Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingavumelana Kanjani Nezimo Njengoba Ugogo Nomkhulu Sebehlala Nathi?

BENIZWANA kahle nogogo nomkhulu wakho. Isikhathi owasichitha nabo sasijabulisa, sikhethekile. Kodwa manje sebehlala nomkhaya wakini.

Lapho ugogo nomkhulu bezohlala nani, kungasho ukwenza ukulungisa nganoma ubani ohilelekile.a Bonke kumelwe bazivumelanise nezindlela zomunye nomunye. Kodwa lesimo asisona esingenalo ithemba. Ngokusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli, ungasiza umkhaya wakini ukuba ubambisane, ungaphikisani.

Amandla Othando

Enye indlela yokunciphisa izingxabano zomkhaya iwukusebenzisa isimiso esikweyoku-1 Korinte 16:14: “Konke enikwenzayo akwenziwe ngothando.” Uthando lobuKristu “lusibekela inqwaba yezono.” (1 Petru 4:8) Futhi njengoba ukuhlola ephephabhukwini iFamily Relations kwabonisa, uthando lweqiniso nolomzwelo ngezihlobo zomuntu ezigugile kunokubaluleka okuwusizo; kunciphisa ukucindezeleka nobunzima bokubanakekela.

Ngeshwa, akuyona yonke intsha enalolothando lomzwelo ngogogo nomkhulu bayo. Enye ibabheka ngokweyisa, njengabagugile nabangenalusizo. Kodwa intsha engamaKristu ayibabheki ngalendlela abantu asebegugile. Ikhumbula amazwi ezAga 20:29: “Nesivunulo sabadala singubumpunga.” Yebo, ugogo nomkhulu wakho bavuthiwe futhi banokuhlangenwe nakho. Bangaba umthombo omuhle ngokukhethekile weseluleko nesiqondiso, ikakhulukazi uma bengamaKristu. Futhi njengogogo nomkhulu abaningi, kungenzeka bakukhathalela ngokujule kakhulu kunokuba uqaphela.—IzAga 17:6.

Uma ubuhlobo benu bungakabi obuseduze kakhulu kuze kube manje, kungani ungazami ukushintsha izinto? Ngakho enye intombazane esentsha yanquma ukubonisa isenzo sobungane. Iyakhumbula: “Ngathengela ugogo wami amasokisi anemibala engangazi ukuthi wayezoyithanda. Lawomasokisi wawabonisa wonke umuntu owayevakasha!” Ngokufanayo, ungazama ukusebenzisa imizuzu embalwa usuku ngalunye ukuze uxoxe. Noma ungatholakalela ukuba bakuthume. Ukwenza lokho kungenza lukhulu ekukusondezeni kubo.

Kuyavunywa, izimo zingavivinya uthando lwawo wonke umuntu. Kungaba nzima ngasebekhulile ukuzivumelanisa nendawo entsha. Bangase bagule futhi bangazizwa kahle kakhulu ngazo zonke izikhathi. Futhi nakuba kungase kudingeke wenze ukulungisa okuthile endleleni yakho yokuphila—mhlawumbe ngisho nokuzidela—qaphela ukuthi akusona isimo esilula nangogogo nomkhulu wakho. Ngempela, lezi kungaba “izinsuku ezimbi” kubo. (UmShumayeli 12:1) Kwazise ukuthi laba babakhathalela abazali bakho lapho besebancane. UNkulunkulu ubheka ukukhathalela okunika ugogo nomkhulu wakho ‘njengokubuyisela okufanele’ nanjengokubonisa ukuzinikela kwakho kuye.—1 Thimothewu 5:4; Jakobe 1:27.

Ubuciko Bokuvumelana Nezimo

Nokho, kaningi izinkinga zingagwenywa uma ubonisa ukucabangela okungenabugovu ngogogo nomkhulu wakho. (Filipi 2:4) Ngokwesibonelo, ungakhumbula ukuthi abantu asebegugile ngokuvamile abezwani nomsindo; umculo okhalela phezulu ungabaphatha kabi. (UmShumayeli 12:4) Bangase baphatheke kabi futhi uma nenza umsindo lapho uvakashelwe abangane. Izinto ezinjalo kalula nje zingaba umthombo wengxabano. Kodwa iBhayibheli lisikhumbuza ukuthi ‘ukuhlakanipha okwaphezulu kunokuthula, nokuva.’—Jakobe 3:17.

