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  • Ukunceda Abantwana Babazali Abaqhawule Umtshato
  • Vukani!—1991
  • Imixholwana
  • Amanqaku Afanayo
  • Abazali​—⁠Indima Yabo Ebalulekileyo
  • Ukwenza Isihlandlo Ngasinye Sibe Yingenelo
  • Umntwana Okhathazekileyo
  • Ngaba Abanye Banokunceda?
  • Ithuba Laxa Intsapho Iya Kumanyana
  • Uqhawulo-mtshato Luba Nawo Amaxhoba
    Vukani!—1991
  • Izinto Ezine Ofanele Uzazi Ngoqhawulo-Mtshato
    Vukani!—2010
  • Indlela Idivosi Ebaphatha Ngayo Abantwana
    Ukunceda Iintsapho
  • Umzi Oqhekekileyo—Indlela Uqhawulo-mtshato Olubachaphazela Ngayo Abakwishumi Elivisayo
    Vukani!—2009
Khangela Okunye
Vukani!—1991
g91 5/8 iphe. 22-27

Ukunceda Abantwana Babazali Abaqhawule Umtshato

“Ngaxa lithile, xa ndandimalunga neminyaka emithathu ubudala, utata weza kundiphuthuma ukuze ndimtyelele. Sahamba sibethwa ngumoya waza wandithengela unopopi owayenelokhwe entle ebomvu, wandula ke wandibuyisela ekhaya. Sahlala sobabini kwinqwelo-mafutha ithutyana. Kodwa akuba nje umama ezile ukuza kundithabatha, yena notata baqalisa ukungxolisana nokuphikisana bethetha ngaphaya kwefestile yenqwelo-mafutha​—⁠mna ndiphakathi kwabo.

“Ngequbuliso utata waluvula ngamandla ucango waza wandityhalela ngaphandle kwenqwelo-mafutha. Watshitshilizisa amavili enqwelo-mafutha waza wahamba. Ndandingakwazi okwakuqhubeka. Umama akazange afune nokuba ndimtyhile unopopi wam omtsha. Andizange ndiphinde ndimbone emva koko ibe andizange ndimbone utata kwakhona de ndaneminyaka eli-19 ubudala.”​—⁠Heidi.

“UKUHAMBA kwexesha kuyawapholisa amanxeba,” itsho njalo intetho yakudala. Ngaba ngokwenene iyinyaniso? Okanye ngaba abantwana benzakaliswa ngokungapheliyo luqhawulo-mtshato?

Ngokutsho kweThe Journal of Social Issues, okuninzi kuxhomekeke koko kwenzekayo emva koqhawulo-mtshato. Iyachaza: “Ulwalamano lwentsapho oluqalisa emva koqhawulo-mtshato lubachaphazela abantwana ngaphezu koqhawulo-mtshato ngokwalo.”

Kwimeko kaHeidi, ukuqhawula umtshato kwabazali bakhe kwakusisiqalo nje seenkathazo zakhe. Njengoko oku kuxhaphakile, kumtshato wesibini kanina izinto azizange zihambe kakuhle gqitha kunalowo wokuqala, kungazange kube njalo nangomnye emva kwalowo. Ubuntwana bukaHeidi babungamahla-ndinyuka awasusela kwingxolo, umlo de kwaphulwe izitya ukusa kwiimini zasehlotyeni zobulolo bokuhlala yedwa kwigumbi elingenamntu, esoyika engaqinisekanga nangexesha aza kubuya ngalo unina​—⁠ukuba wayeza kubuya.

Kukho okungakumbi okunokwenziwa ngabazali ukuze basindise abantwana babo kumphumo ophazamisa ngolo hlobo woqhawulo-mtshato. Ngapha koko, uqhawulo-mtshato, luphelisa umtshato, kungekhona ubuzali.

