Abantu Abaselula Bayabuza . . .

Kutheni Ndimiselwe Ixesha Elingqongqo Gqitha Lokufika Ekhaya?

ULEN ebekunandipha ukuhlala kude kube sebusuku nabahlobo bakhe. Kodwa kungekudala uyise wafumanisa ukuba lo mkhwa kaLen wokufika ebusuku wawungenanto ingaphaya kodwa wawukukuzonwabisa nje okumsulwa. ULen ukhumbula oku: “Ngasihlandlo sithile ndangena enkathazweni enkulu kangangokuba andizange ndivunyelwe ukuba ndiphume egumbini lam kangangeeveki ezimbini​—⁠ngaphandle kwaxa ndisiya kutya naxa ndisiya esikolweni. Kwakungafuneki nokuba ndibhaqwe ndikrobe efestileni! Xa isohlwayo sam saphelayo, ndaya kubutha nabanye abahlobo ndaza ndahlala kwade kwasezinzulwini zobusuku. Njengoko sisondela ngendledlana yenqwelo-mafutha eya endlwini ndambona utata ehleli evarandeni engaphambili endilindile . . .”

Ulutsha oluninzi luyayicekisa into yokuba ukufika nokuhamba kwalo ekhaya konganyelwe ngabazali balo. Enye intombazana eselula ithi: “Xa ndangenela kwiminyaka yeshumi elivisayo, abazali bam baqalisa ukundimisela zonke iintlobo zemiqathango, njengokufika ekhaya ezinzulwini zobusuku. Ndandikucekisa ngenene oko.” Xa ulutsha olunjalo lukubonakalisa ngokuphandle ukukucekisa kwalo oku ngokubonisa indelelo, umphumo oqhelekileyo asikokufumana inkululeko engakumbi, kodwa iba yimiqathango engakumbi nebuqatha.

Ngokwaphulwa kwemithetho emincinane isohlwayo sisenokuba kukuthiwa chatha kwixesha olibekelweyo lokuba ube sekhaya ngokuthi liguqulelwe kwiyure engaphambilana. Xa kwenziwe iziphoso ezinzulu ngakumbi, osemtsha usenokuhluthwa amalungelo athile, okanye angavunyelwa ukuba aphume ekhaya okwexeshana ngaphandle kwaxa esiya esikolweni okanye kwidinga elibalulekileyo. Enye intombazana ekwishumi elivisayo icacisa isithi: “Ukuba ubuye ebusuku ngobusuku bangoMgqibelo, usenokungavunyelwa kwaphela ukuba uhambe ngoMgqibelo olandelayo.” Yaye kwakhona kukho le nto kuthiwa ‘kukubiyelwa ngaphakathi’: ukungatyelelwa, ukungatsalelwa mnxeba, ukungabukeli nomabonwakude. Kodwa kolunye ulutsha, esona sohlwayo sibuhlungu kunazo zonke kukungxoliswa. Enye inkwekwe ekwishumi elivisayo yadanduluka yathi, “Hayi indlela oziva unetyala ngayo! Baqalisa ukuthetha ngendlela ebebenxunguphele gqitha ngayo ngawe. Uziva unetyala ngendlela egqithiseleyo.”

Noko ke, aliyonyaniso na elokuba abazali bakho bayakuthanda yaye banelungelo lokufuna ukuba ube sekhaya ngexesha elisengqiqweni? Yaye xa ungekho, banyanzelekile ukuba bazive bengakhululekanga, besexhaleni, mhlawumbi bade bangakwazi nokulala. Osemtsha obathanda nobakhathalele ngenene abazali bakhe ngokuqinisekileyo ebengayi kufuna ukuba ngunobangela wexhala elinjalo elingeyomfuneko. Ngaba oku ibingayi kuba kukubonakalisa ukuzingca okugqithileyo?

Noko ke, ulutsha oluninzi luvakalelwa kukuba abazali balo balubekela imiqathango yokungabi naluvelwano okanye engekho ngqiqweni. UFred oneminyaka eli-18 ubudala ukhalaza athi, “Baphambene, bazama ukundiphatha okomntwana oneminyaka elishumi elinesihlanu ubudala. Ndiye ndingavumi ukwenza oko akuthethayo yaye mna notata sikwidabi lokwenene ngaloo nto.” Kodwa kukho iindlela eziphucukileyo zokuqhubana nabazali bakho ngaphezu kokubhenela kwindelelo.

Ngaba Oku Kulungile Okanye Kukudlela Indlala?

Okokuqala, loo miqathango ikudlela njani indlala? Njengokuba inqaku elandulelayo libonisile, abazali bakho basenokuba nezizathu ezifanelekileyo zokuxhalela ukhuseleko nempilontle yakho.a Ngaba olunye ulutsha olungamaKristu olungoontanga bakho alukho phantsi kwemiqathango efanayo? Ukuba kunjalo, ziziphi izizathu ezivakalayo onazo zokuluthandabuza ugwebo lwabazali bakho.

