Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ukuba Nomzali Ongumlutha Wotshwala—Ngingabhekana Kanjani Nakho?

“Ngangikuzonda ukuya ekhaya. Ngangingaqiniseki ngokuthi uMama uzobe ekhona yini, futhi uma ekhona, ukuthi uzobe edakiwe yini futhi aqale ukuklabalasa kuzwakale yonke indawo esho ukuthi ngingumfana omubi kanjani.”—Robert.

“Nganginamahloni ukuza nabantu ekhaya . . . nganginamahloni kakhulu ngomkhaya wakithi.”—Patricia.

IZIGIDI zentsha zibekezelela ukukhungatheka kwansuku zonke kokuhlala nomzali ongumlutha wotshwala. Incwadi ethi Teen Troubles ithi: “Ukuhlala nomzali ongumlutha wotshwala kusho ukuhlala ucindezelekile—ukucindezeleka okuthola kuvela nhlangothi zonke.”

Inani elikhulu labazali abayimilutha yotshwala lixhaphaza abantwana balo ngokomzimba noma ngokobulili.a Futhi ngisho nalapho isimo singesibi kangako, incwadi ethi Options iyaphawula, “uma ukuphuza kwenza [umzali ongumlutha wotshwala] ukuba angaqondakali, anganakekeli imithwalo yakhe yemfanelo, angakhathali, noma abe nemizwelo eguquguqukayo, nakho ngokwakho kubi.”

Khona-ke, akumangalisi ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi ungase uzizwe uthukuthele, unamahloni, noma ukhungathekile. Nokho, nakuba ukuhlala nomzali ongumlutha wotshwala kunzima, ungafunda ukubhekana nakho.

Ukuqonda Inkinga

Okokuqala, kuyasiza ukuba nokuqonda okuthile ngokuthi kungani ngempela umzali wakho ephuza.b ‘Oqondileyo uthola iziluleko ezinhle,’ kusho izAga 1:5.

Umlutha wotshwala awuyena umuntu okwethukela edakiwe, noma umlutha wotshwala akudingekile ube isidakwa. Izazi zichaza ukuba umlutha wotshwala ngokuthi kuyinkinga yokuphuza engapheli ebangela izinkinga ezingathi sína ezithinta ukuphila, umsebenzi, kanye nempilo. Umlutha wotshwala uhlala ukhathazeke ngotshwala—buyawubusa—futhi uyehluleka ukulawula indlela obuphuza ngayo. Izazi eziningi ziyavuma ukuthi ukuba umlutha wotshwala kungalawuleka kuphela ngokubuyeka ngokuphelele utshwala.c

Nakuba ukuba umlutha wotshwala kungase kuhilele izici ezithile ezisemzimbeni ezingase zenze abathile bathambekele ekubeni imilutha yotshwala, izici ezingokomzwelo nazo zibonakala zihilelekile. Ngokwesibonelo, ukuzizonda okungapheli ngokuvamile kucasha ngalokho okusobala. (Qhathanisa nezAga 14:13.) “Kokuhlangenwe nakho kwami,” kusho uDkt. Abraham Twerski, “angikaze ngihlangane nomuntu ongumlutha wotshwala owayenomuzwa wokubaluleka, imizwa yokufaneleka kanye neyokuzethemba, ngaphambi kokuba aphuze utshwala.” Yiqiniso, imilutha eminingi yotshwala yakhulela emikhayeni enemilutha yotshwala. Ukuphuza kwenzelwa ukudambisa ubuhlungu bezibazi zayo ezingokomzwelo eyazithola ebuntwaneni.

Nokho, ukuphuza kumane kuzenezele izinkinga zomuntu owumlutha wotshwala. Ngokwencwadi ethi Under the Influence, ‘izenzo zawo, imicabango, kanye nemizwelo konakaliswa utshwala.’ Ngakho umuntu ongumlutha wotshwala unenkinga engaphezulu kakhulu kweyokuphuza; unenye inkinga ejulile yendlela yokucabanga. Angase adinge usizo olukhulu, mhlawumbe oluvela kuchwepheshe othile oqeqeshiwe, ukuze ayeke ukuphuza. Nokho, ngokuba nokuqonda okuthile ngokuba umlutha wotshwala, okungenani ungaqala ukuba nesihawu ngesilinganiso esithile ngomzali wakho.—IzAga 19:11.

