Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Kutheni Ndifanele Ndibe Ngumgcini Wabantwana?

“UVAKALELWA njani ngokugcina abanakwenu noodade wenu abaselula?” UVukani! wabuza lo mbuzo kwiqela lolutsha. Iimpendulo ngokuqinisekileyo zazahlukahlukene.

Enye intombazana ekwishumi elivisayo yathi, “Ndiyabathanda abantwana abancinane, ngoko akuyongxaki.” Enye inkwenkwe ekwishumi elivisayo yada yaqhayisa ngokuthi: “Ndiyakunandipha ukuba negunya!” Noko ke, abanye babonakalisa ukungakuthandi nje kwaphela​—⁠okanye ukukucaphukela oku. Enye intombazana eselula yacacisa yathi: “Ndikwenza kuba ndisazi ukuba abazali bam bafuna uncedo. Kodwa andiyithandi le nto.” Enye intombazana yathi: “Maxa wambi ndifuna ukuya kwimifanekiso eshukumayo okanye kwenye indawo, kodwa umama uthi, ‘Hamba kunye nomnakwenu omncinane.’ Andikufuni ngokwenene oku.”

“Ndingumgcini Womninawa Wam, Yini Na?”

Unyana olizibulo ka-Adam, uKayin, ngokungakhathaliyo wabuza lo mbuzo mayela nomnakwabo uAbheli. (Genesis 4:⁠9) Yaye kwakhona usenokuvakalelwa unomsindo ofanayo ukuba ucelwa ukuba unyamekele abantakwenu abaselula. Kutheni ixesha lakho ongasebenziyo ngalo lifanele lichithelwe ekutshintsheni izishuba okanye ekongeni amadolo agruzukileyo nje? Kunjengokuba enye intombazana eneminyaka eli-15 ubudala yakubeka kalusizi oku isithi: “Andibuzwa oko kwenziwe ndim kuphela kodwa ndibuzwa nangezinto ezenziwa ngabanakwethu noodade wethu.”

UMarna oselula unesikhalazo esahlukileyo: “Ukuba siya kumyezo okanye kwenye indawo, ndisoloko ndifanele ndinyamekele iintsana yaye andikwazi kuzonwabisa. Kuyandiphambanisa oku. . . . Xa ndimxelela [uMama], uthi, ‘Nguwe udadewabo omdala, ngoko ufanele unyamekele abantwana.’ Bendiye ndifutheke ndize ndimxelele oku, ‘Mhlawumbi abam, kodwa kungekhona abakho! Nguwe oneentsana, ayisithi. Ufanele ubanyamekele.’”​—⁠The Private Life of the American Teenager, nguNorman noHarris.

Nabantakwenu ngokufanayo basenokungonwatyiswa kukuba inguwe ophetheyo. Yaye basenokukuvuyela ukuphazamisa ngabom eyona migudu yakho mihle yokugcina umthetho nolungelelwano. Enye intombazana eneminyaka eli-14 ubudala yavuma oku kuVukani!: “Maxa wambi ndiyakucaphukela ukugcina umnakwethu nodade wethu. Ufanele nje wena ubone izinto abazenzayo! Maxa wambi bayalwa, xa ndisathi ndiyabalamla, uva ngabo besithi, ‘Ucinga ukuba ungubani? AkungoMama!’ Bendingayi kukhathala ukuba bekulula ukubalawula.”

‘Kutheni Ifanele Ibe Ndim Nje?’

Xa elinye iqela elikhulu labeshumi elivisayo labuzwa oku, “Yiyiphi imisetyenzana ocinga ukuba abeshumi elivisayo bafanele bayenze endlwini?,” ukugcina abantwana kwadweliswa ngabangama-32 ekhulwini! Ewe, iimbopheleleko zokugcina abantwana kuyinto engaphephekiyo kubomi bolutsha lwanamhlanje. Phakathi kwezinye izinto, umsebenzi wasendlwini unokuba ngumsebenzi onzima nodinisayo kumama. Ootata bajamelana nomsebenzi onzima wempangelo imihla ngemihla. Oomama abangakumbi nangakumbi ngokufanayo bamele basebenze ekhaya nakumsebenzi ongaphandle. Badla ngokucinezeleka ngokugqithiseleyo.

Umgcini wabantwana wenza kube nokwenzeka ngomama notata ukuba bafumane ukuphumla okufunekayo ngamaxa athile. Yaye ukuba bobabini bayaphangela, umgcini wabantwana uqinisekisa ukuba abantwana baya kulawulwa ngokufanelekileyo de abazali bafike ekhaya. Kuyinyaniso ukuba, abazali bakho basenokukwazi ukuqesha umntu wangaphandle ukuba agcine abantwana. Kodwa ngaba bebengayi kuvakalelwa bekhuseleke ngakumbi kukwazi ukuba abantwana babo abancinane basezandleni zelungu lentsapho elinobuchule nelinothando?

