Intsha Iyabuza
Ingabe Kufanele Sihlukane?
“Ngemva kwezinyanga ezintathu siqale ukuthandana, sobabili sasithi izinto zihamba kahle. Sasixoxa ngokuphila kwethu ndawonye njengokungathi kwakuqinisekile.”—UJessica.a
“Ngangithathekile ngaye, futhi ngemva kweminyaka ethile, naye wayeseqala ukunginaka! Kwakumnandi ukuthandana nomuntu omdala owayezonginakekela.”—UCarol.
Bobabili uJessica noCarol bagcina behlukene namasoka abo. Ngani? Ingabe babeyiziwula ngokulahla izinsizwa ezithandeka kangaka?
SEKUPHELE cishe unyaka nithandana. Ekuqaleni, wawuqiniseka ukuthi “usofasilahlane” wakho lo.b Ngezinye izikhathi uye ukhumbule imizwa yothando enaninayo ekuqaleni kobuhlobo benu. Kodwa manje usuyangabaza. Ingabe kufanele ukuzibe lokho? Ungazi kanjani uma kuwukuthi kufanele nihlukane?
Okokuqala, kufanele ubhekane neqiniso elibuhlungu: Ukuziba izimpawu zengozi ebuhlotsheni kunjengokuziba izimpawu eziyisixwayiso ozibona emotweni lapho ushayela. Inkinga ngeke isuke; cishe iyoba yimbi nakakhulu. Yiziphi ezinye zezimpawu eziyingozi ebuhlotsheni okungazuzisa ukuzilalela?
Ubuhlobo bushesha kakhulu. Kungaphakama izinkinga uma ubuhlobo bothando bushesha kakhulu. UCarol uyakhumbula: “Sasithumelelana ama-E-mail, sixoxa nge-computer nangocingo. Lezo zindlela zokukhulumisana zingaba namandla kakhulu kunokuxoxa ubuso nobuso ngoba ningasondelana ngokushesha kakhulu!” Ningazincishi ithuba lokwazana. Ubuhlobo akufanele bube njengokhula oluhluma ngokushesha maqede lubune. Kunalokho, kufanele bube njengesitshalo esiyigugu esithatha isikhathi eside ukuba sikhule.
Uyagxeka futhi uyangilulaza. Intombazane okuthiwa u-Ana ithi: “Isoka lami lalingilulaza njalo, kodwa ngangifuna ukuba nalo njalo.” Uyanezela: “Ngangibekezelela izimo engangingakaze ngicabange ukuthi ngizozivumela!” IBhayibheli liyakulahla ‘ukuhlambalaza.’ (Efesu 4:31) Amazwi alulazayo—ngisho noma eshiwo ngomoya ophansi—awanandawo ebuhlotsheni obunothando.—IzAga 12:18.
Unolaka. IzAga 17:27 zithi: ‘Umuntu onokuqonda unomoya ozolile.’ U-Erin wathola ukuthi isoka lakhe linenkinga kulesi sici. Uthi: “Lapho singavumelani ngokuthile, wayengiphusha, futhi ngezinye izikhathi ngangigcina senginezibazi.” IBhayibheli litshela amaKristu: “Makususwe kini konke ukufutheka okubi nentukuthelo nolaka.” (Efesu 4:31) Umuntu ongakwazi ukuzithiba akakulungele ukuthandana nothile.—2 Thimothewu 3:1, 3, 5.
Uyabufihla ubuhlobo bethu. U-Angela uyakhumbula: “Isoka lami lalingafuni ukuba abanye bazi ukuthi siyathandana. Lacasuka ngisho nalapho ubaba ezwa ngale ndaba!” Kuyiqiniso ukuthi kungase kube nezizathu ezizwakalayo zokuba umbhangqwana ungazivezi izinto ezithile. Kodwa ukuba nezimfihlo—umzamo wangamabomu wokugcina ubuhlobo buyimfihlo kulabo abanelungelo lokwazi ngabo—kuwuphawu lwenkinga.
Akazimisele ukushada. Phakathi kwamaKristu, ukuthandana kunenjongo ehloniphekile—ukusiza insizwa nentombi banqume ukuthi bayafuna yini ukushada. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi lokhu akusho ukuthi kudingeka nihlele umshado uma nje niqala ukuthandana. Empeleni, abantu abaningi abagcini beshade nomuntu wokuqala abathandana naye. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, umuntu akufanele athandane nothile uma engakulungele ukuthwala imithwalo yomshado.
Siyathandana sibuye sihlukane. IzAga 17:17 zithi: “Umngane weqiniso ubonisa uthando ngaso sonke isikhathi.” Lokhu akusho ukuthi nizovumelana njalo nobabili. Kodwa ubuhlobo obuphawuleka ngokuthandana nibuye nihlukane kaningi bungase bubonise ukuthi kunokuthile okujulile okudinga ukulungiswa, njengoba u-Ana aqaphela. Uthi: “Ukuhlukana kwami kaningi nesoka lami kwangizwisa ubuhlungu kakhulu! Ngangilokhu ngifuna ukulungisa ubuhlobo okwakuyoba ngcono ukubuqeda.”
Uyangicindezela ukuba ngilale naye. “Uma ungithanda, uzovuma.” “Kufanele siqhubekisele ubuhlobo bethu phambili.” “Akubona ngempela ubulili uma singalalanga ndawonye.” Lawa amazwi okuxhaphaza abafana abaye bawasebenzise ukuze bacindezele amantombazane ukuba alale nabo. UJakobe 3:17 uthi: “Ukuhlakanipha kwaphezulu okokuqala kumsulwa.” Ufanelwe yisoka elinokuziphatha okuhlanzekile futhi eliyihloniphayo imingcele emsulwa ozibekele yona endabeni yobulili. Ungavumi lutho olunye!
