Intsha Iyabuza . . .
Ukukhulelwa Kwentsha—Yini Intombazane Okumelwe Iyenze?
Ukukhulelwa kwentsha nokukhipha isisu kuyizinkinga zawo wonke amagumbi omhlaba. Futhi nakuba iningi labafundi balomagazini wethu kuyintsha engamaKristu egwema ngokuhlakanipha ubulili bangaphambi komshado, iPhaphama! ifundwa futhi nayizigidi zabantu ngabanye abanezizinda ezahlukene. Ngakho-ke ingxoxo elandelayo ilungiselelwe ukusiza noma ubani osemusha obhekene nenkinga yokuba umzali ongashadile, kanti ngesikhathi esifanayo iveza imiphumela ebuhlungu evela ebulilini bangaphambi komshado.
“NGANGINEMINYAKA engu-15 futhi ngikhulelwe,” kusho uAnn. “Angizange ngazi ukuthi kumelwe ngenzeni—ngikhiphe isisu, ngiphisane ngomntwana, noma ngenzenjani.” UAnn wayemane nje engomunye wamantombazane angaphezu kwesigidi eve eshumini elinambili eUnited States akhulelwa ngalowonyaka.
Nakuba ezimweni ezimbalwa ezibuhlungu intombazane ikhulelwa ngenxa yokudlwengulwa, ukukhulelwa kwentsha ngokuvamile kuwumphumela wokuhlanganyela ngokuzithandela ebulilini bangaphambi komshado.a Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yikuphi, ukukhulelwa kubhekana nentombazane engashadile nokukhetha okuningi okubuhlungu: Ingabe kumelwe ishade? Ingabe kumelwe iphisane ngengane? Ingabe ukukhipha isisu kuyikhambi? Kuyavunywa, kudinga abantu ababili ukwakha umntwana, futhi ngawo wonke amalungelo ubaba wengane kumelwe athwale umthwalo wakhe wemfanelo. (Bheka ibhokisi.) Kodwa ezikhathini eziningi, kuba intombazane (mhlawumbe ngosizo lwabazali bayo) esalayo ukuba yenze lokho kukhetha okunzima. Futhi lokho ekunqumayo kuzoba nethonya elihlala njalo kuyinhlala-kahle yayo engokomzimba, engokomzwelo, nengokomoya nasenganeni eyikhulelwe.
‘Ingabe Kumelwe Sishade?’
Abaningi bangase babe nomuzwa wokuthi ukushada uyise wengane kungaba ikhambi eliphelele. Kakade, kunganciphisa ukuphoxeka kwentombazane nomkhaya wakubo emphakathini, futhi kungavumela ingane ukuba ikhuliswe abazali ababili. Kodwa umshado awulona ikhambi lazo zonke izinkinga. Phakathi kokunye, ukuphenduka kokwesaba uNkulunkulu kuphela okungalungisa ububi emehlweni kaNkulunkulu.b (Isaya 1:16, 18) Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukujaha emshadweni empeleni kunganezela izinkinga zentombazane. Njengoba umfana nentombazane ‘besesekuqhumeni kobusha,’ bangase nje bangabi nakho ukuvuthwa okungokomzwelo okudingekayo ukuze benze umshado usebenze. (1 Korinte 7:36, NW) Ngokunokwenzeka umfana akayena umKristu weqiniso futhi ngalokho akafaneleki ukuba umngane womshado.—1 Korinte 7:39.
UDkt. Arthur Elster uyaphawula ngokuqhubekayo: “Ubuzali bangaphambi kwesikhathi njalo bubangela labobaba ukuba bayeke isikole, futhi ngalokho kubakhinyabeze kakhulu ekufundeleni umsebenzi.” Izinkinga ezilandelayo ezingokomnotho zingawubhidliza umshado. Empeleni, okunye ukuhlola kubika ukuthi isilinganiso sezahlukaniso esisukela kumaphesenti angu-50 kuya kwangu-75 phakathi kwemishado sinyuswa ukukhulelwa kwangaphambi komshado!
Umshado uyisinyathelo esingathi sína futhi akumelwe ujahwe. (Heberu 13:4) Emva kokucabangela indaba, bonke abathintekile bangase bavumelane ngokuthi ukushada kungaba okungahlakaniphile, ukuthi intombazane ingaphumelela kangcono ngokukhulisa ingane ekhaya ngosizo lomkhaya wakubo kunasemshadweni ogcwele izinkinga.
Ukukhipha Isisu—Umbono WeBhayibheli
Enye intombazane esentsha yathi: ‘Ngifuna ukwenza okuningi kakhulu ngokuphila kwami, futhi umntwana ngeke abe nandawo.’ Ngakho ukukhipha isisu kukhethwa ngamantombazane acishe abe yingxenye yesigidi unyaka ngamunye eUnited States kuphela. Kodwa ingabe kulungile noma kungathethelelwa ukukhipha ukuphila komntwana ngenxa yokuthi ‘akunandawo’ ngokwamacebo omuntu siqu?
