Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Yini Engalungile Ngokufihla Ukuthi Uthandana Nothile?

UJessicaa wabhekana nenkinga. Le nkinga yaqala lapho umfana othile ayefunda naye uJeremy eqala ukubonisa isithakazelo kuye. Uthi: “Wayemuhle kakhulu, futhi abangane bami babethi uhlonipheke kunabo bonke abafana esengike ngahlangana nabo. Iningana lamantombazane lalike lazama ukuthandana naye, kodwa wayengenasithakazelo kuwo. Wayethanda mina ngedwa.”

Kungakabi kuphi, uJeremy waqala ukushela uJessica. UJessica uthi: “Ngamchazela ukuthi njengomunye woFakazi BakaJehova, ngangingeke ngivunyelwe ukuthandana nomuntu okwenye inkolo. Kodwa uJeremy weza neqhinga. Wangibuza: ‘Kungani singavele sibafihlele abazali bakho ukuthi siyathandana?’”

UMA othile okukhangayo ebengasikisela lokhu, wena ubungamphendula kanjani? Kungase kukumangaze ukwazi ukuthi ekuqaleni, uJessica wavumelana naleli qhinga likaJeremy. Uthi: “Ngangiqiniseka ukuthi uma ngithandana naye, ngizomfundisa ukuthanda uJehova.” Zahamba kanjani izinto? Sizothola kamuva. Okokuqala, ake sibone ukuthi ngisho nomKristu oyisibonelo njengoJessica angabambeka kanjani ogibeni lokufihla ukuthi uthandana nothile enganakile.

Isizathu Sokuba Bakwenze

Intsha ethile ithandana isencane kakhulu. USusan waseBrithani uthi: “Ngike ngabona izingane eziqomene ezineminyaka engu-10 noma engu-11.” Kungani zinelukuluku elingaka lokuthandana? Ukukhangwa okungokwemvelo othile wobulili obuhlukile kanye nokucindezela kontanga—ngokuvamile yikhona okuyimbangela. ULois wase-Australia uthi: “Kunoshintsho olwenzekayo ngaphakathi emzimbeni wakho, futhi wonke umuntu esikoleni uthandana nothile.”

Kodwa kungani abanye bekufihla ukuthandana kwabo? UJeffrey waseBrithani uthi: “Mhlawumbe besaba ukuthi abazali babo bazothini.” UDavid waseNingizimu Afrika, uzizwa ngendlela efanayo. Uthi: “Bayazi ukuthi abazali babo ngeke bakuvumele lokho, ngakho-ke bayabafihlela.” UJane, intombazane yase-Australia, uveza okunye okungase kube yimbangela. Uthi: “Ukuthandana okuyimfihlo kuyindlela yokuvukela. Uma unomuzwa wokuthi awuphethwe njengomuntu osekhulile ocabanga ukuthi usunguye, unquma ukuthi uzokwenza into oyifunayo futhi ngeke ubatshele abazali bakho. Kulula ukufihla.”

Kakade, iBhayibheli likuyala ukuba ulalele abazali bakho. (Efesu 6:1) Uma abazali bakho bengavumi ukuba uthandane nothile, ngokuqinisekile kumelwe kube nesizathu esizwakalayo. Ngokwesibonelo, uma bengoFakazi BakaJehova, abazali bakho bayofuna ukuba uthandane nokholwa naye kuphela—futhi uma nje nobabili senikulungele ukucabangela umshado.b Nokho, ungamangali uma usuzithola ucabanga ukuthi:

◼ Ngizizwa ngilahliwe ngoba wonke umuntu uthandana nothile ngaphandle kwami nje.

◼ Ngikhangwa othile onezinkolelo ezingafani nezami.

◼ Ngingathanda ukuthandana nomKristu, nakuba ngisemncane kakhulu ukuba ngingashada.

Mhlawumbe uyazi ukuthi abazali bakho bangathini ngalokhu. Nasenhliziyweni yakho, uyazi ukuthi abazali bakho baqinisile. Noma kunjalo, ungase ube nomuzwa ofana nokaManami waseJapane, othi: “Ukucindezela kokuba ngithandane nothile kukhulu kakhulu kangangokuba ngezinye izikhathi ngiba manqikanqika. Kuyinto engacabangeki ezinganeni namuhla ukuba zingaqomani.” Ezinye ezikuleso simo ziye zaqala ukuthandana futhi zabafihlela abazali bazo. Kanjani?

