Nchifukwa Ninji Pali Ana Othaŵa Ambiri?

Baibulo ndi Moyo wa Banja​—Mutuwu udzasonyezedwa m’makope anayi otsatizana a Nsanja ya Olonda

“Kodi winawake angalingalire mmene mayi amavutikira pamene mwana wake wamkazi athaŵa? Icho chiri loto. Nchifukwa ninji wachoka? Sindingamvetsetse icho. Iye anali mtsikana wokondedwa ndi wachimwemwe ndipo wachichepere kwambiri.

“Kodi iye ali kuti usiku uno? Kodi iye ali wofunda? Kodi ali ndi njala? Kodi iye ali wosungulumwa? Ndimamkonda iye kwambiri. Palibe wina aliyense amene ndingalankhule kwa iye. Palibe chirichonse chimene ndingachite koma kudikira.

“Nthaŵi iriyonse pamene lamya ilira mtima wanga umadumpha. Koma iye satuma lamya ndipo palibe mbiri iriyonse. Ndapemphera kaamba ka chisungiko chake ndi chilimbikitso kupyola mu izi. Ndimapitirizabe kulingalira kuti pa mphindi iriyonse iye adzaloŵa m’nyumba.

“ . . . Ndimalingalira za zinthu zambiri zosokonezeka pamene ndiyesera kufetsa kuŵaŵako. Kalanga ine, Mulungu wachikondi, bweretsani mtsikana wanga wachichepere kunyumba.”

KALATA ya pamwambayo inatumizidwa kwa wopereka uphungu wodziŵika wolemba nkhani mu danga la nyuzipepala kumayambiriro kwa zaka za mu ma-1970. Inali nthaŵi pamene kunalingaliridwa kuti othaŵa ankachoka kaamba ka zifukwa za maseŵera: kufufuza zodabwitsa, kuyesa kwa kudzikhalira pa okha, kusagwirizana pa kuletsedwa kuyenda usiku, kukhumudwitsidwa kaamba ka kusweka kwa chikondi. Pamene kuli kwakuti ena amachokabe kaamba ka zifukwa zofananazo, zinthu zasintha m’zaka 15 zomalizira.

Achichepere amasiku ano amachoka kaŵirikaŵiri chifukwa cha mikhalidwe imene iri yowopsya kwambiri​—mikhalidwe yosakazidwa kowopsya ya banja mu imene iwo amadzimva osafunidwa ndi osakondedwa; iwo angakhoze ngakhale kugwiritsiridwa ntchito molakwa. Ndipo m’malo mothamangira ku chinachake​—njira ya moyo yokoka kwambiri ndi yosangalatsa​—iwo akuchoka ku chinachake, moyo wa panyumba wosweka ndi wopanda chimwemwe. “Kuthaŵa kuli kosiyana kwambiri tsopano ndi mmene kunaliri pamene zambiri zinali kulembedwa ponena za iko” kumayambiriro kwa m’zaka za ma-1970, akutero Dr. Douglas Huenergardt, wolamulira wa msasa wothaŵirako mu Florida. “Mkati mwa nthaŵi imeneyo tinali ndi ana omwe ankafuna njira za moyo zosiyanako. Chimenecho sindicho chimene chikuchitika lerolino. Mwana amene akuthaŵa ali mmodzi amene sangathe kupiriranso panyumba.”

Maphunziro aposachedwapa amachitira umboni chimenecho. Komabe iwo akusonyezanso chinachake chomwe chiri chowopsya. Si kokha kuti ana ambiri akuthaŵa kupulumuka njira ya moyo ya banja yosapiririka koma lerolino chifupifupi theka la othaŵa mu United States amachoka panyumba osati modzifunira​—kuchotsedwa kapena kulimbikitsidwa kuchoka panyumba ndi makolo awo awo! “Kwa anamwali ambiri ochoka chiri chivomerezo ku mkhalidwe wopanda umoyo wabwino wa banja, ntchito kapena sukulu,” ikudziŵitsa tero magazini ya Family Relations. “Kuthaŵa kwambiri kuli, m’chenicheni, kuthamangitsa, kuchotsa, kapena kukankha. Achichepere amenewa akuuzidwa kuchoka kapena akukanidwa ndi makolo awo. Ena moipa ndi mobwerezabwereza akugwiritsidwa ntchito molakwa ndipo samawona chosiyanapo koma kuchoka.”

Chiri chowopsya chotani nanga! Chiri chomvetsa chisoni chotani nanga kwa ana! Popeza, pamene apita m’khwalala, ndi ndalama zochepa ndipo opanda njira ya kudzichirikizira, achichepere kaŵirikaŵiri amatembenukira ku kupemphapempha, ogwiritsira ntchito anamgoneka, dama, ndi kuba, kapena amapangidwa kukhala nkhole ndi ena. “Siali ogwira ntchito ya mayanjano kapena akatswiri a zamalingaliro amene amapatsa moni othaŵa amenewo pa malo okwerera basi, koma anthu adama, ogulitsa anamgoneka ndi otumiza zithunzi za maliseke,” ikutero magazini ya Psychology Today. “Maperesenti makumi asanu ndi atatu mphambu zisanu ndi chimodzi a akatswiri omwe anafufuzidwa ananena kuti zochepa kapena palibe chirichonse chomwe chikuchitidwa kutetezera othaŵa kugwera m’nkhole wa aupandu amenewa. Mosadabwitsa, umoyo wa othaŵa umanyonyotsoka ngati akhala kwa nthaŵi yaitali m’khwalala.”

Zowona, misasa yowonjezerekawonjezereka ikukhazikitsidwa kusunga, kudyetsa, ndi kutsogolera ana opanda kwawo. Koma kukhala ndi othaŵawo kumeneko ndipo m’chenicheni kukhala wokhoza kuwathandiza iwo iri nkhani ina. “Ntchito yathu iri kuika mwa iwo mlingo wa kudzilemekeza, kuwapangitsa iwo kudzisamalira iwo eni,” ananena tero m’phungu mmodzi. “Ndipo iri ntchito yovuta koposa yomwe ndakhala nayo.” Panthaŵi imene achichepere amafika pansongayo amakhala kaŵirikaŵiri otopa ndipo osadaliranso achikulire, opwetekedwa, aukali, ndipo osavomereza, ndipo angakhale ofuna kudzipha.

Kodi mavuto angathetsedwe pa magwero awo? “Ndithudi, unyinji waukulu wa nkhani za othaŵa zimachokera m’nkhani za banja za mtundu winawake,” ikudziŵitsa tero Search, cholembera cha mu New Jersey cha osowa. “Munthu amene ali wachimwemwe kwenikweni sangathaŵe.” Nchiyani, chotero, chimene chidzapangitsa chimwemwe m’banja? Kodi zomangira za makolo ndi ana zingalimbikitsidwe?