Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingalulama Kanjani Enhliziyweni Ebuhlungu?

UMANE uyazi nje ukuthi lona umuntu oyomshada. Nijabulela ubudlelwane bomunye nomunye, ninezithakazelo ezifanayo, futhi nizwa nikhangana. Khona-ke, ngokungazelele, ubuhlobo buyafa, buphumele ekuthukutheleni okukhulu—noma buphelele ezinyembezini.

Zimbalwa izinto ekuphileni ezibangela usizi olukhulu njengokuphela kothando. Encwadini yakhe iThe Young Person’s Guide to Love, umlobi uMorton Hunt wathi: “Cishe munye kuphela kubantu abayisihlanu, ekupheleni kothando lwabeve eminyakeni eyishumi nambili, ozizwa engathintekile. Ngokuphathelene nabantu ababengafuni neze ukuhlukana, abaningi babo bazizwa bedabuke phakathi, benqotshwe ngokuphelele, bethukuthele kabi.” Ngokuvamile intsha izibangela ngokwayo ukukhathazeka ngokuhileleka ngokomzwelo kusasele isikhathi eside ngaphambi kokuba ibe ngelungele ukushada.

Nokho, enye intsha ekhulile ingase ibe ekulungele ukushada futhi ibe iphishekele ukuqomisana ngokuhloniphekile nangokungathi sina—nokho izithole inenhliziyo ebuhlungu lapho ubuhlobo bungaphumeleli. Ingabe umuntu angaphinde alulame enhliziyweni ebuhlungu kakhulu ngothando oseluphelile?

Isizathu Esenza Kube Nzima Ukukhohlwa Ukuhlukana

Encwadini yakhe iThe Chemistry of Love, uDr. Michael Liebowitz ufanisa ukuqalisa kothando nokulutha komlaliso obukhali. Kodwa njengomlaliso, uthando olunjalo lungaveza ‘izimpawu zokugula’ ezingalawuleki uma luphela. Isazi sengqondo esinguDavid Goss sicaphuna ‘ukucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, ukugula ngokomzimba, ukulahlekelwa ukubaluleka kwenjongo yokuphila, nesikhathi sosizi’ njengokusabela okungokoqobo ekuhlukaneni kothando. Futhi akwenzimehluko ukuthi uthando lumane nje luwukuthatheka noma ‘luyinto engokoqobo.’ Kokubili kungaphakama ngendlela emangalisayo—futhi kwehle ngendlela edabukisayo uma ubuhlobo buphela.

Imizwa yokulahlwa, ubuhlungu, futhi mhlawumbe nokuthukuthela okuza lapho kuqala ukuhlukana ingase yenze umbono wakho ngekusasa ube mubi. Owesifazane othile ongumKristu uthi ‘ulimele’ ngenxa yokulahlwa. Uthi: “Manje ngimane nje ngingumuntu othi ‘Sawubona, kunjani?’ [kwabobulili obuhlukile]. Angivumeli noma yimuphi umuntu asondele eduze nami.” Lapho uzizwa uhileleke ngokujule ngokwengeziwe ebuhlotsheni, kulapho umphumela wokuhlukana kwabo ungaba buhlungu ngokujule ngokwengeziwe. Ukutshelwa ngabanye ukuthi bekuwuthando nje lwesikhashana noma ukuthi ‘uzokhohlwa ngokushesha’ akududuzi nakancane.

Isizathu Sokuba Kuhlukanwe

Okudingeka kakhulu manje akusewona umzwelo ongenangqondo, kodwa ukucabanga ngokungaphamazeli. “Amasu [“ikhono lokucabanga,” NW] ayakukulinda, ukuqonda kukugcine,” kusho uSolomoni. (IzAga 2:11) Ukucabangisisa kukwenza kukhanye ukuthi inkululeko yokuqomisana nomuntu omthandayo kungase kukulahlekisele kakhulu: khona kanye ukuba nokwenzeka okungokoqobo kokukhathazwa ukulahlwa. Kakade, isiphi isizathu esizwakalayo okuwukuphela kwaso sokuba nobuhlobo obuseduze nothile wobulili obuhlukile? Ingabe akukhona ukubona indlela umuntu afaneleka ngayo njengongaba umngane womshado? Ukuphola okungenanjongo kuwukudlala ngonya ngemizwa yomunye.—Qhathanisa nezAga 26: 18,19.

