INTSHA IYABUZA
Ngenzenjani uma ngixhashazwa?
Funda namacebiso atholakala kulokho okushiwo ontanga yakho nothisha ngokuxhashazwa bese wenza isivivinyo sethu esiphathelene nokuxhashazwa.
Ukuxhashazwa akuyona into encane. Ucwaningo olwenziwa eBrithani lwembula ukuthi ukuxhashazwa kunomthelela ekuzibulaleni kwentsha engamaphesenti angaphezu kwangu-40 okwabikwa imithombo yabezindaba kazwelonke.
Kuyini ukuxhaphaza?
Ukuxhaphaza kuhlanganisa okungaphezu kokushaya umuntu. Kungabuye kuhilele nalokhu okulandelayo.
Ukuhlaselwa ngamazwi. UCeline oneminyaka engu-20 uthi, “Amantombazane aweve ekwazi ukuhlukumezana ngamazwi. Angisoze ngawalibala amagama ayengibiza ngawo noma izinto ayezisho. Ayengenza ngizizwe ngingelutho, ngingafunwa futhi ngiyinto engelusizo lwalutho. Ngabe kungcono ukuba ayevele angishaye.””
Ukukhishwa inyumbazane. UHaley oneminyaka engu-18 uthi, “Izingane engifunda nazo zaqala ukungigwema. Zazivele zenze kube sengathi ayikho indawo etafuleni okudlelwa kulo ukudla kwasemini ukuze ngingahlali nazo. Unyaka wonke ngangihlale ngikhala futhi ngidla ngedwa.”
Ukuxhashazwa nge-Internet noma ngobunye ubuchwepheshe bezokuxhumana. UDaniel oneminyaka engu-14 uthi, “Ngokuchofoza izinkinobho ezimbalwa nje kuyi-computer, ungonakalisa idumela lothile—ngisho nokuphila kwakhe. Kuzwakala kuyihaba, kodwa kungenzeka!” Lolu hlobo lokuxhaphaza luhlanganisa nokuthunyelwa kwezithombe ezihlazisayo noma imiyalezo kamakhalekhukhwini.
Kungani abantu bexhaphaza abanye?
Lezi ezinye zezizathu ezivamile.
Nabo bake baxhashazwa. Ibhungu okuthiwa ngu-Antonio liyavuma, “Ngase ngikhathele ukuhlushwa ontanga yami kangangokuthi nami ngaqala ukuxhaphaza abanye ukuze nje ngithandeke kontanga. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ngacabanga ngako futhi ngabona ukuthi kwakukubi kangakanani ukwenza lokho!”
Abanazo izibonelo ezinhle abangazilingisa. “Ezikhathini eziningi izingane eziyiziqhwaga ziphatha ezinye . . . ngendlela ezibona abazali bazo, abafowabo nodadewabo abadala noma amanye amalungu omkhaya abaphatha ngayo abanye,” kubhala uJay McGraw encwadini yakhe ethi Life Strategies for Dealing With Bullies.
Zenza sengathi zingcono kunezinye—kanti zizizwa zingalondekile. “Izingane ezixhaphaza ezinye zizenza ngcono ngokuvamile ukuze nje zifihle ubuhlungu obusezinhliziyweni zazo nokuzizwa zingelutho,” kuphawula uBarbara Coloroso encwadini yakhe ethi The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander.
Obani abasemathubeni amakhulu okuxhashazwa?
Onkom’idla yodwa. Ezinye izingane ezingakwazi ukwakha ubungane nezinye ziba onkom’idla yodwa bese ziba izisulu ezilula zokuxhashazwa.
Intsha ebonakala yehlukile. Enye intsha ihlushwa yiziqhwaga ngenxa yendlela ebukeka ngayo, uhlanga, inkolo yayo noma ngisho nokukhubazeka okuthile enakho—noma yini isiqhwaga esingasizakala ngayo.
Intsha ezenyezayo. Iziqhwaga ziyakwazi ukubona abantu abazenyezayo. Abanjalo bavame ukuba izisulu ezilula njengoba emancane amathuba okuba bazilwele.
Yini ongayenza uma uxhashazwa?
Ungathathi ngamawala. Intombazane okuthiwa nguKylile ithi, “Iziqhwaga ziyajabula uma zibona ukuthi ziye zaphumelela ukukwenza uzizwe ungelutho. Uma ungathathi ngamawala, ziyakuyeka.” IBhayibheli lithi: “Ohlakaniphile uzigcina ezolile kuze kube sekugcineni.”—IzAga 29:11.
Ungaphindiseli. Ukuphindisela kuyoyikhulisa inkinga, ngeke kuyiqede. IBhayibheli lithi: “Ningabuyiseli muntu okubi ngokubi.”—Roma 12:17; IzAga 24:19.
Ungazidonseli amanzi ngomsele. Ngezinga ongakwenza ngalo, gwema ukuba phakathi kwabantu nasezimweni lapho ukuxhashazwa kungase kwenzeke khona.—IzAga 22:3.
Zama ukuphendula ngendlela ebingalindelekile. IBhayibheli lithi: “Impendulo, lapho imnene, iyakunqanda ukufutheka.”—IzAga 15:1.
Yisho okuthile okuhlekisayo. Ngokwesibonelo, uma isiqhwaga sithi ukhuluphele, ungavele uvume bese uthi: “Mhlawumbe ngingawanciphisa la mafutha!”
Hamba. UNora oneminyaka engu-18 uthi, “Ukuthula kubonisa ukuthi uvuthiwe futhi uqinile kunalo muntu okuhlukumezayo. Kubonisa imfanelo yokuzithiba—into esingenayo isiqhwaga.”
Hamba ngokuzethemba. Intombazane okuthiwa nguRita ithi, “Iziqhwaga ziyambona umuntu owesabayo futhi zingase zisebenzise lokho kwesaba ukuze ziqede noma ikuphi ukuzethemba onakho.”
Tshela othile. Ngokocwaningo oluthile, izisulu ezingaphezu kwesigamu ezixhashazwa kuyi-Internet azibiki, mhlawumbe ngenxa yokwesaba ihlazo (ikakhulu abafana) noma zesaba ukuthi isiqhwaga sizophinde sizibambe. Kodwa khumbula, iziqhwaga ziyajabula uma uthula. Ukukhuluma kungaba isinyathelo sokuqala sokuqeda lokhu kuhlukunyezwa.