Kuyavunywa ukuba, imbopheleleko yokunyamekela abantakwenu ekugqibeleni iphezu kwabazali bakho. (Efese 6:⁠4) Kodwa ukunceda kwakho njengomgcini womntwana kunokuncedisa abazali bakho ekuphumezeni iimbopheleleko zabo. Kukwayindlela ‘yokubeka uyihlo nonyoko.’ (Efese 6:⁠2) Ngaphezu koko, ukugcina abantwana kukuqeqeshela kakuhle ubuntu obukhulu. Elinye ibhinqa eliselula likhumbula linyamekela abanakwalo nodade walo omncinane ngoxa unina, umzali omnye, wayesebenza njengomququzeleli kwindawo yokudlela: “Yonke imihla ndandiye ndibagcine de uMama afike ekhaya. Wayeye andishiyele uludwe lwezinto emandizenze: ‘Xhoma iimpahla, coca indlu, qalisa ukupheka isidlo sangokuhlwa.’” Oko kuluxanduva ngokwenene kwintombazana ekwishumi elivisayo! Kodwa lithi: “Ekukhumbuleni kwam oku ndinokubona ukuba kwakuyeyona nto ilungileyo ndandinokuyenza ebomini. Ndakhula ngokukhawuleza ndaza ndaba nembopheleleko.”

Phofu ke, akubobufazi ngenkwenkwe ukunyamekela abantwana. Amadoda ngokuqhelekileyo ayesenza njalo ngamaxesha okubhalwa kweBhayibhile. (Numeri 11:​12) Yaye umpostile uPawulos akazange akujonge njengento ethob’ isidima ukuzithelekisa kwakhe ‘nomdlezane.’​—⁠1 Tesalonika 2:⁠7.

Ukuba Nembono Entle

Noko ke, ukuze ukunandiphe ukugcina abantakwenu kusenokufuneka wenze okuthile. Umlinganiselo othile wokusukuzana usoloko ukho phakathi kwabantu abazalwa kunye. Yaye ukuba uxabana rhoqo nabantakwenu, okanye ukuba ubacingela beliqela labantwana abangaqeqeshekanga, kusenokuba nzima ngawe ukuba nembono entle ngokubanyamekela. Ngoko ke, kusenokukunceda ukuqwalasela ezinye izifundo ezifundiswa eBhayibhileni.

Ngokomzekelo, phawula ingxelo kaYosefu oselula nabantakwabo. Kuba uYosefu wayethandwa nguyise, abantakwabo “bamthiya, ababa nakuthetha naye bexolile.” Ngoko, khawuthelekelele indlela uYosefu awavakalelwa ngayo xa uyise wathi kuye: “Abakhuluwa bakho abalusi eShekem na? Yiza, ndikuthume kubo. . . . Khawuye kukhangela ukuphila kwabakhuluwa bakho, nokuphila kwempahla emfutshane; ubuye uze kundixelela.” Abemi basekuhlaleni ngokungathandabuzekiyo babeya kukukhumbula ukubulala okukhohlakeleyo okwenziwa ngabantakwabo Yosefu kwiminyaka edluleyo eShekem. (Genesis 34:​25-31) Kwakunokuba yingozi ngoYosefu ukuya apho! Akuphelelanga apho, kodwa abantakwabo ngokuqinisekileyo babengayi kukuvuyela ukuza kwakhe. Sekunjalo, ngenxa yokuhlonela uyise nothando lokwenene ngabantakwabo, uYosefu waphendula wathi: “Ndilapha” waza wasamkela eso sabelo.​—⁠Genesis 37:​4, 13, 14.

UMiriyam omncinane ngomnye oselula ophawulekayo. Xa uFaro waseYiputa waceba ukubulala iintsana ezingamaHebhere, uMiriyam wancedisa ekukhuseleni umnakwabo omncinane uMoses. Xa olu sana lwabekwa ngokukhuselekileyo kumkhombe omncinane lwaza lwayekwa ukuba lumke nomlambo umNayile, uMiriyam akazange ngokungakhathaliyo akukhuphe engqondweni yakhe oko kuya kwenzeka kumnakwabo ngelithi yingxaki yabazali bakhe. Hayi, “wema mgama, ukuze ayazi into eya kwenzeka kuye.” UMiriyam wade wakwazi nokulungiselela ukuba umama kaMoses abelwe ukuba amnyamekele!​—⁠Eksodus 2:​4-⁠10.