Abazali​—⁠Indima Yabo Ebalulekileyo

Iingcali ezimbini zezigulo zengqondo zabhala oku kwiPsychology Today, “Ukukhawula okubangelwa ngabantu ababini kubangela abantwana ukuba babe nelungelo lokuba nabazali ababini umama notata.” Loo nkcazelo isenokuvakala njengento ezicaceleyo. Kanti ngezinye iindlela uqhawulo-mtshato lubangela ukuba umntwana aphulukane nabazali ababini ngephanyazo.

Ngokomzekelo, khawucinge ngeUnited States, ekuqikelelwa ukuba isenokubizwa ngokuthi likomkhulu lehlabathi loqhawulo-mtshato. Apho, abantwana babazali abaqhawule umtshato abangaphezu kwama-90 ekhulwini bahlala noonina ibe ulwalamano abanalo nooyise lolokuba babatyelele. Abangaphezu kwesiqingatha kwabo bantwana abababoni ooyise kangangonyaka! Ibe ixesha analo umama nabantwana bakhe nalo liyancipha emva koqhawulo-mtshato, lincipha ngeeyure ezingama-21 ngeveki ngokutsho kolunye uhlolisiso olwenziwayo.

Ekuphela kwento iingcali ezivumelana ngayo ikukuba, abantwana ngokunokwenzeka ngakumbi banokuziqhelanisa kakuhle nobomi basemva koqhawulo-mtshato ukuba baqhubeka benolwalamano oluhle noluthe rhoqo nabazali bobabini. Ukuba oko akunakwenzeka, ubuncinane ulwalamano oluhle nomzali omnye lusenganceda ukupholisa amanxeba oqhawulo-mtshato. Kodwa abazali banokukulondoloza njani oku kusondelelana nabantwana babo emva koqhawulo-mtshato?

Ukwenza Isihlandlo Ngasinye Sibe Yingenelo

Ukuba ungumama oqhawule umtshato, ukulondoloza unxulumano olusondeleyo kusenokuba kulolona celomngeni lunzima kuwe. Ngokufuthi ngakumbi, kwamanye amabutho usenokugqalwa njengomntu onomgqwaliso: ukuqhawula umtshato nokuba lihlwempu. Unyanzelekile ukuba usebenze ungazilungiselelanga nokuba utsale nzima uzama ukuncedisana nemali yenkxaso ongenakuthembela kuyo okanye enganelisiyo evela kowayesakuba liqabane lakho, usenokuvakalelwa kukuba unethuba elincinane lokuba nabantwana bakho.

Nasi isicombululo: ukuzimisela nokucwangcisa. Xhakamfula naliphi na ixesha elincinane onalo, uze ucebe nomntwana wakho oko niya kukwenza nobabini ebudeni belo xesha. Kwanexesha elincinane mihla le lokunikela ingqalelo epheleleyo lilunge gqitha kunokuba kungabikho xesha konke konke. Ukuceba kusengaphambili nize nihambe nobabini ngenjongo yokubethwa ngumoya kukwanika umntwana wakho into ethile anokukhangela phambili kuyo.

Kwandula ke kubekho intswelo engxamisekileyo yomntwana wakho yokhokelo, uqeqesho nemfundiso engokomoya. Kusenokuba nzima ukufumana ixesha elaneleyo lokulungiselela le njongo. Ngoko iBhayibhile iyacebisa: ‘Uze uyitsolise [imithetho kaThixo] [kumntwana] wakho, uthethe ngayo ekuhlalane kwakho, endlwini yakho, nasekuhambeni kwakho ngendlela, nasekulaleni kwakho, nasekuvukeni kwakho.’​—⁠Duteronomi 6:⁠7.

