Zvinhu Zvina Zvine Chokuita Nokurambana Zvaunofanira Kuziva

NDIZVO zvakaita ukama hwako newawakaroorana naye here? Zvimwe mumwe wako aratidza kuti haana kuvimbika kwauri kana kuti kusawirirana kunoramba kuchiitika kwaita kuti imba yenyu ishaye mufaro. Kana zviri izvo, ungafunga kuti, ‘Hatichadanani’ kana kuti ‘Handifungi kuti ndiye chaiye munhu wandaifanira kuroorana naye’ kana kuti ‘Hatizivi kuti taifungei patakaroorana.’ Zvimwe unogona kunge uri kutofunga kuti, ‘Ndiri kuona sokuti tinofanira kurambana.’

Usati wamhanyira kuti murambane, tanga wafunga. Kurambana hakusi iko kunopedza kuzvidya mwoyo kwoupenyu. Asi kunongounza mamwe matambudziko akasiyana. Mubhuku raakanyora rinonzi The Good Enough Teen, muzvinadzidzo Brad Sachs akanyevera kuti: “Murume nomukadzi vanorambana vanenge vachifungidzira kuti kurambana kuchaita kuti matambudziko avo apere uye vafurwe nemhepo vogara vachifara. Asi kufunga kwakadaro kwakangofanana nokuzvinyengera uchiti zvinogona kuita kuti vakaroorana vasambova nematambudziko.” Saka zvinokosha chaizvo kuti paunenge uchifunga nezvokurambana unyatsoziva zvazviri.

Zvinotaura Bhaibheri Nezvokurambana

Bhaibheri harioni kurambana senyaya yokutamba nayo. Rinotaura kuti munhu paanosiya waakaroorana naye pasina zvikonzero chaizvo zvimwe aine pfungwa dzokuda kutsvaka mumwe wokuroorana naye, Jehovha Mwari anozviona sokunyengera uye sechinhu chakaipa. (Maraki 2:13-16) Kuroorana chisungo choupenyu hwose. (Mateu 19:6) Vakaroorana vakawanda vakarambana pamusana petwuzvikonzero twokutungana kwembudzi vangadai vasina kumborambana kudai vainyanya kukanganwirana.—Mateu 18:21, 22.

Asiwo pane chikonzero chimwe chete chinobvumirwa neBhaibheri chokuti vanhu varambane vachizoroorazve kana kuti kuroorwazve. Chikonzero chacho kurara nomumwe munhu wausina kuroorana naye. (Mateu 19:9) Saka kana ukaziva kuti mumwe wako anga achiita gumbo mumba gumbo kunze, une kodzero yokumuramba. Vamwe vanhu havafaniri kukuudza zvokuita, uye chinangwa chemagazini ino hachisi chokukuudza zvokuita. Nemhaka yokuti iwe ndiwe uchazozvionera pane zvaunenge wasarudza, saka ndiwe unofanira kusarudza kuti wodini.—VaGaratiya 6:5.

Asi Bhaibheri rinoti: “Munhu ane njere anofunga nezvenhanho dzake.” (Zvirevo 14:15) Kunyange zvazvo Magwaro achiti unogona kurambana nowawakaroorana naye, zvakanaka chaizvo kuti umbofunga kuti zvinozoguma nei kana wafunga kuti murambane. (1 VaKorinde 6:12) David, wokuBritain anoti, “Vamwe vanofunga kuti vanofanira kuita chisarudzo nokukurumidza. Asi pamusana pokurambana kwandakamboita nomudzimai wangu, kubva pane zvakaitika kwandiri, zvechokwadi zvinoda nguva kuti unyatsofungisisa kwete kungomhanyira kuti murambane.”a

Ngatimbokurukurai zvinhu zvina zvinokosha zvaunofanira kufunga nezvazvo. Patinenge tichikurukura zvinhu izvi, tapota cherechedza kuti pavanhu vachataurwa nezvavo hapana kana mumwe wavo anoti akatadza kusarudza. Asi zvavanotaura zvinoratidza mamwe ematambudziko anowanzovapo pashure pemwedzi kana makore marambana.

1 Dambudziko Remari

Daniella, wokuItaly, akanga ava nemakore 12 aroorana nomurume wake paakazoziva kuti murume wake akanga achidanana nowaaishanda naye. Daniella anoti, “Pandakazozviziva, mukadzi wacho akanga atova nepamuviri pemwedzi mitanhatu.”

Pashure pokunge vamboti siyanei kwekanguva, Daniella akazosarudza kuti varambane. Anoti “Ndakamboedza kuti imba yangu isaparara, asi murume wangu akaramba achiita gumbo mumba gumbo kunze.” Daniella anofunga kuti akaita chisarudzo chakanaka. Kunyange zvakadaro anorondedzera kuti: “Tichangorambana, nhamo yemari yakatanga kundionesa chitsvuku. Dzimwe nguva ndairara ndisina kudya. Ndaingonwa kapu yemukaka chete.”

