Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingalulama Kanjani Osizini Lokuhlukana Kwabazali Bami?

“Ngikhumbula lapho uBaba esishiya. Sasingazi ngempela ukuthi yini eyayenzeka. Kwadingeka ukuba umama aye kosebenza futhi asishiye sodwa ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngezinye izikhathi sasimane sihlale ngasefasiteleni sikhathazekile ngokuthi mhlawumbe naye usesishiyile. . . .”—Intombazane evela emkhayeni odivosile.

IDIVOSI ibonakala sengathi ukuphela komhlaba; inhlekelele engazala ubuhlungu obanele ukuba buhlale phakade. Nokho uma umkhaya wakini usosizini lwedivosi, yiba nesibindi. Ungalulama.

Lokhu akusho ukuthi izinto ziyoke zibe njengoba zazinjalo. Ngokudabukisayo, idivosi ngokuvamile iwunqamula-juqu. Nokho, ukudumazeka, imizwa yethukuthelo nokukhohliswa, ukwesaba ukuthi abazali bakho abasakuthandi—lemizwelo ebhubhisayo ingaqedwa bese ukuphila kwakho kubuyiselwa endaweni efanele. Njengoba iBhayibheli lisho, ‘kunesikhathi sokuphilisa.’—UmShumayeli 3:3.

Amandla Okwelapha Esikhathi

Nokho, ukwelapha, kuthatha isikhathi. Vele, ukulimala okungokoqobo, njengethambo eliphukile, kungathatha amasonto noma ngisho izinyanga ukuze kuphole ngokuphelele. Akumelwe yini ulindele okufanayo ngokulimala okungokomzwelo? Nokho, kuzothatha isikhathi esingakanani ngaphambi kokuba uqale ukuzizwa uphile kahle futhi?

Abacwaningi uWallerstein noKelly, abahlola izingane zemikhaya edivosile, baye bathola ukuthi eminyakeni embalwa nje ngemva kwedivosi “ukwesaba okukhulu, ukudabuka, ukushaqeka kokungakholwa . . . kwakuya kuphela noma kwanyamalala ngokuphelele.” Ezinye izazi zinomuzwa wokuthi isikhathi esibi kakhulu sedivosi siphela phakathi neminyaka emithathu kuphela. Lokhu kungase kubonakale kuyisikhathi eside kakhulu, kodwa kuningi okumelwe kwenzeke ngaphambi kokuba ukuphila kwakho kusimame.

Ngenxa yento eyodwa, inqubo yemisebenzi yasekhaya—iphazamiswe idivosi—kumelwe ihlelwe kabusha. Ngokwesibonelo, kungase kube izinyanga, ngaphambi kokuba ukudla nelondolo kunakekelwe ngokuphumelelayo njengakuqala, ikakhulukazi uma umama wakho ethathe umsebenzi wokuziphilisa ukuze akhokhe izikweleti. Isikhathi siyodlula futhi ngaphambi kokuba abazali bakho babuyele esimweni sabo esivamile ngokomzwelo. Kungalesosikhathi kuphela lapho ekugcineni beyokwazi ukunikeza ukusekela okudingekayo.

Njengoba ukuphila kwakho kuthola futhi okuthile okufana nokuhleleka, uqala ukuzizwa uphilile futhi. Ukudlula kwesikhathi elinye lamakhambi okwelapha amanxeba edivosi. Nokho, kuningi ongakwenza ngaphandle kokuvumela isikhathi sidlule.

Gwema Ukugxila Ezintweni Ezidlule

UJoseph oneminyaka eyi-12 uthi: “Ngaphambi kwedivosi, kwakuyindlu enomsindo. Sasiya emidlalweni yebhola, sakhe imifanekiso ndawonye, sibuke neTV. Manje kuthulile, kuyisicefe, akukho lutho esilwenzayo, asisayi emidlalweni yebhola.” Indlela ephumelelayo yokwenza ubuhlungu bedivosi buhlale isikhathi eside eyokugxila ezintweni zesikhathi esidlule. USolomoni waxwayisa: “Ungasho ukuthi: Kwenziwa kanjani ukuba izinsuku zokuqala zazizinhle kunalezi? Ngokuba awubuzi kanjalo ngokuhlakanipha.” (UmShumayeli 7:10) Ukugxila ezinkumbulweni zendlela ukuphila okwakuyiyo kufeza okuncane kakhulu kunokuba kukucindezele ngokwengeziwe.