Phawula lokho iBhayibheli elikushoyo kuEksodusi 21:22, 23 ngokuphathelene nokuphila kwengane engakazalwa: “Uma abantu belwa, balimaze owesifazane okhulelweyo, size siphuphume isisu sakhe, kungaveli enye ingozi kodwa, wohlawuliswa . . . Uma kuvela ingozi [kunina noma enganeni engakazalwa], wokwenana ukuphila ngokuphila.” Yebo, ukubulala ingane engakazalwa kwakubhekwa njengecala lokubulala!
Yiqiniso, abanye odokotela bathi ingane engakazalwa imane nje iwumbungu, noma iyisicubu sombungu—hhayi umuntu. Kodwa uNkulunkulu usho okwehlukile. Ubheka ngisho nehlule njengomuntu owehlukile, umuntu ophilayo! (IHubo 139:16) Ingabe umuntu angakukhipha ukuphila okungakazalwa abese ehlala esemseni kaNkulunkulu, lowo “obapha bonke ukuphila”?—IzEnzo 17:25.
Incwadi ethi Growing Into Love iveza elinye iphuzu ngokukhipha isisu: “Nakuba imiphumela yokukhulelwa ixazululwa ngokukhipha isisu, okuhlangenwe nakho kokuphelisa ukukhulelwa kuvame ukuba ngokukhathaza kakhulu nokuphazamisayo. . . . Oweve eshumini elinambili . . . angase akholelwe ukuthi umbungu umane nje uyilokho—umbungu . . . Kodwa azikho izincazelo ezingokomthetho ezimenza akhohlwe, ekujuleni ngaphakathi kwakhe, ukuthi umbungu ayewukhulelwe wawunamandla okuphila.”
Omunye omusha obizwa ngokuthi uLinda wathola lokhu kuyiqiniso. Esaba ukuthi ukubeletha umntwana wakhe kungaletha ihlazo emkhayeni wakubo, wakhipha isisu. Nokho, emva kokuhlinzwa, uyakhumbula: “Ngaqala ukuqhaqhazela kabi kangangokuthi angikwazanga ukukulawula. Futhi ngaqala ukukhala, futhi ngokungazelele konke kwangikhathaza, khona kanye lokho engangikwenzile. Ngangibulale ukuphila kwengane yami engakazalwa, omunye umuntu!” Yini manje uLinda ayicabangayo ngokukhipha isisu? “Kwakuyiphutha elibi kakhulu lokuphila kwami konke.”
‘Ngeke Ngimnike Okungcono Kakhulu’
Abanye omama abangashadile bakhetha ukuphisana ngomntwana wabo. Bavame ukuzizwa njengoHeather, intombazane ecashunwe kumagazini iSeventeen, eyathi: “Ngezinye izikhathi ngiba nenkinga enkulu ngokwanele ekuzinakekeleni mina ngokwami, ngingasayiphathi eyomntwana omncane. Angibathandi ngiyafa abantwana, futhi ngiyazithanda izingane, kodwa bengazi ukuthi ngeke ngikwazi ukunika lomntwana okungcono kakhulu.”
Kuyiqiniso ukuthi ukuphisana ngengane kungcono kunokuphelisa ukuphila kwayo ngokukhipha isisu. Futhi kuyavunywa, umbono wokukhulisa usana ngokwawo ungase ubonakale uqeda amandla entombazaneni esentsha futhi engenakho okuhlangenwe nakho. Kunjengoba omunye umama ongashadile atshela iPhaphama!: “Uthatha umthwalo wemfanelo omkhulu, omkhulu kakhulu wakho wedwa nonzima futhi odinga ukuzinikela okukhulu.” Nokho, khumbula ukuthi uNkulunkulu uthi umzali unesibopho ‘sokondla abakubo.’ (1 Thimothewu 5:8) Ezimweni eziningi, kungaba ngcono kakhulu ngentombazane ukuba izikhulisele ingane ngokwayo.
Ngakho, uAnn othintwe ekuqaleni, wenza ukukhetha kokuhlakanipha—nakuba kungekhona okulula kakhulu. “Nganquma ukumgcina umntwana,” uyasho. “Abazali bami bangilekelela futhi basangilekelela.” Kuyavunywa, ukuba umama ongayedwa kunzima. Kodwa akuyona into engenakwenzeka, futhi omama abaningi abasebasha baba abazali abafanelekayo. Lokhu kuba njalo ngokukhethekile uma umama ongashadile enquma ngokomthandazo ukukhulisa ingane yakhe “ngokuyala nangokuqondisa kweNkosi.”c (Efesu 6:4) Abazali abaphiwe umntwana bangase bakwazi ukumnakekela kangcono ngokwezinto ezibonakalayo. Kodwa, ingabe bayokunikeza ukuqondisa okungokomoya lokho ingane ekudingayo ukuze ikhulele ekuthandeni uNkulunkulu weqiniso uJehova?—Duteronomi 6:4-8.
Futhi khumbula, ukuthi nakuba umzali ongayedwa angase angakwazi ukunika ingane yakhe okungcono kakhulu ngokwezinto ezibonakalayo, angayinika okuthile okubaluleke kakhulu: uthando. “Isidlo semifino lapho kukhona uthando singcono kunenkabi ekhuluphalisiweyo [“inyama emnandi kakhulu,” Today’s English Version] kanye nenzondo.”—IzAga 15:17.
