Amabhinqa—Ngaba Ayahlonelwa Ekhaya?

“Amabhinqa, elinye emva kwelinye, aye afa ngendlela emanyumnyezi. . . . Yaye ngoxa zisahluka iindlela afa ngazo, iimeko ezisisiseko azahlukanga: Abakwantsasana baseQuebec [eKhanada] bathi ibhinqa ngalinye libulewe yindoda okanye umntu ebelithandana okanye elithandana naye ngoku. Xa ewonke, ngamabhinqa angama-21 aye abulawa eQuebec kulo nyaka [1990], amaxhoba okwanda kogonyamelo oluqhubeka emtshatweni.”​—⁠IMaclean’s kaOktobha 22, 1990.

UGONYAMELO lwasekhaya, bambi abalubiza ngokuba “licala elibi lobomi bentsapho,” luhlwayela isivuno seentsapho eziphazamisekileyo yaye luvelisa abantwana abanembono egqwethekileyo ngoko lufanele lube kuko ulwalamano phakathi kwendoda nomfazi. Abantwana abazi ukuba bangema ngakuwuphi na umzali njengoko bezama ukuqonda isizathu sokuba utata ebetha umama. (Kunqabile ukuba babuze bathi, kutheni umama emphethe ngenkohlakalo engaka utata?) Ngokufuthi isiqhamo sogonyamelo lwasekhaya siquka oonyana abakhulela ekubeni nabo babe ngamadoda abetha abafazi. Abakubone kubazali babo kuye kwabashiya neengxaki ezinzulu ngokwasengqondweni nakubuntu babo.

Impapasho yeZizwe Ezimanyeneyo ethi The World’s Women​—⁠1970-1990 ithi: “Ukuhlasela kwamadoda abafazi bawo emakhayeni awo kucingelwa ukuba lolona hlobo lolwaphulo-mthetho lungafane luxelwe​—⁠ngokuyinxenye ngenxa yokuba ugonyamelo olunjalo lujongwa njengesifo sasentlalweni kungekhona njengolwaphulo-mthetho.”

Kubi kangakanani ukuphathwa kakubi kwamaqabane omtshato eUnited States? Ingxelo equlunqwe yiNdlu yeeNgwevu necatshulwe kwinqaku elandulelayo ithi: “Ibinzana elithi ‘ugonyamelo lwasekhaya’ lisenokuvakala lingelibi kangako, kodwa imeko yokuziphatha eliyichazayo imbi kakhulu. Amanani anikela umfanekiso owoyikekayo wendlela ekusenokuba nzulu ngayo​—⁠eneneni nekunokubulala ngayo⁠—​ukuphathwa kakubi kwamabhinqa. Nyaka ngamnye kufa amabhinqa aphakathi kwama-2 000 nama-4 000 ngenxa yokuphathwa kakubi. . . . Ngokungafaniyo nezinye iintlobo zolwaphulo-mthetho, ukuphathwa kakubi kweqabane lomtshato lugonyamelo ‘olungapheliyo.’ Kukoyikiswa okungapheliyo nokwenzakaliswa ngokuphindaphindiweyo emzimbeni.”

Iphephancwadi iWorld Health lithi: “Ugonyamelo olwenziwa kumabhinqa lwenzeka kuwo onke amazwe nakuzo zonke iindidi zabantu nezoqoqosho. Kwiindawo ezininzi, kugqalwa njengelungelo lendoda ukubetha umfazi. Ngokufuthi gqitha, ukubethwa nokudlwengulwa okuqhelekileyo kwabafazi namantombazana kugqalwa ‘njengemibandela yobuqu’ engabafuni nganto abanye abantu​—⁠enoba ngabasemagunyeni okanye ngabasebenzi bezempilo.” Olu gonyamelo lwasekhaya lunokusasazeka ngokulula luye kufika nasesikolweni.

