Ootata Banokusondelelana Njani Noonyana Babo?

“KUTHENI tata usazi izinto ezininzi kangaka?” Ngaba unyana wakho ukhe wakubuza lo mbuzo ungacingelanga? Mhlawumbi ngelo xesha waziva unelunda ngokuba ngutata. Kodwa ukuba unyana wakho wenza okungakumbi—walisebenzisa icebiso lakho lobulumko waza wancedakala—ngokuqinisekileyo zange ukwazi ukuzibamba luvuyo.a—IMizekeliso 23:15, 24.

Noko ke, ukutyhubela iminyaka, ngaba unyana wakho usa kuhlonela njengasekuqaleni? Okanye uya engakuhloneli kangako njengoko ekhula? Ungasondelelana njani nonyana wakho njengokuba ekhulela ebudodeni? Okokuqala makhe siqwalasele ezinye zeengxaki abahlangabezana nazo ootata.

Iingxaki Ezintathu Eziqhelekileyo

1. UKUNGABI NAXESHA: Kumazwe amaninzi, ngootata abadla ngokuphangela entsatsheni. Ngokuqhelekileyo, umsebenzi wabo ufuna babekude ekhaya phantse imini yonke. Kwamanye amazwe, ootata abanaxesha lingakho balichitha nabantwana babo. Ngokomzekelo, kuhlolisiso olwenziwe eFransi kutshanje, kuye kwafunyaniswa ukuba ootata bachitha imizuzu engaphantsi kweli-12 ngosuku nabantwana babo.

HAWUCINGE: Lingakanani ixesha olichitha nonyana wakho? Kangangeveki okanye ezimbini, kutheni ungalibhali phantsi lonke ixesha olichithe naye suku ngalunye? Unokumangaliswa yimiphumo yoko unokukufumanisa.

2. UKUNGABIKHO KOMZEKELO OMHLE: Amanye amadoda awazange achithe xesha lingako nooyise. “UJean-Marie ohlala eFransi uthi: “Sasingachithi xesha lingako notata.” Yamchaphazela njani loo nto uJean-Marie? Uthi: “Ibangele iingxaki ezingazange zithi qatha nokuthi qatha engqondweni yam, ngokomzekelo, andikwazi ukuncokola ngendlela eyakhayo noonyana bam.” Kwezinye iimeko, amadoda abazi kakuhle oyise, kodwa ulwalamano lwabo lunkenenkene. UPhilippe, oneminyaka engama-43 ubudala uthi: “Utata wayengakwazi ukundixelela ukuba uyandithanda. Ngenxa yoko, kufuneka ndizinyanzele ukuze ndibonise uthando kunyana wam.”

KHAWUCINGE: Ngaba uvakalelwa kukuba ulwalamano lwakho notata wakho luphembelela indlela omphatha ngayo unyana wakho? Ngaba uzifumanise ulandela iimpawu ezintle nezimbi zikatata wakho? Njani?

3. UKUNGABIKHO KWAMACEBISO ALUNGELELENEYO: Ezinye iinkcubeko ziyisingela phantsi indima katata yokukhulisa abantwana. ULuca okhulele eNtshona Yurophu uthi: “Kwindawo endakhulela kuyo, abantu babesithi ukukhulisa abantwana ngumsebenzi womfazi.” Kwezinye iinkcubeko, ootata kufuneka babe ngqongqo. Ngokomzekelo, uGeorge owakhulela kwelinye ilizwe laseAfrika uthi: “Kwinkcubeko yethu, ootata abadlali nabantwana kuba loo nto inokubenza badeleke. Ndikufumanisa kunzima ukudlala nonyana wam.”

KHAWUCINGE: Kwingingqi yenu, yiyiphi indima ekulindeleke ukuba ayiphumeze utata? Ngaba bafundiswa ukuba ukukhulisa abantwana bakujonge njengomsebenzi wabafazi. Ngaba ootata bakhuthazwa ukuba babathande oonyana babo okanye akuvumelekanga?

Ukuba ungutata onenye yezi ngxaki, ungaphumelela njani? Khawucinge ngala macebiso alandelayo.

