevana havawanzotakura mutoro wenguva refu wokutarisira vana vavo. Mumwe mukomana ane musikana wake akabata pamuviri akati: “Ndakangomuudza kuti, ‘Ini ndaenda.’” Zvisinei, sezvinoratidzwa nenyaya iri muFamily Life Educator, “vanababa vaduku vakawanda vanoratidza chido chavo chakasimba chokuva noukama hwapedyo navana vavo.” Maererano nokumwe kuongorora kwakaitwa kwavanababa vaduku vasina kuroora, 70 muzana vavo vaishanyira mwana wavo kamwe pavhiki. “Zvisinei,” inonyevera kudaro nyaya yacho, “vana zvavanokura, kushanya kunoderera.”

Mumwe baba ane makore 17 akataura chikonzero nei, achiti: “Dai ndakangoziva chete kuti izvi zvaizooma sei, ndaisazofa ndakazvibvumira kuti zviitike.” Pwere shomanene dzine pfungwa kana kuti ruzivo rwokuita zvinofanira kuitwa nomubereki. Dzakawanda hadzina dzidzo kana kuti unyanzi hwebasa hunodiwa kuti dzizviriritire. Panzvimbo pokutarisana nokunyara nemhaka yokukundikana, majaya akawanda anongotiza vana vao. “Upenyu hwangu hwakazara nenhamo namatambudziko,” vamwe baba vaduku vakadaro. Mumwe anochema-chema achiti: “Handigoni kuzvitarisira pachangu; handizivi kuti ndaizoitei kudai ndaifanira kutarisirawo [mwanakomana wangu].”

Mazambiringa Anovava

Munguva yavanhu vanotaurwa muBhaibheri vaJudha vaiva netsumo yokuti: “Madzibaba akadya mazambiringa anovava, meno avana ndokuhwadzira.” (Ezekieri 18:2) Mwari akaudza vaJudha kuti zvaisafanira kuita nenzira iyoyo, kuti zvikanganiso zvekare zvaisafanira kudzokororwa munguva yemberi. (Ezekieri 18:3) Kunyange zvakadaro, mamiriyoni avana nhasi anoita seari kuravidza kuvava kwe“mazambiringa anovava” avabereki vavo—vachirangwa nokuda kwokushaya ruzivo, kusangwarira, uye kutadza kutarisira imba kwavabereki vavo. Kuongorora kwacho kunongokangaidza mukuratidza kuti vana vanokura vasina baba vanosangana nehosha dzakanyanyisa dzomuviri nepfungwa. (Ona bhokisi riri papeji 7.) Zvikurukuru kushungurudzika ndicho chokwadi chokuti nhaka yokusava nababa pamusha inowanzopfuudzwa kubva kuchizvarwa kuenda kuchizvarwa—zvichingoita kuti matanho amarwadzo nokusuruvara arambe aripo.

Mhuri dzisina baba dzichakundikana here? Kwete! Kutaura zvazviri, mashoko akanaka ndeokuti kuvapo kunopfuurira kwemhuri dzisina baba kunogona kupedzwa. Nyaya yedu inotevera ichakurukura kuti sei.

[Mashoko Omuzasi]

[Bhokisi/Mufananidzo uri papeji 7]

Njodzi Dzokukura Usina Baba

Kukura vasina baba kune njodzi dzakakomba kuvana. Nepo mashoko anotevera angarwadza vamwe kuti vafunge nezvawo, kuziva nezvenjodzi dzacho ndiro danho rokutanga mukudzivirira kana kuti kuderedza kukuvadzika kwacho. Fungawo kuti nhamba dzokuongorora kunoitwa dzinoshanda kumapoka avanhu vakawanda kwete kumunhu mumwe chete. Vana vakawanda vanokurira mumisha isina baba vasingambosangani namamwe amatambudziko aya. Sezvicharatidzwa nenyaya yedu yokupedzisira, kupindira kwavabereki nokushandiswa kwenheyo dzeBhaibheri kunogona kuita zvakawanda kuderedza matambudziko aya angangoitika. Saka, funga dzimwe dzenjodzi dzingangotarisana nomwana asina baba.

