Ukuphela Kobudlova Basekhaya

“Ukuvinjelwa kobudlova ekhaya nokuncintisana kobudlova bomkhaya kuhilela izinguquko ezinkulu ezingokwesimo zakho kokubili umphakathi nomkhaya.”—Behind Closed Doors.

ISENZO sokuqala sokubulala emlandweni womuntu sasihilela umuntu nomfowabo. (Genesise 4:8) Phakathi nezinkulungwane zeminyaka kusukela lapho, umuntu uye wahlushwa yizo zonke izinhlobo zobudlova basekhaya. Kuye kwasikiselwa amakhambi amaningi kakhulu, kodwa iningi lawo aliphumeleli.

Ngokwesibonelo, ukululama kwenzeka kuphela kubaxhaphazi abayivumayo inkinga yabo. Omunye umxhaphazi wenkosikazi olulamayo wakhala: “Kithi sonke [abalulamayo], kunamadoda amathathu athi, ‘Kumelwe umlawule owesifazane.’” Ngakho umxhaphazi kudingeka afunde ukubhekana nesimo sakhe siqu. Kungani eye waba umxhaphazi? Ngokuthola usizo lokulungisa amaphutha akhe siqu, angase aqale ukululama.

Kodwa izimiso zezenhlalo zinezisebenzi ezimbalwa. Ngakho, kulinganiselwa ukuthi kumaphesenti angu-90 ezenzakalo zokubulawa kwezingane eUnited States, kwakuye kwabikwa izimo zomkhaya eziyingozi ngaphambi kwesenzo sokubulala. Ngakho-ke, izimiso zezenhlalo nezinhlangano zezomthetho kungenza okuncane kuphela. Kunokuthile okubalulekile okudingekayo.

“Umuntu Omusha”

“Akukho okudingekayo ngaphandle kokuhlelwa kabusha kobuhlobo phakathi kwamalungu omkhaya,” kusho elinye iqembu labacwaningi. Ubudlova basekhaya abuyona nje inkinga yokufaka isibhakela; ngokuyinhloko buyinkinga yengqondo. Izimpande zabo ziqala endleleni amalungu omkhaya—umngane womshado, ingane, umzali, iselamani—abheka omunye nomunye ngayo. Ukuhlela lobuhlobo kabusha kusho ukwembatha lokho iBhayibheli elikubiza ngokuthi “umuntu omusha.”—Efesu 4:22-24; Kolose 3:8-10.

Ake sihlole ezinye izimiso zeBhayibheli ezihlobene nomkhaya ezisisiza ukuba sembathe ubuntu obusha obunjengobukaKristu obungaholela ebuhlotsheni obungcono phakathi kwamalungu omkhaya.—Bheka uMathewu 11:28-30.

Umbono ngabantwana: Ukuba umzali kuhilela okungaphezu kokuzala umntwana. Nokho, ngokudabukisayo abaningi namuhla babheka abantwana babo njengomthwalo futhi ngalokho bazizwa bengenaso isibopho endimeni yabo yobuzali. Laba bangaba abaxhaphazi.

IBhayibheli libiza abantwana ngokuthi “bayifa elivela kuJehova” nangokuthi ‘bangumvuzo.’ (IHubo 127:3) Abazali banomthwalo wemfanelo kuMdali wokunakekela lelofa. Labo ababheka abantwana njengomthwalo badinga ukuhlakulela ubuntu obusha kulesici.a

Ukulindela izinto ezingokoqobo ngabantwana: Okunye ukuhlola kwembula ukuthi omama abaningi abaxhaphazayo balindele izinsana ukuba zazi okulungile nokubi lapho ingane inonyaka owodwa ubudala. Ingxenye eyodwa kwezintathu yalabo abahlolwa yakhomba ezinyangeni eziyisithupha.

IBhayibheli libonisa ukuthi wonke umuntu uzalwa engaphelele. (IHubo 51:5; Roma 5:12) Alisho ukuthi ukuqonda kuzuzwa lapho umuntu ezalwa. Kunalokho, lithi ‘ngokuwusebenzisa’ umqondo womuntu ‘ulungela ukwahlukanisa okuhle nokubi.’ (Heberu 5:14) Ngaphezu kwalokho, iBhayibheli likhuluma ‘ngokobuntwana,’ ‘ngobuwula’ bobuntwana, ‘nobuze’ bobusha. (1 Korinte 13:11; IzAga 22:15; UmShumayeli 11:10) Abazali kumelwe bakuqonde lokulinganiselwa, bangalindeli okungaphezu kokufanele ubudala nekhono lengane.