Ngaba nikhe ‘nibe sendleleni’ kunye, mhlawumbi nihamba ngenqwelo-mafutha okanye ngezithuthi ezisetyenziswa nguwonke-wonke? Yintoni etsala ingqalelo yakho​—⁠ngaba ngumntwana wakho okanye iphephandaba okanye unomathotholo wenqwelo-mafutha? Xa nisitya kunye, ngaba umabonwakude uyiphelisa yonke incoko, okanye ngaba ixesha lesidlo lelokuba intsapho yakho incokole ngoxolo? Ngaba kukho imisebenzi yasekhaya obunokwabelana ngayo nomntwana wakho, enjengokulungiselela isidlo okanye ukuhlamba impahla?

Kambe ke, oku, akuthethi kuthi umele uwaxhakamfule la mathuba ukuze umntwana wakho umfake esikolweni. Kuphela ngokuba nje nomntwana wakho yaye uncokola ngokufudumeleyo nangokuphandle, ngokuqinisekileyo uya kwabelana naye ngeminye imilinganiselo onayo. Amaxesha anjengala asenokuba lithuba elifaneleke gqitha lokwenza abantwana bakho babe nentembelo kuwe nto leyo abayifuna kakhulu kanye ngoku. Bambi abantwana banemvakalelo yokuba bangoonobangela bokwahlukana kwabazali babo. Abanye baziva bengananzwanga ngumzali othe walishiya ikhaya. Ukuba uthi ngokufuthi ubaqinisekise ngothando onalo ngabo, ubancome ngeempawu zabo ezintle nangoko bakufezayo, uze ubenze bazive benqabiseke ngokwaneleyo ukuba bakuthethe ngokunyanisekileyo oko kusezingqondweni zabo, uya kube wenze into enkulu ekupholiseni amanxeba oqhawulo-mtshato.

Bambi abazali bayaluyekelela uqeqesho emva koqhawulo-mtshato, ngokufuthi benemvakalelo yokuba netyala. Babonakala bevakalelwa ngale ndlela, ‘Noko umntwana wam utsale nzima ngokwaneleyo mvanje.’ Kodwa ukuyekela abantwana bakho ukuba benze uvula-zibhuqe asiyondlela yokubonisa ukuba uyabathanda. Umalathisi wenkqubo eyenzelwe abantwana abakhulela ebuntwini obukhulu nabantwana kwisibhedlele sezifo zengqondo waxelela iThe Washingtonian oku: “Ngokuthe rhoqo abantwana bathi kum, ‘abazali bam bandivumela ukuba ndenze nantoni na. Abandikhathalele.’” Kunjengokuba iBhayibhile isithi: “Oyiyekileyo intonga yakhe umthiyile unyana wakhe; ke omthandayo umqeqesha esemncinane.”​—⁠IMizekeliso 13:⁠24.

Umntwana Okhathazekileyo

Enye inkwenkwana, xa yathi yacelwa ukuba izobe imifanekiso kwintlanganiso ekwakuxutyushwa kuyo ngeengxaki zoqhawulo-mtshato, yazoba umfanekiso wabazali bayo abangavaniyo bexhwithana ngayo; amalungu akhe ayecandeke kubini yaye wayegxiza igazi. Leyo yindlela bambi babantwana babazali abaqhawule umtshato abavakalelwa ngayo. Ngoxa umntwana ebathanda bobabini abazali, akakho umzali osenokufuna umntwana abonakalise uthando komnye.

Kubukrakra nobutshaba ngokufuthi obuhambisana noqhawulo-mtshato, kunzima gqitha ngabazali ukungababandakanyi abantwana babo kweli dabi. UWallerstein noKelly banikela ingxelo yokuba abazali ababini kwabathathu abenza nabo uhlolisiso babekhuphisana ngokuphandle ukuze bazithandise baze bathenjwe ngabantwana babo. UGqr. Bienenfeld walumkisa abazali ukuba ukwenza umntwana azive enyanzelekile ukukhetha phakathi kwabazali kusenokuvelisa iimvakalelo zokuzithiya nokuba netyala ibe “kunokuwanciphisa amathuba akhe olonwabo, ukwaneliseka nawokuba nempumelelo.”