Kodwa ingabe ukuphola noma noma yiluphi uhlobo lokuqomisana, kunikeza isiqinisekiso sokuthi uthando lweqiniso luyokhula nokuthi umshado useduze? Akunjalo, ngoba ngemva kwesikhathi esithile kungaba sobala ukuthi ninemigomo eshayisanayo, izindlela zokuphila ezingahlangani, noma ubuntu obungqubuzanayo. Ezimweni ezinjalo, into ehlakaniphile engenziwa kungase kube ukuluqeda! IBhayibheli lithi: “Oqondileyo uyabona ububi, acashe.”—IzAga 22:3.

Ngakho uma othile aqala ukukuqomisa enezinhloso eziqotho kodwa kamuva aphethe ngokuthi ngeke kube ukuhlakanipha ukushada, akukhona ngempela ukuthi kudlalwe ngawe. Inkinga iwukuthi, akukho-ndlela engebuhlungu yokuphelisa uthando. Akungabazeki ukuthi ungakhetha ukuba umuntu abonise ukukucabangela kobuKristu futhi abhekane nawe, akuchazele ukuthi kungani ubuhlobo sebuphelile. Nokho, ngokuvamile lowo oyekayo akathandi ukubhekana nawe ubuso nobuso. Angase athathe indlela yokuphuma engenamusa, akuthumelele incwadi ebhalwe ngokufushanisiwe, noma okubi kakhulu kube ukuthi amane angakunaki, njengokungathi lokho kuyoyixazulula inkinga.

Ngisho nalapho ukuhlukana kusingathwa ngokuhlakanipha okukhulu nangomusa, usenokuzizwa ulimele futhi ulahliwe. Nokho, lesi akusona isizathu sokulahlekelwa ukuzethemba. Ukuthi nje ‘ubungalungile’ emehlweni alomuntu akusho ukuthi ngeke ube ngolungile emehlweni omunye umuntu. Kakade, lena akuyona insizwa noma intombi okuwukuphela kwayo emhlabeni!

Enye indlela yokulwisana nemizwa yokulahlwa iwukuzama ukubheka uthando oselufile ngombono ohlelekile. Ingabe intombazane obucabanga ukuthi uyayithanda iyifanela ngempela incazelo ‘yowesifazane okhutheleyo’ ochazwe eBhayibhelini? (IzAga 31:10-31) Ingabe insizwa owawubeke inhliziyo yakho kuyo ingumuntu ‘ongathanda ngempela umkakhe njengomzimba wakhe,’ noma ingabe isabonakalisa isilinganiso esithile sobugovu? (Efesu 5:28) Kuyiqiniso, angase abe nokubukeka okukhanga kakhulu futhi abe muhle kakhulu. Ah, kodwa “ubuhle buyinkohliso, nokubukeka kuyize.”—IzAga 31:30.

Ukuhlukana kungase kuveze ngisho nezinto eziphazamisayo ngalomuntu—ukungabi ngovuthiwe ngokomzwelo, ukungakwazi ukwenza izinqumo, inkani, ukushiqela, ukuntula ukucabangela imizwa yakho. Lezi akuzona neze izimfanelo ezifiselekayo kumngane womshado. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ungase uqaphele ukuthi kunezinto futhi ezimbalwa okumelwe wena usebenzele kuzo ngaphambi kokuba ube umngane womshado efiselekayo.

‘Kodwa Angifuni Buphele!’

