Usizo Ngezingane Ezingabantu Abadala Zemilutha Yotshwala

“Uma ukhulele emkhayeni onomlutha wotshwala, kufanele uqondise ukusonteka kwezinto ozifundile kanye nokukhungatheka kwemizwelo owakuthola kulokho kukhuliswa. Ayikho indlela yokukugwema.”—UDkt. George W. Vroom.

ISOSHA elilimele kabi lilele phansi enkundleni yempi liyopha. Ngokushesha kufika usizo, futhi isosha liphuthunyiswa esibhedlela. Lelisosha lisindile, kodwa lisenazo izinkinga. Amanxeba alo kufanele elashwe, futhi ukucindezeleka kwengqondo nemizwelo okubangelwe okuhlangenwe nakho kwalo okubuhlungu kungase kuhlale iminyaka.

Ngezingane zomzali owumlutha wotshwala, ikhaya lingafana nenkundla yempi lapho izidingo eziyisisekelo zomuntu zihlaselwa khona. Ezinye izingane ziyaxhashazwa ngokobulili; ezinye ziphathwe kabi ngokomzimba; eziningi azinakwa ngokomzwelo. “Uhlobo olufanayo lokwesaba okukhulu ingane engase ikuzwe lapho izwa kuqhuma amabhomu noma izibhamu ezingontuluntulu ziqhuma ngasekhaya lakubo,” kusho insizwa ethile ikhumbula ngesikhathi isewumntwana. Akumangalisi ukuthi izingane eziningi zemilutha yotshwala zibonisa izimpawu ezifanayo nezamasosha angomakad’ ebona zokucindezeleka okukhulu okubangelwa izinkumbulo zesikhathi esedlule!

Yiqiniso, izingane eziningi ziyasinda kulokucindezeleka kwengqondo nemizwelo futhi ekugcineni zilishiye ikhaya. Kodwa zingenela ubudala zinamanxeba, lawo nakuba engabonakali, angokoqobo futhi angapholi njengawesosha elilimele. “Manje ngineminyaka engu-60 ubudala,” kusho uGloria, “futhi kusakuthinta ukuphila kwami ukucindezeleka kwengqondo nemizwelo okuhlobene nokuzalelwa emkhayeni onomzali owumlutha wotshwala.”

Yini engenziwa ukuze kusizwe abanjalo? ‘Hlanganyela usizi lwabo,’ kutusa iBhayibheli. (Roma 12:15, Phillips) Ukuze enze lokhu, umuntu kumelwe aqonde amanxeba ngokuvamile aba umphumela wokuhlala endaweni enomlutha wotshwala.

“Angikaze Ngibe Umntwana”

Ingane idinga ukondliwa, ukunakekelwa, futhi iqinisekiswe njalo. Emkhayeni onomuntu owumlutha wotshwala, ukunakekela okunjalo ngokuvamile kuyantuleka. Kwezinye izimo izindima ziyaphendukezelwa, futhi ingane ilindelwa ukuba inakekele umzali. Ngokwesibonelo, uAlbert wayewumondli womkhaya wakubo lapho eneminyaka engu-14 ubudala! Ifeza indima yomzali owumlutha wotshwala, intombazane encane okuthiwa uJan yayithwala umthwalo wemisebenzi yasendlini. Futhi yayingumnakekeli oyinhloko wabafowabo nodadewabo abayelamayo—konke lokhu kwaqala lapho ineminyaka nje eyisithupha ubudala!

Izingane azisibo abantu abadala, futhi ngeke nje zisebenze njengabantu abadala. Lapho izindima zabazali nabantwana ziphendukezelwa, izingane zanamuhla ezinjengabantu abadala ziba abantu abadala besikhathi esizayo izidingo zabo beseyizingane ezingazange zaneliswe. (Qhathanisa neyabase-Efesu 6:4.) Umeluleki wemikhaya uJohn Bradshaw uyabhala: “Bayakhula babe nemizimba yabantu abadala. Babukeka futhi bakhulume njengabantu abadala, kodwa ngaphakathi kubo kunengane encane enganeliseki ezidingo zayo azizange zaneliswe.” Abanjalo bangase bazizwe njengomKristu othile: “Ngisenobuhlungu obukhulu ngenxa yezidingo zami ezingokomzwelo eziyisisekelo kakhulu ezingazange zaneliswe ngiseyingane.”