Ngobulumko iBhayibhile iluleka isenjenje: “Nani boyise [okanye bonina], nimele ningabacaphukisi abantwana benu, kodwa nibayale, nibaqeqeshe, ngendlela afanele akhuliswe ngayo umKristu.” (Efese 6:​4, The New English Bible) Ngokucacileyo, ukuqhubela umntwana wakho ekubeni aqumbele omnye umzali akuyondlela afanele akhuliswe ngayo umKristu.

Mntwana ngamnye unabazali ababini. Ukufa kunokukuguqula oko, kodwa uqhawulo-mtshato alwenzi njalo. Ibe ngaphandle kokuba omnye umzali walelwe yinkundla ukuba eze ebantwaneni (okanye omnye umzali ngabom uyayityeshela imbopheleleko yakhe) kuya kufuneka ukuba usebenzisane nowayesakuba liqabane lakho ekukhuliseni abantwana.

Kuyavunywa ukuba, kusenokuba akumginyi kwaphela owayesakuba liqabane lakho. Kodwa ukuba usebenzisa abantwana bakho ukumohlwaya, ngokwenene ngabantwana bakho abatsala nzima. UGqr. Bienenfeld uthi ukukuvuma ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba nawe usenokuba ube nendima ethile kwiingxaki zakho zomtshato kunokunceda ekunciphiseni ubukrakra onabo. Iphephancwadi iParents lithetha ngomnye umfazi owazama ukuthandazela owayesakuba ngumyeni wakhe nanini na eqalisa ukuba neengcinga ezimbi ngaye. Wafumanisa ukuba eli khondo lambangela wanemvakalelo yolonwabo nokuzibamba nto leyo eyayintsha ngokupheleleyo kuye neyamkhululayo ekubeni esoloko ekwidabi elingenasiphelo.’​—⁠Thelekisa uMateyu 5:​43-⁠45.

Ngaba Abanye Banokunceda?

Iingcali zezigulo zengqondo uJulius noZelda Segal babhala kwiphephancwadi iParents ukuba “abantwana abakwiintsapho eziqhekekileyo baziva bomelele ukuba ubuncinane amanye amaqhina enkqubela-phambili ahlala engaphazanyiswa” emva koqhwithela loqhawulo-mtshato. Kulusizi ukuthi, ngokutsho kwezi ngcali zezigulo zengqondo, “abamelwane nabahlobo batyekela ekumeleni kude, ibe, kwakhona, benjenjalo abanye oomakhulu nootatomkhulu kuba bexakeke gqitha bethabatha amacala ongquzulwano lwabazali.”

Ewe, uqhawulo-mtshato luyinkohlakalo ngokukodwa ebantwaneni xa ezinye izalamane nazo zisithela kubo. Oku kuyazandisa iimvakalelo zokushiywa kwesinomhlwa kwabo. Ngoko ukuba ungumalumekazi, umalume, okanye umakhulu notatomkhulu wabo nabaphi na abantwana babazali abaqhawule umtshato, nikela ingqalelo ekubeni bazuze intembelo abayifuna gqitha kanye ngoku kunokungenelela kwiingxaki zomtshato ezilwelwa ngabazali. Maxa wambi, akukho bani unokomeleza umoya womntwana oba buthathaka ngaphezu komakhulu okanye utatomkhulu onothando.

UHeidi, ekucatshulwe imeko yakhe kwingabula-zigcawu yeli nqaku, akazange ayifumane inkxaso enjalo. Sekunjalo waphumelela. Namhlanje, uneminyaka engama-26 ubudala, ungumfazi oselula owonwabileyo emtshatweni, onobubele nokhutheleyo. Yintoni emncedileyo ukuba aphumelele?

