Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kungani Ugogo Nomkhulu Behlala Nathi?

WAWUVAME ukujabulela ukuzihlalela wedwa ekamelweni lakho. Manje usulihlanganyela nomfowenu noma udadewenu. Wawuvame ukukwazi ukumema abangane bahlale kuze kube ngakusasa. Manje awusakwazi ngenxa yokuthi ‘babanga umsindo.’ Wawuvame ukuba nesikhathi sokujabula nokuphumula. Manje esiningi salesosikhathi sithathwa imisebenzi yasekhaya. Abazali bakho babevame ukungabi matasa futhi kulula ukuxoxa nabo. Manje bayashesha ukuthukuthela, abanaso isineke. Yebo, ugogo nomkhulu wakho sebehlala nani, futhi izinto azisenjengoba zazinjalo.

Akukhona ukuthi awumthandi ugogo nomkhulu wakho. Kodwa ukusebenzelana nabo kungase kungabi lula ngazo zonke izikhathi. Uzithola uphelelwa isineke, ucasuka ngenxa nje yezinto ezincane. Osemusha okuthiwa uVictoria wakubeka ngalendlela: “Abantu abagugile banendlela yabo yokwenza izinto. Ugogo angangicela ukuba ngimlethele isenabelo sezinyawo, nakuba isihlalo sakhe sabakhubazekile sinaso esakhelwe kuso. Noma uma ngifika ekhaya ngikhathele, ngifuna ukuthatha isihlwathi kancane, uzofuna ukuxoxa nami. Ugogo uyakhuluma lapho sizama ukubukela ithelevishini. Uma eyibukela, akayiqondi yonke imininingwane, futhi kufanele simchazele.”

Uma senihlala noyedwa wabo noma nabo bobabili ugogo nomkhulu, kungenzeka ukuthi wena ngokwakho ubhekene nokucindezeleka okuthile kanye nokukhungatheka. Nakuba kunjalo, ungakhathazeki—umkhaya wakini awuqhekeki. Umane nje uzivumelanisa nesimo esinzima. Futhi ungenza okukhulu ekuqinisekiseni injabulo yakho siqu kanye nokuthula kwengqondo (1) ngokuqonda kanye nokwamukela izibopho zomkhaya wakini (2) kanye nokuhlakulela ‘ukubahawukela’ kwangempela abazali bakho kanye nogogo nomkhulu.—1 Petru 3:8.

Isibopho SobuKristu

Umkhaya wakini akuwona wodwa obhekene nalesimo. Ngokwesibonelo, eUnited States abantu abaningi abagugile bathola isilinganiso esithile sosizo nokusekelwa okuvela ezinganeni zabo esezikhulile; bambalwa ngokuqhathaniswa abantu abagugile abayiswa ezinhlanganweni ezinjengamakhaya okunakekela asebegugile.a I-Intimate Environment, ka-Arlene S. Skolnick, ithi: “Inani elikhulu kakhulu labantu abagugile lithintana njalo nabantwana balo, libabone njalo, futhi liphendukele kubo ngezikhathi ezinzima.”

Nakuba kungokwemvelo ukuba umuntu abe nomuzwa wesibopho kubazali bakhe, amaKristu anomuzwa wesibopho ongaphezulu nangokwengeziwe kuNkulunkulu. Umphostoli uPawulu wathi: “Uma umfelokazi enabantwana noma enabazukulwane, labo-ke mabafunde kuqala ukuhlonipha indlu yakwabo, babuyisele okufaneleyo kubazali babo, ngokuba kuyabongeka lokho phambi kukaNkulunkulu. Kepha-ke uma umuntu engabondli abakubo, kakhulu abakwakhe, ukulahlile ukukholwa, mubi kunongakholwayo.” (1 Thimothewu 5:4, 8; qhathanisa noMarku 7:10-13.) Phawula ukuthi abantwana kanye nabazukulu bayalwa ukuba bahlanganyele ekunakekeleni ‘abakubo.’