Ukunikeza isiyalo kubantwana: EBhayibhelini igama lesiGreki elihunyushwe ngokuthi “ukuyala” lisho “ukufundisa.” Khona-ke, ngokuyinhloko, umgomo wokuyala akukhona ukubangela ubuhlungu, kodwa ukuqeqesha. Okuningi kwalokhu kungafezwa ngaphandle kokushaya, nakuba lokho kungase kudingeke ngezinye izikhathi. (IzAga 13:24) IBhayibheli lithi: ‘Yizwa ukulaya, uhlakaniphe.’ (IzAga 8:33) Futhi, uPawulu wabhala ukuthi umuntu kufanele ahlale ‘ebekezela,’ asole ‘ngokubekezela.’ (2 Thimothewu 2:24; 4:2) Lokhu akukuvumeli ukuphahluka ngentukuthelo nokusebenzisa amandla ngokweqile ngisho nalapho ukusebenzisa induku kudingekile.

Ngokucabangela lezimiso zeBhayibheli, zibuze: ‘Ingabe ukuyala kwami kuyafundisa, noma ingabe kumane kulawule ngokulimaza? Ingabe ukuyala kwami kugxilisa izimiso ezifanele noma ukwesaba nje?’

Imingcele yokuziphatha yabantu abadala: Omunye umxhaphazi wathi wamane “wahluleka ukuzithiba” wayeseshaya umkakhe. Umeluleki othile wabuza lendoda ukuthi yake yamgwaza yini umkayo. Lendoda yaphendula: “Anginakulokotha ngenze lokho!” Lendoda yasizwa ukuba ibone ukuthi yayenza izinto ngaphakathi kwemingcele, kodwa inkinga yayiwukuthi kwakungeyona imingcele efanelekile.

Igxiliswephi imingcele yakho? Ingabe uyeka ngaphambi kokuba ukungavumelani kudlulele ekubeni okuthile okuhlukumezayo? Noma ingabe uthukuthela ugane unwabu futhi ugcine umemeza, uthuka, usunduza, ujikijela izinto, noma ushaya?

Ubuntu obusha bunomngcele oqinile, omiswe kahle ukuze ungavumeli ukuxhaphaza ngokwengqondo noma ubudlova obungokomzimba. “Makungaphumi emlonyeni wenu nalinye izwi elibolileyo,” kusho eyabase-Efesu 4:29. Ivesi 31 liyanezela: “Konke okubabayo, nentukuthelo, nolaka, nomsindo, nokuhlambalaza makususwe kini kanye nakho konke okubi.” Igama lesiGreki elisho “ulaka” lisho “ukuba yisififane.” Ngokuthakazelisayo, incwadi ethi Toxic Parents iphawula ukuthi isici esivamile phakathi kwabaxhaphazi bezingane “ukwehluleka okushaqisayo kokulawula ukufutheka.” Ubuntu obusha bubeka imingcele eqinile yokufutheka, kokubili ngokomzimba nangokwamazwi.

Yiqiniso, ubuntu obusha busebenza kowesifazane nasendodeni ngokufanayo. Owesifazane kufanele asebenzele ukuba angacasuli umngane wakhe, abonise ukwazisa ngemizamo yakhe yokunakekela umkhaya, ebambisana naye. Futhi bobabili akufanele bafune komunye nomunye lokho ongekho phakathi kwabo ongakuveza—ukuphelela. Kunalokho, bobabili kufanele basebenzise eyoku-1 Petru 4:8: “Kunakho konke yibani-nokuthandana okunganqamukiyo, ngokuba uthando lusibekela inqwaba yezono.”

Inhlonipho ngasebegugile: “Bonisa inhlonipho ngabantu abadala futhi ubanike udumo,” kusho uLevitikusi 19:32. (Today’s English Version) Lokhu kungase kube yinselele lapho umzali osegugile egula futhi mhlawumbe efuna ngokweqile. EyokuQala kaThimothewu 5:3, 4 ikhuluma ‘ngokuhlonipha’ kanye ‘nokubuyisela okufaneleyo’ kubazali. Lokhu kungahlanganisa amalungiselelo angokwezimali kanye nenhlonipho. Ngenxa yakho konke lokho abazali bethu abasenzela khona lapho siseyizinsana ezingenakuzisiza, kufanele sibabonise ukucabangela okufanayo lapho kudingeka.

