Ukuthola Lokho Oyikho Ngempela

LAPHO uzibuka esibukweni, ubonani? Umfanekiso wakho siqu. Kodwa ingabe lokho kuyakutshela ukuthi ungubani ngempela? Ingabe kuyakutshela indlela abanye abangase bakuqonde ngayo njengomuntu? Ingabe ngempela uyazazi ukuthi ungubani? Ingabe uyazi ukuthi khona kanye ukuziphatha kwakho siqu kwakheka kanjani kwasekuqaleni? Yebo, wena njengomuntu, wakhekha kanjani?

Lapho uthi ukuma ukuze uhlaziye zonke izici ezalolonga ubuntu bakho, ungase uphawule ukuthi uye wathonywa kakhulu​—⁠kungaba ngabanye abantu noma izici ezithile. Phakathi neminyaka yokuqala yokukhula kwethu, iningi lethu kuncane kakhulu elakwenza ekuthuthukiseni imikhuba yethu siqu nezindlela. Ngakho ake sibheke amanye alamathonya alolonga ubuntu aphoqelelwa kuwe​—⁠amanye awo esikhathini esingaphambili kakhulu kokuba ube nethuba lokwenza okuthile ngokuziphatha kwakho.

Izici Zofuzo Zifeza Indima Enkulu

Izici zofuzo ziye zakuthinta kangakanani? Imifanekiso yeDNA, etholakala kumachromosome adlulisela izimpawu zofuzo, inezincazelo neziqondiso zokukhula komuntu ngamunye. Ngakho kungakanani ukuziphatha kwakho siqu okuthonywa izici zofuzo? Kubonakala sengathi kusenobunzima ekuboniseni noma yikuphi ukuxhumana okuthe ngqo okukhona phakathi kwezici zofuzo nobuntu. Nokho, kunezinye izindlela ezibonakala zibalulekile. Ngokwesibonelo, iningi lezici zakho eziwufuzo zinokuhlobana okuseduze nendlela oziphatha ngayo. Kanjalo, abanye abantu bazuza ngofuzo isimo sokuzigodla kanti abanye ngokwemvelo bakhululeke ngokwengeziwe.

Owesifazane okhulelwe angazuzisa noma alimaze umntwana wakhe ongakazalwa ngezenzo zakhe, imicabango, nemizwa. Kungakanani ngempela ukuthula noma ukuphazanyiswa okwenziwa kuwe usesibelethweni sikanyoko? Kungakanani owakufunda ezwini labazali bakho, emculweni ababewulalela? Ukudla okwakudliwa umama wakho kwakuthinta kangakanani? Uma kungenzeka ukuthi wayesebenzisa izidakamizwa noma ephuza utshwala, kwakumthinta kangakanani? Ngesikhathi wena uzalwa, ukuthambekela kwakho okuningi kwase ku-​hle⁠liwe futhi mhlawumbe kunzima ukukushintsha.

Kuthiwani Ngokudla Okudlayo, Ukungezwani Komzimba Nezinto Ezithile, Nendawo Ezungezile?

Njengoba wawukhula uba ingane, izici ezithile ekudleni kwakho kungenzeka zaba nethonya ekuziphatheni kwakho. Izinandisi, imibala yokudaya ukudla, nezinto zokukugcina kungonakali​—⁠konke kungaba nethonya elingabonakali ekuziphatheni. Ukungahlaliseki, ukucindezeleka okwandayo, ukucasuka kalula, ubuhlungu bezinzwa, nezenzo zokuba namawala ezingalawuleki kungeminye nje yemiphumela. Ukungcoliswa komoya yintuthu ephuma emapayipini ezimoto, intuthu ephuma ezimbonini, nobunye ubuthi endaweni ezungezile nakho kulolonga ukuziphatha. Noma, ngezinga lakho siqu, umzimba wakho ungase usabele kabi kokuthile okukuphatha kabi impela kodwa kungabi nemiphumela emibi kwabakuzungezile.

