Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Obaba Ababalekayo—Bangabaleka Ngempela?

“Lapho ethi, ‘Ngikhulelwe,’ ngashaqeka. Ubani owayezokondla ingane? Ngangingekho esimweni sokondla umkhaya. Ngafisa ukubaleka.”—UJim.a

UMBIKO we-Alan Guttmacher Institute uthi: “Unyaka ngamunye, abesifazane abeve eminyakeni eyishumi nambili ababalelwa esigidini . . . bayakhulelwa.” Cishe “zingu-78% izingane ezizalwa yintsha eyeve eshumini nambili engashadile.”

Kuqala, amadoda ayezizwa ebophekile ukondla izingane zawo. Kodwa njengoba incwadi ethi Teenage Fathers isho, “ukukhulelwa ungashadile akuselona ihlazo nokuphoxeka njengoba [kwake] kwaba njalo.” Entsheni yakweminye imiphakathi, ukuba ubaba wengane kungase kubhekwe ngisho nanjengophawu lokuvelela! Noma kunjalo, zimbalwa izinsizwa ezizondla isikhathi eside izingane zazo. Eziningi zigcina ngokushiya phansi—zibaleke.b

Kodwa ingabe insizwa ingayibalekela ngokuphelele imiphumela yokuziphatha okubi? IBhayibheli alivumi. Liyaxwayisa: “Ningadukiswa: UNkulunkulu akayena owokuhlekwa insini. Ngoba noma yini umuntu ayihlwanyelayo, uyovuna yona futhi.” (Galathiya 6:7) Njengoba sizobona, ukuziphatha okubi ngokobulili kuvame ukuba nemiphumela ethatha isikhathi eside kokubili emantombazaneni nakubafana. Intsha ingayigwema imiphumela enjalo ngokulalela iseluleko seBhayibheli esingagwegwesi sokugwema ukuziphatha okubi ngokobulili.

Ukubaleka—Akulula Kangako

Ukunakekela ingane kuhilela ukudela isikhathi esiningi, imali nenkululeko yakho siqu. Incwadi ethi Young Unwed Fathers iyaphawula: “Ezinye izinsizwa azifuni ‘ukunakekela omunye umuntu’ uma lokho kusho ukusala nemali encane.” Nokho, abaningi bathwala kanzima ngenxa yobugovu babo. Ngokwesibonelo, izinkantolo nezishaya-mthetho emazweni amaningi ziye zawabheka njengangelutho amadoda ahluleka ukondla izingane zawo. Uma sekutholakele ngokomthetho ukuthi ubani ubaba, obaba abasebasha kungase kudingeke ukuba bakhokhe iminyaka—futhi kube kufanele. Intsha eningi iphoqeleka ukuba iyeke isikole noma isebenze imisebenzi eholela kancane ukuze ihlangabezane nezibopho ezinjalo. Incwadi ethi School-Age Pregnancy and Parenthood, ithi: “Lapho ethole umntwana esemncane kulapho ubaba encishelwa amathuba emfundo evamile.” Futhi uma ehluleka ukukhokha isondlo, isikweletu singase sinqwabelane kakhulu.

Yiqiniso, akuzona zonke izinsizwa ezingenandaba nabantwana bazo. Eziningi ziqala zinezinhloso ezinhle. Okunye ukuhlola kwabonisa ukuthi, obaba abeve eshumini nambili abangamaphesenti angu-75 babezivakashela izingane zabo esibhedlela. Nokho, akuthathi sikhathi ngaphambi kokuba obaba abasebasha abaningi basindwe imithwalo yokondla ingane.

Abaningi bathola ukuthi bamane nje abanawo amakhono noma ulwazi lokuthola umsebenzi ofanele. Benamahloni ngokuhluleka ukondla, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi bashaya bachithe. Noma kunjalo, imizwa yokuzisola ingahlupha insizwa iminyaka eminingi kamuva. Omunye ubaba osemusha uyavuma: “Ngezinye izikhathi ngiyazibuza ukuthi kazi kwenzekani endodaneni yami. . . . Ngiphatheka kabi ngokuthi ngayishiya, kodwa sengaze ngayilahla. Mhlawumbe ngolunye usuku iyongithola.”