Oku kwaboniswa koko kwenzeka eKenya kwisikolo ekuhlala kuso amakhwenkwe namantombazana ngoJulayi 1991. IThe New York Times yanikela ingxelo yokuba “amantombazana esikolo akwishumi elivisayo angama-71 adlwengulwa ngabafundi abangabafana yaye liye lahlanz’ iselwa kwamanye ali-19 kugonyamelo olwaqhubeka ebusuku kwiindawo zabo zokulala ekuthiwa . . . lwaqhubeka lungathintelwa ngamapolisa okanye ngabafundisi-ntsapho balapho.” Kunokuchazwa njani oku kuhlaselwa ngogonyamelo lwesini? UHilary Ng’Weno, umhleli oyintloko weThe Weekly Review, elona phephancwadi lifundwa kakhulu eKenya, wabhala: “Le ntlekele iye yagxininisa isimo sengqondo esingathandekiyo esilawula ubomi babantu baseKenya sokuba amadoda ongamile kunamabhinqa. Ilusizi imeko yobomi babafazi nabantwana bethu abangamantombazana. . . . Sikhulisa abantwana bethu abangamakhwenkwe ukuba babe nentlonelo encinane okanye bangabi nayo ngamantombazana.”

Silapho ke isizeka-bani sale ngxaki ehlabathini ngokubanzi​—⁠ngokufuthi amakhwenkwe akhuliswa enembono yokuba amantombazana namabhinqa azizidalwa eziphantsi nezimele zixhatshazwe. Amabhinqa ajongwa njengezisulu nabantu abalawulwa ngokulula. Ngenxa yoko kuyinto elula ukungalihloneli ibhinqa nokusuka nje kubekho isimo sengqondo sokuba amadoda ongamile kunamabhinqa yaye kulula ngokufanayo ukuba ibhinqa lidlwengulwe ngumntu elimqhelileyo okanye liqabane elenza idinga nalo. Yaye ngokuphathelele ukudlwengula, makungalityalwa ukuba “intlaselo isenokuba yeyethutyana, kodwa inokuchaphazela iimvakalelo zikabani ubomi bakhe bonke.”​—⁠Ingxelo yeNdlu yeeNgwevu.

Amadoda amaninzi, nangona engasebenzisi ugonyamelo lwasemzimbeni kumabhinqa, anokuchazwa njengazicingela ongamile okanye awacaphukelayo amabhinqa. Kunokusebenzisa ugonyamelo olungokwasemzimbeni, awaphatha kakubi okanye ayawahlasela ngokwasengqondweni. Kwincwadi ethi Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them, uGqr. Susan Forward uthi: “Njengoko amaqabane awo ewachaza, ngokufuthi [la madoda] ayethandeka yaye ekwabonakalisa nothando, kodwa ayeguquka ngephanyazo aze abonakalise inkohlakalo, ukugxeka nokuthuka. Abonakalisa iinkalo ezahlukahlukene gqitha zesimilo, ukususela kwisisongelo nokungcungcuthekisa okuzicaceleyo ukusa kwiintlaselo ezichulwe nezifihlakele ngakumbi ezazisiza zikuhlobo oluqhubekayo lokuwathob’ isidima okanye ukugxeka okonakalisayo. Ingakhathaliseki indlela esetyenziswayo, imiphumo ibifana. Indoda ibizuza ulawulo ngokumphatha kakubi umfazi wayo. Kwakhona la madoda akazange ayamkele into yokuba angoonobangela bendlela iintlaselo zawo ezawenza avakalelwa ngayo amaqabane awo.”

UYasuko,a ibhinqa elingenasiqu laseJapan, ngoku oneminyaka eli-15 etshatile, waxelela uVukani! amava entsapho yakowabo: “Utata wayesoloko embetha yaye emphatha kakubi umama. Wayemkhaba aze amntlithe ngamanqindi, amtsale ngeenwele, yaye wayede amgibisele nangamatye. Ibe ngaba uyasazi isizathu sokuba enze oko? Kungenxa yokuba umama wasuka wazama ukumthethisa ngokuthandana kwakhe nelinye ibhinqa. Kaloku, ngokwesithethe samaJapan, ibigqalwa njengento eqhelekileyo ukuba wambi amadoda abe nomnye umntu athandana naye. Umama wayengatshili ngeso sidanga ibe wakwala ukuyamkela loo nto. Emva kokuba eneminyaka eli-16 etshatile yaye enabantwana abane, wawuqhawula umtshato. Utata akazange amnike nesent’ emdaka yokondla abantwana.”