Umuntu onokuthula uthuthukisa ukuthula. Uzimisele ukwenza umzamo okhethekile—ngisho nokuzibeka esimweni esingesihle—ukuze alondoloze ubuhlobo obuhle nabanye. Ngokufanayo, umuntu ocabangelayo akaphikeleli endleleni yakhe ngaso sonke isikhathi kodwa uzimisele ukuvumelana nombono womunye umuntu. Unalokho engqondweni, zama ukukhuluma ngesizotha nogogo nomkhulu wakho. Kunokuba ufune ngenkani “amalungelo” akho, zama ukuvumelana nezimo.

Abangane bakho mhlawumbe bangavakasha ngezinsuku ugogo nomkhulu wakho beyothenga. Noma mhlawumbe bebengawubekezelela ngokwengeziwe umsindo uma kwasekuqaleni abangane bakho bebemane bevakasha ngaphambidlana. Yiqiniso, akunakwenzeka nivumelane njalo, futhi kungaba ngcono kakhulu ukumane uvumelane nabakukhethayo. Mhlawumbe ungabona abangane bakho kwenye indawo noma ugqoke amaheadphones uma ufuna ukulalela umculo. Ingabe kuyakuphazamisa? Ngokungangabazeki. Kodwa ngokwenza kanjalo usiza ekulondolozeni ukuthula.

Ikhono lokuvumelana nezimo liyasiza futhi uma ugogo nomkhulu wakho benemikhuba ekuphazamisayo. Ngokwesibonelo, bangase babonakale bengasihloniphi isikhathi sakho sokuba wedwa. Mhlawumbe bangafuna ukuxoxa lapho umatasa ngomsebenzi wakho wesikole. Kunokuba uthukuthele, qaphela ukuthi mhlawumbe banesizungu futhi bamane bafisa ukuba nawe. Ukuzihlukanisa noma ukubadikila kuyomane kushubise isimo futhi kubonise ukuntula inhlonipho ngabo. (IzAga 18:1) UChris oneminyaka engu-19 ubudala wazivumelanisa nezimo. Uthi: “Ngithatha isinyathelo kuqala sokuxoxa nogogo wami ngezikhathi ezikahle ngathi sobabili.”

Londoloza Ukulinganisela Kwakho

Kuthiwani uma ugogo nomkhulu wakho bedinga ukunakekelwa okukhudlwana komuntu siqu nokukhathalela? Ukubathanda akusho ukuthi kumelwe uthwale lomthwalo wemfanelo uwedwa. Ngempela, iBhayibheli libonisa ukuthi imisebenzi enjalo kumelwe ihlanganyelwe ‘abantwana nabazukulu’ abangamaKristu. (1 Thimothewu 5:4) Khona-ke abazali bakho banomthwalo wemfanelo oyinhloko kulendaba futhi banganquma ukuthi isabelo esingakanani somsebenzi esilingene. Ngaphandle kwalokho, eyoku-1 Petru 1:13 inxusa amaKristu ukuba ‘azithibe,’ noma njengoba ukuhunyushwa kwalelivesi embhalweni waphansi kuyiNW kukubeka, “nilinganisele.” Ukwenza ingxenye eyeqile yomsebenzi kungakukhathaza, futhi ekugcineni, kukhulise inzondo.

Ukulinganisela kobuKristu kuyokusiza futhi ubhekane nokulinganiselwa kwakho kanye nokwamalungu omkhaya wakini. Yiqiniso, nonke kumelwe nenze umzamo okhethekile wokubonisa ‘izithelo zomoya kaNkulunkulu.’ (Galathiya 5:22, 23) Kodwa naphezu kwezisusa ezinhle, amalungu omkhaya angaphelelwa ukubekezela kwawo. Kunokuba ucasuke, yamukela iqiniso lokuthi “sonke siyakhubeka ngokuningi; uma umuntu engakhubeki ngazwi, lowo uyindoda epheleleyo enamandla okubamba nomzimba wonke kungathi ngetomu.” (Jakobe 3:2) Ukungezwani komkhaya ngezikhathi ezithile akumelwe ngempela kubangele ukuphazamiseka okungathi sína.

