Chirikadzi Uye Varume Vakafirwa—Vanodei? Ungavabatsira Sei?
Akavarairwa, Jeanne anogadzira tafura yezvokudya ari mukicheni ine chiedza chishoma, mufurati duku raanogara. Ava kuda kudya. Anongoerekana atarisa ndiro mbiri dziri pamberi pake . . . obva atanga kusvimha misodzi. Agadzira ndiro mbiri akavarairwa! Patova nemakore maviri murume wake waaida ashayika.
VAYA vasina kumbobvira vafirwa newavakaroorana naye, havambonzwisisi kurwadza kwazvinoita. Chokwadi, zvinotora nguva kuti munhu azozvigamuchira. Ambuya Beryl, vane makore 72 vakatadza kuzvigamuchira murume wavo paakaerekana afa. Vanoti: “Ndakaita sendiri kurota, ndakatadza kuzvibvuma kuti ndakanga ndisingazomuonizve.”
Vamwe kana vadimburwa gumbo kana ruoko, dzimwe nguva vanonzwa sokuti richiripo. Ndizvowo zvinowanzoitwa nevakafirwa, dzimwe nguva vanombofunga kuti vari kuona mumwe wavo pane vanhu vanenge vakaungana kana kuti vanopatika vava kutoita sevari kutaura naye!
Kazhinji hama neshamwari hadzizivi zvokuita kana wavanoda afirwa nemumwe wake. Pane munhu waunoziva akafirwa newaakanga akaroorana naye here? Kana zvakadaro, ungamubatsira sei? Chii chaunofanira kuziva kuti ubatsire chirikadzi nevarume vakafirwa pavanenge vachirwadziwa? Ungabatsira sei anenge afirwa kuti zvishoma nezvishoma atangezve kunakidzwa neupenyu?
Zvatisingafaniri Kuita
Hama neshamwari dzingashushikana nekutambura kwehama yavo inenge yafirwa uye kuratidza kuti dzine hanya naye dzingada kumubatsira kuti asaramba achingochema. Zvisinei, mumwe anoita zvokutsvakurudza akaongorora varume nevakadzi vakafirwa vaikwana 700, akanyora kuti: “Hapana panganzi ukasvika apa hauchafaniri kuramba uchirwadziwa.” Panzvimbo pokuita kuti asaramba achichema, mupei nguva yokuti aratidze kurwadziwa kwaari kuita nokufirwa nomumwe wake.—Genesisi 37:34, 35; Jobho 10:1.
Kunyange zvazvo zvakakodzera kuti ubatsire nokuronga mariro, usafunge kuti unofanira kumutungamirira pazvinhu zvose zvine chokuita nemariro acho. Paul, mumwe murume akafirwa uye ane makore 49 anoti: “Ndakafara kuti vaya vakanyatsondibatsira vaiita kuti ndirambe ndichitungamirira pazvirongwa zvacho. Zvakandibatsira chaizvo kuti zvinhu zvakafamba zvakanaka pamariro emudzimai wangu. Kwandiri ndicho chinhu chokupedzisira chandaigona kuita kuratidza kuti ndaimuda.”
Hapana mubvunzo kuti tinoda kubatsirwawo nevamwe. Eileen, imwe chirikadzi ine makore 68, inoti: “Kuronga mariro uye kufambira mapepa ane chokuita nomufi zvakanga zvakaoma, sezvo ndaiva ndavhiringidzika. Ndinototenda chaizvo kubatsirwa kwandakaitwa nemwanakomana wangu nomuroora wangu.”
Usatyawo kutaura nezvemumwe wako wawaida. Beryl ambotaurwa, anoti: “Shamwari dzangu dzaindibatsira chaizvo. Zvisinei, ndakaona kuti vakawanda vaizeza kutaura nezvemurume wangu, John. Zvaiita sokuti akanga asina kumbobvira avapo, uye izvozvo zvaindirwadza.” Nokufamba kwenguva, chirikadzi nevarume vakafirwa vanganzwa vachida kutaura vakasununguka nezvemumwe wavo akafa. Uchiri kuyeuka here mutsa waiva nomufi kana imwe nyaya inonakidza yezvaakamboita? Kana zvakadaro kumbira afirwa wacho kuti umuudze izvozvo; usatya. Kana ukaona kuti zvauchataura anogona kuzvifarira, taura zvawaiyemura nezvake kana kuti zvinoita kuti umusuwe. Izvozvo zvingabatsira vakafirwa vari kurwadziwa kuti vaone kuti vamwe vari kurwadziwawo.—VaRoma 12:15.