UJesu Kristu ngokwakhe wabeka isibonelo kulokhu. Nakuba ayefa ukufa okubuhlungu esigxotsheni sokuhlushwa, uJesu wazibekela eceleni izithakazelo zakhe siqu futhi wenza ilungiselelo lokunakekelwa kukanina ogugile, abela umzala wakhe uJohane ukuba amnakekele. Nakuba uJohane ayenezibopho ezibalulekile njengomphostoli, wathatha unina kaJesu wamyisa ekhaya lakhe “kusukela ngalesosikhathi.”—Johane 19:26, 27.

Ngakho-ke ukwazisa abazali bakho kuwumthwalo wemfanelo wobuKristu nelungelo. (Efesu 6:2) Umzali akalahlwa ngenxa nje yokuthi usegugile noma udinga ukunakekela okukhethekile. (IzAga 23:22) IBhayibheli liqhubeka lisitshele ukuthi siphathe abagugile ngenhlonipho ngenxa yokuhlakanipha kwabo nokuhlangenwe nakho. (Levitikusi 19:32; IzAga 16:31) Phela, uJehova ngokwakhe usebenzelana ngomusa nabagugile futhi uyaqhubeka ebasebenzisa enkonzweni yakhe!—Qhathanisa noJoweli 2:28; IzEnzo 2:17.

‘Angizange Ngicabange Ukuthi Kuzoba Nzima Kangaka’

Ngenxa yakho konke lokhu, ungakwazisa kangcono ukuthi kungani abazali bakho bamema ugogo wakho nomkhulu ukuba bazohlala nani. Ekuqaleni ngokungangabazeki wazama ukuba nombono omuhle, noma okungenani ukuba nomqondo obanzi, ngayo yonke into. Wawazi ukuthi kuzodingeka wenze izinguquko ezithile—ngisho nokuzidela. Kodwa benilokhu nizwana kahle nogogo wakho nomkhulu, futhi wawucabanga ukuthi lobuhlobo obuhle buzoqhubeka. Nokho, njengoba manje sebehlala nani, isimo usithola sinzima kakhulu kunokuba wake wacabanga.

Lokhu kuvame kakhulu. Emazweni amaningi izizukulwane ezintathu—ugogo nomkhulu, abazali, nezingane—ngokwesiko bahlala endlini eyodwa. Ukunakekela abazali abagulayo noma abakhubazekile kuyingxenye yesiko labo futhi akubhekwa njengobunzima obukhulu. Kodwa emazweni aseNtshonalanga, lapho ngokuvamile imikhaya ijwayele ukuhlala emakhaya ayo ahlukene, ukuza kwabantu abagugile bezohlala nayo kuvame ukubhekwa njengesiphazamiso esikhulu. Nakuba kunjalo, qiniseka ukuthi akuwena wedwa okuphila kwakho kuye kwenziwa kwangahleleka. Ngempela, kungase kwenzeke ukuthi isimo sinzima kakhudlwana kubazali bakho nakugogo nomkhulu kunokuba sinjalo kuwe.

Ukucindezeleka Kubazali Bakho

Cabangela kuqala abazali bakho. Ucabanga ukuthi wawungazizwa kanjani ukuba kwakufanele ubabukele beguga futhi bewohloka ngokomzimba, ngokwengqondo, nangokomzwelo? Kwakungakuthinta kanjani ukuba labo njalo owawuncike kubo kancane kancane babeya behluleka ukuzinakekela? Ingabe lokho bekungeke kube okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu, okudabukisayo? Khona-ke ungaba nombono okahle wokuthi abazali bakho bazizwa kanjani ngokubona lokhu kwenzeka kubazali babo. Ngokuqondakalayo, ngezinye izikhathi bangase babonakale bedabukile noma bengenasineke.