Nokho, kuthiwani uma ukuhlukana kunganxanye ngokuphelele, futhi ukholelwa ukuthi umshado ubungaphumelela kahle? Ngokuqinisekile unalo ilungelo lokwenza omunye azi indlela ozizwa ngayo. Nokho, khumbula, “lowo onezindebe ezimnandi unezela amandla okuvumisa.” (IzAga 16:21, NW) Ukukhuluma ngomsindo ongokomzwelo nangokungacabangi kuyofeza okuncane. Nokho, ingxoxo enhle ingase yembule ukuthi kuye kwaba nokungaqondi nje okuthile. Nokho, uma egcizelela ukuba kuhlukanwe, asikho isidingo sokuba uzehlise isithunzi, uyincenga ngokukhala imizwa yomuntu ngokusobala ongenayo imizwa ngawe. USolomoni wathi kukhona “isikhathi sokufuna nesikhathi sokulahlekelwa.”—UmShumayeli 3:6.

Kuyiqiniso, singase sibe khona isizathu esiqinile sokusola ukuthi ubumane nje usetshenziswa ngothile ongabanga naso neze kwasekuqaleni isithakazelo esiqotho emshadweni. “Ngathola ukuthi wayemane nje enginaka enzela ukuvusa isikhwele senye indoda,” kukhumbula uDaniel ngentombazane aphola nayo eminyakeni eminingi edlule. “Kwakubuhlungu kakhulu. Kwangithatha iminyaka eminingi ukuba ngiphinde ngihileleke.” Umuntu odlala kabuhlungu ngemizwa yomunye ngeke neze abhekwe njengomKristu oyisibonelo, futhi ungaqiniseka ngokuthi ukukhohlisa okunjalo akukhona okushaywa indiva nguNkulunkulu. Ngesinye isikhathi, onjalo uyokwenziwa azisole ngenkambo yakhe—ngaphandle kokuba wena ulungiselele izenzo zokuphindisela. “Ononya uhlupha inyama yakhe.”—IzAga 11:17; qhathanisa no-6: 12-15.

Indlela Eya Ekululameni

Yebo, ukumane nje wazi ukuthi ukuhlukana bekuyinto engcono kakhulu ukuba uyenze ngeke kwenze imizwa yakho ebuhlungu inyamalale. Ngezinye izikhathi ungase uhlushwe isizungu nokukhumbula ngothando. Uma kunjalo, ngokushesha yiba nomqondo ohluzekile! Yiba matasa, mhlawumbe emsebenzini othile ongokomzimba. Gwema ukuzihlukanisa. (IzAga 18:1) Gxilisa ingqondo yakho ezintweni ezijabulisayo nezakhayo.—Filipi 4:8.

Akumelwe ube yiqhawe bese ucindezela imizwa yakho. Ukutshela uBaba wakho wasezulwini, ngokungangabazeki kuyoletha impumuzo enkulu. Ukuba matasa enkonzweni yobuKristu kuyosiza. Kungase futhi kusize ukuxoxela umngane oseduze. (IzAga 18:24) Futhi ungakhohlwa ukuthi abazali bakho ngokuvamile bangaba induduzo enkulu, ngisho noma unomuzwa wokuthi ukhule ngokwanele ukuba ungazimela.—IzAga 23:22.

Ukuhlukana kungokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu. Kodwa umuntu angazuza ngisho nasenhliziyweni ebuhlungu. IzAga 20: 30 zithi, “Imivimbo elimazayo ihlanza ububi.” Manje usungasibona isidingo sokusebenzela ezicini ezithile zobuntu bakho. Umbono wakho ngalokho okufunayo kumngane womshado ungakhanya ngokwengeziwe kunanini ngaphambili. Futhi njengoba uye wathanda futhi walahlekelwa, ungase unqume ukusingatha ukuqomisana ngokuhlakanipha okwengeziwea uma kwenzeka kuphinde kuqhamuka umuntu ofiselekayo—okungenzeka kakhulu ngokwengeziwe kunokuba ucabanga.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 18]

“Manje ngimane nje ngingumuntu othi ‘Sawubona, kunjani?’ Angivumeli noma yimuphi umuntu asondele eduze nami”

[Isithombe ekhasini 20]

Lapho kuba sobala ukuthi ukuqomisana akuphumeleli, kuyoba yinto ebonisa umusa ukuba nengxoxo yobuso nobuso, uchaze isizathu sokuthi kungani ubuhlobo bumelwe buphele