Ukugxila ezintweni ezedlule futhi kungakwenza ungaziboni ezikhona manje. Ngokwesibonelo, sasiyini isimo somkhaya wakini ngaphambi kwedivosi? “Njalo kwakuba nezimpi eziningi—ukumemeza nenhlamba,” kuvuma uAnnette. Khona-ke, kungenzeka yini, ukuthi manje ujabulela okuthile okwakungekho ngaphambili emkhayeni wakini—Ukuthula noxolo?

‘Ngingabahlanganisa Futhi’

Incwadi ethi Stress, Coping, and Development in Children yabika: “Inani elikhulu ngokumangalisayo lezingane ezikhulile nalo lalinenkinga yokuqaphela ukuba ngokoqobo kwedivosi, futhi ukuziphatha kwazo kwakubonisa inkinga yazo.” Abanye bakhulisa amaphupho abo okuthi bangaphinde bahlanganise abazali babo, mhlawumbe banamathele emicabangweni enjalo ngisho nangemva kokuba abazali babo sebeshadile!

Nokho, ukuphika idivosi akuguquli lutho. Futhi zonke izinyembezi, ukuncenga, namacebo emhlabeni ngokunokwenzeka ngeke kubahlanganise abazali bakho futhi. Ngakho kungani uzihlupha ngokugxila emathembeni angenakufezeka? IBhayibheli lithi: “Ithemba elilitshazisiweyo ligulisa inhliziyo.” (IzAga 13:12) Kungesikho lokho kodwa, angaphazamisa ukwenza kwakho izinto ezifanele ngokuphila kwakho. Kanjalo uSolomoni wathi ‘kunesikhathi sokulahlekelwa.’ (UmShumayeli 3:6) Ngakho-ke yamukela kokubili ukuba ngokoqobo kwedivosi nokuba kwayo ehlala njalo; isinyathelo esikhulu ekuyinqobeni kwakho.

Ukuvumelana Nabazali Bakho

Lokhu kungaba omunye wemisebenzi enzima kakhulu yokuphila kwakho. Ungase ubathukuthelele ngokufanele ngenxa yokuphazamisa ukuphila kwakho. Njengoba enye insizwa ikubeka kamunyu: “Abazali bami babenobugovu. Abazange ngempela bacabange ngathi nendlela lokho ababekwenza okwakuyosithinta ngayo. Bamane baqhubeka nababehlela ukukwenza.” “Ubaba waletha abantu ababili emhlabeni futhi akabanakekeli ngendlela anakekela ngayo imoto yakhe entsha,” kwasho omunye omusha. Konke lokhu kungaba yiqiniso. Kodwa ungaqhubeka nokuphila uthwele umthwalo wentukuthelo nobuhlungu kodwa ungazilimazi ngokwakho? Umcwaningi wedivosi uJudith Wallerstein uthi: “Ukuthukuthela okunjalo akudediseli ingane kude nomzali kuphela kodwa ngokuvamile kuholela ingane . . . ekugangeni . . . okuhloselwe ukukhathaza nokuhlupha umzali osolwa ngokubangela idivosi.”

