Lapho Ubudlova Buhlasela Ikhaya
“Ubudlova babantu—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukumukula noma ukusunduza, ukugwaza noma ukudubula—buvela kaningi kakhulu ngaphakathi komkhaya ukwedlula noma yikuphi emphakathini wethu.”—Behind Closed Doors.
HAMBA kunoma yimuphi umgwaqo eMelika. Kulelo nalelokhaya elilodwa kwamabili odlula kuwo, kuyoba khona uhlobo oluthile lobudlova basekhaya okungenani kanye kulonyaka. Futhi ekhaya elilodwa kwamane, buyoba khona ngokuphindaphindiwe. Ngokuhlekisayo, abaningi abesaba ukuhamba emigwaqweni ebusuku basengozini enkulu kakhulu ekhaya.
Kodwa ubudlova basekhaya abenzeki eMelika kuphela. Benzeka emhlabeni wonke. Ngokwesibonelo, eDenmark ukufa kwabantu ababili kwabathathu kwenzeka phakathi komkhaya. Ukucwaninga eAfrika kubonisa ukuthi phakathi kwazo zonke izenzo zokubulala lezo ezenzeka phakathi komkhaya ziyahlukahluka kusukela kumaphesenti angu-22 kuya kwangu-63, kuye ngokuthi yiliphi izwe. Futhi eLatin America abantu abaningi, ikakhulukazi abesifazane, bayalulazwa, bashaywe, noma babulawe amadoda ayiziqhwaga.
ECanada abesifazane abangaba yikhulu bayafa unyaka ngamunye ezandleni zabayeni babo noma omasihlalisane babo. EUnited States, enenani labantu eliphinda elaseCanada cishe izikhathi eziyishumi, unyaka ngamunye abesifazane abangaba ngu-4 000 babulawa abayeni noma amasoka abo axhaphazayo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, unyaka ngamunye izingane ezingaba ngu-2 000 zibulawa abazali bazo, nenani elifanayo labazali libulawa izingane zabo.
Ngakho, emhlabeni jikelele, amadoda ashaya abesifazane, abesifazane badinda amadoda, abazali bavuthuza izingane, izingane zihlasela abazali, futhi izingane zinobudlova komunye nomunye. “Intukuthelo nobudlova okukhulu kakhulu abantu abadala ababhekana nakho ekuphileni kwabo kuvela noma kuqondiswe esihlotsheni segazi,” kuvuma incwadi ethi When Families Fight, “futhi leyontukuthelo yesabeka kakhulu kunaleyo okubhekwana nayo kunoma yibuphi obunye ubuhlobo.”
Umkhaya Empini
Ukuxhashazwa umngane womshado: Ngokuvame kakhulu, amadoda abheka imvume yomshado njengemvume yokushaya amakhosikazi awo. Nakuba abesifazane bewashaya amadoda, ngokuvamile umonakalo awumkhulu njengalowo obangelwa amadoda lapho eshaya abangane bawo bomshado. Umagazini i-Parents uyabika: “Amaphesenti angaphezu kuka-95 ezenzakalo ezibikwayo zokuxhashazwa [okukhulu] umngane womshado ahilela indoda ishaya owesifazane.”
Ummeli wesifunda saseNew York uthi: “Ubudlova obenziwa kwabesifazane benzeka ngamazinga ashaqisayo emphakathini waseMelika. I-FBI iye yalinganisela ukuthi . . . kushaywa abesifazane abangaba yizigidi eziyisithupha minyaka yonke.” Nakuba inani lezenzakalo lihlukahluka ngokwamazwe, imibiko ibonisa ukuthi ukushaywa kwabesifazane ngamadoda kugcwele emazweni amaningi, uma kungewona wonke.
EUnited States, kulinganiselwa ukuthi “owesifazane oyedwa kwabayishumi uyohlukunyezwa kanzima (ashaywe, akhahlelwe, amukulwe, noma enziwe okubi nangaphezulu) umyeni wakhe esikhathini esithile phakathi nomshado wakhe.” Lapho kuhlanganiswa izenzakalo ezingezimbi kakhulu, umagazini i-Family Relations uthi, “owesifazane oyedwa kwababili eUnited States uyobhekana nobudlova basekhaya.”
Eqinisweni, ummeli wesifunda saseNew York uthi kuye kwatholakala ukuthi “ukushaywa kwamakhosikazi kubangela izingozi ezengeziwe kwabesifazane abadinga ukulaliswa esibhedlela ukwedlula konke ukudlwengulwa, ubugebengu nezingozi zezimoto kuhlanganisiwe.”
UDkt. Lois G. Livezey uyaphawula: “Kusobala ukuthi ubudlova obenziwa kwabesifazane nobudlova phakathi kwemikhaya buyinsakavukela, nokuthi abagqugquzeli . . . bangabantu abavamile. . . . Buyinkinga engathi sína phakathi kwazo zonke izigaba nezinhlanga zesintu.”
Ngezinye izikhathi izisulu zizithwesa icala ngenxa yalokhu kuxhashazwa, okuholela ekuzinyezeni. Umagazini i-Parents uyachaza: “Owesifazane ongazethembi nozinyezayo uyazisola ngenxa yokuxhashazwa. . . . Owesifazane ovame ukuxhashazwa wesaba ukuhlela nokuthatha isinyathelo esizozuzisa yena.”
Ubudlova basemshadweni nabo bunomphumela olimazayo ezinganeni. Zifunda ukuthi ubudlova bungasetshenziswa ukuze kwenziwe ubuqili kwabanye. Abanye omama babika ngisho nokuthi izingane zabo zisebenzisa ukusongela kubo, njengokuthi, “Ngizotshela uBaba akushaye,” ukuze zithole ezikufunayo.