“Kumelwe Ukuthi Kwakuyiphutha Lami”

Lapho uRobert ayeneminyaka engu-13 ubudala, uyise wafa engozini. “Ngangizama ukuba umfana omuhle,” kukhumbula uRobert ekhophoza. “Ngiyazi ukuthi ngangenza izinto ayengazithandi, kodwa ngangingeyona ingane eyisigangi.” URobert wathwala umthwalo osindayo wokuba necala ngenxa yokuluthwa kukayise utshwala futhi lokho wakwenza iminyaka eminingi. Lapho elandisa okungenhla, uRobert wayeneminyaka engu-74 ubudala!

Kuvamile kakhulu ukuba izingane zicabange ukuthi zinecala ngokuba komzali umlutha wotshwala. Ukuzibeka icala kunikeza ingane umbono okhohlisayo wokulawula isimo. Njengoba uJanice esho: “Ngangicabanga ukuthi ukuba ngangiyingane engcono, ubaba wayengeke aphinde aphuze.”

Iqiniso liwukuthi ayikho ingane—noma umuntu omdala—ongabangela, alawule, noma alungise ukuphuza komunye umuntu. Uma umzali wakho ewumlutha wotshwala, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi watshelwani noma yini eyasikiselwa othile, akufanele neze usolwe! Futhi kungase kudingeke ucabangisise ukuthi njengoba usumdala, usazizwa unecala ngokungafanele ngenxa yezenzo kanye nokuziphatha kwabanye.—Qhathanisa neyabaseRoma 14:12; Filipi 2:12.

“Angethembi Muntu”

Ukwethemba kwakhelwa ekukhululekeni nasekwethembekeni. Isimo sokuba umlutha wotshwala sakhelwa ekufihleni nasekungavumini ukubhekana namaqiniso.

Lapho esemncane, uSara wayazi ngokuluthwa utshwala kukayise. Nokho, uyakhumbula: “Ngangizizwa nginecala ngisho nangokucabanga nje ngegama elithi umlutha wotshwala ngenxa yokuthi akukho muntu emkhayeni owayelisho.” USusan ulandisa okuhlangenwe nakho okufanayo: “Akukho muntu emkhayeni owayeke akhulume ngokuthi kwakuqhubekani, yeka ukuthi babengajabulile kangakanani, noma ukuthi babecasuka kangakanani [ngokuba umlutha wotshwala kukasingababa]. Ngicabanga ukuthi nami ngavele nje ngangasinaka isimo.” Kanjalo ukuba ngokoqobo kokuba komzali umlutha wotshwala ngokuvamile kwembozwa ngokungavumi ukubhekana namaqiniso. “Ngafunda ukungaziboni izinto ngenxa yokuthi ngase ngibone ngokwanele,” kusho uSusan.

Ukwethemba kuqedwa ngokuqhubekayo ukuziphatha komlutha okuguquguqukayo. Izolo ubeneme, kodwa namuhla usewotha ubomvu. “Ngangingazi ukuthi ulaka lwakhe luzoqhuma nini,” kusho uMartin, ingane ewumuntu omdala ezalwa umama owumlutha wotshwala. Umlutha wotshwala uyazephula izethembiso, hhayi ngenxa yokunganaki, kodwa ngenxa nje yotshwala. UDkt. Claudia Black uyachaza: “Ukuba matasa nokuphuza kuba into yokuqala ebalulekile kumuntu owumlutha wotshwala. Konke okunye kuza kamuva.”

“Ngiyayifihla Imizwa Yami”

Lapho imizwa ingenakuhlanganyelwa kahle, izingane zifunda ukuyicindezela. Ziya esikoleni “zimoyizela kodwa izisu zazo zibophekile,” kusho incwadi iAdult Children—The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families, futhi azilokothi zihlanganyele namuntu ezikucabangayo ngenxa yokwesaba ukudalula imfihlo yomkhaya. Ngaphandle, konke kuhamba kahle; ngaphakathi, imizwa ecindezelwe iqala ukuqhuma.

Lapho umuntu esemdala noma imiphi imizamo yokuphebeza imizwelo ngomqondo ongamanga wokuthi ‘konke kuhamba kahle’ ngokuvamile iyehluleka. Uma imizwa ingenakuvezwa ngokukhuluma, ingase iphume ngomzimba—okungukuthi, ngezilonda, izinhlungu zekhanda ezibeleselayo, njalonjalo. “Imizwelo yayingidla ngokoqobo,” kusho uShirley. “Ngangiphathwa yizo zonke izifo ezaziwayo.” UDkt. Timmen Cermak uyachaza: “Indlela izingane ezingabantu abadala ezibhekana ngayo nokucindezeleka iwukungavumi ukubhekana namaqiniso, kodwa ngeke umkhohlise uMama oyiMvelo. . . . Umzimba obekezelele ukucindezeleka okukhulu, iminyaka eminingi uqala ukuwohloka.”