Ngegama elinye: bubuhlobo. Njengowayekwishumi elivisayo, uHeidi waqalisa ukufundisisa iBhayibhile namaNgqina kaYehova. Kwiintlanganiso awayesiya kuzo kwiHolo yoBukumkani, wafumana abahlobo bokwenyaniso. Ukhumbula oku, “Ndandidla ngokucinga ukuba kwakungekho themba kwaphela ngemeko yam. Kodwa kuyanceda ukuba nabantu onokuthetha nabo. Ndandinomhlobo omnye endandinokumxelela yonke into. Wayesoloko esazi xa kukho into engahambi kakuhle, ibe ndandidla ngokugqibela ndimxelele. Ngandlel’ ithile wayengumama kum. Kodwa babekho nabanye endandinokwenza izinto nabo.” UHeidi wayifumana inyaniso yedinga likaYesu yokuba ibandla lamaKristu linokwenza babe nentsapho eyaneleyo abo balahlekene nezabo.​—⁠Marko 10:​29, 30.

Kodwa ayizange ibe nguHeidi owathabatha inyathelo lokuqala lokwakha ubuhlobo naba bantu. Uthi, “Beza kum.” Ibe leyo yinkxalabo ezingisayo kubantwana babazali abaqhawule umtshato kwibandla lamaKristu. Ngokomzekelo, ibhinqa eliselula elibizwa ngokuba nguMeg ngokunothando likhumbula isibini esaba ngabahlobo balo xa abazali balo bahlukanayo lisithi: “Basuka bazi nje ukuba ndandibafuna, yaye babekulungele oko. Akukho mfuneko yokuba uthi ‘Uyabona, ndiyakufuna. Ndifuna ukuba undithande ngoku.’”

Kuthekani ngawe? Ngaba ubunokuba njengomntakwabo, udade wabo, umama, utata, okanye umakhulu notatomkhulu womntwana wabazali abaqhawule umtshato? Mhlawumbi umntu oselula usenokungakuceli ukuba wenjenjalo, kodwa oko akuthethi kuba akakufuni.

Kakade ke, awuyi kuze ukwazi ukuthabathela indawo konke okuqhubekayo kwintsapho emanyeneyo. Kodwa usenokuba ngumhlobo, umphulaphuli olungileyo, onolwazelelelo. Usekwanokunceda ekukhokeleleni lo mntu uselula kulwalamano olulunge ngakumbi noMdali wethu​—⁠“uyise weenkedama” wokwenyaniso noyena Mhlobo mkhulu nabani na obenokumfuna.​—⁠INdumiso 68:⁠5.

Noko ke, ngaba alikho ithemba lexesha laxa imilinganiselo yoqhawulo-mtshato iya kuphela, ixesha laxa abantwana beya kuqiniseka ukuba bakhulela kwiintsapho ezipheleleyo, ezonwabileyo?

Ithuba Laxa Intsapho Iya Kumanyana

Ukuba besixhomekeke kuluntu ukuze sifumane isicombululo, ngoko impendulo ithi akunjalo, alikho ithemba lokwenene ngabantwana. Akunakwenzeka konke konke ukuba uluntu luxhathise ukulungisa intsapho yabantu esemhlabeni eyahlukahlukene ngokungenathemba, kungasathethwa ke ngeentsapho ezininzi ezahlukeneyo ezibumba intsapho yoluntu. Kunjengokuba uLinda Bird Francke wabhala wathi kwiGrowing Up Divorced: “Kwenzeke okuninzi ngokukhawuleza okukhulu. Iinkundla aziqinisekanga. Izikolo ziyabhatyaza. Iintsapho zitsala nzima. Akukho bani ukwaziyo amele akulindele komnye kule mihla yoqhawulo-mtshato olwandayo njengoko kungekho mithetho, namilinganiselo enokulandelwa.”

