Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingakugwema Kanjani Ukuba Nenhliziyo Ebuhlungu?

UMHLAZIYI wezifo zengqondo uErich Fromm ucashunwa ethi: “Akukho neyodwa into eqala ngamathemba amakhulu kangaka futhi nokho ehluleka ngokuvamile njengothando.”

Nokho, lapho uthando luhluleka, ngokuvamile umphumela uba wubuhlungu nenhliziyo ebuhlungu. Futhi iqiniso elibuhlungu elingenakuphikwa liwukuthi okuwukuphela kwendlela yokugwema ukuba nenhliziyo ebuhlungu iwukugwema kwasekuqaleni ukuhileleka ngokomzwelo. Kuyiqiniso, kumaKristu ukuphola kuyindaba engathi sina, kuyindlela yokukhetha umngane womshado ofanelekayo. Nokho, khona kanye ukuphola kwenza kube inqubo ethile yokuzama nokwehluleka. Ngakho akukhona okungavamile ukuba abantu ababili baqale ukuphola benezinhloso ezinhle kakhulu—bese kutholakala ukuthi bamane bengafanelani nje ukuba abangane bomshado.

Izihibe Zothando Lobusha

Mhlawumbe ingozi enkulu kakhulu iwukuphola phakathi neminyaka yakho eyeve eshumini elinambili. Lokhu “ukuqhuma kwenkanuko yobusha,” lapho inkanuko iphakama ngamandla amakhulu. (1 Korinte 7:36) UDr. Ari Kiev uyaphawula: “Ngabantu abasha abaningi, ubuhlobo nabobulili obuhlukile . . . ngokuvamile boniwa izifiso zobulili eziningi ezididayo.” Khona-ke, akungabazeki ukuthi ngokuvamile kulula kakhulu ukuba intsha ibe ‘nothando ngothile.’ Owesifazane osemusha uBarbara uyakhumbula: “Ngahlangana nalomuntu. Sabhalelana mhlawumbe unyaka. Khona-ke kwenye yezincwadi zakhe, wathi uyangithanda. Ngazibuza, ‘Ngimbone kanye kuphela. Angakusho kanjani lokho?’”

Kodwa ngisho nalapho imibhangqwana eneminyaka eyeve eshumini elinambili izama ukubamba umzwelo futhi iphishekela ubuhlobo ngesisekelo sokufanelana, mancane amathuba okuthi iyohlala ifanelana! Kungani? Ngoba ubuntu boneminyaka eyeve eshumini elinambili buyashintshashintsha. Uyaziveza ukuthi ungubani, ukuthi uthandani ngempela, nokuthi ufuna ukwenzani ngokuphila kwakho. Izinto ezibalulekile kuwe namuhla zingase zibe ezingasho lutho kusasa. Ngakho-ke ukuthandana kwabaneminyaka eyeve eshumini elinambili ngokuvamile kuwubuhlobo obuhlulekayo, obungaphumeli ngokuvamile emshadweni.

Khona-ke, ngokuhlakanipha iBhayibheli litusa umshado ngalabo kuphela ‘asebedlulile ekuqhumeni kwenkanuko yobusha.’ (1 Korinte 7:36, NW) Lokhu kuyokwenqabela ukuphola lapho umuntu esemncane kakhulu. Ukulandela leseluleko kungase kungabi lula, kodwa ngokuqinisekile ‘kuyokhipha usizi enhliziyweni yakho, kudlulise okubi emzimbeni wakho’ uma ungapholi kuze kube yilapho usukhule ngokwanele ukuba ungashada.—UmShumayeli 11:10.

