Xa Kubonakala Ngathi Wonk’ Umntu Ujonge Wena
“Intuthumbo” ligama uJerry alisebenzisayo ukulucacisa. Uthi: “Ngalo lonke ixesha ndingena eklasini, ndandiqalisa ukubila ndibe lithontsi, ndandingathi ndimumathe uboya, yaye ndandingacingi ukuba ndiza kukwazi ukuthetha—kwanokuba ubomi bam babuxhomekeke koko. Ndandandula ke ndiqaliswe sisifuthufuthu ndize ndijike ndibe bomvu—ngokungathi umzimba wonke umbatshile.”
UJERRY uboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu, imeko yokoyika kakhulu ukuqwalaselwa ngabanye kwanokuhlaziswa esidlangalaleni. Incwadana epapashwe yiAnxiety Disorders Association of America ithi: “Umntu oboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu ukholelwa kwelokuba wonk’ umntu ujonge kuye. Ixhala lisenokubangela ubani aphakuzele kuquka ukubetha ngamandla kwentliziyo, ukuyoba, ukuba nephika kwanokubila kakhulu.”
Bambi basenokutyekela ekulubetheni ngoyaba uloyiko olugqithiseleyo lwabantu, besithi bafanele bazinyanzele ukuba bakubethe ngoyaba ukuba neentloni baze “baphume baye kudibana nabantu.” Kuyavunywa ukuba, inxalenye yokulwa nokuboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu iquka ukujamelana noloyiko onalo. Noko ke, kukho umahluko omkhulu phakathi kweentloni nokuboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu. UJerilyn Ross uthi: “Ngokungafaniyo nokuba neentloni eziqhelekileyo, ukuboyika ngokugqhithiseleyo abantu kunzulu kangangokuba kuphazamisana nemisebenzi yemihla ngemihla, emsebenzini, esikolweni, yaye phantse kulo lonke unxulumano lwabantu ngabantu.”
Uhlolisiso lubonisa ukuba ubomi babantu abazizigidi buthwaxwa kukuboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu.a Khawuqwalasele ezinye iintlobo zoloyiko ezinxulumene nale meko inxunguphalisayo.
Ukoyika Ukuboyika Ngokugqithiseleyo Abantu
Ukuthetha esidlangalaleni. UDoug uzikhumbula etyhwatyhwa ngoxa wayenikela intetho emfutshane kwiqela labemi basekuhlaleni. Uthi: “Ngephanyazo ndanga bendihlinz’ ikati kukubila. Intliziyo yayingongoza. Ndandigubha, ndingcangcazela. Umqala wawungathi uyavaleka, nto leyo eyayibangela ukuba kube nzima ukuthetha ngokuvakalayo.” Kuyavunywa ukuba, phantse wonk’ ubani uba namanwele xa emi phambi kwabantu. Kodwa abo baboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu baba noloyiko olukhulu nolungapheliyo, yaye alunciphi ngokuziqhelanisa noko. Eneneni, kwanethuba lokuthetha nje into engenamsebenzi uDoug wayekugqala njengesisongelo kubomi bakhe.
Ukutya phambi kwabanye. Ekubeni abo baboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu bekholelwa ukuba baqwalaselwe, kwanokutya into nje engenamsebenzi kusenokuba sisilingo esikhulu. Banexhala lokuba izandla zabo ziza kungcangcazela, ukuba baza kukuchitha ukutya kwabo okanye baphose kwanomlomo, okanye baza kugula. Olu loyiko lusenokwenza wenze loo nto ubucinga ukuba iza kwenzeka. Incwadi ethi Dying of Embarrassment ithi: “Okukhona uba nexhala lokwenza into ebangel’ iintloni, kokukhona uya kuba nexhala ngakumbi. Okukhona uba nexhala ngakumbi, kokukhona ngokuqinisekileyo uya kuqalisa ukungcangcazela okanye wenze izinto zobudenge. Le ngxaki inokuqhubeka ukusa kwinqanaba lokuba kube nzima ukufaka ukutya okanye isiselo emlonyeni ngaphandle kokuchitha.”
Ukubhala xa kukho abanye. Besoyika ukuba isandla sabo siya kungcangcazela okanye baya kujongwa bebhala amarhoqololo, abantu abaninzi ababoyika ngokugqhithiseleyo abantu bayaphakuzela xa kufuneka betyobele itsheki okanye bebhale nantoni na ngoxa bejongiwe. Ngokomzekelo, uSam waba buhlungu xa umqeshi wakhe wayefuna atyobele incwadi yengxelo yezinto ezenzekileyo phambi komlindi ekuqaleni kosuku ngalunye lomsebenzi. USam uthi: “Ndandingakwazi. Isandla sam sasingcangcazela kakhulu kangangokuba kwakufuneka ndisibambe ngesinye isandla ukuze ndibhale emgceni ndize ndibhale into owawungasoze ukwazi nokuyifunda.”
Ukusebenzisa umnxeba. UGqr. John R. Marshall uthi uninzi lwabaguli bakhe bayavuma ukuba bayakuphepha ukusebenzisa umnxeba kangangoko kunokwenzeka. Uthi: “Banexhala lokuba abayi kukwazi ukuphendula kakuhle. Abanye boyika ukuba, ngenxa yokuba bengakwazi oko bamele bakuthethe, bathula ngokungathi abakho yaye xa incoko ibanda, baqaliswa lixhala elibangela amazwi aguquke, angcangcazele okanye atswine. Babesoyika ukuba basenokuphindaphinda igama elinye, bathintithe okanye ngezinye iindlela ezibangel’ iintloni bazibonakalise ukuba baphazamisekile.”