Nqobani ukuvukelana kwezingane: Ngaphambi kokuba inzondo kaKayini iholele ekubulaleni kwakhe umfowabo uAbela, welulekwa: “Isono sicuthile ngasemnyango wakho. Sifuna ukukubusa, kodwa kumelwe usinqobe.” (Genesise 4:7, TEV) Imizwa ingalawulwa. Fundani ukuba nesineke komunye nomunye, “ngomusa ninikezane amathuba ngoba niyathandana.”—Efesu 4:2, Phillips.

Ukufunda Ukuthulula Isifuba

Izisulu eziningi zobudlova basekhaya azitsheli muntu ngokuhlushwa kwazo. Kodwa uDkt. John Wright uyanxusa: “Abesifazane abashaywayo kufanele bafune isivikelo esingokomzwelo nesingokomzimba komunye umuntu ofanelekayo ngaphandle komlingane womshado.” Kungashiwo okufanayo nganoma yiliphi ilungu lomkhaya elixhashazwayo.

Ngezinye izikhathi isisulu sikuthola kunzima ukuthululela isifuba komunye umuntu. Phela, ukwethembana phakathi kwengxenye esondelene kakhulu yezenhlalo—umkhaya—kuye kwaholela ebuhlungwini. Nokho, “kukhona abangane ababambelela kuneselamani,” kusho izAga 18:24. Ukuthola lowomngane nokufunda ukuthulula isifuba ngokwethembeka kuyisinyathelo esibalulekile sokuthola usizo oludingekayo. Yiqiniso, umxhaphazi naye kudingeka athole usizo.

Unyaka ngamunye amakhulu ezinkulungwane zabantu aba ngoFakazi BakaJehova. Laba bamukela inselele yokwembatha ubuntu obusha. Phakathi kwabo kunalabo ababengabagqugquzeli bobudlova basekhaya. Ukuze bamelane nanoma yikuphi ukuthambekela kokuhlehlela emuva, kumelwe ngokuqhubekayo bavumele iBhayibheli ‘lilungele ukufundisa, nokusola, nokuqondisa.’—2 Thimothewu 3:16.

KulaboFakazi abasha, ukwembatha ubuntu obusha kuyinqubo eqhubekayo, ngoba eyabaseKolose 3:10 ithi lokho ‘kuwukwenziwa musha.’ Ngakho kudingeka umzamo oqhubekayo. Ngokujabulisayo, oFakazi BakaJehova banokusekela kwesixuku esikhulu ‘sabafowabo, nawodadewabo, nawonina, nabantwana’ abangokomoya.—Marku 10:29, 30; bheka futhi amaHeberu 10:24, 25.

Khona-ke, futhi, kuwo wonke amabandla oFakazi BakaJehova angaba ngu-70 000 emhlabeni wonke, kunababonisi abanothando ‘abanjengendawo yokucashela umoya nesivikelo esivunguvungwini.’ ‘Amehlo nezindlebe zabo kuyakuphaphamela izidingo zabantu.’ (Isaya 32:2, 3, TEV) Ngakho abasanda kuba oFakazi BakaJehova, kanye nalabo abanokuhlangenwe nakho okwengeziwe, banomthombo omangalisayo wosizo olutholakala ebandleni lobuKristu njengoba besebenzela ukwembatha ubuntu obusha.

Ababonisi Abanozwela

Lapho abantu beza kubabonisi abangamaKristu emabandleni oFakazi BakaJehova ukuze bathole iseluleko, lababonisi baqeqeshelwe ukubalalela bonke ngaphandle kokukhetha. Bakhuthazwa ukuba babonise wonke umuntu, ikakhulukazi izisulu zokuxhashazwa okukhulu, uzwela nokuqonda okukhulu.—Kolose 3:12; 1 Thesalonika 5:14.