Ukuzwa Amanzi Ngobhoko

Nokho, ukuba nje ngokhulile akumenzi umuntu abe ngogonyelwe inhliziyo ebuhlungu. Encwadini yakhe ethi Love Lives, uCarol Botwin uqokomisa indlela ngisho nabakhulile ngezinye izikhathi abawela ngayo ezihibeni zothando: “Bagxambukela ebuhlotsheni ngokushesha okukhulu. . . . Bafuna ukuhileleka ngokushesha okukhulu.” Ukunikeza othile ongamazi nakancane inhliziyo yakho kungenye indlela eqinisekile yokuba uyizwise ubuhlungu.

“Nibheka izinto ngokubukeka kwazo kwangaphandle,” kusho umphostoli uPawulu kumaKristu aseKorinte. (2 Korinte 10:7, NW) Ungalenzi iphutha elifanayo ngokuhileleka ngothando ngesisekelo sokubonakala kwangaphandle kuphela. Zama ukuthola kuqala ukuthi luhlobo luni lomuntu ayilo. Uma izimo zingavumi ukuthi ujwayelane naye niqhelelene ngokwanele, ungase uhlole ngokuhlakanipha ukuthi abanye bayakhuluma yini kahle ngalomuntu enesithakazelo kuye.

IBhayibheli lithi imisebenzi yowesifazane okhutheleyo ‘iyamdumisa emasangweni.’ (IzAga 31:31) Ngokufanayo ungalindela indoda noma owesifazane ongumKristu omuhle ukuba abe nedumela elihle. Uma kubonakala ukuthi unerekhodi elingabazisayo—mhlawumbe waziwa ngokuqalisa ubuhlobo izikhathi eziningi futhi ngemva kwalokho ahoxe lapho izinto ziba ngezingathi sina—qaphela! Kungenzeka ngempela ukuba kube yimizwa yakho esizonyathelwa.

Ukukhuluma Iqiniso

Ngisho nalapho idumela lothile libonakala lilihle futhi ninezithakazelo ezifanayo, akukabi yisikhathi sokuqala ukuhlelela umshado wenu. Ukuhlolwa kwalomuntu ngokuseduze kungembula izici ezingathi sina zobuntu noma ubuthakathaka obungokomoya. Khona-ke, ungazi kanjani ukuthi lomuntu unjani ngempela? Nakuba kungekho lutho olubi ngokuhileleka emisebenzini yokuzilibazisa nindawonye, ukuqomisana kufeza injongo yakho kangcono ngokwengeziwe lapho kuhlanganisa ukukhulumisana ngezindaba eziyisifuba ezingathi sina.—Qhathanisa nezAga 15:22, NW.

Iyini imigomo yenu? Izithakazelo zenu? Umbono wenu ngokuba nabantwana? Ukuhlelwa kokusetshenziswa kwemali? Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba ‘ukhulume iqiniso komunye nomunye,’ ungalisonti iqiniso ngoba wesaba ukulahlekelwa yilomuntu. (Efesu 4:25) Ngesinye isikhathi ubuwena bangempela buyovela. Futhi kungcono kakhulu ukwenza omunye umuntu amane akwazi nje ukuthi ungubani nokuthi yini oyifunayo ekuphileni kunokuba uqalise ubuhlobo okungenzeka buphelele ekudumaleni—noma emshadweni olusizi.

Kodwa kuthiwani uma omunye umuntu ekhetha ukuzenzisa ukuze agcine ubuhlobo buphila? iBhayibheli liyaxwayisa: “Ongenalwazi uyakholwa ngamazwi onke, kepha oqondileyo uyaqaphela ukunyathela kwakhe.” (IzAga 14:15) Akusho ukuthi kumelwe ube ngosola ngokweqile, kodwa kumane nje kunengqondo ukuzama ukuhlola ngokwakho siqu ukuthi lomuntu uyakwenza yini akushoyo.

