Ukuba Nezingane Zokutholwa—Kufanele Ngikubheke Kanjani?

KUSOBALA ukuthi kungavela izinkinga uma abazali abanengane yokutholwa behlukanisa noma uma omunye wabo efa. Kodwa ngokuvamile ingane yokutholwa engase ibe nobunzima obukhulu. Ngani?

Abaningi bethu bayabazi abazali babo ababazalayo. Ngisho noma bafa sisebancane, siyabakhumbula, noma mhlawumbe sinezithombe zabo, ukuze sihlanganise uhlu lozalo. Nokho, kuthiwani ngomntwana owaba ngowokutholwa ngokushesha ngemva kokuzalwa? Inhlangano yezingane zokutholwa igcina imininingwane kamama, kodwa ngokuvamile lokho kwaziswa akutholakali kuze kube yilapho ingane isikhulile. Kwezinye izimo, umama ubhalisa igama lakhe siqu esitifiketini sokuzalwa kodwa angalibhalisi elikababa. Abanye abantwana batholakala ngemva kokuba abazali babo abangaziwa beye babashiya dengwane. Izingane ezikuzo zonke lezi zimo azinayo imvelaphi—zingase zizizwe zihlukanisiwe nesizinda noma indabuko yazo.

Kuhleleke Kangakanani?

Imithi idinga izimpande eziqinile ukuze igxile. Ihlumela elisha elixhunyelelwe esiqwini esesikhulile lingase likhule kahle, kodwa futhi lingase libune lingakhiqizi zithelo. Ngokufanayo, nakuba abazali abanezingane zokutholwa bengase bazinakekele futhi bazibonise uthando ngangokunokwenzeka, ezinye izingane azilulami neze ekushaqekeni ngenxa yokuhlukaniswa nendabuko yazo. Cabangela indaba kaKate.a Njengoba azalwa abazali abangamaNdiya aseNtshonalanga, uKate watholwa umkhaya wabamhlophe okhathalelayo futhi onothando, kodwa akazange asamukele isimo sakhe esisha. Lapho eneminyaka engu16 ubudala, weqa ekhaya, wangaphinde wabuya. Ngaleso sikhathi intukuthelo yabe isiphenduke inzondo engalawuleki. Wayefuna ukwazi: “Kungani umama anginikela kini?” Ngokudabukisayo, lomkhaya awuzange ukwazi ukuvala leli gebe.

UMervyn wayiswa esikhungweni sendawo sokunakekelwa lapho ezalwa futhi kamuva wanakekelwa abazali ababemkhulisa. Lapho enezinyanga ezingu-9 ubudala, waba ingane yokutholwa. Ngenxa yokungaqiniseki ngesizinda sakhe ekuqaleni, kanye nokucasulwa ukuba ngowolunye uhlanga, waba nesimo sengqondo sokuvukela okwambangela inkathazo enkulu nokudabuka okujulile kubazali ababemtholile, ababemenzela zonke izinto. “Uma noma ubani ebengacela iseluleko kimi ngokuba nengane yokutholwa,” kusho unina, “manje bengingathi, ‘Kucabangisise.’”

Ngokuphambene, cabangela okuhlangenwe nakho kukaRobert noSylvia. Babenendodana eyodwa futhi bengasazitholi ezinye izingane. Babuzwa: “Nike nakucabangela yini ukuba nengane yokutholwa yesinye isizwe?” Ngokushesha baba nengane yokutholwa uMak-Chai, intombazanyana enezinyanga ezingu-9 ubudala yaseHong Kong. “Ngivame ukuzibuza ukuthi kungani ngashiywa dengwane,” kusho uMak-Chai, “nokuthi nginabo yini abafowethu noma odadewethu. Kodwa ngicabanga ukuthi ngisondelene kakhulu nomama nobaba abangithola kunendlela izingane eziningi ezisondelene ngayo nabazali bazo abazizalayo.

Ukuba bengibazi abazali bami abangizalayo, bekungeke kwenze umehluko omkhulu, ngaphandle kokuthi mhlawumbe bengiyoziqonda kangcono ezinye izici zami.” Ingabe abazali bakhe bokutholwa bayakutusa ukuba nengane yokutholwa? “Yebo,” besho, “ngoba kithi kuye kwaba okuhlangenwe nakho okuhle!”

Izizathu Zokuqapha

UGraham noRuth baba nabantwana bokutholwa ababili, umfana nentombazane, ababezohlalisana nendodana nendodakazi yabo. Zozine lezi zingane zakhuliswa njengomkhaya owodwa onobunye endaweni ejabulisayo. “Zonke izingane zethu zahamba eminyakeni eminingi edlule futhi sezizimele. Sixhumana njalo futhi sizithanda zonke,” kusho uRuth. Kodwa ngokudabukisayo, zombili izingane zokutholwa zaba nezinkinga ezingathi sina. Ngani?