“Kwathiwa Asikufihle”

Inkulumo ethi “ukuthandana okuyimfihlo” ngokwayo isikisela ukukhohlisa okuthile. Abanye bayafihla ukuthi bayathandana ngokuxhumana ngocingo noma nge-Internet ngokuyinhloko. Phambi kwabantu bamane nje bangabangane, nakuba imiyalezo ababhalelana yona ngama-computer nomakhalekhukhwini kanye nokuthintana ngocingo kuveza esinye isithombe.

UCaleb waseNigeria, wembula enye indlela yokukhohlisa. Uthi: “Enye intsha ethandana ngokuyimfihlo isebenzisa indlela ethile yokukhuluma namagama okuteketisana lapho ikhuluma nontanga ukuze abanye bangazi ukuthi ikhuluma ngani.” Enye indlela ukuhlela ukwenza izinto ngamaqembu, ukuze nje kamuva yilowo nalowo ahambe nesithandwa sakhe. UJames waseBrithani uthi: “Ngelinye ilanga, samenywa njengeqembu ukuba sihlangane endaweni ethile, sathola kamuva ukuthi yonke le nto yayihlelelwe ukuba ababili eqenjini bakwazi ukuba ndawonye. Kwathiwa asikufihle lokhu.”

UJames uthi ngokuvamile abantu bathandana ngokufihla ngosizo lwabangane. UCarol waseScotland uthi: “Okungenani umngane oyedwa uyasazi isimo kodwa ukhetha ukuba angasho lutho ngenxa yomqondo ‘wokufihla.’

Ngokuvamile, kuhilela ukungathembeki ngamabomu. UBeth waseCanada uthi: “Iningi likugcina kuyimfihlo ukuthandana kwalo ngokuqamba amanga kubazali lapho liya endaweni ethile.” UMisaki waseJapane uyavuma ukuthi wayekwenza lokho. Uthi: “Kwakudingeka ngiqambe amanga ngokucophelela. Ngangikuqaphela ukuba ngingawaqambi amanye amanga ngaphandle kwalawo aphathelene nokuqoma kwami ukuze abazali bami bangalahlekelwa ukungethemba.”

Izingozi Zokuthandana Okuyimfihlo

Uma ulingeka ukuba uthandane nothile ngokufihla—noma uma vele usukwenza—kufanele ucabangele nakhu okulandelayo:

◼ Iyongiholelaphi inkambo yami yokukhohlisa? Ingabe uzimisele ukushada nalo muntu ngokushesha? U-Evan wase-United States uthi: “Ukuthandana ningenayo injongo yokushada kufana nokukhangisa ngento ongayidayisi.” IzAga 13:12 zithi: “Ukuhlehliswa kwento elindelwe kuyayigulisa inhliziyo.” Ingabe ufuna ngempela ukwenza inhliziyo yomuntu omthandayo igule?

◼ Uzizwa kanjani uJehova ngalokho engikwenzayo? IBhayibheli lithi: “Zonke izinto zíze futhi zenekwe obala emehlweni alowo esiyolandisa kuye.” (Hebheru 4:13) Ngakho-ke uma ukufihla ukuthandana kwakho nothile—noma ukuthi umngane wakho uthandana nothile—uJehova uyazi kakade ngakho. Futhi uma kuhilela nokukhohlisa, unesizathu esihle sokukhathazeka. UJehova uNkulunkulu uyakuzonda ukuqamba amanga. Ngokuqinisekile, “ulimi olunamanga” lubalwa ngokuphawulekayo eBhayibhelini phakathi kwezinto uNkulunkulu azizondayo.—IzAga 6:16-19.

Empeleni, uma uthandana nothile ngokuyimfihlo, uzincisha isivikelo ongasithola lapho ubuhlobo bakho nothandana naye baziwa, bungafihlekile. Akumangazi ukuthi abanye abathandana ngokuyimfihlo bawela ekuziphatheni okubi kobulili. UJane wase-Australia uxoxa ngomngane wakhe othile owathandana nomfana ayefunda naye esikoleni ngokuyimfihlo futhi lokho kwaholela ekuphileni okumbaxambili. Uthi: “Ngesikhathi uyise athola ngaso ukuthi uqomile, wayesekhulelwe.”