Indlela Othinteka Ngayo

Lapho umzali engumlutha wotshwala, ilungu ngalinye lomkhaya liyathinteka. (Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Korinte 12:26.) Ukuphila kwakho kungase kugcwale ukungaqiniseki. Ingabe umzali wakho uzobuya ekhaya engadakiwe noma edakiwe? Ingabe uzothola ukwanga noma uzoshaywa? Yebo, abazali abayimilutha yotshwala ngokuvamile bayeqisa kwabakwenzayo. “Bangaba nothando futhi banakekele nemithwalo yemfanelo lapho bengadakiwe, babe nobudlova ngokungenangqondo futhi bawasebenzise kabi amandla lapho bedakiwe,” kuphawula uDkt. James P. Comer. Ukungaqondakali okunjalo kungenza ukuphila kwakho kube okungazinzile ngokomzwelo. Ngomunye umzuzu uzithola umthanda umzali wakho ongumlutha wotshwala, kuthi ngomzuzu olandelayo umcasukele. “Ngezinye izinsuku ngangimane ngifise sengathi ngabe ufile,” kuvuma owesifazane othile osemusha.

Ngezinye izikhathi imiphumela yokukhulela ekhayeni elinomzali ongumlutha wotshwala kuthatha iminyaka ngaphambi kokuba ivele. Abantwana bemilutha yotshwala nabo baba yimilutha yotshwala—noma bashade nomlutha wotshwala. Ngakho owesifazane osemusha ongumKristu wahileleka ngokomzwelo nendoda ethile ayichaza ngokuthi “umlutha wotshwala owayeyimfunda.” Nakuba ayekhona amadoda ayewazi angamaKristu ayekahle kakhulu, futhi ezinzile, wayengenasithakazelo kuwo. Kungani akhangwa yilomlutha wotshwala? Ekhulumela nabanye abasesimweni esifana nesakhe, uthi: “Laba bawukuphela kohlobo lwabantu besilisa esilwaziyo nesingaluqonda.”

Umdala ongumKristu wakwazi ukumsiza ukuba alungise ukucabanga kwakhe ngokuqondene nalendaba, kanjalo avimbele ukuqhubeka okonakalisayo kokuba umlutha wotshwala. Khona-ke, ngokucacile, awunqunyelwe ukuba ungajabuli ngenxa nje yokuthi uphila emkhayeni onomzali ongumlutha wotshwala. Ungakwazi ukunciphisa ukulimala okungase kwenzeke futhi mhlawumbe umsize nokumsiza umzali wakho ongumlutha wotshwala.

Indlela Ongabhekana Nakho Ngayo

UDkt. Stanton E. Samenow uyaphawula: “Isimo umuntu avela kuso asibalulekile kunokukhetha lowomuntu akwenzayo njengoba esabela kulesosimo.” Yebo, ngisho noma izinto zibonakala zingalawuleki ekhaya, ungakulawula ukuphila kwakho. Kanjani?

Ungazibeki icala ngokuphuza kwabazali bakho. “Abazali bami bangitshela ukuthi kwakungenxa yami,” kusho uBeth oneminyaka engu-13 ubudala. Babethi ukuziphatha kwakhe okungalawuleki yikhona okwakwenza baphuze. “Ngazizwa nginecala ngakho konke lokhu,” evuma. Nokho, ngumzali wakho—futhi nguye yedwa—onecala ngokuba kwakhe umlutha wotshwala. “Yilowo nalowo uyakuthwala owakhe umthwalo,” kusho abaseGalathiya 6:5.

Ngakho-ke awunakumelapha umzali wakho ongumlutha wotshwala. Ukumemeza, ukuklabalasa, ukukhala kanye nokuphikisana naye akufezi lutho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, awuphoqelekile ukuba umvikele emiphumeleni yokuphuza kwakhe ngokuthi uvume akukhulumise amanga noma umsuse kuvulandi wendlu ongaphambili uma ewela khona edakiwe.