Ukuphatha Izingane Kabuhlungu

Obaba ababalekayo kungase kudingeke nokuba babhekane nemizwa enzima yehlazo—ihlazo lokuphatha kabuhlungu izingane zabo siqu. Ngale kwalokho, ingane idinga kokubili umama kanye nobaba njengoba iBhayibheli libonisa. (Eksodusi 20:12; IzAga 1:8, 9) Uma indoda ilahla ingane yayo, iyichaya ezinkingeni eziningi ezingayehlela. Umbiko we-U.S. Department of Health and Human Services uthi: “Izingane ezincane emikhayeni enomama abangabodwa zivame ukuthola amamaki aphansi ekuhlolweni okungabhalwa phansi nasezibalweni. Ezinganeni esezithe ukukhula, izingane ezikhuliswe umzali oyedwa zivame ukuthola amamaki aphansi, zinezinkinga zokuziphatha futhi zinamazinga aphakeme okugula okungamahlalakhona nokuphazamiseka engqondweni. Phakathi kwesezeve eshumini nambili nesezindala, ukukhuliswa emkhayeni onomzali oyedwa kuhlanganiswa nokuba namathuba amaningi okuthola umntwana zisanda kweva eshumini nambili, ukuyeka isikole, ukuboshwa nokuba umahlalela.”

Umagazini i-Atlantic Monthly uyaphetha: “Ngokobufakazi obandayo besayensi yezenhlalo, izingane ezisemikhayeni ehlukanisile nezizalwa abantu abangashadile aziphumeleli kahle ezicini eziningi zokuphila uma kuqhathaniswa nezingane ezivela emikhayeni enabo bobabili abazali. Izingane ezisemikhayeni enabazali abangabodwa zinamathuba aphindwe kasithupha okuba mpofu. Futhi kungenzeka zihlale zimpofu.”

Khumbula ukuthi la mathuba asekelwe ezibalweni zamaqembu futhi awasebenzi kubantu ngabanye. Izingane eziningi ziyaphumelela, ziba ngabantu abadala abalinganiselayo nakuba zingaphumi emikhayeni ekahle. Noma kunjalo, imizwa yecala ingayihlupha insizwa elahle ingane yayo. “Ngesaba ukuthi [ngikonakalise] konke ukuphila kwakhe,” kusho omunye ubaba ongashadile.—Teenage Fathers.

Inselele Yokondla

Akubona bonke obaba abasebasha ababalekayo. Abanye obaba abasebasha ngokufanelekile bazizwa benesibopho ezinganeni zabo futhi bafuna ngobuqotho ukusiza ekuzikhuliseni. Nokho, ngokuvamile akulula ukukwenza lokho. Ngokwesibonelo, ubaba ongashadile angase angabi nawo amalungelo angokomthetho, okungenza ukuba intombazane nabazali bayo kube yibo abanquma ukuthi uzoxhumana kakhulu—noma kancane—kangakanani nengane yakhe. UJim, ocashunwe ekuqaleni, uthi: “Umzabalazo oqhubekayo wokulwela ukuba nezwi ngengane.” Ngakho-ke, kungase kwenziwe izinqumo ubaba osemusha angavumelani nhlobo nazo, njengokuba ingane ikhuliswe abanye abantu—noma ngisho ukukhishwa kwesisu.c Omunye ubaba osemusha uyakhala: “Kunzima ngami ukuba ngibavumele bamane bamnike umuntu engingamazi, kodwa ngicabanga ukuthi ayikho into engingayenza.”