◼ Njodzi Dzakawedzerwa Dzokushinhwa

Kuongorora kunoratidza zvakajeka kuti kusava nababa kunowedzera njodzi yokushinhwa kwavana. Kumwe kuongorora kwakaratidza kuti pamhosva dzinokwana 52 000 dzokubatwa zvisina kunaka kwavana, “72 muzana dzaisanganisira vana vanogara mudzimba dzine mubereki mumwe kana kuti dzisina vabereki vose vokubereka.” Bhuku rinonzi Fatherless America rinoti: “Kuwedzera kwenjodzi yokushinhwa uchiri mwana muduku munzanga yedu kunotangira zvikurukuru pakuwedzera kwokushaikwa kwavanababa vakaroora nokuwedzera kwavanababa vokurera, shamwarikomana, uye vamwe varume vavasina ukama navo kana kuti vavanongogara navo.”

◼ Njodzi Yakawedzerwa Yokukurumidza Kuita Zvepabonde

Nemhaka yokuti pangangova nokusanyatsotarisira kwavabereki mumba momubereki mumwe, vaduku vanowanzova nemikana yakawanda yokuita zvounzenza. Kusanyatsorovedza kwavabereki chingangovawo chimwe chikonzero. “Vasikana vasina baba muupenyu hwavo vangangova napamuviri zvakapetwa kaviri nehafu,” inodaro U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

◼ Urombo

Kuongorora kwakaitwa pavasikana vachiri kuyaruka vechitema muSouth Africa kwakagumisa kuti urombo ndiwo mugumisiro unozivikanwa wavabereki vasina kuchata. “Munyaya dzinenge 50 muzana,” vanodaro vanyori vokuongorora kwacho, “pwere ichiri kuyaruka haiwanzodzokera kuchikoro.” Vanamai vakawanda vasina kuchata vanoguma vava kuita upenyu hwechipfambi nokutengesa zvinodhaka zvisingabvumirwe. Mamiriro ezvinhu acho angasava ari nani chaizvo munyika dzokuMadokero. MuUnited States, “10 muzana yavana vari mumhuri dzine vabereki vaviri vaiva varombo [muna 1995], zvichienzaniswa ne50 muzana vari mumhuri dzinotarisirwa nomukadzi.”—America’s Children: Key National Indicators of Well-Being 1997.

◼ Kuregeredza

Vachimanikidzwa kuti vazviriritire, vamwe vabereki vari voga vari kuvhiringidzwa nomutoro wavo uye vari kutadza kupedza nguva yakakwana navana vavo. Mumwe wevakarambana anoyeuka kuti: “Ndaishanda zuva rose uye ndichienda kuchikoro usiku—kuzviitira zvinhu ndoga kwakandionza. Zvechokwadi ndakaregeredza vana.”

◼ Kukuvadzwa Kwepfungwa

Kusiyana nezvinotaurwa nedzimwe nyanzvi kuti vana vanokurumidza kujaira kana baba namai varambana, vanotsvakurudza ruzivo, vakadai saDr. Judith Wallerstein, vakawana kuti kurambana kunoparira marwadzo epfungwa enguva refu. “Pwere dzinopfuura imwe panhatu dziri pakati pamakore gumi namapfumbamwe namakumi maviri namapfumbamwe dzinonzwa dzine vavariro shoma kana kuti hadzina kunyange papfuura makore gumi vabereki vadzo varambana. Dziri kurarama upenyu dzisina vavariro . . . uye dziine pfungwa yokusabatsira.” (Second Chances, rakanyorwa naDr. Judith Wallerstein naSandra Blakeslee) Kusanyatsozviremekedza, kuora mwoyo, kusindimara, uye kungoramba wakashatirwa zvakaonekwa muvana vakawanda vevakarambana.

Bhuku rinonzi The Single-Parent Family rinoti: “Kuongorora kunoverengeka kunoratidza kuti vakomana vanorerwa pasina murume ane chiremera wokuti vatevedzere muupenyu hwavo havanyatsoratidza chokwadi chounhu hwavo hwechirume, kusanyatsozviremekedza, uye, gare gare muupenyu hwavo, vane dambudziko rokutanga ukama hwapedyo. Matambudziko angavapo muvasikana nokugara vasina mienzaniso yokutevedzera yomunhurume haawanzooneka kusvikira vayaruka kana kuti gare gare, uye anosanganisira kunetseka kutanga ukama hwomurume nomukadzi hunobudirira kana vakura.”