Maria, wokuSpain, ndirowo dambudziko raakasangana naro. Anoti “Aichimbova murume wangu haatitsigiri nemari, saka ndinotofanira kushanda zvakasimba kuti ndibhadhare zvikwereti zvaakakoromora. Ndakatopedzisira ndabva paimba yakanaka yandaigara ndichienda kunogara muimba duku munzvimbo yakanga isina kunyatsochengeteka.”

Sezviri kuratidzwa nemienzaniso iyi, kurambana kazhinji kunoita kuti madzimai aoneswe chitsvuku nokushaya mari. Kutaura zvazviri, imwe ongororo yakaitwa kwemakore manomwe kuEurope, yakaratidza kuti mari inobatwa nevarume yakawedzera nezvikamu 11 muzana pashure pokunge varambana asi inobatwa nevakadzi yakadzikira nezvikamu 17 muzana. Mieke Jansen akatungamirira paongororo iyi anoti, “Zvakaomera vamwe vakadzi nokuti vanofanira kutarisira vana, kutsvaka basa uye kukunda dambudziko rekushushikana kunoita pfungwa pashure pokurambana.” Rimwe pepanhau rokuLondon rinonzi Daily Telegraph rakati maererano nemamwe magweta, zvikonzero zviri pamusoro apa ndizvo “zviri kuita kuti vanhu vafunge kaviri nezvenyaya yokurambana.”

Zvingapedzisira zvaitika: Kana mukarambana zvinogona kuitika kuti mari yaunozobata inenge yava shoma. Ungatofanira kutama. Kana uriwe uri kuchengeta vana, zvinogona kukuomera kuti uwane zvaunoda uye zvinodiwa nevana vako.—1 Timoti 5:8.

2 Nyaya Yokurera Vana

Mumwe mukadzi anonzi Jane wokuBritain anoti, “Ndakarohwa nehana pandakaziva kuti murume wangu akanga achiita gumbo mumba gumbo kunze. Chimwe chakandirwadza kufunga kuti zvechokwadi akanga asarudza kutisiya.” Jane akarambana nomurume wake. Kunyange zvake asingazvidembi pane zvaakasarudza, anobvuma kuti: “Dambudziko randakaona rakanga riri rokuva amai uye baba vevana. Ndini ndaifanira kuita zvisarudzo zvose.”

Ndizvowo zvakaitika kuna Graciela, anogara kuSpain uyo akarambana nomurume wake. Anoti, “Ndini ndakanzi ndichengete mwanakomana wataiva naye aiva nemakore 16. Asi nguva yokuyaruka kwevana inguva yakaoma chaizvo, uye zvanga zvakandiomera kumurera ndiri ndoga. Kakawanda ndaigara ndichichema. Ndaizviona sokuti ndaitadza kuita basa rangu saamai.”

Vaya vanobatsirana kuchengeta mwana vanotarisana nerimwezve dambudziko. Dambudziko rokutaurirana neaichimbova mumwe wavo nyaya dzinonetsa dzakadai sekushanyira mwana, kumupa zvaanoda, uye kumuranga. Christine wokuUnited States, uyo akarambana nemurume wake anoti: “Kuita kuti zvinhu zvifambe zvakanaka neaichimbova mumwe wako hakusi nyore. Pane twakawandawanda twunonetsa, uye kana ukasangwarira, unopedzisira wava kushandisa mwana wako sechombo chokuti uwane zvaunoda.”

Zvingapedzisira zvaitika: Zvinotaurwa kudare nezvekutarisira mwana zvingasava zvaunoda. Kana mose muchitarisira mwana, aichimbova mumwe wako angasabvumirana newe sezvaungada panyaya dzambotaurwa dzokushanyira mwana, mari yaunomupa, nedzimwewo.

3 Zvinoitika Kwauri Kana Marambana

Mark wokuBritain, akabatiswa dombo nemudzimai wake kanopfuura kamwe chete. Anoti, “Kechipiri kacho, zvakandiomera kuti ndibvume kuti zvaisazoitikazve.” Mark akaramba mudzimai wake, asi akanga achiri kungonzwa kumuda. Anoti, “Vanhu pavanotaura zvakaipa nezvake, vanofunga kuti vanenge vachindibatsira; asi vanenge vasiri. Rudo runogara kwenguva refu.”

David ambotaurwa nezvake, naiyewo akavhiringidzika paakaziva kuti mudzimai wake aidanana nemumwe murume. Anoti, “Zvakandishayisa remuromo. Zvechokwadi ndaida kuva naye uye pamwe nevana vedu kweupenyu hwangu hwose.” David akasarudza kumuramba, asi izvozvo zvakamusiya asisina chokwadi neramangwana rake. Anoti, “Ndinonetseka kuti pane achazonyatsondidawo here uye kana kuri kuti ndaroorazve handizobatiswi dombo zvekare here? Chivimbo changu chadzikira.”