Sekunjalo, kwanalapho ukubethwa kwabafazi kuye kwasiwa kwabasemagunyeni, ngokufuthi oko akumthintelanga umyeni onenzondo ekumbulaleni umfazi wakhe. Kwizihlandlo ezininzi, kumazwe anjengeUnited States, umthetho awukwazanga ukumkhusela ngokufanelekileyo umfazi osongelwayo nogrogriswayo. “Olunye uhlolisiso lubonise ukuba ngaphezu kwesiqingatha sazo zonke iingxelo zokubulawa kwabafazi ngamadoda abo, izihlandlo ezihlanu kunyaka owandulelayo amapolisa ayebiziwe ekhaya ukuza kuhlola izikhalazo ngogonyamelo lwasekhaya.” (Ingxelo yeNdlu yeeNgwevu) Kwiimeko ezithile ezingaqhelekanga, ukuze azikhusele ekuphathweni kakubi ngokungakumbi, umfazi uye wambulala umyeni wakhe.

Ugonyamelo lwasekhaya, apho ngokuqhelekileyo umfazi elixhoba khona, luzivelisa ngeendlela ezininzi ezahlukeneyo. Ngokwengxelo yaseIndiya inani loko kubizwa ngokuba kukubulawa likhazi (amadoda abulala abafazi bawo ngenxa yokunganeliseki likhazi eliye lahlawulwa yintsapho yakulomfazi) liye landa ukususela kuma-2 209 ngowe-1988 ukusa kuma-4 835 ngowe-1990. Noko ke, la manani akanakugqalwa njengapheleleyo okanye achanileyo, ekubeni amabhinqa amaninzi afayo kuthiwa abulawa ziingozi nje zasekhaya​—⁠ngokufuthi ngokutshiswa ngabom ngesitovu separafini. Ukongezelela koku kukho amabhinqa azibulalayo kuba engasenakuzithwala iinzingo zekhaya.

Xa Ukhetho Lungoonyana Okanye Iintombi

Kubakho ucalucalulo ngokunxamnye namabhinqa ukususela ekuzalweni kwanangaphambi kokuba azalwe. Kwenzeka njani oko? UVukani! wadlan’ indlebe noMadhu waseBombay, eIndiya, waza phakathi kweempendulo awazifumanayo wafumana ethi: “Xa intsapho yamaIndiya ifumana umntwana oyinkwenkwe, kubakho uvuyo. Iingxaki zikamama ziyaphela. Ngoku abazali banonyana wokubanyamekela xa baluphele. Bayaqiniseka ‘ngokunyanyekelwa.’ Kodwa ukuba umfazi uzala intombazana, ujongwa njengosileleyo. Kuba ngathi uye wazisa kuphela omnye umthwalo ehlabathini. Abazali kuya kufuneka bekhuphe ikhazi elixabiso liphakamileyo ukuze bayitshatise. Yaye ukuba umama uyaqhubeka ezala amantombazana, ngoko uba ngumntu ongafanelekanga.”b

Ulindixesha i-Indian Express wanikela le ngxelo ngokuphathelele amantombazana eIndiya: “Ukuphila kwabo [abantwana abangamantombazana] akugqalwa njengento ebaluleke ngokwenene kubukho bentsapho.” Lo mthombo ukwamnye ucaphula uphando olwenziwa eBombay “olwatyhila ukuba kwiintsana ezingekazalwa ezingama-8 000 eziye zaqhomfwa emva kokuxilongwa ukuze kubonwe ukuba ngumntwana mni na, ezingama-7 999 zazingamabhinqa.”

UElisabeth Bumiller uyabhala: “Imeko yabanye abafazi bamaIndiya imbi kangangokuba ukuba intlungu yabo ibinokufumana ingqalelo enikelwa kuleyo yabantu bohlanga okanye besizwe sabambalwa kwezinye iindawo zehlabathi, izilangazelelo zabo beziya kulwelwa ngamaqela ajongene namalungelo abantu.”​—⁠May You Be the Mother of a Hundred Sons.