Ngalé Kokusinda

Izingane ezingabantu abadala zemilutha yotshwala ziqinile; ukusinda kwazo ekucindezelekeni kwemizwelo nengqondo kuwubufakazi balokho. Kodwa kudingeka okwengeziwe kunokusinda. Kumelwe kufundwe imiqondo emisha ngobuhlobo bomkhaya. Kungase kudingeke kubhekwane nemizwa yecala, ukuthukuthela, kanye nokuzenyeza. Izingane esezingabantu abadala zemilutha yotshwala kumelwe zisebenzise amandla azo ukuze zembathe lokho iBhayibheli elikubiza ngokuthi “umuntu omusha.”—Efesu 4:23, 24; Kolose 3:9, 10.

Lona akuwona umsebenzi olula. ULeRoy, ingane ewumuntu omdala yomlutha wotshwala, walwa kanzima iminyaka engu-20 ukuze asebenzise izimiso zeBhayibheli emkhayeni wakhe siqu. “Lapho ngithola iseluleko sothando esivela eNhlanganweni ngencwadi ethi Ukuphila Komkhaya kanye nezinye izincwadi, ngangingalitholi iphuzu.a Umphumela waba ukuba ngenze umsebenzi ongagculisi wokusebenzisa lokhu kwaziswa. . . . Ngingenamizwa, ngangizama nje ngokungaqhutshwa ingqondo nemizwelo ukuba ngithole futhi ngisebenzise imithetho, njengabaFarisi.”—Bheka uMathewu 23:23, 24.

Ngomuntu onjengoLeRoy, ukunxusa nje kokuthi “yiba nothando ngokwengeziwe” noma ukuthi “xoxa ngakho” noma ukuthi “qeqesha izingane zakho” kungaba okunganele. Ngani? Ngenxa yokuthi ingane engumuntu omdala kungenzeka ayikaze ibe nokuhlangenwe nakho kwalezimfanelo noma amakhono, ngakho ingazibonisa futhi izilingise kanjani? ULeRoy wafuna ukwelulekwa ukuze aqonde ithonya lokuluthwa utshwala kukayise. Lokhu kwavula indlela yentuthuko engokomoya. Uthi: “Nakuba lesi kuye kwaba isikhathi esibuhlungu kakhulu ekuphileni kwami, kube isikhathi sentuthuko enkulu engokomoya. Ngokokuqala ngqá ekuphileni kwami, ngempela nginomuzwa wokuthi ngiqala ukwazi ngokuqondile ukuthi luyini uthando lukaNkulunkulu.”—1 Johane 5:3.

Owesifazane ongumKristu othiwa uCheryl wazuza osizweni alunikezwa isisebenzi sezenhlala-kahle esasinokuhlangenwe nakho ezindabeni zokuluthwa utshwala zemikhaya. Wembula isifuba sakhe futhi kumdala onozwela. Uthi: “Kusukela ngembula lezimfihlo ezingamahlazo ngizizwa nginokuthula noJehova kanye nami ngokwami. Manje uJehova ngimbheka njengoBaba (into engangingenakuyenza ngaphambili), futhi angisazizwa ngikhohliswe kangako ngokuthi angizange ngiluthole uthando kanye nesiqondiso esivela kubaba wami walapha emhlabeni engangikudinga kakhulu.”

UAmy, indodakazi yomlutha wotshwala ewumuntu omdala, wathola ukuthi ukusebenzela ukuhlakulela “izithelo zikaMoya” kwamsiza kakhulu. (Galathiya 5:22, 23) Wafunda futhi ukuxoxa nomdala oqondayo ngemicabango kanye nemizwa yakhe. “Wangikhumbuza ngokuvunyelwa engifuna ngempela ukukuthola,” kusho uAmy, “okukaJehova uNkulunkulu kanye noJesu Kristu. Ukufuna uthando lwabo kanye nokuvunyelwa ngeke kwaba ukuzilimaza.”