Ngaphezu kwalamathonya, ukuziphatha kwabazali bakho, izinto abazithandayo nabangazithandi kanye nokubandlulula abanakho oye waphila nakho kusukela usewusana, kuye kwaba nethonya kuwe futhi kuye kwalolonga ubuntu bakho ngezinga elithile. Umphumela uwukuthi eziningi zezindlela zakho nombono wakho ovamile ngokuphila kumane kubonakalisa okwabo. Uvama ukucasulwa yizinto ezibacasulayo. Uthambekele ekubekezeleleni izinto ababezibekezelela. Futhi kuthukela uphawulile ukuthi ulingisa ukuziphatha kwabo kuze kube yilapho othile ekutshela ukuthi wenza ngokufana nsé noyihlo noma unyoko. Ukuma kwabo ngokwezimali nangokwezenhlalo nakho kwakuthinta, njengoba kwenza indawo ohlala kuyo nesikole. Abangane bakho nabantu obajwayele nabo bakuthonya kakhulu. Mhlawumbe ingozi embi (eyenzeka kuwe noma kumngane omkhulu), inhlekelele eyenzeka endaweni, noma ngisho nezehlakalo ezikhathazayo zezwe kuye kwakuthinta. Noma kungaba ukuthi inhlekelele ethile, njengesahlukaniso noma ukugula okungathi sína, iye yashiya isibazi ebuntwini bakho.

Kungenzeka yini, ngokuzihlola, uthole noma yimaphi amathonya anjalo?

Iyiphi Indima Efezwa Yinkolo?

Ngokokucabangela, inkolo kumelwe ikusize ube umuntu ongcono, uthuthukise ukuziphatha kwakho, izindinganiso, nokwenza nsuku zonke. Zingaki nje izindinganiso zakho nezenzo ozibheka njengezifanele eziye zathonywa yinkolo? Nakuba inkolo kumelwe isebenze njengento evimbelayo ekuziphatheni okungekuhle, nokobugebengu, ukuthintana kwabantu abaningi nenkolo kubathonya ngendlela ehlukile. Emasontweni babona ubuzenzisi obuningi nokugcizelela ezintweni ezibonakalayo kunasezindinganisweni ezingokomoya bese bedumala ngenxa yalokho. Bangaze ngisho bayizonde inkolo, balahlekelwe ingokomoya nethemba.

Ungase ukwazi ukucabanga ngamanye amathonya angaphandle alolonga ukuziphatha. Ake nje uthathe imizuzu embalwa ucabanga ngezinye izinto okungenzeka kuze kube manje ziye zakuthonya. Ingabe ungazibala ezinye zazo? Akulula ukuthonywa amaqiniso ngaphandle kokuthinteka wena ngokwakho futhi ucabange ngalendlela, kodwa kuwufanele umzamo futhi kungase kukusize. Kanjani?

Nokho, uma ungase ukwazi ukubona ithonya elithile noma imbangela yokuthambekela okuthile okungekuhle ekuziphatheni kwakho, uma ungalibalula, uyoba sesimweni esingcono sokulilawula, mhlawumbe uze ngisho ulishintshe. Uma ungase ukwazi ukulawula, noma uyeke ngisho nokuyeka, ithonya elingathandeki, ungase ube umuntu ohlukile, uziphathe ngendlela ethandeka kakhudlwana kwabanye.

Njengoba ungase ulindele, lokho kuyinselele. Kodwa njengoba amathonya amaningi kangaka okuziphatha kwakho eye aphoqelelwa abanye abantu kuwe noma izimo owawungenakuzilawula, kungani ungaqali wena ngokwakho futhi wenze okuthile ngalesosimo? Uma kusho ukuthuthuka, kungani ungakushintshi lokho oyikho?

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 4]

Izenzo nemizwa yowesifazane okhulelwe kungase kuthinte umntwana wakhe ongakazalwa