Ukuthola lapho emi khona ezindabeni eziyisisekelo kungokuthile okumelwe kwenziwe zisuka nje—hhayi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi lapho nobabili senihileleke kakhulu ngokomzwelo. Ngokwesibonelo, uSteve, wayefuna umngane womshado owayenokuzinikela okufana nokwakhe enkonzweni yobuKristu. Ngokushesha waba nesithakazelo entombazaneni eyayikhanga kakhulu kuye. Uyakhumbula: “Kodwa ngase ngiqala ukuqaphela ukuthi wayengenayo imigomo, futhi wayengakhuthele kakhulu njengomKristu.” Ngokuhlakanipha uSteve wabuqeda lobobuhlobo.

Ukusondelana Okusongela Ukuthula Kwakho

Lokhu kukhomba kwesinye isici esibalulekile sokugwema inhliziyo ebuhlungu. UJudy ukubeka ngalendlela: “Ngiye ngafunda kokuhlangenwe nakho okudlule ukuthi kulula kakhulu ukuhileleka ngokomzwelo. Ngezinye izikhathi uyamvumela umuntu asondele eduze kakhulu, futhi ngisho nalapho uthola ukuthi anithandani, uhileleke kakhulu ngokomzwelo, wesaba ukumlimaza lomuntu.”

Intombazane engumShulamiti yasezikhathini zeBhayibheli ngokusobala yayiwaqaphela amandla emizwa yothando engalawuleki. Ngakho lapho iqonyiswa iNkosi enamandla uSolomoni, yatshela abangane bayo bamantombazane ukuba bangalunyakazisi, bangaluvusi uthando [kuyo NW], lungakavumi’ (IsiHlabelelo seziHlabelelo 2:7) Ngokufanayo kungaba ngokuhlakaniphile ukubamba imizwa yakho ngamandla lapho uqala ukwazi othile.

Lokhu kuyohlanganisa ukugwema ukubonakaliswa kwemizwa yothando kwangaphambi kwesikhathi noma okungafanelekile. Lesimiso siyasebenza: “Umuntu angaphatha umlilo. esifubeni sakhe, izingubo zakhe zingashi, na?” (IzAga 6:27) Ukuqabulana noma ukubambana ngezandla lapho ubuhlobo busaqala kuyisithiyo. Izenzo ezinjalo zingase zingavusi izifiso zobulili bokuziphatha okubi nje kuphela kodwa futhi zisithibeza ukwahlulela okuhle nokubona amaphutha. Ngeke ukwazi ukwahlulela kahle othile uma izinkanuko zakho zivusiwe. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukubonakaliswa, okukhulu kothando kumane kwenze ubuhlungu bokuhlukana bube nzima ngokwengeziwe uma ubuhlobo bungaphumeleli.

Ekugcineni lapho uJudy eqala ukuqoma insizwa, wayeseqaphela ukuba avumele ubuhlobo bukhule kancane kancane, ezigcina beqhelelene ngokwanele kwaze kwaba yilapho eqiniseka kahle ukuthi wayeyindoda ayefuna ukushada nayo. Uthi: “Khona-ke ngangazi ukuthi kwase kulungile ukuba ngivumele imizwa yami ngaye ikhule.”

Ukuqomisana kungaletha kokubili injabulo noma usizi. Indlela osingatha ngayo ukuqomisana isho okuningi ngomphumela. Kuyiqiniso, ayikho indlela yokuqinisekisa ukuthi ubuhlobo buyophumelela. Futhi ngisho nangemva kokusebenzisa zonke izixwayiso, usengaba nenhliziyo ebuhlungu. Nokho, ngokuphola kuphela lapho usukulungele ukushada, ngokulawula imizwelo yakho, nangokuba ngoqaphe ngokufanele, ungenza okuningi ekunciphiseni inhliziyo ebuhlungu nasekukhuliseni ukuba nokwenzeka kokuqomisana okuyoholela emshadweni ojabulisayo.

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Ukuthandana kwabaneminyaka eyeve eshumini elinambili akuholeli emshadweni kodwa ngokuvamile ekudabukeni

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Mazi kahle umuntu ngaphambi kokuba uhileleke ngothando