Ngokuqinisekile, uyobe wenza kahle ukuxoxa nabazali bakho noma nomKristu ovuthiwe osekhulile nganoma yibuphi ubuhlobo obuyimfihlo okungenzeka ukuthi uhileleke kubo. Uma unomngane othandana nothile ngokuyimfihlo, ungahlanganyeli naye kuleso senzo ngokufihla ukuthandana kwabo. (1 Thimothewu 5:22) Ngoba, ubungazizwa kanjani uma ubuhlobo babo bebungaba nemiphumela eyingozi? Ngeke yini nawe ube necala ngezinga elithile? Ake sithi umngane onesifo sikashukela udla amaswidi ngokufihla. Kuthiwani uma uthola ukuthi wenza kanjalo, kodwa akuncenge ukuba ungatsheli muntu? Yini obungakhathazeka ngayo kakhulu—ukuvikela umngane wakho ngokuqamba amanga noma ukuthatha isinyathelo esingasindisa ukuphila kwakhe?

Yisimo esifanayo uma wazi othile ofihlayo ukuthi uthandana nothile. Ungakhathazeki ngokonakala ngokuphelele kobuhlobo benu! Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, umngane weqiniso uyobona ukuthi wawumsiza.—IzAga 27:6.

“Ngangazi Ukuthi Kufanele Ngenzeni”

UJessica, okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni, wawushintsha umqondo wokufihla ukuthandana kwakhe nothile lapho ezwa okuhlangenwe nakho komunye umKristu owayesesimweni esifanayo. Uthi: “Ngemva kokuzwa ukuthi wahlukana kanjani nesoka lakhe, ngangazi ukuthi kufanele ngenzeni.” Ingabe kwaba lula ukuhlukana nalo mfana? Cha! UJessica uthi: “Wayengekho omunye umfana engangike ngamthanda njengaye. Kwaphela amasonto ngikhala nsuku zonke.”

Nokho, kunokunye uJessica ayekwazi—ukuthi wayemthanda uJehova nokuthi nakuba ayephambukile, wayefuna ngempela ukwenza okulungile. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ubuhlungu bokuhlukana nalo mfana badamba. Uthi: “Manje, ubuhlobo bami noJehova bungcono kakhulu kunangaphambili. Ngiyajabula kakhulu ukuthi usinika isiqondiso esisidingayo ngesikhathi esifanele!”

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

OKUDINGA UKUCATSHANGELWA

◼ Cabangela izimo ezintathu ezibhalwe ngokugqamile ekhasini 27. Yisiphi kulezi zimo esichaza indlela ozizwa ngayo, uma sikhona?

◼ Ungasilunganisa kanjani leso simo ngaphandle kokufihla ukuthi uthandana nothile?

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 28]

Bayakufihla Noma Kuseyinto Yabo Bodwa?

Akuzona zonke izimfihlo eziphathelene nokuthandana eziwukukhohlisa. Ake sithi insizwa nentombi asebekhule ngokwanele ukuba bashade bangathanda ukwazana kangcono kodwa basafuna ukuba kube yinto yabo bodwa okwesikhashana. Mhlawumbe, njengoba kwasho insizwa egama layo linguThomas, “Abafuni ukufundekelwa ngemibuzo efana nothi, ‘Ake nisitshele ukuthi nizoshada nini?’”

Ukucindezela okungafanele okuvela kwabanye kungaba yingozi ngempela. (IsiHlabelelo SeziHlabelelo 2:7) Ngakho-ke, lapho isanda kuthandana, eminye imibhangqwana ingase ikhethe ukungabatsheli abantu—ngesikhathi esifanayo iqaphele ukuba ingazihlukanisi nabanye. (IzAga 10:19) U-Anna oneminyaka engu-20, uthi: “Lokhu kunikeza abantu isikhathi sokunquma ukuthi bafuna ukushada ngempela yini. Uma befuna, babe sebebonakala obala.”