Ukuxhashazwa kwezingane: Unyaka ngamunye izigidi zezingane zibhekana nokujeziswa okwedlulele okungokomzimba okungazilimaza ngokungathi sína, kuzikhubaze, noma kuzibulale. Kulinganiselwa ukuthi ngaleso naleso senzakalo sokuxhashazwa esibikwayo, izenzakalo ezingu-200 azibikwa. “Ezinganeni, ikhaya ngokuvamile liyindawo eyingozi kakhulu ezingaba kuyo,” kusho incwadi ethi Sociology of Marriage and the Family.
Uprofesa waseyunivesithi uJohn E. Bates uthi ukuxhaphaza kuyithonya lasekhaya elinamandla kakhulu elithinta indlela ingane eziphatha ngayo kamuva ekuphileni. UDkt. Susan Forward uthi: “Ngiye ngathola ukuthi asikho esinye isenzakalo ekuphileni esilimaza ukuzethemba kwabantu kangaka noma esibabeka ebunzimeni obukhulu obungokomzwelo ebudaleni.” Izimpawu zobudlova ezimweni ezinzima zingaqashelwa ngisho nakubantwana abaneminyaka emine kuya kwemihlanu ubudala. Njengoba bekhula, abantwana abanjalo baba nezilinganiso eziphakeme kakhulu zokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa, ukusebenzisa kabi utshwala, ukuziphatha kobugebengu, ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo, nokukhula okuphazamisekile.
Ngokuqondakalayo, izingane eziningi eziphathwa kabi ziyamthukuthelela umzali ozixhaphazayo, kodwa ngokuvamile ziyamcasukela futhi nomzali oziphatha kahle ngokuvumela lobudlova ukuba buqhubeke. Engqondweni yengane, lofakazi obonayo ongasho lutho angase abhekwe njengomlekeleli.
Ukuxhashazwa kwabantu asebegugile: Amaphesenti alinganiselwa kwangu-15 abantu baseCanada asebegugile axhashazwa ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo izingane zawo ezindala. Omunye udokotela ubikezela ukuthi “lesimo singamane sibe sibi ngokwengeziwe njengoba iningi lomphakathi liguga, nemithwalo engokwezimali nengokomzwelo kubantwana balo ikhula.” Ukwesaba okufanayo kukhona emhlabeni wonke.
Ngokuvamile, abantu asebegugile bayanqikaza ukubika ukuxhashazwa. Kungenzeka bathembele kobaxhaphazayo futhi kanjalo bakhetha ukuqhubeka bephila ngaphansi kwezimo ezishaqisayo. Amazwi athi “ngesikhathi esizayo” ayimpendulo omunye wesifazane osegugile ayeyinikeza njalo lapho ebuzwa ukuthi uyoyibophisa nini indodana nomalokazana wakhe. Babemshaye kakhulu kangangoba walaliswa inyanga esibhedlela.
Ukuxhaphazana kwezingane zandawonye: Lolu uhlobo oluvame kakhulu lobudlova basekhaya. Abanye bayalululaza, bethi, “Umkhuba wabafana, banjalo.” Nokho, kokunye ukuhlola izingane zandawonye ezingaphezu kwengxenye zazenze izenzo ezazingaba ezingathi sína ngokwanele ukuba zijeziselwe ubugebengu ukuba lezozenzo zaziqondiswe kothile ongaphandle komkhaya.
Abaningi banomuzwa wokuthi ukuxhaphazana kwezingane zandawonye kuzifundisa indlela eziyophila ngayo lapho sezikhulile. Kwabanye kungase kube ngisho nayisici esikhulu kakhulu ekuxhaphazeni kwakamuva emshadweni kunokuba kwakunjalo lapho bebona ubudlova phakathi kwabazali babo.
Inkundla Yempi Eyingozi
Umcwaningi othile ongokomthetho wake walinganisela ukuthi amaphoyisa ayebizelwa ukuzosingatha izingxabano zemikhaya kaningi ukwedlula zonke ezinye izenzakalo zobugebengu zihlanganisiwe. Wathi futhi amaphoyisa amaningi ayebulawa lapho etheleka endaweni okubikwa kuyo ingxabano yomkhaya ukwedlula lapho esabela kunoma yiluphi olunye uhlobo olulodwa lwesenzakalo esibikiwe. “Okungenani lapho kuphangwa uyazi ukuthi ulindeleni,” kwasho elinye iphoyisa. “Kodwa ake ungene endlini yomuntu othile . . . awazi ukuthi kuyokwenzekani.”
Ngemva kokuhlola okubanzi okwenziwa kobudlova basekhaya, elinye iqembu labacwaningi eMelika laphetha ngokuthi, ngaphandle kwamasosha ngesikhathi sempi, umkhaya uwumkhakha wezenhlalo onobudlova kakhulu kunayo yonke ekhona.
Yini ebangela ubudlova basekhaya? Ingabe buyoke buphele? Ingabe bungathethelelwa? Isihloko esilandelayo sizohlola lemibuzo ngokujulile.
[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 4]
“Ubudlova obenziwa kwabesifazane benzeka ngamazinga ashaqisayo emphakathini waseMelika.”—Ummeli wesifunda
[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 5]
“Ezinganeni, ikhaya ngokuvamile liyindawo eyingozi kakhulu ezingaba kuyo.”—Sociology of Marriage and the Family