“Umsebenzi Womfazi Awupheli”

Amazwi athi “umsebenzi womfazi awupheli” asenokuvakala eqhelekile. Kodwa abonisa inyaniso amadoda adla ngokuyibetha ngoyaba. Umfazi onabantwana akanayo inyhweba yokusebenza iiyure eziqingqiweyo, ukususela ngentsimbi yesibhozo kusasa ukusa ngeyesihlanu malanga, njengokuba kudla ngokuba njalo ngamadoda. Ukuba usana luyalila ebusuku, ngubani oyena mntu ngokunokwenzeka osabelayo? Ngubani ococayo, ohlamba nowolula iimpahla? Ngubani olungiselela nophaka izidlo xa umyeni ebuya evela emsebenzini? Ngubani ococayo emva kwezidlo aze alungiselele abantwana ukuya kulala? Yaye ukongezelela kuko konke oku, kumazwe amaninzi, ngubani ekulindeleke ukuba aye kukha amanzi aze asebenze nasemasimini ebeleke usana emqolo? Ngokuqhelekileyo iba ngumama. Ucwangciso lwakhe aluzoyure ezisi-8 okanye ezili-9 ngosuku; ngokufuthi luba ziiyure ezili-12 ukusa kwezili-14 okanye ngaphezulu. Noko ke, akafumani ntlawulo yexesha elongezelelekileyo​—⁠yaye ngokufuthi uye angafumani nelizwi lombulelo!

Ngokutsho kwephephancwadi iWorld Health, e-Ethiopia “amabhinqa [amaninzi] alindeleke ukuba asebenze iiyure ezili-16 ukusa kwezili-18 ngosuku, [yaye] umvuzo awufumanayo mncinane gqitha ngokokude angakwazi ukuzinyamekela wona neentsapho zawo. . . . Iphango yinto ewathwaxa umhla nezolo; kwiimeko ezininzi, [amabhinqa atheza iinkuni zokubasa] afumana isidlo esinye esingaphelelanga ngosuku yaye ngokufuthi ashiya amakhaya awo engakhange afumane isidlo sakusasa.”

USiu, inzalelwane yaseHong Kong, ngoku oneminyaka engama-20 etshatile, wathi: “Kwintlalo yamaTshayina, amadoda aye atyekela ekuwajongeleni phantsi amabhinqa, ewagqala njengabancedi basekhaya nanjengabazala abantwana okanye, kwelinye icala, njengoonodoli, izinto zokudlala, okanye izixhobo nje zokuzanelisa ngesini. Kodwa ngokwenene, esikufunayo thina mabhinqa kukuphathwa njengezidalwa ezinengqondo. Sifuna ukuba amadoda asiphulaphule xa sithetha angenzi nje ngokungathi sizizidenge!”

Akumangalisi ukuba incwadi ethi Men and Women isithi: “Kuyo yonke indawo, kwanakwezo amabhinqa axatyiswa kakhulu kuzo, imisebenzi yamadoda ixatyiswa ngaphezu kweyamabhinqa. Ayibalulekanga nakancinane indlela ibutho labantu elizibeka ngayo iindima nemisebenzi phakathi kwabesini esahlukeneyo; leyo iyeyamadoda ngokucacileyo iba yexabiseke gqitha emehlweni abo bonke abantu.”

Isibakala salo mbandela sikukuba indima yomfazi ekhaya idla ngokuthatyathwa lula. Ngaloo ndlela, ingabula-zigcawu yeThe World’s Women​—⁠1970-1990 ithi: “Iimeko zokuphila zamabhinqa​—⁠negalelo lawo entsatsheni, kwezoqoqosho nasekhaya⁠—​ngokuqhelekileyo ziye azabonakala. Amanani amaninzi aye achazwa njengabonakalisa iimeko negalelo lamadoda, ingelilo elamabhinqa, okanye ezo zingabujongiyo ubuni babantu. . . . Umsebenzi omninzi owenziwa ngamabhinqa usaqhubeka ungajongwa njengoxabisekileyo kwezoqoqosho konke konke​—⁠kwaye awujongelwa ntweni.”