Ngokwesibonelo, kungenzeka owesifazane oshayiwe uye walimala kakhulu. Emazweni amaningi namuhla, ukuba lokho kushaya kwakuye kwenziwa kothile ongelona ilungu lomkhaya, umxhaphazi wayeyoboshwa. Ngakho isisulu sidinga ukuphathwa ngomusa ongaphezu kovamile, njengoba kunjalo nangezisulu zazo zonke ezinye izinhlo-bo zokuxhashazwa, njengokuxhashazwa ngokobulili.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, abagqugquzeli bobugebengu ngokumelene nemithetho kaNkulunkulu kufanele basolwe. Ngalendlela ibandla ligcinwa lihlanzekile, futhi abanye abantu abangenacala bayavikelwa. Futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, ukugeleza komoya kaNkulunkulu akuphazanyiswa.—1 Korinte 5:1-7; Galathiya 5:9.

Umbono KaNkulunkulu Ngomshado

Lapho abantu beba oFakazi BakaJehova, bayavuma ukuba baqondiswe izimiso zokuphila kobuKristu ezitholakala eZwini likaNkulunkulu. Bafunda ukuthi indoda imiswe njengenhloko yomkhaya, ukuze iwuqondise ekukhulekeleni kweqiniso. (Efesu 5:22) Kodwa ubunhloko abugunyazi ukuphatha umkayo ngonya, ukubhidliza ubuntu bakhe, noma ukunganaki izifiso zakhe.

Ngokuphambene, iZwi likaNkulunkulu likwenza kucace ukuthi amadoda kufanele ‘athande omkawo, njengalokho noKristu ulithandile ibandla, wazinikela ngenxa yalo . . . Amadoda afanele ukuthanda omkawo njengemizimba yawo. Othanda umkakhe uzithanda yena. Ngokuba akakho owake wazonda eyakhe inyama, kepha uyayondla, ayiphathe kahle.’ (Efesu 5:25, 28, 29) Ngempela, iZwi likaNkulunkulu lisho ngokuqondile ukuthi amakhosikazi kufanele anikezwe “udumo.”—1 Petru 3:7; bheka futhi eyabaseRoma 12:3, 10; Filipi 2:3, 4.

Ngokuqinisekile ayikho indoda engumKristu engagomela ngokwethembeka ukuthi ngempela ithanda umkayo noma imnikeza udumo uma imxhaphaza ngamazwi noma ngokomzimba. Lokho bekungaba ukuzenzisa, ngoba iZwi likaNkulunkulu lithi: “Madoda, thandani omkenu, ningabacasukeli.” (Kolose 3:19) Ngokushesha, izahlulelo zikaNkulunkulu zifika ngokumelene nalesimiso esibi eArmagedoni, abazenzisi bayokwehlelwa isahlulelo esifanayo nesabaphikisi bokubusa kukaNkulunkulu.—Mathewu 24:51.

Indoda esaba uNkulunkulu kumelwe ithande umkayo njengomzimba wayo siqu. Ibingawushaya yini umzimba wayo siqu, izingqimuze ebusweni, noma idonse izinwele zayo ngobudlova? Ibingazilulaza yini ngokwedelela nangokubhuqa phambi kwabanye? Ngokufanelekile, umuntu owenza izinto ezinjalo ubeyobhekwa njengongahluzekile ngokwengqondo.

Uma indoda engumKristu ishaya umkayo, yenza yonke eminye imisebenzi yayo yobuKristu ibe yize emehlweni kaNkulunkulu. Khumbula, “isilwi” asiwafanelekeli amalungelo ebandleni lobuKristu. (1 Thimothewu 3:3; 1 Korinte 13:1-3) Iqiniso, noma yimuphi owesifazane owenza ngendlela efanayo kumyeni wakhe naye waphula umthetho kaNkulunkulu.

EyabaseGalathiya 5:19-21 ibeka ‘ubutha, nokulwa, . . . nokuthukuthela’ phakathi kwemisebenzi elahlwa uNkulunkulu futhi ithi “abenza okunje abayikulidla ifa lombuso kaNkulunkulu.” Ngakho, ukushaya komuntu umngane wakhe womshado noma izingane zakhe akuthethelelwa nakancane. Ngokuvamile kumelene nomthetho wezwe futhi ngokuqinisekile kumelene nomthetho kaNkulunkulu.