Kungenzeka nabazali bakho bathola ukuthi akulula ngazo zonke izikhathi ukusebenzelana nogogo wakho nomkhulu. Ngokuvamile abantu abagugile babuyela emuva ekuphatheni izingane zabo esezindala njengabantwana abancane. (Ngamanye amazwi, kungenzeka kungabi nguwe wedwa ekhaya otshelwa ukuba ‘ungabangi umsindo!’) Abanye abantu abadala bathambekele ekukhononeni ngokunakekelwa kwabo—ngezinye izikhathi basole izingane ezikhuthele bathi azinaki. Abanye futhi bakwenza umkhuba ukuveza imibono yabo ngokukhuliswa kwabantwana, basole izingane zabo esezindala ngokutotosa kakhulu noma ukuqinisa isandla kakhulu. Abazali bakho bangase bazi kahle ukuthi ugogo wakho nomkhulu abazami ukubonisa izinhliziyo ezimbi noma ukuba nonya. Kodwa njengoba kakade sebedele okuningi ngenxa yabo, abazali bakho bangase ngokuthukuthela bazonde noma ikuphi ukugxeka okuvela kubo. Futhi lapho besabela ngokusebenzelana nogogo wakho nomkhulu ngendlela yokungabi naluthando kangako noma yokungabi nasineke, bangase bazizwe benecala futhi bazithukuthelele.

Abazali bakho bangase futhi bangajabuli ngezinguquko okuye kwadingeka bazenze endleleni yokuphila. Ingase ingabibikho imali eyanele yokuhlangabezana nezidingo zomkhaya. Uma abazali besebenza bobabili, izidingo ezengeziwe zokunikeza ukunakekela zingase zibashiye bekhathele beyingcuba. Bangase futhi baphoqeleleke ukuba baphile ngaphandle kwezindlela zangaphambili zokuphumula nokuziqabula. Futhi bese kuba khona ukucindezeleka komshado okungase kubangelwe yikho konke lokhu, ikakhulukazi uma omunye umzali enomuzwa wokuthi uthwala ingxenye enkulu yomthwalo wokunikeza ukunakekela.

Isimo Sikagogo Nomkhulu Ekuphileni

Isimo kungenzeka sicindezela ngendlela efanayo kugogo wakho nomkhulu. IBhayibheli libiza ukuguga ngokuthi “izinsuku ezimbi.” (UmShumayeli 12:1-7) Kubi ngempela ukubukela impilo yakho siqu iwohloka. Ngaphezu kwalokho kunokucindezela kokuba ngokungazelele uhlaliswe ngenkani endaweni entsha. Abantu abaningi abagugile bathanda ukuzihlalela bodwa nokungenciki kumuntu. Empeleni, incwadi i-Intimate Environment icaphuna izazi ezimbili zithi: “Abantu abaningi abagugile bafuna uthando kanye nokunakekela kwabantwana babo, kodwa hhayi ngempela usizo lwabo ngemali, indawo yokuhlala, noma ezinye izenzo zomusa. Ngempela, abanye bakhetha ukwenzela abantwana babo nabazukulu izinto, kunokuba benzelwe izinto.”

Khona-ke, kunzima ngogogo wakho nomkhulu ukuba balahlekelwe ukuzibusa—ukuba baphoqeleleke ukuba bancike kulabo abake bancika kubo. Ngakho ungamangali uma kunzinyana ukusebenzelana nabo ngezinye izikhathi. Futhi njengoba babejabulela ikhaya labo siqu—nokuthula kanye nokungabi namsindo—iminyaka eminingi, bangase bakuthole kunzima ukuba phakathi kwentsha egcwele umdlandla. Umculo onomsindo nengxoxo kungase kubacasule.

Kunento eyodwa ecacile: Ukuzivumelanisa nesimo kuyinselele kuwo wonke umuntu. Nokho, eminye imikhaya yamaKristu ibhekene nobunzima obufanayo futhi ibunqoba ngokuphumelelayo. (Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Petru 5:9.) Isihluthulelo siwukuba ulwele ukubonakalisa ‘izithelo zikamoya’ kanye ‘nomuntu omusha’ ngezinga elikhulu! (Galathiya 5:22, 23; Efesu 4:24; Kolose 3:13, 14) Kunokuba ningabi nabunye, bambisanani njengomkhaya. Umagazini wethu olandelayo uzonikeza ezinye izindlela lokhu okungenziwa ngazo.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 20]

Ukuhlala nogogo nomkhulu kungasho ukulahlekelwa ukuba nendawo yangasese