Inkulumo Yokubonisana

Kuningi okuhle okungenziwa uma ubonisana nje nabazali bakho. “Kukhona ukubhuntsha kwamacebo lapho ingekho khona inkulumo yokubonisana.” (IzAga 15:22, NW) Ngokwesibonelo, ingabe uzizwa ucindezelekile futhi ucasuka ngenxa yokuthi awusenalo ikamelo okungelakho siqu? Ingabe ukhathazekile ngoba ucabanga ukuthi, kunabanye, uwena othwele ingxenye enzima yomthwalo wokunakekela ugogo nomkhulu wakho? Kunokuba udikibale noma ucindezeleke, yazisa abazali bakho indlela ozizwa ngayo.

Yebo, abazali bakho bangaba ngaphansi kokucindezeleka bona ngokwabo futhi bangabi namandla okushintsha izinto. Ngakho funa isikhathi esifanele sokukhuluma nabo ngezwi eliphansi, hhayi elinenkani, usingathe inkinga njengenibhekene nayo nonke. (IzAga 15:23) Khuluma iqiniso futhi ucacise ekuchazeni okukuhluphayo. (Efesu 4:25) Lapho nje usuyichazile indaba, bangase bakulalele ngendlela enozwela. Futhi kungenzeka ukuba nithole amakhambi asebenzisekayo.

Mhlawumbe endlini ungatholelwa indawo ongayisebenzisa lapho udinga indawo yokuba wedwa ukuze ufunde noma utadishe. Noma mhlawumbe uma unabafowenu nodadewenu imisebenzi eyengeziwe ingahlanganyelwa. Komunye umkhaya kwanqunywa ukuba indodana esentsha ifundele ugogo wayo—okuyinto ababeyijabulela bobabili futhi bebheka phambili kuyo. Odadewabo ababili babelwa ukusiza ekumgqokiseni nokumgeza.

Okuhlangenwe Nakho Okuvuzayo

Akungabazeki ukuthi ukuhlala nogogo nomkhulu ekhaya kungaba okuhlangenwe nakho okusha ekuphileni—kubona nakuwe. Kodwa uma nonke nibonisa ukubekezela, uthando, nokuzimisela ukuvumelana nezimo, kungaba okuhlangenwe nakho okuvuza kakhulu. Ungathola ithuba lokuhlakulela isibopho esifudumele, esinothando nabantu ababili abahlakaniphile nabanokuhlangenwe nakho abakukhathalela ngempela. Ubuhlobo obunjalo bungaba obanelisa ukwedlula ubuhlobo bokuphila okufishane nontanga. Futhi kungakusiza ukhule njengomuntu. Omunye wesifazane osemusha okuthiwa uBeverly uthi: “Ngibheka ukusiza ugogo njengethuba lokufunda izimfanelo zokuzidela engiyozidinga kamuva ekuphileni.”

Osemusha okuthiwa uAaron wathola okufanayo. Uthi: “Ukuchitha isikhathi nogogo kungifundise ukukhuluma nasebekhulile ebandleni lakithi. Ngangivame ukumane ngibabingelele kuphela. Manje ngisebenzisa imizuzu embalwa ngixoxa nabo ngabanye. Ngiyakujabulela! Futhi laba asebekhulile sengibabheka njengabangane bami.”

Ngakho yenza okungaphezu nje kokubekezelela isimo; kusebenzise ngokunenzuzo! Ekuhambeni kwesikhathi ungalubusisa usuku ugogo nomkhulu wakho abeza ngalo bezohlala nani.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 19]

Ubuhlobo obujabulela nogogo nomkhulu wakho bungaba obanelisa ngokucebile