Ezinye izinsizwa zikhetha ukushada nonina bezingane zazo.d Kuyavunywa, umshado ungavikela intombazane ehlazweni futhi uvule ithuba lokuba ingane ikhuliswe abazali ababili. Futhi kungase kwenzeke ukuthi naphezu kokuziphatha kabi, lo mbhangqwana osemusha uyathandana ngempela. Nokho, iqiniso lokuthi umfana uyakwazi ukuba nomntwana alisho ukuthi uvuthwe ngokwanele ngokwengqondo nangokomzwelo ukuba abe umyeni nobaba. Futhi alisho ukuthi unekhono lokondla umkakhe nengane. Ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi imishado ebe khona ngenxa yokukhulelwa ivame ukuba eyesikhashana. Ngakho-ke ukugijimela emshadweni akulona ikhambi ngaso sonke isikhathi.

Izinsizwa eziningi ziyavuma ukondla izingane zazo. Njengoba kushiwo ekuqaleni, kudingeka ukuzimisela ngempela ukuba ubaba osemusha aqhubeke ondla isikhathi eside—mhlawumbe iminyaka engu-18 noma ngaphezulu! Kodwa ukuqhubeka ondla kungaphephisa unina nengane ekubeni baphile ukuphila kobumpofu.

Kuthiwani ngokuhlanganyela ukukhuliswa kwengane? Nalokhu kungase kube inselele enzima. Ngesinye isikhathi abazali bombhangqwana besaba ukuthi ungase uphinde uhlobonge bese bengawukhuthazi—noma bawenqabele—ukuba uqhubeke ubonana. Intombazane ngokwayo ingase inqume ukuthi ayifuni lutho “oluzohlanganisa” ingane yayo nendoda engeyena umyeni wayo. Kunoma yikuphi, uma ubaba evunyelwa ukuba axhumane njalo nengane yakhe, imikhaya kobe yenza ngokuhlakanipha uma iqiniseka ukuthi ukuvakasha okunjalo kuyaqashwa, ukuze kuvinjelwe ukuqhubeka beziphatha kabi.

Befuna ukusondelana nezingane zabo, abanye obaba abangashadile baye bafunda ukwenza imisebenzi yokunakekela izingane eyinhloko, njengokuzigeza, ukuzifunza nokuzifundela izincwadi. Insizwa eye yazuza ukwazisa ngezindinganiso zeBhayibheli ingase izame nokufundisa ingane yayo ezinye zezimiso zeZwi likaNkulunkulu. (Efesu 6:4) Kodwa nakuba ukuboniswa uthando lukababa okuthile ngokungangabazeki kungcono enganeni kunokungaluboniswa nhlobo, akufani nokuba nobaba okhona nsuku zonke. Futhi uma unina wengane kwenzeka eshada, ubaba osemusha kungase kudingeke asonge izandla njengoba enye indoda ithatha umsebenzi wokukhulisa ingane yakhe.

Khona-ke, kusobala ukuthi ukuba ubaba wengane ungashadile kuwukuzibizela usizi—kokubili kubazali nasenganeni. Ngaphandle kwalezi zinkathazo, kunengozi yokulahlekelwa umusa kaJehova uNkulunkulu, obulahlayo ubulili obungemthetho. (1 Thesalonika 4:3) Nakuba kungenzeka kube nempumelelo naphezu kwesimo esibi sokukhulelwa usemncane, kufanele kucace ukuthi inkambo engcono kakhulu, ukugwema ukuhileleka ekuziphatheni okubi kwasekuqaleni. Omunye ubaba osemusha uyavuma: “Uma uke wathola ingane ungakashadi, ukuphila kwakho ngeke kuphinde kufane.” Ngempela, ubaba osemusha kungase kudingeke aphile nemiphumela yephutha lakhe ukuphila kwakhe konke. (Galathiya 6:8) Nalapha futhi iseluleko seBhayibheli siye sabonakala sihlakaniphile lapho sithi: “Balekelani ubufebe.”—1 Korinte 6:18.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 15]

Kungcono kakhulu ukugwema ukuziphatha okubi kwasekuqaleni