“Udokotela wethu wasitshela ukuthi indawo ingane ekhulela kuyo ibaluleke kakhulu,” kusho uGraham, manje onomuzwa wokuthi izici ezizuzwe ngofuzo ziyimbangela eyinhloko. Uyanezela: “Futhi, kuthiwani ngempilo kamama lapho ayekhulelwe? Siyazi manje ukuthi izidakamizwa, utshwala, nogwayi kuyayithinta ingane engakazalwa. Ngitusa ukuba baxilongisiswe bobabili abazali, ngisho nogogo nomkhulu uma kungenzeka, ngaphambi kokuba kuthathwe ingane yokutholwa.”

Unina kaPeter waphinde washada, futhi uPeter waxhashazwa usingayise ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo. Lapho eneminyaka emithathu ubudala, wanikelwa ukuba abe ingane yokutholwa. “Ngabenqaba abazali ababengitholile lapho nje ngiphuma enkantolo,” kusho uPeter. Wanezela: “Ngabulala yonke into engangiyithola. Lapho ngilala, ngangiphupha kabi. Lapho ngibheka emuva manje, ngiyabona ukuthi ngangiphazamiseke kakhulu kangakanani. Ngemva kokuba abazali ababengitholile nabo behlukanisile, izinto zaba zimbi kakhulu—izidakamizwa, ukweba, ukucekela phansi impahla, nokudakwa nsuku zonke.

“Lapho ngineminyaka engu-27 ubudala, ngangingasiboni isizathu sokuqhubeka ngiphila futhi ngacabanga ukuzibulala. Khona-ke ngelinye ilanga othile wanginikeza ipheshana elisekelwe eBhayibhelini elalithi ngokushesha lomhlaba uzoba ipharadesi. Lesi sigijimi sangikhanga. Sasineqiniso. Ngaqala ukufunda nokutadisha iBhayibheli futhi ngaqala ukwenza ushintsho ekuphileni nasebuntwini bami, kodwa ngokuphindaphindiwe ngabuyela ezindleleni zami zakudala. Ngemva kokukhuthazwa okukhulu nokusizwa ubudlelwane bobuKristu, manje ngizizwa ngijabule kakhulu futhi nginganqikazi nakancane ekukhonzeni uNkulunkulu kunalokho engangikucabanga eminyakeni embalwa edlule. Futhi ngiye ngakwazi ukuvuselela ubuhlobo obufudumele nomama, okuyinto ejabulisayo.”

Ukubhekana Namaqiniso

Lapho kuziwa ekubeni nezingane zokutholwa, isimo siyashuba. Uthando olweqile nokubonga kubonakaliswa nentukuthelo nokungabongi. Ngokwesibonelo, u-Edgar Wallace akazange amthethelele unina ngokumshiya dengwane, okuyindlela aziqonda ngayo izenzo zakhe. Unina waya ukuyombona ngonyaka afa ngawo, emanqikanqika ukucela usizo olungokwezimali, kodwa u-Edgar, nakuba ayecebile ngaleso sikhathi, wenqaba ngokuqondile ukumsiza. Ngokushesha kamuva, lapho ezwa ukuthi unina ngabe wangcwatshiswa okwenja ukuba abangane abathile abazange babonise umusa ngokukhokhela umngcwabo wakhe, wazisola ngokujulile ngokungabi naluzwela.

Abantu abacabangela ukuba nezingane zokutholwa kumelwe bakulungele ukubhekana ngokoqobo nezinkinga nezinselele ezingase zivele. Izingane azibongi ngaso sonke isikhathi ngalokho abazali bazo—bokutholwa noma abazizalayo—abazenzela kona, ngisho nasezimweni ezinhle kakhulu. Eqinisweni, iBhayibheli lithi abantu osukwini lwethu babeyoba “abangenakho ukusondelana ngokomzwelo okungokwemvelo” futhi babe “abangabongiyo” ‘nabangathembekile.’—2 Thimothewu 3:1-5.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuvulela ingane edinga abazali ikhaya lakho—nenhliziyo yakho—kungaba okuhlangenwe nakho okuhle nokucebisayo. Ngokwesibonelo, uCathy ubabonga ngokujulile abazali bakhe bokutholwa ngokumnikeza ikhaya lobuKristu nokunakekela izidingo zakhe ezingokomzimba nezingokomoya.—Bheka ibhokisi elithi “Kwaphumelela Kithi,” ekhasini 8.

Lapho bechaza indlela abazizwa ngayo ngamadodana namadodakazi abo okutholwa, abazali bezingane ezinjalo bangase bakhumbule amazwi omhubi: “Izingane ziyisipho esivela eNkosini; ziyisibusiso sangempela.”—IHubo 127:3, Today’s English Version.

[Umbhalo waphansi]