Uqhawulo-mtshato—Izinto Elifana Ngazo ElaseMpuma NelaseNtshona
Ngumbhaleli kaVukani! eJapan
“NAM mandidle umhlala-phantsi kumsebenzi wam.” La mazwi aba yinto emangalisayo kumphathi weshishini kwinkampani ephambili yorhwebo eJapan xa wayeqalisa ukudla umhlala-phantsi. Umfazi wakhe wayefuna ukudla umhlala-phantsi ekubeni liqabane lakhe nokuba ngumgcini wekhaya. Ilizwe labo linamanani awandayo wabo baqhawula umtshato elibandakanya, ngokumangalisayo, abo sele bengamaqina nabakhulileyo. Phakathi kwabo bakwiminyaka yabo yama-50 nama-60, inani labaqhawula umtshato liye laphindaphindeka kathathu kwiminyaka nje engama-20. Ukunikezela kumtshato wabo kubonakala kuye kwaba lilinge labo lokugqibela lokufumana ubomi obonwabisa ngakumbi.
Kwelinye icala lobudala obahlukileyo, izibini eziselula eziye azayolisana ebudeni beholide yexesha lasemva komtshato (honeymoon) zigqiba kwelokuba zenze iNarita rikon (uqhawulo-mtshato lwaseNarita). INarita sisikhululo seenqwelo-moya saseTokyo sezizwe ngezizwe, yaye eli binzana libhekisela kwizibini ezisandul’ ukutshata ezithi ndlela-ntle omnye komnye nakumtshato wazo xa zibuyela eNarita. Enyanisweni, eJapan isibini esinye kwezine okanye kwezihlanu sifuna ukuqhawula umtshato. Silujonga uqhawulo-mtshato njengesikhokelo esisa kubomi obonwabisa ngakumbi.
KwanaseHong Kong, apho imilinganiselo emidala yaseTshayina isengqongqo, inani loqhawulo-mtshato laphindaphindeka nangaphezulu kwiminyaka emithandathu ephakathi kowe-1981 nowe-1987. ESingapore, uqhawulo-mtshato olukhoyo kumaSilamsi nakwabo bangengomaSilamsi lwaye lwaphakama phantse ngama-70 ekhulwini phakathi kowe-1980 nowe-1988.
Kuyavunywa ukuba, eMpuma iimbono zamabhinqa ziye azasiwa-so kangangethuba elide. Ngokomzekelo, kwimihla yamandulo eJapan, indoda yayinokuwuqhawula umtshato nomfazi wayo ngokubhala nje “imigca emithathu enesiqingatha.” Ekuphela kwento ekwakufuneka iyenzile yayikukubhala imigca emithathu enesiqingatha yengxelo eqinisekisa ukuqhawula kwayo umtshato ize eso siqwengana sephepha isinike umfazi wayo. Kwelinye icala, umfazi wayo wayengenandlela ilula yokuqhawula umtshato ngaphandle kokusabela kwitempile eyayiyindawo yokukhusela amabhinqa abaleka amadoda awo angoonkom’ iyahlaba. Kuba bengenandlela yakuzixhasa, abafazi kwakufuneka banyamezele imitshato engenaluthando kwanokuhlala nabayeni babo abathandana nabanye abantu abangaphandle komtshato.
Namhlanje, uninzi lwamadoda azinikele gqitha kumsebenzi wawo wempangelo phantse azilahle kwesinomhlwa iintsapho zawo. Awaboni nto iphosakeleyo ngokuphilela iinkampani azisebenzelayo. Ngenxa yokuzinikela ngolo hlobo emsebenzini, ayakutyeshela ukufuna kwabafazi bawo ukuncokolisana yaye abajongela phantsi njengezicaka ezingahlawulwayo zokuwaphekela, ukuwacocela, nokuwahlambela impahla.