Qalisa Esemncinane Unyana Wakho

Kubonakala ukuba oonyana bazalwana befuna ukuxelisa oyise. Ngoxa esemncinane unyana wakho lisebenzise elo thuba. Ungayenza njani loo nto? Ungalifumana nini ixesha onokulichitha naye?

Nanini na kunokwenzeka mquke unyana wakho kwizinto ozenzayo. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba wenza imisetyenzana yasekhaya, mcele akuncedise. Mnike nokuba ngumtshayelo okanye umhlakulo omncinane. Ngokuqinisekileyo uya kuvuyiswa kukusebenza neqhawe lakhe afuna ukulixelisa. Kunokuthabatha ixesha elide ukuwugqiba loo msebenzi; kodwa uyakuluqinisa ulwalamano lwenu yaye uyakuba umfundisa ukusebenza. Kude kudala, iBhayibhile yakhuthaza ootata ukuba babaquke abantwana babo kwimisebenzi abayenzayo baze basebenzise loo mathuba ukuze babafundise. (Duteronomi 6:6-9) Elo cebiso lisasebenza nanamhlanje.

Ukongezelela ekusebenzeni nonyana wakho, dlala naye. Ukudlala akwaneli nje ukubonisa ukuba nonwabile. Uphando lubonisa ukuba xa ootata bedlala noonyana babo, babenza bakhaliphe bangoyiki.

Xa utata edlala nonyana wakhe ufeza enye indima ebalulekileyo. Umphandi ngezentlalo uMichel Fize uthi: “Kuxa bedlala kunye apho unyana athetha ngokukhululekileyo noyise.” Ngelo xesha utata ubonisa uthando ngamazwi nangezenzo. Xa esenjenjalo ufundisa unyana wakhe indlela yokubonisa uthando. UAndré utata ohlala eJamani uthi: “Xa unyana wam wayengumntwana, sasidlala kunye. Ndandimanga aze naye andange.”

Ixesha lokulala lelinye ixesha utata anokulomeleza ngalo uthando kunyana wakhe. Mfundele ibali rhoqo, uze umphulaphule njengoko ekuchazela ngezinto ezimvuyisileyo nezimxhalabisayo ngolo suku. Ukuba uyayenza loo nto, kuya kuba lula ukuba aqhubeke encokola nawe njengoko ekhula.

Qhubekani Nisenza Izinto Kunye Eninomdla Kuzo

Xa abanye oonyana befikisa banokubonakala bengenamdla xa uyise ezama ukuncokola naye. Ukuba unyana wakho akayiphenduli imibuzo yakho, musa ukucinga ukuba akanamdla wakuncokola nawe. Usenokulungela ukuncokola ukuba uyayitshintsha indlela oncokola ngayo.

UJacques utata ohlala eFransi, uthi maxa wambi kuba nzima ukuncokola nonyana wam uJérôme. Kunokuba anyanzele unyana wakhe ukuba athethe naye wayezama enye indlela—wayedlala naye ibhola. Uthi: “Emva kokuba siye sadlala, sasihlala phantsi engceni ukuze siphumle kancinane. Unyana wayedla ngokuzityanda igila ngezo zihlandlo. Ekubeni sasiba kunye, ndicinga ukuba wayesazi ukuba unokuchitha ixesha kuye nam ngezo zihlandlo, nto leyo eyayisenza sibe nolwalamano olunzulu.”

Kuthekani ukuba unyana wakho akakuthandi ukudlala? UAndré, uneenkumbulo ezintle ngeeyure awayezichitha nonyana wakhe bebukele iinkwenkwezi. UAndré uthi: “Sasiye sibeke izitulo phandle ngobusuku obubandayo, emva koko sasiye sizambathise ngeengubo ukuze sifudumale, siphunga neti sikhangele esibhakabhakeni. Sasidla ngokuthetha ngaLowo wadala iinkwenkwezi. Sithetha nangezinto zobuqu. Sasithetha phantse ngayo yonke into.”—Isaya 40:25, 26.

