Izinzuzo Zokubuyisana

UBILL wayemzonda u-Ed, kanti u-Ed yena wayegulela ukufa. Eminyakeni engu-20 ngaphambili, u-Ed wayenze isinqumo esenza uBill walahlekelwa umsebenzi, futhi lokho kwabahlukanisa laba bantu abake baba amathe nolimi. Manje u-Ed wayezama ukuxolisa ukuze aye egodini ngokuthula. Kodwa uBill wala waphetha ukumnika indlebe.

Eminyakeni ecishe ibe ngu-30 kamuva esesondela ethuneni, uBill wachaza ukuthi kungani ayengamxolelanga u-Ed. “Sasingekho isidingo sokuba u-Ed angenze into angenza yona ngingumngane wakhe omkhulu. Ngangingafuni nje ukubuyisana naye ngisho sekudlule iminyaka engu-20. . . . Mhlawumbe ngenza into engalungile, kodwa ngangizizwa ngaleyo ndlela.”a

Ukungezwani akuvamile ukuba nomphumela omubi kangaka, kodwa kuvame ukulimaza abantu noma kubenze bazondane. Ake ucabange ngomuntu ozizwa ngendlela u-Ed ayezizwa ngayo. Ngenxa yokuthi uyabona ukuthi isinqumo sakhe senze umonakalo, umuntu onjalo angase ahlale enonembeza onecala nomuzwa omkhulu wokulahlekelwa. Kanti futhi uzizwa kabi lapho ecabanga ukuthi umngane wakhe amonile ubudicilele phansi njengamafinyila ubungane babo.

Nokho, umuntu ozizwa njengoBill uzibona eyisisulu futhi kungenzeka ukuthi ulimele kakhulu futhi ucasukile. Ngokubona kwakhe, umngane wakhe wayazi ukuthi yikuphi okulungile okwakufanele akwenze, futhi ucabanga ukuthi mhlawumbe umlimaze ngamabomu. Ngokuvamile, lapho abantu ababili bexabene, ngamunye wabo uyaqiniseka ukuthi yena akanacala nokuthi onecala yilona omunye. Ngakho, abantu abake baba abangane bazithola sebesempini ngomqondo othile.

Le mpi ilwiwa buthule. Omunye uvele abheke lé uma omunye edlula, futhi bashaya sengathi abazani lapho benabanye abantu. Bantshontshana ngamehlo belé kude noma babukane ngeso lengulube, ngamehlo agcwele inzondo. Uma kwenzeka bekhuluma, bakhulumisana kabi noma bajikijelane ngamagama aziswana ahlaba njengenkemba.

Nokho, nakuba bebonakala sengathi abatholani nhlobo, cishe zikhona izinto ezithile abavumelana kuzo. Bangase bavume ukuthi banezinkinga ezingathí sina futhi ukuhlukana nomngane omkhulu kubuhlungu. Cishe ngamunye wabo uyabuzwa ubuhlungu balesi silonda esibhibhayo, futhi bobabili bayazi ukuthi kufanele kwenziwe okuthile ukuze selashwe. Kodwa ubani ozothatha isinyathelo sokulungisa ubuhlobo obonakele futhi kubuyisanwe? Akekho ozimisele ukukwenza lokho.

Eminyakeni engu-2 000 edlule, abaphostoli bakaJesu Kristu babeke baxabane kusuke olubomvu. (Marku 10:35-41; Luka 9:46; 22:24) Ngemva kwenye yezingxabano zabo ezimbi, uJesu wabuza: “Beniphikisana ngani endleleni?” Benamahloni, akekho noyedwa owaphendula. (Marku 9:33, 34) Izimfundiso zikaJesu zabasiza ukuba babuyisane. Iseluleko sakhe nesabafundi bakhe abathile sisasiza abantu ukuba baxazulule ukungezwani futhi babuyisele ubungane esimweni esifanele. Ake sibone ukuthi kungenziwa kanjani lokhu.

Lwela Ukubuyisana Nabanye

“Ngeke ungibone ngikhuluma nalowo muntu. Ungabona amehlo esibungu.” Uma uke washo amazwi acishe afane nalawa ngomuntu othile, kudingeka uthathe isinyathelo, njengoba indima yeBhayibheli elandelayo ibonisa.