Kana wakarambana nemumwe wako, hazvishamisi kuti dzimwe nguva unombonzwa uchivhiringidzika chaizvo. Zvamaiva nyama imwe, pamwe pacho ungatonzwa kuda mumwe wako. (Genesisi 2:24) Pamwe pachowo ungave uchirwadziwa nezvakaitika. Graciela ambotaurwa anoti, “Kunyange papera makore anoverengeka, unonzwa wakavhiringidzika, wakanyadziswa, uye usingabatsiri. Unombofunga nezvenguva dzamainakidzwa nemumwe wako, woti: ‘Aigara achindiudza kuti anondida zvokuti aisagona kurarama ndisipo. Aingondinyepera here? Nei takarambana?’”

Zvingapedzisira zvaitika: Unogona kunge uchiri kurwadziwa uye uchakashatirwa pamusana pezvakashata zvawakaitirwa nemumwe wako. Pane dzimwe nguva unogona kugara wakasurukirwa.—Zvirevo 14:29; 18:1.

4 Kuvhiringidzwa Kunoitwa Vana Nekurambana Kwevabereki

José wokuSpain uyo akarambana nomudzimai wake anoti, “Ende zvairwadza chaizvo. Pandakazoziva kuti murume wacho waaidanana naye akanga ari murume wehanzvadzi yangu ndipo pandakazonyanya kurwadziwa. Ndakati zvangu dai ndafa.” José akaonawo kuti vanakomana vake vaviri mumwe ane makore maviri mumwe ane mana vakarwadziwawo nezvakaitwa naamai vavo. Anoti “havana kunzwisisa kuti chii chaizvo changa chiri kutora nzvimbo. Havana kunzwisisa kuti nei amai vavo vakanga vava kugara nomukwasha wangu uye kuti nei ndakanga ndavatora kuti ndinogara navo nehanzvadzi yangu pamwe naamai vangu. Kana pane kwandinenge ndichida kuenda, vanowanzondibvunza kuti, ‘Muchadzoka nguvai?’ kana kuti vanoti, ‘Baba musatisiya kani!’”

Pakurambana, vabereki vanowanzokanganwa nezvekutambura kunoita vana. Ko kana kuri kuti vabereki vacho havasi kunyatsopindirana? Pakadaro, tingati kurambana “kwakanyanyonakira vana here”? Mumakore achangopfuura, mafungiro iwayo ave achishorwa, kunyanya zvinetso zvevakaroorana pazvinenge zvisina kunyanyisa kuipa. Bhuku rinonzi The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce rinoti: “Vakaroorana vakawanda vasiri kumbofara mumba mavo vanoshamisika chaizvo pavanoziva kuti vana vavo hazvinyanyi hazvo kuvabata-bata. Havanei nokuti baba naamai vanorara mumwe kwake mumwe kwake chero bedzi mhuri yacho ichiri pamwe chete.”

Kutaura zvazviri, vana vanowanzoziva nezvekusawirirana kwevabereki vavo, uye kunetsana kunoita vabereki kunogona kuvavhiringidza mafungiro uye kuvadya mwoyo. Zvisinei, kungava kukanganisa kufunga kuti kurambana kwevabereki kuchatova kwakanyanyonakira vana. Linda J. Waite naMaggie Gallagher mubhuku ravo rinonzi The Case for Marriage vakanyora kuti: “Kunyange zvazvo vabereki vangave vasiri kunyatsowirirana, kuroorana kwavanenge vakaita kunoita sokuti kunovabatsira kuramba vachipa vana vavo chirango chine mwero zvichiita kuti vana vade kuteerera.”

Zvingapedzisira zvaitika: Kana ukasakurudzira vana vako kuti varambe vachiremekedza wawaimbova wakaroorana naye, kurambana kungakanganisa chaizvo vana vako.—Ona bhokisi rinoti “Kuva Parumananzombe.”

Nyaya ino yakurukura zvinhu zvina zvaunofanira kufunga nezvazvo kana uri kufunga nezvokurambana nemumwe wako. Sezvambotaurwa, kana mumwe wako akaita gumbo mumba gumbo kunze, iwe ndiwe unofanira kusarudza zvokuita. Pasinei zvapo nezvaunenge wasarudza kuita, unofanira kuziva zvinozoitika. Ziva matambudziko auchasangana nawo uye gadzirira kuti uchazoita sei nawo.

Wafunga nezvenyaya yacho, ungaona sokuti zviri nani kugadzirisa imba yenyu. Asi izvozvo zvinoita here?