Ewe, ngokungafaniyo noKayin, owayengamkhathalelanga umntakwabo, ulutsha oloyika uThixo namhlanje lukugqala kulilungelo nembopheleleko ukunyamekela abantakwalo​—⁠naxa kunzima okanye kuyingxaki. EyokuQala kaYohane 4:21 ithi: “Lowo umthandayo uThixo, amthande nomzalwana wakhe.” Yaye ngoxa oku kusebenza ngokuyintloko kubazalwana bethu bokomoya, ngaba bekungayi kuba njalo ngabo sinolwalamano olungokomoya nolungokwenyama nabo?a

Inkxalabo yakho nomdla wakho, umnqweno wakho wokubakhusela, yaye, ngaphezu kwako konke, uthando lwakho oluqinisekileyo ngabantakwenu lunokude lube nendima ebalulekileyo ekukhuleni kwabo okungokwenyama, okungokweemvakalelo nokungokomoya. Sekunjalo, ukunyamekela abantwana abancinane kunokuba lucelomngeni lokwenene, yaye inqaku elilandelayo liza kuba namacebiso athile asebenzisekayo okukunceda ukuba ube nempumemelo ekugcineni abantwana.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 18]

‘Ndimdala Kakhulu Ukuba Kufuneke Ndigcinwe!’

Xa uVukani! wabuza elinye iqela lolutsha ixesha umntwana amdala kakhulu ngalo ukuba kufuneke agcinwe, abanye baqashela bathi “li-11,” “li-13,” yaye ngokumangalisayo, “nesi-7”! Noko ke, enye intombazana eselula yaphawula oku: “Andiqondi ukuba kukho ubudala obumiselweyo. Ndicinga ukuba kungumbandela wokukhula. Usenokuba neminyaka eli-15 ubudala yaye ube lula kakhulu ukuba ungangagcinwa.”

Kambe ke, intelekelelo yabazali bakho ngokukhula kwakho isenokwahluka kakhulu kweyakho. Yaye iintsapho ezahlukahlukeneyo zisenokunyula ukuyisingatha ngeendlela ezingafaniyo imibandela. Ngoko ngoxa abanye babahlobo bakho besenokuhlala bodwa endlwini ngoxa abazali babo beye kwimifanekiso eshukumayo, usenokuba “kwihlazo” lokuba nomgcini. Oku kunokuba nzima ngakumbi ukuba ugcinwa ngumntakwenu okanye udade wenu omdala. UAlisha oselula watyhila oku: “Ndandingakuthandi ukuba umnakwethu andigcine. Ndandingathandi xa wayendixelela emandikwenze!”

Noko ke, abazali bakho bakunqwenelela okona kulungileyo. Bafunda kumaphephandaba ngolwaphulo-mthetho nangokuxhatshazwa kwabantwana okwandayo, yaye banesizathu esihle sokuxhalaba. Ngaphandle koko, ukuba wedwa kowenu kusenokukoyikisa ngaphezu kokuba ucinga ukuba kunjalo. Enye intombazana yathi: “Ndandikoyika ngokwenene ukuba ndodwa endlwini. Ngoko ndagqiba kwelokuba ndikhetha ukuphoxeka kancinane kunokuba ndoyike.”

Kuyavunywa ukuba, maxa wambi kubazali abantwana bahlala bengabantwana. Yaye ukuba kubonakala ngathi kunjalo, mhlawumbi unokuba nengxubusho nabazali bakho uze ubaqinisekise ukuba unokukumela ukushiywa wedwa. Ukuba uthetha kakhulu okanye uyakhalaza, ngokunokwenzeka uya kubaqinisekisa ngokungakhuli kwakho. Noko ke, ukuba uzixubusha kunye nabo iinkcukacha​—⁠ngokomzekelo, indlela oya kulisebenzisa ngayo ixesha lakho nendlela oya kujamelana ngayo neemeko zongxamiseko⁠—​usenokubenza bazibone izinto ngendlela ozibona ngayo. Ukuba akunjalo, mhlawumbi nisenokuvumelana entweni, njengokuya kuhlala ekhayeni lomhlobo.

Kambe ke, abazali bakho basenokunyanzelisa ukuba ube nomgcini. Kunokwenza izinto zibe nzima ngawe nangomgcini wakho, zama ukumjonga njengegunya labazali bakho elongezelelekileyo lokwexeshana uze usebenzisane ukusa kumlinganiselo onokufikelela kuwo. Kuthekani ukuba kancinane nje kukho ukusetyenziswa kakubi kwegunya? (Enye intombazana yakhala yathi, “Udade wethu wayendixhaphaza. Wayendenzisa imisebenzi yakhe.”) Kusenokulunga ngakumbi ukulinda de abazali bakho bafike ekhaya uze ukuxubushe nabo oko kunokuxabana nalo mntu usele naye.