ULen oselula, okhankanywe ekuqaleni kweli nqaku, akazange aqonde ukuba uyise wayemxhalabele ngokunzulu. Uya kukhumbula ukuba wawophula ummiselo wexesha lokufika ekhaya, kodwa uyise wayesamlindile evarandeni engaphambili. Wenza ntoni ke uLen? Zange athobele ngokungakumbi. “Njengokuba inqwelo-mafutha yayisondela endlwini ngendledlana, ndazimela ngesitulo senqwelo-mafutha ukuze utata angandiboni, ndaza ndacela umhlobo wam ukuba ayijike inqwelo-mafutha. Ndandigqibe kwelokuba ndandiza kulishiya ikhaya.” ULen walishiya ikhaya waza waqalisa ukunxulumana neqela leendlobongela elamkhokelela ekuziphatheni kakubi ngokwesini, ekubeni iinqwelo-mafutha nasekusebenziseni kakubi iziyobisi. Ekugqibeleni, wavalelwa entolongweni. Ngaba le yimeko engaqhelekanga? Kusenokuba njalo. Kodwa oku kubufanekisela kakuhle ubunyaniso beMizekeliso 1:​32 ethi: “Kuba ukuphamba kweziyatha [kwabangenamava, NW] kuyazibulala.”

Lumbi ulutsha lusenokungayijongi njengento ephosakeleyo ingcamango yokumiselwa ixesha lokuba sekhaya, kodwa luyayicekisa into yokuba abantakwabo okanye abasakwabo babonakale benenkululeko engaphezulu kuneyabo. Osemtsha ogama linguPatti ukhalaza athi, “Umntakwethu omdala uMark wayedla ngokuba ngaphandle kwamasango kangangoko wayefuna, kodwa akazange angavunyelwa ukuba aphume ekhaya. Mna​—⁠ukuba ndiye ndafika emva kwexesha ngemizuzu nje embalwa, andinakuphinde ndivunyelwe! Oku kukudlelwa indlala.” Kulula ukusibona isizathu sokuba loo nto ingakonwabisi. Kodwa ngaphambi kokuba uthi “Kukudlelwa indlala!” cinga ngemigaqo enikelwa kumaGalati 6:​4, 5: “Elowo ke makawucikide owakhe umsebenzi, wayeya kwandula ukuba neqhayiya ngokwakhe yedwa, angabi nalo ngomnye [“angazithelekisi nomnye umntu,” NW]; kuba elowo uya kuwuthwala owakhe umthwalo.”

Wena ungumntu owahlukileyo. Yaye isibakala sokuba umntakwenu okanye udade wenu omdala kunawe exhamla amalungelo athile, asithi ngokuyimfuneko sikunike ilungelo elikwanjalo nawe. Kusenokuba umntakwenu okanye udade wenu omdala kuye kwafuneka ezingqine engonokuthenjwa kangangexesha elithile. Kuza kuba njalo nakuwe. Ngaphezu koko, akuye uyicaphukele na into yokuba umzali akuthelekise nomntakwenu okanye udade wenu omdala? Kutheni ke wena usenza okufanayo nje ngokuthelekisa amalungelo enu angafaniyo? UGqr. Louis Fine kwincwadi yakhe ethi “After All We’ve Done for Them,” uthi: “Ngokufuthi abazali babaphatha baze babaqeqeshe abantwana babo ngokwahlukileyo omnye komnye. Oku kusenokubangelwa kukuba beqonda ukuba abantwana babo bangabantu abahlukeneyo abaneentswelo namandla awahlukileyo yaye bamele bagqalwe njengabahlukeneyo.”

Noko ke, maxa wambi ulutsha luye luvakalelwe kukuba lwenziwa izinto zokuhlawulela iimpazamo zabantakwabo okanye zabasakwabo abadala. “Ngenxa yokuba nje udade wethu wahamba nenqwelo-mafutha waza wahlala kwade kwasebusuku kakhulu, ukuhlala kude kube sebusuku kuvele nje akwamkelwa. Andinikwa kwanethuba eli lokuzingqina!” Noko ke, le meko isenokungabi yengekho sesikweni, njengokuba ibonakala injalo. Abazali bakho badala yaye balumkile kunokuba babenjalo xa babekhulisa umntakwenu okanye udade wenu. Kuba bengafuni kuphinda iimpazamo zabo, basenokuba ngqongqo ngakumbi apha kuwe.

Kodwa kutheni ndimelwe ndohlwaywe ngokuphosa nje ixesha kancinane? Akuthandabuzeki ukuba, ukungavunyelwa ukuba uphume ekhaya akuyonto imnandi. Ngoko ngokuqhelekileyo uba mathidala ukuba uphinde ubuye ebusuku kwakhona. UMarcus oselula ukubeka oku ngolu hlobo: “Ndiye ndohlwaywa amaxesha amaninzi. . . . Ukuba ubungenakohlwaywa ubungenakuze ufunde nto kwaphela.” Njengokuba iBhayibhile isitsho, “umendo osa ebomini kukugcina uqeqesho.”​—⁠IMizekeliso 10:⁠17.