Ngesikhathi esifanayo, kungaba kubi ukungabatsheli labo abanelungelo lokwazi ngalobo buhlobo, njengabazali bakho noma balowo othandana naye. Uma ungabatsheli abanye ngokuthandana kwenu, kufanele uzibuze ukuthi kungani kunjalo. Ingabe isimo sakho sifana nesikaJessica okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni kulesi sihloko? Ingabe uyazi enhliziyweni yakho ukuthi abazali bakho bayoba nezizathu ezizwakalayo zokwenqaba?

Izihloko ezengeziwe zochungechunge oluthi “Intsha Iyabuza . . . ” zingatholakala engosini ye-Internet ethi www.watchtower.org/ype

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 29]

Okufanele Kuphawulwe Abazali

Ngemva kokufunda isihloko esandulele, ungase uzibuze, ‘Indodana noma indodakazi yami ingathandana yini nothile ingangitsheli?’ Phawula ukuthi yini intsha eningi eyayitshela i-Phaphama! ngokuthi kungani intsha ethile ingase ilingeke ukuba ifihle uma isithandana nothile, bese ucabanga ngemibuzo elandelayo.

◼ “Enye intsha ayikhululeki emakhaya, ngakho-ke inquma ukuba incike esokeni noma entombini.”—UWendy.

Njengomzali, ungaqiniseka kanjani ukuthi izidingo ezongokomzwelo zezingane zakho zinakekelwa ngokufanele? Ingabe kukhona lapho kufanele uthuthukise khona kule ndaba? Uma kunjalo, kukuphi?

◼ “Lapho ngineminyaka engu-14, umfundi owayevela kwelinye izwe wangeshela. Ngamqoma. Ngangicabanga ukuthi kuzoba mnandi ukuba nomfana ozongigaxa.”—UDiane.

Ukube uDiane wayeyindodakazi yakho, wawungayisingatha kanjani le ndaba?

◼ “Omakhalekhukhwini bakwenza kube lula ukuthandana okuyimfihlo. Abazali abazi nhlobo ukuthi kwenzekani!”—U-Annette.

Yiziphi izindlela eziyisivikelo ongazisebenzisa uma kuziwa ekusebenziseni kwezingane zakho omakhalekhukhwini?

◼ “Ukuthandana okuyimfihlo kulula kakhulu uma abazali bengakunaki ngokucophelela lokho okwenziwa yizingane zabo nokuthi zikwenza nobani.”—UThomas.

Ingabe zikhona izindlela ongasondelana ngazo kakhudlwana nengane yakho esikhulile kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo uyinikeze inkululeko efanele?

◼ “Izikhathi eziningi abazali basuke bengekho ekhaya. Noma bazethemba kakhulu izingane zabo, bazivumela ukuba zihambe izindawo nabanye abantu.”—UNicholas.

Cabanga ngabangane abaseduze bengane yakho. Uyazazi ngempela izinto abazenzayo lapho bendawonye?

◼ “Ukuthandana okuyimfihlo kungenzeka lapho abazali beqinisa isandla ngokweqile.”—UPaul.

Ngaphandle kokuyekethisa emithethweni nasezimisweni zeBhayibheli, ungenza kanjani ukuba ‘ukucabangela kwakho kwaziwe’?—Filipi 4:5.

◼“Eminyakeni yami yobusha, ngangingazethembi futhi ngikufuna kakhulu ukunakwa. Ngaqala ukuthumela umfana wakwelinye ibandla elingumakhelwane imiyalezo nge-computer ngagcina sengimthanda. Wayengenza ngizizwe ngikhethekile.”—ULinda.

Zikhona ezinye izindlela ezinhle ongazicabanga okwakunganeliswa ngazo izidingo zikaLinda ekhaya?

Kungani ungasebenzisi lesi sihloko naleli khasi njengesisekelo sengxoxo nendodana noma nendodakazi yakho? Indlela ezidlula zonke yokulwa nokufihla, ukukhulumisana okusuka enhliziyweni futhi ouqondile. Kuthatha isikhathi nesineke ukuqonda izidingo zomuntu osemusha, kodwa izinzuzo ziyanelisa.—IzAga 20:5.