UJesu wafundisa: “Khona-ke, uma uletha isipho sakho e-altare bese ukhumbula lapho ukuthi umfowenu unokuthile ngawe, shiya isipho sakho lapho phambi kwe-altare, uhambe; okokuqala yenza ukuthula nomfowenu.” (Mathewu 5:23, 24) Wathi futhi: “Uma umfowenu ona, hamba uyomambulela iphutha lakhe phakathi kwakho naye ninodwa.” (Mathewu 18:15) Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uwena owone othile noma yena ukonile, amazwi kaJesu agcizelela isidingo sokuba wena ulungise inkinga ngokushesha nalowo muntu. Lokhu kufanele ukwenze “ngomoya wobumnene.” (Galathiya 6:1) Umgomo wokuxoxa naye ukwenza ukuthula, noma ukubuyisana, hhayi ukuzivikela wena ngokwenza izaba noma umphoqe ukuba axolise. Siyasebenza yini lesi seluleko seBhayibheli?

U-Ernest ungumphathi wehhovisi enkampanini ethile.b Sekuyiminyaka eminingi umsebenzi wakhe ubizela ukuba asingathe izindaba ezibucayi nazo zonke izinhlobo zabantu futhi enze kube nobuhlobo obuhle bokusebenzelana. Uyibonile indlela eziqala kalula ngayo izingxabano. Uthi: “Ngike ngaxabana nabathile ngezinye izikhathi. Kodwa uma kwenzeka lokhu, ngihlala phansi nalowo muntu sixoxe ngenkinga. Mane uqonde ngqò kuye. Khuluma nalowo muntu unomgomo wokubuyisana naye. Le ndlela ayihluleki.”

U-Alicia unabangane bezizwe ezihlukahlukene, futhi uthi: “Ngezinye izikhathi ngikhuluma okuthile kumuntu futhi ngibone ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi ngimphathe kabi. Ngiye ngihambe ngiyoxolisa kulowo muntu. Kungenzeka ukuthi ngixolisa kaningi kakhulu ngoba ngisho noma lowo muntu ethi angimlimazanga, ngiyajabula ngokuthi ngiye ngaxolisa. Ngaleyo ndlela ngiyazi ukuthi konke kusahamba kahle.”

Ukunqoba Izithiyo

Nokho, kuvamile ukuthi kube nezinto ezithiya imizamo yokulungisa ukungezwani. Wake wawasho yini la mazwi: “Kungani kufanele kube yimi engiya kuye ukuze sibuyisane? Nguye oqale lonke lolu thuthuva.” Noma kwake kwenzeka yini uthi uya kumuntu uyolungisa inkinga, avele athi kuwe: “Ayikho into engizoyikhuluma nawe”? Abanye basabela ngalezo zindlela ngenxa yokulimala imizwelo. IzAga 18:19 zithi: “Umuntu owoniwe ngumfowabo uqine ngaphezu komuzi oqinile; futhi kukhona imibango enjengomgoqo wombhoshongo wokuhlala.” Ngakho yicabangele imizwa yomunye umuntu. Uma ekuchilizela kude, linda isikhashana bese uphinde uzame. ‘Umuzi oqinile’ ungase uvuleke futhi ‘umgoqo’ ungase uqheliswe kulungiswe inkinga.

Esinye isithiyo esingenza kube nzima ukubuyisana singase sibe ukwesaba ukuphelelwa isithunzi. Kwabanye abantu, kuwukuzehlisa isithunzi ukuxolisa, ngisho nokukhuluma nje nomuntu abaxabene naye. Kuhle ukuba umuntu acabangele isithunzi sakhe, kodwa ukwenqaba ukubuyisana nothile kuyasithuthukisa yini isithunzi somuntu noma kuyasiqeda? Kungenzeka yini ukuthi empeleni leso sithunzi siwukuqhosha?

Umlobi weBhayibheli uJakobe ubonisa ukuthi kukhona ukuhlobana phakathi kokuba nomoya wokuthanda ingxabano nokuqhosha. Ngemva kokukhuluma ‘ngezimpi’ ‘nokulwa’ okuba phakathi kwamanye amaKristu, uyaqhubeka athi: “UNkulunkulu umelana nabazidlayo, kodwa abathobekile ubapha umusa ongafanelwe.” (Jakobe 4:1-3, 6) Ukuzidla, noma ukuqhosha, kuyithiya kanjani imizamo yokubuyisana nabantu?

Ukuqhosha kukhohlisa abantu, kubenze bacabange ukuthi bangcono kunabanye. Abantu abazidlayo banomuzwa wokuthi banegunya lokwahlulela ukuthi umuntu othile ukahle nokuthi omunye akalungile. Kanjani? Lapho kuba khona ukungaboni ngaso linye, bavame ukubheka abantu abaxabene nabo njengabantu abangenakushintsha. Ukuqhosha kwenza abanye abantu baphethe ngokuthi kufanele bavele bangabanaki abantu abangavumelani nemibono yabo, nokuthi asikho isidingo sokucela uxolo kubo. Ngakho, abantu abashukunyiswa ukuqhosha bavame ukuba nomoya wokuthi azilime ziye etsheni kunokuzama ukuxazulula izingxabano ngendlela efanele.