Ukuxubana nabantu. Abanye abantu abanoloyiko olugqithiseleyo lwabantu boyika nayiphi imeko ebenza babe phakathi kwabantu. Ngokufuthi, ngokukhethekileyo bayoyika ukubajonga emehlweni abanye. Incwadi ethi The Harvard Mental Health Letter ithi: “Abantu abanoloyiko olugqithiseleyo ngokufuthi baziva benexhala bengaqinisekanga apho bamele bajonge khona nendlela abafanele basabele ngayo xa abanye bebajonga. Bayakuphepha ukujonga abantu emehlweni kuba bevakalelwa kukuba abazi ukuba babajonge nini yaye bangabajongi xa kutheni. Bacinga ukuba abanye baya kubacingela kakubi ngendlela ababajonga ngayo.”
Kukho ezinye izinto ezinxulumene noloyiko olugqithiseleyo lwabantu. Ngokomzekelo, abaninzi bayoyika ukusebenzisa izindlu zangasese zikawonke wonke. Abanye bayoyika ukuthenga ngoxa bejongwe ngumthengisi. Elinye ibhinqa lithi: “Ndicinga kakhulu ngesiqu sam kangangokuba andikwazi nokubona oko ndikujongileyo. Ndisoloko ndilindele okanye ndinombono wokuba umntu osemva kwekhawuntara ufuna ndigqibe ngoko ndikufunayo ndize ndiyeke ukuchitha ixesha lakhe.”
Bazama Njani Ukuhlangabezana Nale Meko?
Abo bangenaso esi sigulo bafumanisa kunzima ukuqonda intlungu yokuboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu. Omnye obandazelekayo ukucacisa oku “njengeyona nto ebangel’ iintloni ngaphezu kwayo nayiphi na into ubani anokucinga ngayo!” Omnye uyavuma esithi: “Ndicinga ngokuzibulala ngalo lonke ixesha.”
Okubuhlungu kukuba, abaninzi ababoyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu baphethukela etywaleni ukuzama ukunciphisa ixhala abanalo.b Ngoxa kusenokuzisa isiqabu sokwexeshana, ekuhambeni kwexesha, ukusebanzisa kakubi utywala kongeza kuphela iingxaki kuloo mntu. UGqr. John R. Marshall uthi: “Abaguli bam abaliqela abangafane basele baye bazintyintya ngotywala—bezama ukuqweb’ isibindi ngaphambi okanye xa bekunye nabantu, nto leyo eye yababangela bahlazeka kwabo baboyika kakhulu.”
Mhlawumbi eyona ndlela iqhelekileyo yokuhlangabezana noku phakathi kwabantu ababoyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu kukubaphepha abantu. Ewe, abaninzi ngokulula nje basuka baziphephe iimeko abazoyikayo. Omnye owayeboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu ogama linguLorraine uthi: “Ndandiziphepha iimeko ezininzi kangangoko kunokwenzeka, kwanokuthetha emnxebeni.” Noko ke, ekuhambeni kwexesha aba bantu bafumanisa ukuba ukubaphepha abantu kuyababophelela kunokuba kubakhusele. ULorraine uthi: “Emva kwethuba elithile ndandibhuqwa bubulolo nasisithukuthezi.”
Ukubaphepha abantu kusenokuba “ngumgibe wokuzibambisa,” ulumkisa esitsho uJerilyn Ross. Wongezelela esithi: “Yaye nanini na ubaphepha kwenza kube lula ukuba uphinde ubanjiswe ngumgibe kwixesha elizayo—de ubaphephe ngokuzenzekelayo.” Abanye bayazala izimemo zesidlo okanye bawayeke amathuba emisebenzi aquka ukuba phakathi kwabantu. Ngenxa yoko, abaze bafunde ukujamelana nokuloyisa uloyiko lwabo. Njengokuba uGqr. Richard Heimberg esitsho, “ubomi babo buzele ziingcinga zokungafunwa nto leyo engeyonyani kwaneengcinga zokungaqhubi kakuhle kwimisebenzi abangazange bazame ukuyenza kuba beyiphepha.”
Noko ke, kukho iindaba ezimnandi ngoloyiko olugqithiseleyo lwabantu: Lunako ukunyangwa. Kakade ke, akunakwenzeka—kungeyiyo nento enqwenelekayo—ukuphelisa lonke uhlobo lwexhala. Sekunjalo, abo baboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu basenokufunda ukulawula uloyiko lwabo, yaye iBhayibhile iqulethe amacebiso asebenzisekayo anokunceda.
[Imibhalo esemazantsi]
a Kufanele kuqondwe ukuba phantse wonke ubani unoloyiko oluthile lwabantu. Ngokomzekelo, abantu abaninzi baba nexhala xa beza kuthetha phambi kwabanye. Noko ke, abagqalwa beboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu ngokuqhelekileyo kuphela ngabo boyika kakhulu kangangokuba oko kuyiphazamise ngamandla imisebenzi yabo eqhelekileyo.
b Uhlolisiso lubonisa ukuba phakathi kwabo baboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu baninzi abakhotyokiswa butywala yaye phakathi kwabo bangamakhoboka otywala baninzi ababoyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu. Yiyiphi eza kuqala? Kuthiwa umntu omnye kwabathathu kwabangamakhoboka otywala unemvelaphi yokuhlaselwa luloyiko okanye enye indlela yokuboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu ngaphambi kokuba aqalise ukusela.
[Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 21]
Kwabo baboyika ngokugqithiseleyo abantu, ngokuqhelekileyo ukuba phakathi kwabantu kuba sisilingo esikhulu