Amazwi Anokhahlo Abangela Umoya Owaphukileyo

“Lesi sinamba esiyisiwula!”a Owesifazane othile waseJapane uwakhumbula kahle kamhlophe lawo mazwi—wayechashwa ngawo njalo lapho esengumntwana. Echashwa ubani? Izingane zesikole? Izingane zakubo? Cha. Abazali bakhe. Uyakhumbula: “Ngangicindezeleka ngoba ukubizwa ngamagama ayiziswana kwakungilimaza kakhulu.”

Indoda ethile yase-United States ikhumbula ukuthi lapho isengumntwana, yayifikelwa ukwesaba nokukhathazeka njalo lapho uyise efika ekhaya. Iyakhumbula: “Ngisho nanamuhla ngisawukhumbula umsindo wamasondo emoto lapho ingena egcekeni, futhi lokhu kusangenza ngibe nohlevane. Udadewethu omncane wayecasha. Ubaba wayengezwani namaphutha futhi njalo wayesikhaca ngokungayenzi ngendlela egculisayo yonke imisebenzi okwakufanele siyenze.”

Udadewabo walendoda uyanezela: “Angikhumbuli abazali bami besigona, besiqabula, noma besho okuthile okunjengokuthi ‘Ngiyakuthanda’ noma ‘Ngiyaziqhenya ngawe.’ Futhi uma umntwana engawezwa amazwi athi ‘Ngiyakuthanda,’ kunjengokutshelwa ukuthi ‘Ngiyakuzonda’—zonke izinsuku zokuphila kwakhe.”

ABANYE bangase bathi ukucindezeleka laba bantu ababhekana nakho besengabantwana kwakukuncane. Ngokuqinisekile akuyona into engavamile ukuba abantwana bachashwe ngamazwi anokhahlo, angenamusa futhi baphathwe ngonya. Lokhu akuvezwa ezihlokweni zamaphephandaba ezisabekayo nasezinhlelweni ze-TV ezishukumisa umzwelo. Umonakalo awubonakali. Kodwa uma abazali bephatha kabi abantwana babo ngalendlela nsuku zonke, imiphumela ingalimaza kakhulu—futhi ihlale ukuphila konke.

Cabangela ukuhlola okwenziwa ngo-1990 okulandela okwango-1951 okwahlola imikhuba yabazali eqenjini labantwana abaneminyaka emihlanu ubudala. Abacwaningi bakwazi ukuthungatha iningi lalaba bantwana, manje abaseminyakeni yabo yokuqina, ukuze bathole imiphumela yesikhathi eside yendlela abakhuliswa ngayo. Lokhu kuhlola okusha kwaphetha ngokuthi abantwana abagcina benezinkinga ezinkulu ekuphileni, abangaphilile kahle ngokomzwelo futhi abanezinkinga emshadweni, nabangane, ngisho nasemsebenzini, kwakungebona abantwana babazali abampofu noma babazali abacebile noma ngisho babazali okusobala ukuthi banezinkinga. Kwakungabantwana abanabazali ababengasondelene nabo futhi ababengenamfudumalo nababengalubonisi uthando.

Imiphumela yalokhu kuhlola iwubufakazi obuncane kakhulu beqiniso elalotshwa eminyakeni engaba ngu-2000 edlule: “Nina bobaba, ningabathukuthelisi abantwana benu, ukuze bangadangali.” (Kolose 3:21) Ukuchapha ngamazwi nokuxhaphaza ngokomzwelo kwabazali ngokuqinisekile kuyabathukuthelisa abantwana futhi kungabenza ukuba badangale ngempela.

Ngokwencwadi ethi Growing Up Sad, esikhathini esingeside esidlule odokotela babecabanga ukuthi ayikho into okuthiwa ukucindezeleka kwabantwana. Kodwa ukuhamba kwesikhathi nezenzakalo kuye kwaveza okuphambene nalokho. Abalobi bathi namuhla ukucindezeleka kwabantwana kuyaziwa futhi kuyinsakavukela. Ezinye zezimbangela zakho ukwaliwa nokuphathwa kabi abazali. Laba balobi bayachaza: “Kwezinye izimo umzali uye wakhungathekisa umntwana ngokumgxeka nokumlulaza ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kwezinye izimo kumane kunegebe ebuhlotsheni bomzali nomntwana: umzali akalubonisi uthando lwakhe kumntwana. . . . Umphumela uba mubi kakhulu kubantwana abanabazali abanjalo ngoba kumntwana—noma ngisho nakumuntu omdala—ukuboniswa uthando kunjengokuthola kwesitshalo ukukhanya kwelanga namanzi.”

Ngothando lwabazali, uma luboniswa ngokucacile nangokukhululekile, abantwana bafunda iqiniso elibalulekile: Bayathandeka; bayigugu. Abaningi ngephutha babheka lokhu njengokuziphakamisa, ukuzithanda komuntu ngaphezu kwabanye. Kodwa kulomongo, asikhulumi ngalokho. Encwadini yakhe ekhuluma ngalendaba, omunye umlobi uthi: “Indlela umntanakho azibheka ngayo ithonya abangane abakhethayo, indlela asebenzelana ngayo nabanye, uhlobo lomuntu ashada naye, nokuthi uyochuma kangakanani.” IBhayibheli liyavuma ukuthi kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba umuntu abe nombono olinganiselayo, angabi ozidlayo lapho lithi umyalo wesibili omkhulu kunayo yonke yilo: “Kumelwe uthande umakhelwane wakho njengoba uzithanda wena.”—Mathewu 22:38, 39.

Kunzima ukucabanga ngomzali ophile kahle ofuna ukubhidliza okuthile okubaluleke futhi okuyigugu njengokuzethemba komntwana. Khona-ke, kungani kuvame kangaka? Futhi kungavinjelwa kanjani?

[Umbhalo waphansi]