Noko ke, ukungena kweengcamango zaseNtshona kuyayiguqula indlela amabhinqa aseMpuma awujonga ngayo umtshato nobomi bomtshato. IAsia Magazine ithi: “Ngokungathandabuzekiyo ‘inkululeko’ yamabhinqa ngomnye wabona thunywashe bayintloko abakhokelela ekuphakameni kwenani loqhawulo-mtshato eAsia.” UAnthony Yeo, ongumlawuli weZiko Lokucebisa Nokunyamekela Uluntu eSingapore (Singapore’s Counselling and Care Centre), wathi: “Amabhinqa aye awafuna ngegunya amalungelo awo yaye aye asixhalabela ngakumbi isidima sawo. Awasakulungelanga ukuhlala nje aze avale imilomo yawo enyamezele impatho-mbi. Amabhinqa ezi mini anamalungelo angakumbi okwenza ukhetho yaye akasakunyamezeli kangako ukutyeshelwa nokuphathwa kakubi. Yaye uqhawulo-mtshato lolona khetho lululo kwabo bangenakufumana lonwabo emtshatweni, ngokukodwa kweli xesha apho lungasajongwa njengento elihlazo kangako yaye nelo hlazo alisafani nendlela elaliyiyo kwiminyaka engama-25 eyadlulayo.”
Amazwe aseNtshona nawo aye ahlangabezana nenguqulelo enkulu ebudeni beminyaka emalunga nama-25 edluleyo. USamuel H. Preston wayibiza le nguqulelo ngokuthi “yinyikima eye yagungqisa intsapho yaseMerika kwiminyaka engama-20 edluleyo.” Ngowe-1985 phantse ikhaya elinye kwamane elinabantwana abangaphezu kweminyaka eli-18 ubudala lalinomzali omnye, ubukhulu becala oko kwakubangelwa luqhawulo-mtshato. Kuye kwachazwa kusengaphambili ukuba ama-60 ekhulwini abantwana abazalwa ngowe-1984 ayesenokuhlala kumakhaya anomzali omnye ngaphambi kokuba afikelele iminyaka eli-18 ubudala.
Ngenxa yokuqalisa kokuba buthathaka komtshato, ngaba ngenene uqhawulo-mtshato lusisikhokelo esisa kubomi obonwabisa ngakumbi? Ukuze sifumane impendulo makhe siqale ngokuhlolisisa oko kubangela abantu balujonge uqhawulo-mtshato njengozifozonke kwiingxaki zabo zentsapho.
[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 4]
Umphumo Wokuphila “Ubomi Obahluleleneyo Ngokwabantu Abaqhawule Umtshato”
KUMANANI akhoyo oqhawulo-mtshato kukho olo “lufihlakeleyo.” EJapan, apho abafazi abaninzi besaxhomekeke kumadoda abo ngemali yaye besathobela isithethe esikhoyo apho sokulawulwa ngamadoda, izibini zisenokuthi zingathandi zihlale kunye kwimeko ebizwa ngokuthi “kukuhlala ubomi obahluleleneyo ngokwabantu abaqhawule umtshato [live-in divorce].” Kwimeko elolo hlobo, abafazi batyekele ekubhokoxeleni onke amandla abo ekukhuliseni abantwana. Ngokufuthi aba mama babakhusela ngokugqithiseleyo abantwana babo, besenza kube nzima ngabo ukuzimela kamva.
Ngenxa yoko, xa aba nyana baba mama bekhula baze batshate, uninzi lwabo luba neempawu “zokungafuni ukuchukunyiswa ngokwasemzimbeni.” Aba abaze nakanye babaphathe ngothando abafazi babo, kwanasemva kweminyaka eliqela yobomi bomtshato. Banengxaki eye yabizwa ngokuthi “Ndithanda uMama” yaye ngokufuthi batshate kuba oonina beye babaxelela ukuba benjenjalo. Ngokutsho kweAsahi Evening News, uGqr. Yasushi Narabayashi, oyingcaphephe ekucebiseni ngomtshato, uthi ingxaki iye yakhula kwiminyaka elishumi yaye kukho amashumi amawaka amadoda aneentloni gqitha ukufuna icebiso.