Paunenge uchibatsira afirwa, ngwarira kuti usanyanya kumupa mazano akawandisa. Rega kumumanikidza kuita zvisarudzo zvechivhurumukira.a Asi, shandisa ungwaru uye zvibvunze kuti, ‘Zvii zvandingaita zvinonyatsobatsira kuti ndiyamure shamwari yangu kana hama panguva iyi yakaoma zvikuru muupenyu?’
Zvaungaita
Anenge afirwa wacho anoda kunyanya kubatsirwa paanenge achangobva kufirwa. Ungabika zvokudya here, kupa hama dzamushanyira pokugara, kana kuti kugara naye uchimuvaraidza?
Unofanira kunzwisisawo kuti zvinoitwa nevarume zvakasiyana nezvinoitwa nevakadzi kana vafirwa uye vachisurukirwa. Somuenzaniso, mune dzimwe nyika, vanopfuura hafu yevarume vakafirwa vanoroorazve pashure pemwedzi 18, zvisingawanzoitwi nechirikadzi. Chii chinoita kuti vasiyane kudaro?
Kusiyana nezvinofungwa nevakawanda, varume havangorooreri kubatsirwa mabasa kana kuti bonde chete. Chiripo ndechokuti kazhinji varume vanongoudza madzimai avo chete zviri pamwoyo pavo, zvinozoita kuti vasurukirwe chaizvo pavanofirwa. Asi kazhinji vakadzi vanotaura zviri pamwoyo kune vamwe, kunyange zvazvo dzimwe nguva shamwari dzevarume vavo dzichimbovakanganwa. Pasinei nematambudziko angakonzerwa nokukurumidza kuroorazve, izvi ndizvo zvinoita kuti varume vakawanda vanenge vafirwa vafunge kuti kuroorazve ndiwo mushonga wokusurukirwa kwavo. Saka vakadzi vangakwanisa kuita kuti vasanyanya kusurukirwa kupfuura varume vanenge vafirwa.
Kana une shamwari kana kuti hama yakafirwa nowayakaroorana naye, ungaitei kuti isanyanya kusurukirwa? Helen, imwe chirikadzi ine makore 49, inoti: “Vakawanda vanoda kubatsira, asi havana zvavanonyatsoita. Kazhinji vanoti, ‘Kana pane chaunoda kuti ndikuitire, undiudze.’ Asi zvaindiitira nyore vamwe pavaiti, ‘Pane zvandiri kunotenga kuchitoro. Unoda kuendawo here?’” Paul, ane mudzimai akafa nekenza, anotsanangura kubatsirwa kwaaiitwa nevamwe pavaimukoka kuzotandara. Anoti: “Dzimwe nguva unenge usingadi kutaura nevanhu kana kuti kutaura nezvokufirwa kwawakaita. Asi paunodzoka kunotandara nevamwe manheru, unonyatsonzwa warerukirwa; hauzonyanyi kusurukirwa. Unobva waona kuti vanhu vanokuda zvechokwadi, uye izvozvo zvinoita kuti zvinhu zvireruke.”b
Panonyanya Kudiwa Kunzwira Tsitsi
Helen, akacherechedza kuti akanyanya kusurukirwa hama dzake dzakawanda padzakadzokera. Anoti: “Hama neshamwari vanokubatsira chaizvo paunenge uchangobva kufirwa, asi vanozoenderera noupenyu hwavo. Zvisinei hwako upenyu hunenge hwachinja.” Shamwari dzechokwadi dzinoziva izvozvo dzichagara dzichikushanyira uye dzichikutsigira.
Zvingaitika kuti anenge afirwa wacho anonyanya kuda kutsigirwa pamazuva anokosha, akadai somusi wavakachata kana kuti musi wakafa mumwe wake. Eileen, ambotaurwa, anoti mwanakomana wake mukuru anomutsigira chaizvo panosvika musi wavakachata nemurume wake zvokuti haazonyanyi kusurukirwa uye kusuwa. Anoti: “Gore roga roga mwanakomana wangu Kevin anoswera neni musi wacho. Tinodya zvokudya zvemasikati pamwe chete, uye izvi zvinosimbisa ukama hwedu saamai nomwanakomana.” Zvingaita here kuti unyore pasi mazuva aya angava akanyanya kuomera womumhuri mako kana kuti shamwari yakafirwa? Zvadaro ungaronga kuti iwe kana vamwe vave nomunhu iyeye musi wacho unenge wakamuomera.—Zvirevo 17:17.