Kuthekani ukuba awunamdla kwizinto ezithandwa ngunyana wakho? Kwimeko enjalo kusenokufuneka ugob’ uphondo. (Filipi 2:4) UIan, ohlala eMzantsi Afrika uthi: “Ndandinomdla kwezemidlalo kodwa yena uVaughan wayethanda iinqwelo-moya neekhompyutha. Ngenxa yoko nam ndaba nomdla kwezo zinto. Ndandimsa kwimiboniso yeenqwelo moya ndize ndidlale naye kwinqwelo-moya eqhutywa ngekhompyutha. (flight simulator) Ndivakalelwa kukuba ekubeni sasisenza izinto ezininzi kunye, uVaughan wakwazi ukuzityand’ igila kum ngokukhululekileyo.”

Menze Azithembe

“Jonga tata jonga!” Ngaba unyana wakho wakhe wathetha kanjalo nawe xa enento entsha akwazi ukuyenza? Ukuba ngoku ukwishumi elivisayo usakufuna ukuqisekiswa nguwe? Mhlawumbi akunjalo. Kodwa uyakufuna ukuba uza kukhula abe ngumntu omdala olungeleleneyo.

Cinga ngomzekelo kaYehova uThixo xa wayeqhubana nomnye woonyana bakhe. Xa uYesu wayeza kuqalisa inqanaba elikhethekileyo lobomi bakhe emhlabeni, uThixo watsho esidlangalaleni ukuba uyamthanda, esithi: “Lo nguNyana wam, oyintanda, endikholisiweyo nguye.” (Mateyu 3:17; 5:48) Yinyaniso, ukuba umele umqeqeshe uze umfundise unyana wakho. (Efese 6:4) Kodwa ngaba ukhangela amathuba okuncoma izinto azenzayo nazithethayo?

Kubanzima kwamanye amadoda ukubonisa uthando nokukholiseka. Asenokuba akhulele kwintsapho ezazisoloko zibahlaba amadlala kunokuba zibancome. Ukuba kunjalo nakuwe, kuya kufuneka wenze umgudu wokwenza unyana wakho azithembe. Ungakwenza njani oko? ULuca, obecatshulwe ekuqaleni, usoloko esebenza nonyana wakhe uManuel, oneminyaka eli-15, ubudala, xa besenza imisebenzi yasekhaya. ULuca, uthi: “Maxa wambi, ndiye ndithi kuManuel makabe ewuqala umsebenzi ndiza kumnceda ukuba uyafuna. Ubukhulu becala udla ngokuwenza ngokwakhe umsebenzi. Impumelelo yakhe imnika ulwaneliseko ize imenze azithembe. Xa enze kakuhle ndiyancoma. Xa esilele, ndiyamchazela ukuba ndiyawuxabisa umgudu awenzileyo.”

Unokumenza azithembe unyana wakho ngokumnceda enze izinto ezinkulu ebomini. Kuthekani ukuba unyana wakho akakhawulezi ulufikelela usukelo lwakhe ngokwendlela obunqwena ngayo? Okanye kuthekani ukuba usukelo lwakhe, nangona lungaphosakelanga, lwahlukile kolo ubunokumkhethela lona? Xa kunjalo, kusenokufuneka uphinde uluhlole ulindelo lwakho. UJacques, obecatshulwe ekuqaleni, uthi: “Ndiye ndizame ukumnceda unyana wam azibekele usukelo anokulufikelela. Kodwa ndiye ndizame ukumqinisekisa ukuba lusukelo lwakhe kungekhona olwam. Ndiye ndizikhumbuze ukuba kufuneka asebenzele kulo ngokwamandla akhe.” Ukuba uyaziphulaphula izimvo zonyana wakho, mncome ngezinto azenza kakuhle uze umkhuthaze kwezo asilelayo kuzo, uya kumnceda alufikelele usukelo lwakhe.

Yinyaniso, ukuba ulwalamano lwenu luya kuba nawo amahla ndinyuka. Kodwa ekugqibeleni unyana wakho uya kufuna ukusondelelana nawe. Ngapha koko, ngubani ongafuniyo ukusondelelana nomntu omnceda aphumelele?

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]