Ukwelashwa Ngokuphelele

IBhayibheli liqukethe isithembiso esilotshiwe sikaJesu Kristu sokuthi labo abezayo kuye besindwa izinkathazo bayoqatshulwa. (Mathewu 11:28-30) Ngaphezu kwalokho, uJehova ubizwa ngokuthi “uNkulunkulu wenduduzo yonke, osiduduza osizini lwethu lonke.” (2 Korinte 1:3, 4) UMaureena uthi: “UJehova ngamazi njengaLowo owayengeke angilahle ngokomzimba, ngokwengqondo, noma ngokomzwelo.”

Siphila esikhathini iBhayibheli elisibiza ngokuthi izinsuku zokugcina, isikhathi lapho abaningi—ngisho naphakathi kwelungiselelo lomkhaya—‘beyophatha kabi, bangabi nothando lwemvelo, babe abanolaka.’ (2 Thimothewu 3:2, 3, The New English Bible) Kodwa uNkulunkulu uthembisa ukuthi ngokushesha uzoletha umhlaba omusha onokuthula lapho eyosula khona zonke izinyembezi nosizi. (IsAmbulo 21:4, 5) UmKristu othile owakhulela ekhaya elinomlutha wotshwala uthi: “Sinethemba lokuthi sonke sindawonye siyokwazi ukungena kulowomhlaba omusha, lapho esiyokwamukela khona ukwelashwa ngokuphelele okunguJehova kuphela ongakunikeza.”

UMLANDO WOMUNTU SIQU

“Ngiyingane engumuntu omdala yomlutha wotshwala. Ubaba waba umlutha wotshwala lapho ngineminyaka eyisishiyagalombili ubudala. Lapho ephuzile, wayeba nobudlova. Ngisakukhumbula ukwesaba umkhaya wonke owawuba nakho. Ngesikhathi okwakufanele ngibe nesikhathi sobuntwana esijabulisayo, ngafunda ukugqiba imizwa yami, izinto engizifunayo, izifiso, kanye namathemba. UMama noBaba babematasa kakhulu benakekela inkinga kaBaba benganginaki nhlobo. Ngangingasifanele isikhathi sabo. Ngaqala ukuzizwa ngingelutho. Lapho ngineminyaka eyisishiyagalombili ubudala indima engangethweswe yona yangiphoqelela ukuba ngiyeke ukuba ingane—ukuba ngikhule ngokushesha futhi ngithwale imithwalo yemfanelo yomkhaya. Ukuphila kwami kwamiswa kwangasebenza.

“Ukuziphatha kukababa kwakuhlazisa kangangokuba ihlazo lakhe lasuleleka kimi. Ukuze ngivale lokhu ngazama ukwenzisisa izinto. Ngapha ngokuphindaphindiwe ngokomzwelo, ngizama ukuthenga uthando, ngingazizwa ngilufanelekela uthando olungenamigoqo. Ukuphila kwami kwaba umdlalo, imizwa ingasebenzi. Eminyakeni ethile kamuva umyeni wami nezingane bangitshela ukuthi ngangiyirobhoti, ngenza izinto ngaphandle kwemizwelo nengqondo. Iminyaka engu-30 ngangibe isigqila sabo, ngidele izidingo zami ezingokomzwelo ngenxa yezabo, ngangibaphe ngendlela engangenza ngayo kubazali bami. Futhi lokhu kwakuwukungibonga kwabo? Kwakuyisilonda esikhulu!

“Ngithukuthele, ngikhungathekile, futhi ngidangele, ngazimisela ukuthola ukuthi yini eyayonakele ngami. Njengoba ngangikhuluma nabanye ababekhuliselwe emikhayeni enemilutha yotshwala, imizwa eminingi evalelekile yaqala ukuvela, izinto ezingazange zikhunjulwe ngaphambili, izinto ezazibangele ukuba ngibe neziqubu eziningana zokucindezeleka okuqeda amandla. Kwakunjengokwethulwa umthwalo, ukuhlanzwa kwemizwelo. Yeka indlela okwakukhulula ngayo ukwazi ukuthi ngangingengedwa, ukuthi abanye babehlanganyela futhi beqonda ukucindezela kwemizwelo nengqondo kokukhuliselwa kwami ekhaya elinomlutha wotshwala!