Vamwe vakacherechedza kuti vaya vakafirwa nevavakaroorana navo vanonyaradzana pachavo. Annie, ava nemakore masere akafirwa nemurume, anotaura nezvokushamwaridzana kwaanoita neimwe chirikadzi, achiti, “Akandibatsira chaizvo nokuti akanga asingadzoki mumashure asi aindikurudzira kuti ndirambe ndichienderera mberi noupenyu.”
Chokwadi, kana shungu dzati sererei, vaya vanenge vafirwa vanogona kutozokurudzirawo vamwe uye kuvabatsira kuti vave netariro. Chirikadzi mbiri dzinotaurwa muBhaibheri, mukadzi wechiduku Rute, navamwene vake Naomi, vakabatsirwa nokutsigirana kwavaiita. Nyaya yavo inobaya mwoyo inoratidza kuti kudanana kwaiita vakadzi ava kwakavabatsira kuti vasaramba vachishungurudzika uye kwakaita kuti vatsungirire mamiriro ezvinhu akaoma avakatarisana nawo.—Rute 1:15-17; 3:1; 4:14, 15.
Nguva Yokupora
Kuti vanhu vanenge vafirwa ava vadzokere pamararamiro avaiita, vanofanira kuziva pokugumira pavanoyeuka mudiwa wavo akafa, voyeuka kuti ivo vacho vanofanira kuzvitarisira. Mambo aiva akachenjera Soromoni akabvuma kuti pane “nguva yokusvimha misodzi.” Asiwo akati panofanira kuva ‘nenguva yokupora.’—Muparidzi 3:3, 4.
Paul, ambotaurwa nezvake, anotsanangura kuti zviri nyore chaizvo kuti urambe uchingokungura. Anoti: “Ini nomudzimai wangu taiita semiti miduku miviri yaikura yakamonererana. Asi mumwe muti wakafa uye wakabviswa, mumwe wacho ukasara wava kuita sowakaremara. Ndakanga ndisina kumbojaira kuva ndoga.” Vamwe havadi kukanganwa nezvomumwe wavo akafa nokuti vanoona sokuti vava kuratidza kuti havachina kuvimbika kwaari. Vamwe vanofunga kuti kana vakanakidzwa zvingaita sokuti havana kuvimbika kune mumwe wavo, saka vanorega kuwadzana nevamwe. Ungabatsira sei vanenge vafirwa kuti vapore zvishoma nezvishoma, kureva kuti vaenderere noupenyu hwavo?
Chokutanga, batsira munhu wacho kuti abudise manzwiro ake. Herbert, mumwe murume ane makore matanhatu afirwa, anoti: “Ndainyanya kuonga vaindishanyira pavaigara pasi vonyarara, vachiteerera zvandaitaura zvaiva zviri mupfungwa dzangu panguva iyoyo. Hakusi kuti zvandaitaura zvainakidza chaizvo, asi ndinoonga kundinzwira urombo kwavaiita.” Paul akabayiwa mwoyo chaizvo nezvaiitwa neimwe shamwari yake yaigara ichimubvunza kuti ari kunzwa sei. Paul anoti, “Ndinoonga kuti aitaura neni nomwoyo wose uye nounyoro uye kazhinji ndaimuudza manzwiro andaiita panguva yacho.”—Zvirevo 18:24.
Munhu anenge afirwa paanotaura manzwiro ake, akadai sokuzvidemba, kuzvipa mhosva, kana kutsamwa, anenge achitotora danho rinozomubatsira kugamuchira mamiriro anenge aita zvinhu. Mambo Dhavhidhi paakadurura mwoyo wake kuna Jehovha Mwari, munhu waaigona kuvimba naye kupfuura vamwe vose, zvakaita kuti awane simba ‘rokumuka,’ uye kugamuchira kuti mwanakomana wake muduku akanga afa zvechokwadi.—2 Samueri 12:19-23.
Kunyange zvazvo zvakaoma pakutanga, nokufamba kwenguva vanenge vafirwa vanozofanira kuenderera noupenyu hwavo. Zvingaita here kuti uitewo naye zvinhu zvaunoita mazuva ose, zvakadai sokunotenga kana kuti kumbofamba-famba? Zvingaita here kuti ukumbire shamwari yako iyi kuti ikubatsire kuita rimwe basa? Ndiyo imwe nzira ingamukurudzira kuti asaramba akangosurukirwa. Somuenzaniso, angasara nevana here kana kuti angakuratidza mabikirwo ezvimwe zvokudya here? Angakubatsira kugadzirisa zvimwe zvinhu pamba pako here? Kumukumbira kuita zvinhu zvakadaro kunomubatsirawo zvekare kuti aone kuti upenyu hune chinangwa, uye kunomukurudzira.