Kodwa uMdali woluntu uqinisekile. Uyaliqonda ihlabathi lethu elahluleleneyo, ibe uyabona ukuba akuyomfuneko ukuba lilungiswe kakuhle “ziingcali” zabantu. Lifuna ukuthatyathelw’ indawo kokuthile. Ibe uthembisa ukwenza kanye oko. Uthembisa ukuba abo benza ukuthanda kwakhe baza kusinda ekutshatyalalisweni kwale nkqubo yonakeleyo baze baphilele ukubona ukubuyiselwa kweparadisi yomhlaba wonke. (Luka 23:​43; 1 Yohane 2:​17) Ngoko ephila phantsi kolawulo lukaThixo, umntu uya kuphiliswa kwisono esasulela indalo yakhe. Ukuzingca nokungafezeki okuzisa iiyantlukwano, intiyo nokungabikho komanyano ziya kuthi ekugqibeleni zipheliswe. Intsapho yabantu iya kumanyana.​—⁠ISityhilelo 21:​3, 4.

Ibe luya kwandula ke uqhawulo-mtshato lube yingxelo yethuba elidluleyo neya kuye ilibaleka ngokuthe ngcembe.

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 25]

Amacebiso Kubazali Abaqhawule Umtshato

Musa ukulwa nowayesakuba liqabane lakho​—⁠emnxebeni okanye ngokobuqu⁠—​phambi kwabantwana.

Musa ukumgxeka owayesakuba liqabane lakho phambi kwabantwana. Ukuba abantwana bakho bagxeka umzali ongekhoyo, musa ukubakhuthaza okanye ubathelele.

Musa ukunyanzelela abantwana ukuba bakhethe phakathi kwabazali babo, yaye musa ukubenza ukuba bajikele owayesakuba liqabane lakho.

Musa ukuvumela abantwana ukuba bangakonwabisi ngezisongelo zokuba baza kufudukela komnye umzali. Ukuzibetha ngoyaba ezo zisongelo zokuqhutywa ziimvakalelo kuya kubakhuthaza ukuba bakuthi nqo ngempumlo ibe oku kusekwanokuthintela inkqubela-phambili yabo ngokokuziphatha.

Musa ukusebenzisa abantwana njengeempimpi zowayesakuba liqabane lakho, ubanyanzelela ekubeni banikele inkcazelo ethile xa bebuya kutyelelo ngalunye.

Musa ukucela abantwana ukuba base izigidimi zokucaphuka kwakho okanye izibongozo ezikuthobayo zokucela imali kowayesakuba liqabane lakho.

Musa ukumdimaza umntwana ngeentetho ezinjengezi, “Ufana nje noyihlo.” Oku akumxheli nje kuphela umntwana njengokugxekwa kukayise kodwa kusekwanokumenza umntwana azive epheleliselwe ekuphindeni iimpazamo zomnye umzali.

Zingqine ungumphulaphuli olungileyo, uvumela abantwana bakho bachaze iimvakalelo zabo​—⁠kwaneemvakalelo ongavumelaniyo nazo.

Ncokola ngokucacileyo, ngokukhululekileyo nangokuphandle. Noko ke, bakhusele kwiinkcazelo ekungeyomfuneko ukuba bazazi. Unyana okanye intombi yakho isenokubonakala ingumntu othembekileyo ongumzekelo ogqibeleleyo. Kodwa khumbula, umntwana akanguye umntu okhulileyo osemtsha engasebenzi nanjengomgcini-sihlalo seqabane lakho, kungakhathaliseki ukuba usenokubonakala ekhule kangakanani.

Bakhuthaze abantwana bakho uze ubaqinisekise ukuba abazange babangele uqhawulo-mtshato, bengenako ngoku ukugxuphuleka baze basindise umtshato wakho.

Bonakalisa uthando olugqithiseleyo lokwenene, olufudumeleyo. Abantwana basenokucinga ukuba abazali abakwaziyo ukuyeka ukuthandana kunokuba lula nje ngabo ukuyeka ukuthanda abantwana babo.

Sebenzisana nowayesakuba liqabane lakho ekukhuseleni abantwana kwiingxwabangxwaba zenu.

Bancome uze ubaqeqeshe ngolungelelwano, ubeka imida efanelekileyo nosukelo lokwenene.