Mkhuthaze ukuba athole usizo. Ngokuvamile lokhu kudinga ukubambisana komzali wakho ongeyena umlutha wotshwala kanye nabafowenu nodadewenu.d IPhaphama! kaJune 8, 1983, yanikeza ukusikisela okuqondile okuphathelene nendlela amalungu omkhaya (1) angawusiza ngayo umlutha wotshwala ukuba ubhekane nemiphumela yokuphuza kwawo kanye (2) nendlela angakhuluma ngayo nawo ngokuqondile ngokuphuza kwawo. Ukusingatha izinkinga ngalendlela kungawusiza ukuba ubone isidingo sokuthola usizo.

Gwema ukuba sendaweni okulwelwa kuyo. IzAga 17:14 (NW) zithi: “Hamba kungakaqali ingxabano.” Ungazifaki engozini ngokungenela phakathi lapho abazali bexabana. (IzAga 26:17) Uma kungenzeka, hamba uye ekamelweni lakho, noma uye kubo kamngane wakho. Lapho kubonakala ukuthi kuzoba nobudlova, usizo oluvela kubantu bangaphandle lungase ludingeke.

Yamukela imizwa yakho. Intsha ethile izizwa inecala ngenxa yokuthi ngezinye izikhathi icasukela oyise. Kodwa kuyinto evamile ukuzizwa ngalendlela, ikakhulukazi uma ukuphuza kwakhe kumvimbela ukuba akunikeze ukunakekela nokusekela okudingayo. Yiqiniso, iBhayibheli likunika isibopho sokuba wazise abazali bakho. (Efesu 6:2, 3) Kodwa igama elithi “yazisa” lisho ukuhlonipha igunya lakhe lobuzali ngendlela ohlonipha ngayo isikhulu esiyiphoyisa noma umahluleli. Kodwa lokho akusho ukuba uthande ukuphuza kwakhe. (Roma 12:9) Futhi akusho ukuthi ungumuntu omubi ngenxa yokuthi ucasulwa ukuphuza kwakhe; ubudakwa buyacasula! (Bheka izAga 23:29-35.) Nokho, mhlawumbe ungafunda ukugxilisa inzondo yakho ekubeni kwakhe umlutha wotshwala esikhundleni sokuyigxilisa kuye siqu.—Qhathanisa noJuda 23.

Thola ubudlelwane obakhayo. Uma ukuphila ekhaya kunesiphithiphithi, ungase ulahlekelwe umbono walokho okuvamile. Ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukuba ujabulele ubudlelwane babantu abaphilile ngokomoya nangokomzwelo. Ibandla lobuKristu ‘linabazalwane nodade nomama’ abangakukhulisa futhi bakusekele kakhulu. (Marku 10:30) Bangakunika nempumuzo ngezikhathi ezithile ekucindezelekeni kwasekhaya. Ukuba nobudlelwane nemikhaya yamaKristu kungakubekela ngokwengeziwe isibonelo esinempilo sokuphila komkhaya, esehlukile esibonelweni esiphambene osibona ekhaya.

Funa usizo. Ukuba nomuntu omdala ovuthiwe, nomethembayo ongahlanganyela naye imizwa yakho kuyasiza ngempela. Abadala bebandla ngokuvamile bafeza lendima. UDkt. Timmen Cermak uyasikhumbuza: “Kungakhathaliseki indlela ophatheke kabi ngayo, khumbula ukuthi akudingekile ukuba uhlupheke wedwa.”

Cha, ungase ungakwazi ukushintsha isimo ekhaya. Kodwa njengoba uDkt. Claudia Black abhala: “Amalungu omkhaya angayishintsha indlela okuthinteka ngayo ukuphila kwawo.” Esikhundleni sokuba uzame ukulawula umlutha wotshwala, gxila kumuntu ongamlawula—wena. Nakekela izidingo zakho ezingokomoya. (Mathewu 5:3, qhathanisa neNW; 24:14; Heberu 10:24, 25) “Qhubeka usebenzela ukusindiswa kwakho siqu,” kusho iBhayibheli kwabaseFilipi 2:12. (NW) Ukwenza kanjalo kuyokusiza ukuba ulondoloze umbono oqondile, futhi kungase kushukumisele ngisho nomzali wakho ukuba afune usizo ngenkinga yakhe.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 17]

Xoxa ngokukhululekile ngemizwa yakho nomuntu omdala omethembayo