Abazali Abakhusela Ngokugqith’ Emgceni

Kuyinyaniso ukuba, maxa wambi kubonakala ngathi isohlwayo ngenxa “yolwaphulo-mthetho” sisenokuba ngaphaya kokuyimfuneko. Abazali basenokuba ngabakhusela ngokugqith’ emgceni yaye mhlawumbi oko bakufunayo kusenokungabi sengqiqweni. Noko ke, uthethathethwano oluhle luyazithintela iingxaki zisaqala. Ukuba uyabazisa abazali bakho apho uya khona, into oya kube uyenza, abantu oya kube unabo nexesha oza kubuya ngalo, basenokukulungela ngakumbi ukukunika inkululeko ethe chatha. Ukuba babonakala besenza ngokungekho ngqiqweni, zama ukuthetha nabo “ngexesha elifanelekileyo”​—⁠mhlawumbi xa bezolile yaye bephumlile. (IMizekeliso 25:​11, NW) Yiba ngoziqondayo izizathu zoloyiko nenkxalabo yabo. Baqinisekise ukuba uyabathanda yaye unomnqweno wokusebenzisana nabo. Bancede baqonde ukuba ukufumana inkululeko engakumbi yinxalenye yokukhula.

Enye intombazana ekwishumi elivisayo ithi: “Ukwafanele ubenze bayazi kakuhle imeko. Xa ubachazele isizathu sokuba ungenako ukufika kwangethuba ekhaya ngesihlandlo esithile, badla ngokukuqonda oko.” Ngokuzithetha izinto ziphele okomntu omkhulu, ubethelela kubazali bakho ukuba ungonokuthenjwa​—⁠umntu ekunokukholoswa ngaye. Ukuba abazali bakho basenamathandabuzo, mhlawumbi usenokuceba ukuyilungisa imeko ngendlela esengqiqweni.

Kuthekani ukuba uyavunyelwa? Ngoko ‘uEwe wakho makabe nguEwe,’ yaye yiba sekhaya ngexesha! (Mateyu 5:​37) Liyinyaniso elokuba, nezona zinto zicetywe kakuhle zisenokuguquka. (Thelekisa uYakobi 4:​13, 14.) Kusenokubakho imeko yongxamiseko okanye ngequbuliso izinto zingahambi ngokwendlela ebezicetywe ngayo. Ukuba kunjalo, ukuba kunokwenzeka, batsalele umnxeba ekhaya, uze ubazise abazali bakho oko kuqhubekayo. Enye intombazana ekwishumi elivisayo ithi, “Logama nje umama endazi ukuba ndiphi yaye ndisendleleni ebuyayo uyaneliseka.”

Ukuzenzela igama elihle lelinye inyathelo elibalulekileyo. IMizekeliso 20:​11 ithi: “Nenkwenkwe iyazazisa ngeentlondi zayo, nokuba kuqaqambile na, nokuba kuthe tye na, ukwenza kwayo.” Ukuba umisela umzekelo wentobeko nehambo entle, abazali bakho basenokungaxhalabi ukuba ufike emva kwexesha nje kancinane ngesinye isihlandlo. Kambe ke, kwanakwimeko kaYesu owayezenzele igama ngehambo efezekileyo, abazali bakhe ‘baxhalaba’ xa walahlekayo. (Luka 2:​48, NW) Ngoko musa ukothuka xa abazali bakho bekhathazeka​—⁠bekhathazeka ngokokude bangakuniki nethuba lokuba uchaze isizathu sokuba ufike emva kwexesha!

IMizekeliso 29:​11 ithi: “Isinyabi siya kukhupha konke ukufutha kwaso, ke sona isilumko sikudambisela embilinini yaso.” Linda umsindo wabo udambe. Xa selidudume ladlula, bachazele okwenzekileyo. Kodwa ‘thetha inyaniso.’ (Efese 4:​25) Musa ukuba ujikeleza uzama ukuzithethelela; loo nto iya kungqina ukuba akunakukholoswa ngawe. Ukuba khange ukhathale okanye uye walibala, cela uxolo ngokunyanisekileyo yaye kulungele ukwamkela isohlwayo. Mhlawumbi abazali bakho banokungaboni mfuneko yakuyihambisela phambili imicimbi. Kodwa ke kwakhona, basenokuvakalelwa kukuba imiqathango ethile engakumbi iyimfuneko, yaye ngokulula nje kuya kufuneka uphinde uzuze intembelo.

Amaxesha abekiweyo okuba sekhaya asenokuphazamisa, kodwa awanakuba yinkohlakalo yaye abe sisohlwayo esingaqhelekanga. Hambisana nawo. Ukuba uyasebenzisana nabazali bakho yaye uyawuphepha umoya wendelelo, basenokugqiba kwelokuba banyenyise kancinane apho kuwe baze bakunike inkululeko engakumbi.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 17]

Ukubadela abazali bakho kudla ngokuphumela ekubeni inkululeko yakho isikelwe umda ngakumbi