Yiba ngumzekelo omhle, uphepha ukuziphatha okubi obafundisa ukuba bakuphephe.

Chitha ixesha ongenzi nto ngalo elininzi kangangoko unako nabantwana bakho.

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 27]

Ngaba Ungumzali Ongahlali Nabo?

UKUBA kunjalo, usenokukufumanisa kulula gqitha ukulibala ngabo. Mhlawumbi uziva unganeliswa kukuceba ucwangciso lokutyelela, njengokucela imvume kowayesakuba liqabane lakho ukuza kubona abantwana bakho. Okanye mhlawumbi abantwana bakho banomzali omtsha wesibini, yaye uziva ungasafuneki nganto.

Kodwa uyafuneka. IBhayibhile iyabongoza: “Nani boyise, musani ukubacaphukisa abantwana benu.” (Efese 6:⁠4) Ukuba uyanyamalala kubomi babantwana bakho, awuyi kubacaphukisa nje kuphela, kodwa usenokukusingela phantsi gqitha ukuxabiseka kwabo, ubenza bazive bengathandwa yaye bengathandeki. Kwanolwalamano olusikelwe umda nabantwana bakho lulunge ngakumbi kunokuba lungabikho konke konke.

Kuyabonakala ukuba ubude bethuba otyelele ngalo libaluleke ngakumbi kunotyelelo oluthe rhoqo. Okukhona utyelelo lulude, ngokunokwenzeka kokukhona umntwana wakho eya kuba namaxesha anokuwakhumbula enawe. UMiriam Galper Cohen, ongumzali ongahlali nabantwana, kwincwadi yakhe uphawula umbandela wokuba olu tyelelo alumele lube luhambo lokubethwa ngumoya kunye nolonwabo olubiza imali ngokugqithiseleyo. Maxa wambi kukuhamba kunye ngokuzolileyo, okanye ukuba sesidlweni kunye, okudala iinkumbulo ezinothando.

Ukumtsalela umnxeba ngokufuthi, ngamaxesha acwangcisiweyo, kukwanokukugcina wena nomntwana wakho nisondelelene. Okanye usenokuzirekhoda ufundela umntwana wakho ibali okanye uthetha ngobakho ubuntwana. Ngaphandle kokurekhoda nokubhala iileta, usenokuthumelela umntwana wakho imifanekiso, imizobo, imifanekiso ezotyiweyo ehlekisayo, okanye amanqaku ephephancwadi athe akuchaphazela ngandlel’ ithile njengahlekisayo okanye abangela umdla. UCohen ukwacebisa ukuba uzame ukufumanisa uhlobo lweencwadi okanye iinkqubo zikamabonwakude umntwana wakho azinandiphayo, azifundayo okanye azibukelayo, wandule ke uzixubushe naye ngeleta okanye ngomnxeba.

Kunjengokuba uCohen esithi “ukuba ngumzali ongahlali nabantwana kuyenye yezona zinto zingathandwayo ngakumbi kunamanye amalungiselelo okugcinwa komntwana, yaye ikumlinganiselo oqatha phantse ngokufanayo naxa ungaze ubabone konke konke.” Ukanti, ngokuqinisekileyo kukho iindlela zokwenza umntwana azi ukuba, ngalo lonke ixesha uyamthanda yaye usoloko unenkxalabo ngaye. Kwanesona senzo sakho sincinane esibonakalisa inkathalo sisenokumsindisa umntwana kwintlungu egqithiseleyo.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 23]

Ngaba kukho misebenzi ithile onokwabelana ngayo nomntwana wakho? Uqhawulo-mtshato luphelisa umtshato kungekhona ubuzali

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 26]

Ngaba unolwazi ngaye nawuphi na umntwana wabazali abaqhawule umtshato onokwakha ubuhlobo kunye naye?

    Iimpapasho ZesiXhosa (1986-2025)
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