INqabayokulinda, umagazini okhishwa oFakazi BakaJehova, uye wanikeza umbono ongokomBhalo kulendaba, uthi ngalabo abathi bangamaKristu kodwa abashaya amakhosikazi noma amadoda: “Noma ngubani ozisholo ukuthi ungumKristu lowo ngokuphindaphindiwe nangokungaphenduki ovumela okunobudlova ukulwa angasuswa ekuhlanganyeleni,” axoshwe.—November 15, 1975, ikhasi 527; qhathanisa neyesi-2 Johane 9, 10.

Lokho Okuvunyelwa Umthetho KaNkulunkulu

UNkulunkulu ekugcineni uyobahlulela labo abeqa imithetho yakhe. Kodwa okwamanje, yikuphi lokho iZwi lakhe elikuvumelayo kulabobangane bomshado abangamaKristu abaye bashaywa lapho umphikeleli engaguquki kodwa eqhubeka nokuxhaphaza kwakhe? Ingabe izisulu ezingenacala ziphoqelekile ukuba ziqhubeke zibeka engozini impilo yazo engokomzimba, engokwengqondo, nengokomoya, mhlawumbe ngisho nokuphila kwazo?

INqabayokulinda, iphawula ngobudlova ekhaya, iphawula lokho okuvunyelwa yiZwi likaNkulunkulu. Ithi: “Umphostoli uPawulu uyeluleka: ‘Umfazi kangahlukane nendoda; kepha uma eké wahlukana nayo, kahlale engaganile, kumbe abuyisane nendoda yakhe—nendoda ingamlahli umkayo.’” Lesihloko siqhubeka sithi: “Esimweni lapho ukuphathwa kabi sekuba okungenakubekezelelwa, noma ukuphila kuba sengozini, umngane okholwayo angakhetha ‘ukwehlukana.’ Kepha umzamo kumelwe kube uku‘buyisana’ futhi ngesikhathi esifanele. (1 Korinte 7:10-16) Nokho, ‘ukuhlukana’ nje ngokwakho akunikezi isizathu esingokomBhalo sedivosi nokuphinde ushade; nokho, idivosi engokomthetho noma ukwehlukana okungokomthetho kunganikeza ukuvikeleka okukhulu ekuphathweni kabi okuqhubekayo.”—September 1, 1983, ikhasi 27; bheka futhi umagazini ka-November 1, 1988, amakhasi 22-3.

Lokho isisulu esikhetha ukukwenza kulezimo kumelwe kube yisinqumo somuntu siqu. “Yilowo nalowo uyakuthwala owakhe umthwalo.” (Galathiya 6:5) Akekho omunye ongamenzela isinqumo esinjalo. Futhi akekho okufanele azame ukumcindezela ukuba abuyele endodeni exhaphazayo lapho impilo, ukuphila, nengokomoya lakhe kusongelwa khona. Lokho kumelwe kube ukuzikhethela kwakhe, kokuzithandela, hhayi ngoba abanye bezama ukumthwesa intando yabo.—Bheka uFilemoni 14.

Ukuphela Kobudlova Basekhaya

OFakazi BakaJehova baye bafunda ukuthi ubudlova basekhaya buyisibonelo soqobo salokho iBhayibheli elakubikezela ngalezinsuku zokugcina, lapho abaningi babeyoba “abaxhaphazayo,” “abangenalo uthando lwemvelo,” kanye “nabanolaka.” (2 Thimothewu 3:2, 3, The New English Bible) UNkulunkulu uthembisa ukuthi ngemva kwalezinsuku zokugcina, uyongenisa izwe elisha elinokuthula lapho abantu ‘beyakuhlala belondekile, bengasatshiswa-muntu.’—Hezekeli 34:28.

Kulelozwe elisha elimangalisayo, ubudlova basekhaya buyoba yinto yesikhathi esidlule phakade. “Abathobekileyo bazakudla ifa lomhlaba, bathokoze ngokuthula okukhulu.”—IHubo 37:11.

Sikukhuthaza ukuba ufunde okwengeziwe ngezithembiso zeBhayibheli zesikhathi esizayo. Ngempela, ungavuna izinzuzo ngisho namanje ngokusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli esimweni somkhaya wakho.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Izithombe ekhasini 10]

Izimiso zeBhayibheli zisiza ukuxazulula izingxabano zomkhaya

[Isithombe ekhasini 13]

Izisulu kufanele zithulule isifuba kumngane othembekayo