“Ngaphendukela eqenjini elibizwa ngokuthi Izingane Ezingabantu Abadala Zemilutha Yotshwala futhi ngaqala ukusebenzisa okunye kokwelapha kwabo. Izincwadi ezineziyalezo zangisiza ukuba ngishintshe imibono esontekile. Ngangibhala phansi imizwa yami yosuku nosuku ukuze ngithole neminye imizwa ecashile, imizwa eyayigqibeke iminyaka eminingi. Ngalalela amakhasethi afundisa ngezindlela zokuzisiza. Ngabukela izingxoxo zeTV ezazisingathwa umuntu ngokwakhe oyingane ewumuntu omdala yomlutha wotshwala. Incwadi ethi Feeling Good, yeSchool of Medicine yaseYunivesithi yasePennsylvania, yangisiza ukuba ngakhe ukuzihlonipha futhi ngithuthukise izindlela zami zokucabanga ezisontekile.

“Ezinye zalezindlela zokucabanga ezintsha zaba amathuluzi, izinkulumo zokubhekana nokuphila kanye nobuhlobo nabantu. Ezinye zazo engazifunda futhi ngazisebenzisa yilezi: Akukhona lokho okwenzeka kithi okubalulekile, indlela esibheka ngayo noma esiqonda ngayo lokho okwenzeka. Imizwa akufanele ivalelwe ngaphakathi kodwa kudingeka ihlolwe futhi ivezwe ngendlela eyakhayo noma iphebezwe. Elinye ithuluzi umshwana othi ‘zenze ucabange ngendlela eqondile.’ Isenzo esiphindaphindwayo singakha izindlela ezintsha zobuchopho.

“Ithuluzi elibaluleke kunawo wonke yiZwi likaNkulunkulu, iBhayibheli. Kulo nasemabandleni oFakazi BakaJehova, kanye nabadala abakuwo kanye nabanye oFakazi abavuthiwe, ngiye ngathola ukwelashwa okuhle kakhulu okungokomoya, futhi ngiye ngafunda ukuba nothando olufanelekile ngami ngokwami. Futhi ngiye ngafunda ukuthi ngingumuntu ohlukile onobuntu obuhlukile, ukuthi akekho umuntu emhlabeni wonke ofana nami. Okubaluleke kunakho konke, ngiyazi ukuthi uJehova uyangithanda, futhi uJesu wangifela mina kanye nabanye.

“Manje, esikhathini esingangonyaka nengxenye kamuva, ngingathi ngingcono ngamaphesenti angu-70. Ukwelashwa okuphelele kuyoba khona kuphela lapho izwe elisha lokulunga likaJehova selithathe indawo yalelizwe elibi lamanje kanye nonkulunkulu walo, uSathane uDeveli.”

ISIPHETHO

IBhayibheli lithi: “Isiluleko enhliziyweni yomuntu sinjengamanzi ajulileyo, kepha umuntu oqondileyo uyakusikhipha.” (IzAga 20:5) Kumelwe kube khona ukuqonda ukuze lowo osizayo aphumelele ekukhipheni ekujuleni kwamanzi enhliziyo izinto ezikhathaza ocindezelekile. Kunenzuzo enkulu “lapho kukhona abeluleki abaningi” uma benokuqonda. (IzAga 11:14) Isaga esilandelayo sibonisa futhi inzuzo yokufuna iseluleko kwabanye: “Insimbi ilola insimbi, nomuntu ubuso bomunye.” (IzAga 27:17) Lapho abakhathazekile bexoxa, ‘bayaduduzana phakathi kwabo.’ (Roma 1:12) Futhi ukuze agcwalise iseluleko seBhayibheli ‘sokuthokozisa abadanileyo,’ lowo oduduzayo kufanele aqonde imbangela kanye nemiphumela yokucindezeleka okuhlupha lowo okumelwe aduduzwe.—1 Thesalonika 5:14.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 8]

Izingane eziningi zemilutha yotshwala zibonisa izimpawu eziwumphumela wokucindezeleka kwengqondo nemizwelo njengoba kwenzeka esosheni elingumakad’ ebona!

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 10]

Isimo somlutha wotshwala sakhelwa ekukugcineni kuyimfihlo nasekungavumini ukubhekana namaqiniso

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 10]

Ziya esikoleni “zimoyizela kodwa izisu zazo zibophekile”

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 11]

“Manje uJehova ngimbheka njengoBaba (into enganginge-nakuyenza ngaphambili)”

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 12]

Ithuluzi elibaluleke kakhulu iZwi lika-Nkulunkulu, iBhayibheli

[Isithombe ekhasini 9]

“Imizwelo yayingidla ngokoqobo”