Yebo, zisuka nje kungavinjelwa ukuhlupheka okuningi okungadingekile uma umuntu egwema isono sobufebe.d Kodwa uma intombazane iye yaphambuka ngokuphathelene nalokhu, akumelwe iphethe ngokuthi ukuphila kwayo sekuphelile. Ngokwenza ngokuhlakanipha, ingagwema ukwenezela iphutha layo futhi yenze isimo sayo sibe ngcono kakhulu. Empeleni, ingathola ngisho usizo nokusekela kukaNkulunkulu ngokwakhe, lowo ‘owenza ukuthethelela kube-kukhulu’ kulabo abashiya inkambo embi.—Isaya 55:7.
[Imibhalo yaphansi]
a Ukuziphatha okubi ngokobulili akubekezelelwa phakathi koFakazi BakaJehova, njengoba nje kwakungabekezelelwa phakathi kwamaKristu ekhulwini lokuqala. (1 Korinte 5:11-13) Nokho, abaphambukayo bangathola usizo lwabadala bebandla abanothando. (Jakobe 5:14, 15) Ngokuphenduka enkambweni yabo embi, abanjalo bangathola ukuthethelelwa yibo bobabili uNkulunkulu nebandla lobuKristu.
b Ngaphansi koMthetho kaMose, uNkulunkulu wayefuna ukuba indoda eyone intombi emsulwa iyishade. (Eksodusi 22:16, 17; Duteronomi 22:28, 29) Kodwa lowomthetho wafeza izidingo zabantu bakaNkulunkulu ngaphansi kwezimo zangalolosuku nangalesosikhathi. Futhi ngisho nangalesosikhathi, umshado wawungeyona into ezenzekelayo, njengoba ubaba ayengawunqabela.—Bheka umngane walomagazini wethu INqabayokulinda kaNovember 15, 1989, kwesithi “Imibuzo Evela Kubafundi.”
c OFakazi BakaJehova baye basiza imikhaya eminingi ukuba yenze uhlelo lwemfundo yeBhayibheli yasikhathi sonke. Bangathintwa ngokubhalela abanyathelisi balomagazini.
d Bheka isahluko 24 sencwadi Intsha Iyabuza—Izimpendulo Ezisebenzayo, ekhishwe yiWatchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York, Inc.]
[Ibhokisi ekhasini 26]
Ukukhulelwa Kwentsha Imiphumela Kubafana
Beqhutshwa ukwesaba—noma ukungakhathali kobugovu—abanye abafana abaye baba obaba babantwana bengashadile bazama ukubalekela imithwalo yabo yemfanelo ngokuphelele. Omunye umfana ontombi yakhe yakhulelwa wathi: “Ngamane ngamtshela ukuthi, ‘Ngizobuye ngikubone.’”
Ngenhlanhla, iningi labafana libonakala lifuna okungenani ukuhileleka okuthile enzalweni yalo. Lapho ukushada kubonakala kungatuseki (njengoba ngokuvamile kunjalo), abaningi basikisela ukusiza ngokwezimali. Abanye baze ngisho basikisele ukuba nengxenye ekunakekelweni kosana kwansuku zonke. Kodwa imizamo enjalo ngokuvamile izibonakalisa ingeyesikhashana, ivinjelwa ikhono elilinganiselwe lomfana lokuhola imali nokuntula kwakhe okubi isineke namakhono adingekile ukuze ahlangabezane nezidingo zosana olubomvu.
Futhi, abazali bentombazane ngezinye izikhathi bamelana kabi nokuvumela umfana ukuba abe nokusebenzelana okuqhubekayo nendodakazi yabo, besaba ukuthi lokhu kungaholela ekuziphatheni okubi kobulili okwengeziwe—noma ekushadeni besebancane. Bangase bamenqabele ukuba abe nanoma iyiphi ingxenye ezingxoxweni okumelwe zenziwe ngokuphathelene nomntwana, mhlawumbe bemphoqelela ukuba ame abukele ngokungenakusiza njengoba umntwana ekhishwa noma ebekwa endalini yokuthathwa abazali bokutholwa, beqeda noma yiliphi ithuba lokuba aphinde abe nengxenye ekuphileni komntwana aye waba ubaba wakhe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umfana angase ngempela avunyelwe ukuba athuthukise ukusondelana nengane yakhe—ukuze nje lesosibopho silinyazwe ngonya lapho intombazane ishada futhi enye indoda iqhubeka nengxenye yokuba ubaba.
Khona-ke, ngokungangabazeki, obaba abangashadile nabo bayokhokha ngenxa yokuziphatha kwabo okungenangqondo. Omunye ubaba ongashadile oneminyaka engu-16 uthi: “Kunemizwa eminingi ongakwazi nje ukubhekana nayo. Kunjengokungathi uthandazela ukubuyela lapho wawukhona kuqala, kodwa ayikho indlela yokuba ubuyele.”—Umagazini i“’Teen”, kaNovember 1984.