Njengomgoqo omisa izimoto emgwaqweni omkhulu, ukuqhosha kuvame ukunqanda abantu bangathathi izinyathelo zokubuyisana. Ngakho uma uzithola ungafuni ukwenza imizamo yokubuyisana nothile, kungenzeka ukuthi unokuqhosha. Ungakunqoba kanjani ukuqhosha? Ngokuhlakulela isici esiphambene nako—ukuthobeka.

Yenza Okuphambene Nokuqhosha

IBhayibheli lithi ukuthobeka yimfanelo enhle kakhulu. “Umphumela wokuthobeka nokwesaba uJehova yingcebo nodumo nokuphila.” (IzAga 22:4) Encwadini yeHubo 138:6, sithola umbono kaNkulunkulu ngabantu abathobekile nabaqhoshayo: “UJehova uphakeme, nokho uyambona othobekile; kodwa ophakeme umazela kude kuphela.”

Abantu abaningi bacabanga ukuthi ukuthobeka nokuthotshiswa kuyafana. Ababusi bomhlaba babonakala becabanga kanjalo. Nakuba izizwe zizithoba kubo, kuwumqansa ukuwavuma ngokuthobeka amaphutha abo. Kungaba indaba egudwini ukuzwa umholi wezwe ethi, “Ngiyaxolisa.” Lapho owayeyisikhulu sikahulumeni exolisa ngephutha elaholela ekufeni kwabantu, amazwi akhe akhishwa ekhishiwe ezindabeni.

Ukuthobeka yimfanelo yokuzehlisa noma yokungazibheki njengophakeme, okuyinto ehluke kakhulu ekuqhosheni nasekuzidleni. Ngakho ukuthobeka kuveza umbono umuntu anawo ngaye ngokwakhe, hhayi umbono abanye abanawo ngaye. Ukuwavuma ngokuthobeka amaphutha nokucela uxolo ngobuqotho akumhlazisi umuntu; kuthuthukisa idumela lakhe. IBhayibheli lithi: “Inhliziyo eqhoshayo yandulela ukuphahlazeka komuntu, futhi ukuthobeka kwandulela udumo.”—IzAga 18:12.

Ngokuqondene nababusi bezwe abangaxolisi lapho benze amaphutha, othile wathi: “Okubuhlungu ukuthi babonakala becabanga ukuthi ukuvuma amaphutha kuwubuthakathaka. Abantu ababuthakathaka nabantula ukuzethemba abavamile ukuthi, ‘Ngiyaxolisa.’ Ngabantu abanezinhliziyo ezinde nabanesibindi abangaphelelwa isithunzi lapho bethi, ‘Ngenze iphutha.’” Kunjalo nakubantu abangebona ababusi. Uma uzama kanzima ukubonisa ukuthobeka esikhundleni sokuqhosha, amathuba okuba ubuyisane nomuntu oxabene naye aba maningi. Ake uzwe indlela omunye umkhaya owabona ngayo ukuthi kuyiqiniso lokhu.

Ukungaboni ngaso linye kwenza uJulie nomfowabo uWilliam bangahoshelana umoya. UWilliam wamthukuthelela kakhulu uJulie nomyeni wakhe, uJoseph, waze wayeka nokubakhulumisa. Wabuyisela nazo zonke izipho ababeke bamupha zona. Njengoba izinyanga zazihamba, inzondo yenza ukuba lezi zingane zandawonye zingabe zisasondelana njengaphambili.

Nokho, uJoseph wanquma ukwenza lokho okushiwo uMathewu 5:23, 24. Wazama ukuxoxa nomlamu wakhe ngomoya omnene wambhalela nezincwadi exolisa ngokumphatha kabi. UJoseph wakhuthaza umkakhe ukuba amxolele umfowabo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uWilliam wabona ukuthi uJulie noJoseph babefisa ngobuqotho ukubuyisana naye futhi waqala ukuthamba. UWilliam nomkakhe bahlangana noJulie noJoseph; baxolelana, bangana futhi babuyisela ubuhlobo babo esimweni esifanele.

Uma ufisa ukulungisa ingxabano nothile, sebenzisa izimfundiso zeBhayibheli ngesineke futhi ulwele ukubuyisana nalowo muntu. UJehova uzokusiza. Kuyokwenzeka lokho uNkulunkulu akusho ku-Israyeli wasendulo: “O ukube ubuyoyilalela nokuyilalela imiyalo yami! Khona-ke ukuthula kwakho bekuyoba njengomfula.”—Isaya 48:18.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Izithombe ekhasini 7]

Ngokuvamile ukuxolisa kuletha ukuthula