Ngowe-1934, umbhali waseMntla Merika uGerald W. Johnson wavakalisa izimvo zakhe ngamabhinqa kwiindawo asebenza kuzo: “Ngokufuthi ibhinqa lifumana umsebenzi womntu oyindoda kodwa kunqabile ukuba lifumane umvuzo ofunyanwa ngumntu oyindoda. Isizathu sikukuba akukho hlobo olusengqiqweni lomsebenzi wemihla ngemihla ongenakwenziwa ngendlela elunge ngakumbi ngumntu othile oyindoda kunalo naliphi na ibhinqa. Abona basiki babalaseleyo beempahla nabenzi beminqwazi yamabhinqa ngamadoda . . . Isoloko ingamadoda iincutshe ekuphekeni. . . . Namhlanje liyinyaniso elokuba umqeshi ukulungele ukunika umntu oyindoda imali engakumbi kunebhinqa ngomsebenzi omnye abawenzayo ngenxa yokuba unesizathu sokukholelwa ukuba indoda iya kuwenza ngokulunge ngakumbi kunebhinqa.” Nangona loo mazwi enokuvakala ikukungabi nalwazelelelo, aye abonisa utyekelo lwelo xesha, olusekhoyo ezingqondweni zamadoda amaninzi.

Ukungabikho Kwentlonelo—Ingxaki Yazwenibanzi

Zonke izithethe zabantu ziye zavelisa isimo sengqondo, utyekelo nekhethe ngokuphathelele indima yamabhinqa kwibutho labantu. Kodwa nanku umbuzo ofanele uphendulwe, Ngaba esi simo sengqondo sibonisa intlonelo efanelekileyo ngesidima samabhinqa? Okanye, kunoko, ngaba sibonakalisa impatho yamadoda ukutyhubela iinkulungwane ngenxa yokuba indoda isoloko yongamile ngamandla asemzimbeni? Ukuba amabhinqa aphathwa njengamakhoboka okanye izinto nje zokuxhatshazwa, ngoko kuphi ukuhlonelwa kwesidima sawo? Ngomlinganiselo othile, izithethe ezininzi ziye zayiguqula indima yebhinqa zaza zakujongela phantsi ukuzixabisa kwalo.

Omnye umzekelo wezithethe ezininzi ehlabathini jikelele ngowaseAfrika: “Abafazi bamaYoruba [eNigeria] bafanele babe ngathi abazi nto yaye bathule xa kukho abayeni babo, yaye xa bezisa ukutya, bafanele baguqe phambi kweenyawo zabayeni babo.” (Men and Women) Kwezinye iindawo zehlabathi, oku kuthobeka kunokubonakaliswa ngeendlela ezahlukahlukeneyo​—⁠umfazi kufuneke ahambe umgama othile emva komyeni wakhe, okanye kufuneke ahambe ngeenyawo ngoxa umyeni wakhe ekhwele ihashe okanye iesile, okanye kufuneke athwale imithwalo ngoxa umyeni engathwele nto, okanye kufuneke atye kwindawo eyahlukileyo, njalo njalo.

Kwincwadi yakhe ethi The Japanese, uEdwin Reischauer, owazalwa waza wakhuliselwa eJapan, wabhala: “Isimo sengqondo sokongama kwamadoda kunamabhinqa sicace nakuthathatha eJapan. . . . Umlinganiselo ongasebenzi ngokufanayo kwizini ezahlukahlukeneyo, oshiya amadoda engasikelwanga mda kunamabhinqa, usekho. . . . Ngaphezu koko, amabhinqa atshatileyo alindeleke ukuba athembeke ngakumbi kunamadoda.”

Njengakumazwe amaninzi, ukukhathazwa ngokwesini kukwayingxaki eJapan, ngokukhethekileyo kwiinqwelo-mafutha ezimiswe kwiindledlana ezihamba ngaphantsi ngexesha ekuphithizela kakhulu ngalo. UYasuko, wakwisiXeko iHino, ihlomela-dolophu laseTokyo, wamxelela oku uVukani!: “Njengebhinqa eliselula, ndandidla ngokuquqa ndibuyelela eTokyo. Kwakubangel’ iintloni kuba amadoda ayesebenzisa loo mathuba ekubhantseni nasekukuphathaphatheni kuyo yonke indawo ayenokuyifikelela. Yintoni esasinokuyenza thina mabhinqa ngako oku? Sasifanele sikunyamezele. Kodwa kwakubangel’ iintloni. Ngexesha eliphithizela gqitha lakusasa, kwakubakho inqwelo-mafutha eyodwa elungiselelwe amabhinqa, ukuze ubuncinane abathile babe nokuziphepha ezi ndlela zokuthotyw’ isidima.”