Abanye sebeke bangixwayisa ngaye. IBhayibheli lithi: “Thola sonke iseluleko ongasithola, futhi uyophumelela; ngaphandle kwaso uzohluleka.” (IzAga 15:22, Today’s English Version) UJessica uthi: “Ungakuzibi lokho umkhaya wakini nabangane abakhulu abakucabangayo, njengoba nje kungafanele uyizibe imicabango ekukhathazayo. Uma ukuziba lokho abanye abakushoyo, uzifaka enkingeni enkulu.”
Ngenhla, sibale izingozi nje ezimbalwa ezingase zibonise ukuthi ubuhlobo bunezinkinga.c Uma unesoka, linjani kulezi zici esesixoxe ngazo? Ngezansi bhala izinto ezikukhathazayo.
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Indlela Yokuhlukana
Ake sithi unquma ukuthi kungcono ukuqeda ubuhlobo. Uzokwenza kanjani? Kunezindlela eziningana, kodwa khumbula okulandelayo.
Yiba nesibindi. Intombazane okuthiwa uTrina ithi: “Ngase ngithembele esokeni lami kangangokuba ngangesaba ukuhlukana nalo.” Kudingeka isibindi ukuze ukhulume uma ubuhlobo kufanele buphele. Kodwa kuyasiza ukuzikhulumela. (IzAga 22:3) Kukusiza ukuba uzibekele imingcele eqinile ekutheni yini ozoyibekezelela nongeke uyibekezelele uma uthandana nothile—futhi kamuva, nalapho senishadile.
Mphathe kahle omunye. Ukube bekunguwe olahlwayo, ubungafuna ukuphathwa kanjani? (Mathewu 7:12) Ngokuqinisekile, isoka lakho akufanele nje lithole i-E-mail emfushane, umyalezo ngomakhalekhukhwini, noma umyalezo othi “Sekuphelile!”
Khetha indawo efanele. Ingabe kufanele nikhulume ubuso nobuso noma ngocingo? Ingabe kufanele ubhale incwadi noma kufanele nixoxe? Okuningi kuxhomeke ezimweni. Akufanele nihlangane esimweni esingase sisongele ukuphepha kwakho, futhi akufanele nibe sendaweni ecashile lapho kungase kuphakame khona izifiso ezingalungile.—1 Thesalonika 4:3.
Khuluma iqiniso. Khuluma iqiniso ngokuthi kungani unomuzwa wokuthi ubuhlobo kufanele buphele. Uma unomuzwa wokuthi isoka lakho alikuphathi kahle, litshele. Yisho amazwi aveza umbono wakho. Ngokwesibonelo, esikhundleni sokuba uthi, “Uyangilulaza njalo,” yithi, “Ngizizwa ngilulazeka uma . . .”
Nawe kulungele ukulalela. Ingabe kukhona ongakuqondi kahle ngalesi simo? Ungavumi ukukhohliswa amazwi anobuqili, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, yiba nengqondo futhi ucabangele wonke amaqiniso. IBhayibheli ngokuhlakanipha liyala amaKristu ukuba “asheshe ukuzwa, ephuze ukukhuluma.”—Jakobe 1:19.
Izihloko ezengeziwe eziwuchungechunge ezithi “Intsha Iyabuza” zingatholakala engosini ye-Internet ethi www.watchtower.org/ype
[Imibhalo yaphansi]
a Amagama akulesi sihloko ashintshiwe.
b Nakuba lesi sihloko sethula indaba ngokombono wentombazane, izimiso ezikuso zisebenza kwabesilisa nabesifazane.
c Ukuze uthole ukwaziswa okwengeziwe bheka i-Phaphama! ka-May 2007, amakhasi 18-20.
OKUDINGA UKUCATSHANGELWA
◼ Ngezansi, bhala izimfanelo ozibheka njengezibalulekile kothile ongathandana naye. ․․․․․
◼ Imiphi imikhuba obungeke uyamukele? ․․․․․
[Ibhokisi ekhasini 20]
UMUNTU OKHETHA UKUTHANDANA NAYE KUFANELE . . .
□ abe nezinkolelo ezinjengezakho.—1 Korinte 7:39.
□ ahloniphe imingcele yokuziphatha ozibekele yona.—1 Korinte 6:18.
□ akucabangele wena nabanye.—Filipi 2:4.
□ abe nedumela elihle.—Filipi 2:20.
[Ibhokisi ekhasini 20]
QAPHELA UMA ISOKA LAKHO . . .
□ lifuna ukuba izinto zenzeke ngendlela yalo njalo.
□ lihlale likwenza uzizwe unecala, uyisiwula, noma ungento yalutho.
□ lizama ukukuhlukanisa nabangane bakho nomkhaya wakini.
□ lifuna ukwazi njalo ukuthi ukuphi.
□ likusola ngokuthi udlala ngemizwa yothando nabanye abantu kube kungenasisekelo sokusho kanjalo.
□ likusongela noma likunqumela ugwayi katiki.
[Isithombe ekhasini 19]
Ukuziba izimpawu zengozi ebuhlotsheni kunjengokuziba izimpawu eziyisixwayiso ozibona emotweni lapho ushayela
HLOLA UWOYELA