IBhayibheli liyayala: “Konke okubabayo, nentukuthelo, nolaka . . . makususwe kini . . . Maniphathane ngobumnene, nihawukelane, nithethelelane.” (Efesu 4:31, 32) Ungamthethelela kanjani umuntu okuzwise ubuhlungu ngokujule kangaka? Zama ukubheka abazali bakho ngomqondo ovulekile—njengabanamaphutha, abantu abangaphelele, abanezindlela zonke zokushiyeka. Yebo, ngisho nabazali ‘bayona, futhi basilalelwe inkazimulo kaNkulunkulu’! (Roma 3:23) Ukuqaphela lokhu kukusiza ukuba uzwane nabazali bakho. Nakuba idivosi yabazali bakhe isalokhu imzwisa ubuhlungu, insizwa ethile ithi ngabo: “Ngaphezu kwakho konke, njalo ngicabanga ukuthi babengabantu abahle. Nginomuzwa nje wokuthi abazange bakwazi ukukhetha abalingane bomshado.”

Umqondo opholile ngabazali bakho uyokusiza futhi ukuba ubone ukungaphumeleli komshado wabo hhayi njengesihlamba kuwe noma ukunganaki, kodwa njengenkinga phakathi kwabo.

Veza Imizwa Yakho

“Angizange ngempela ngixoxe ngendlela engangizizwa ngayo ngedivosi yabazali bami,” kwasho enye insizwa lapho ibuzwa umlobeli wePhaphama! Nakuba kuqala ayengathintekile, omusha waya ethinteka kakhulu ngokomzwelo—wakhala ngisho nokukhala—njengoba ayekhuluma ngedivosi yabazali bakhe. Imizwa eyayikade yangcwatshwa yambululwa. Emangazwe yilokhu, wavuma: “Kwangisiza ngempela ukukhuluma.”

Ngokufanayo ungase ukuthole kusiza ukukhuluma nothile, kunokuba bahlukanise. Yenza abazali bakho ukuba bazi indlela ozizwa ngayo, bazi izinto ozisabayo nezikukhathazayo. (Qhathanisa nezAga 23:26.) Ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi izingane ezilulama ngokuphumelelayo edivosini ziyakwazi ukuzisondeza ezweni elizizungezile, kubazali bokutholwa, kothisha, kubangane, kubazali babangane, nakogogo nomkhulu. AmaKristu avuthiwe nawo futhi angasiza. Ngokwesibonelo uKeith, wayethola ukusekela okuncane noma angakutholi kwanhlobo emkhayeni wakubo, owawuhlukaniswe idivosi. Nokho uthi, “Ibandla lobuKritu laba umkhaya wami.”

Ngaphezu kwakho konke, thola indlebe ezwayo kuBaba wakho wasezulwini, “Ozwayo imikhuleko.” (IHubo 65:2) Thulula inhliziyo yakho phambi kwakhe.’ (IHubo 62:8) Omusha obizwa ngokuthi uPaul ukhumbula okwamsiza ukuba alulame osizini lokwahlukana kwabazali bakhe: “Ngangithandaza ngaso sonke isikhathi futhi njalo ngangiba nomuzwa wokuthi uJehova wayengumuntu ongokoqobo.”

Ukuqhubeka Nokuphila Kwakho

Kuyavunywa, ngemva kwedivosi, izinto zingase zingabuye zifane. Nokho, lokhu akusho ukuthi, ukuphila kwakho ngeke kuthele izithelo futhi kube okujabulisayo. IBhayibheli liyeluleka: “Ekukhuthaleni ningenqeni.” (Roma 12:11) Yebo, kunokuzivumela ukuba ukhutshazwe ukudabuka, ukulimazeka, noma intukuthelo, qhubeka nokuphila kwakho! Yiba matasa nomsebenzi wakho wesikole. Yenza umsebenzi wokuzilibazisa. ‘Vama njalo emsebenzini weNkosi.’—1 Korinte 15:58.

Ukululama osizini lwedivosi akulula. Kuyodinga umsebenzi, ukuzimisela, nokudlula kwesikhathi. Kodwa ekugcineni, ukubhidlika komshado wabazali bakho ngeke kusaba into eyinhloko ekuphileni kwakho.

[Isithombe ekhasini 18]

Ukugxila emicabangweni yendlela ukuphila okwakuvame ukuba yiyo kungase kukucindezele