USue, owayekhe wangumhlali waseJapan, wayenendlela yakhe yokuzikhulula kwezi meko. Wayekhwaza ngelizwi eliphakamileyo, athi “Fuzakenai de kudasai!,” okuthetha ukuthi “Khawahlukane nam wena!” Uthi: “Oko kwakunikelwa ingqalelo nenyathelo elikhawulezileyo. Akukho mntu wayefuna ukuphoxwa phambi kwabantu bonke. Ngokukhawuleza akuzange kubekho nokuba ibe nye indoda eyayindiphathaphatha!”

Kuyabonakala ukuba ukungahlonelwa kwamabhinqa kwisangqa sentsapho kuyingxaki yazwenibanzi. Kodwa kuthekani ngendima yamabhinqa kwindawo asebenza kuyo? Ngaba ahlonelwa yaye anikwa ingqalelo engakumbi apho?

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 6]

Yintoni Egqiba Ngobuni Bomntwana?

“Ubuni bomntwana ongekazalwa bugqitywa xa imbewu yendoda idibana neqanda lomfazi, yaye konke oko kuxhomekeke kwidlozi likatata. Iqanda ngalinye umfazi alivelisayo lelebhinqa ngengqiqo yokuba linemisontwana yobuni engu-X, okanye eyebhinqa. Kwindoda, kuphela sisiqingatha seseli yedlozi esinemisontwana engu-X, ngoxa esinye isiqingatha sino-Y, ongumsontwana wobuni bobudoda.” Ngoko ke, ukuba kudityaniswa imisontwana emibini engoo-X, kuya kuzalwa intombazana; ukuba u-Y wendoda udibana no-X webhinqa, usana luya kuba yinkwenkwe. Ngaloo ndlela, ukuba umfazi uza kuba namakhwenkwe okanye amantombazana oko kugqitywa kukusebenza kwemisontwana ekwidlozi lendoda. (ABC’s of the Human Body, impapasho yeReader’s Digest) Akukho ngqiqweni ukuba indoda imbek’ ityala umkayo ngokuzala amantombazana kuphela. Akufanele kubekho mntu ubekwa ityala. Kuphela ngumdlalo welottery yokuzala.

[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 8]

Intlekele Enkulu Gqitha

Kwincwadi yakhe ethi Feminism Without Illusions, uElizabeth Fox-Genovese wabhala: “Kukho isizathu esilungileyo sokukholelwa ukuba amadoda amaninzi . . . ayaqhubeka ehendelwa ukusebenzisa amandla [awo] kwenye imeko ngokucacileyo esawanika ingenelo​—⁠ulwalamano lwawo nabafazi. Ukuba ndichanile kolu rhano, ngoko sijonge kwintlekele enkulu gqitha.” Yaye loo ntlekele enkulu gqitha ibandakanya izigidi zamabhinqa atsaliswa nzima mihle le ngumyeni, utata, okanye yiyo nayiphi na indoda engqwabalala​—⁠indoda ‘engahlangabezaniyo novavanyo lobulungisa nokusesikweni.’

“Kumazwana [aseUnited States] angamashumi amathathu, ngokuqhelekileyo kusesemthethweni ngamadoda ukuba adlwengule abafazi bawo; yaye ngamazwana alishumi kuphela agunyazisa ukubanjelwa ugonyamelo lwasekhaya . . . Abafazi abangenandlela-mbini ngaphandle kokusaba bafumanisa ukuba nako akusosicombululo. . . . Isinye kwisithathu sabafazi abasisigidi ababethwayo abafuna iindawo zokusabela nyaka ngamnye abakwazi ukufumana nokuba ibe nye.”​—⁠Intshayelelo yencwadi ethi Backlash​—⁠The Undeclared War Against American Women, nguSusan Faludi.

[Umfanekiso]

Kwizigidi zabantu, ugonyamelo lwasekhaya licala elibi lobomi bentsapho

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]

Amakhulu ezigidi ahlala ngaphandle kwamanzi empompo, iindawo zokulahla amanzi amdaka, okanye umbane emakhayeni awo​—⁠ukuba anawo kwaukuba nawo loo makhaya