Kana akafirwa akasununguka kuudza vamwe zviri pamwoyo pake, zvishoma nezvishoma angava nechido chokunakidzwa noupenyu uye angatokwanisa kuva nezvimwe zvinangwa muupenyu. Ndizvo zvakaitwa naYonette, vamwe amai vari chirikadzi vane makore 44. Anoyeuka kuti: “Ndakanga ndakaomerwa chaizvo nokutangazve kuita zvandaigara ndichiita! Zvakanga zvakandiomera chaizvo kuita mabasa epamba, kushandisa mari, uye kuchengeta vana vatatu.” Asi nokufamba kwenguva, Yonette akadzidza kuronga zvinhu zvake uye kukurukura zvakanaka nevana vake. Akadzidzawo kubvuma kubatsirwa neshamwari dzepedyo.
“Upenyu Huchiri Chipo Chinokosha”
Kuti hama neshamwari vabatsire zvinobudirira, vanofanira kuona zvinhu sezvazviri. Kwemwedzi yakawanda, kana kutoti kwemakore, munhu anenge afirwa angamboita seazvigamuchira, otangazve kuora mwoyo, omboita seane tariro, ozoita seasina. Zvechokwadi, “dambudziko romwoyo wake” ringave rakatokura.—1 Madzimambo 8:38, 39.
Panguva dzaanenge akaora mwoyo kudaro ndipo paanenge achida kukurudzirwa kuitira kuti arambe achiona zvinhu sezvazviri uye asatanga kuzviita zindoga. Vakafirwa vakawanda pavakabatsirwa saizvozvo, zvakaita kuti vatangezve kuva nechinangwa muupenyu hwavo. Claude, mumwe murume akafirwa ane makore 60 uye ava mubasa renguva yakazara muAfrica, anoti: “Upenyu huchiri chipo chinokosha, kunyange uri kurwadziwa nokufirwa newawakaroorana naye.”
Paunofirwa nowawakaroorana naye, upenyu hunotochinja chete. Kunyange zvakadaro, vaya vanoenderera noupenyu hwavo pashure pokufirwa nemudiwa wavo vanenge vachine zvakawanda zvavanogona kuitira vamwe.—Muparidzi 11:7, 8.
[Mashoko Omuzasi]
a Ona bhokisi rakanzi “Kuchengeta Zvinhu Zvomufi Kunokosha Here Kana Kuti Kunotoita Kuti Urambe Uchirwadziwa?” riri papeji 12.
b Kuti uwane mamwe mazano okubatsira anenge afirwa, ona bhurocha rakanzi Apo Mumwe Munhu Waunoda Anofa, mapeji 20-25, rakabudiswa neZvapupu zvaJehovha.
[Mashoko okukwezva vaverengi ari papeji 11]
Shamwari dzechokwadi dzicharamba dzichikushanyira uye dzichikubatsira
[Bhokisi/Mufananidzo uri papeji 12]
Kuchengeta Zvinhu Zvomufi Kunobatsira Here Kana Kuti Kunotoita Kuti Urambe Uchirwadziwa?
Helen, ane murume akafa makore mashoma adarika, anoti: “Ndakachengeta zvinhu zvakawanda zvemurume wangu. Ndinoona kuti nokupindana kwemazuva, zvinhu izvozvo zvinondiyeuchidza zvakanaka nezvake. Ndaisada kubva ndangorasa zvinhu zvacho nokuti nokufamba kwenguva manzwiro anoita munhu anogona kungochinja.”
Asi, Claude ane mudzimai akafa makore anopfuura mashanu adarika, anoti: “Sekuona kwangu, zvinhu zvomudzimai wangu hazvisizvo zvichaita kuti ndirambe ndichifunga nezvake. Ndinofunga kuti kugova kwandakaita zvinhu zvake kwakandibatsira kuti ndigamuchire kuti akafa uye kwakaita kuti shungu dzangu dziserere.”
Mashoko ari pamusoro apa anoratidza kuti vanhu vanosiyana-siyana pakusarudza kuti vochengeta here zvinhu zvomufi kana kuti kwete. Saka hama neshamwari dzakachenjera hadzifaniri kumanikidza munhu anenge afirwa kuita zvavanofunga panyaya iyi.—VaGaratiya 6:2, 5.
[Mifananidzo iri papeji 9]
Pane misi yaunoziva kuti hama kana shamwari yako yakafirwa inganyanya kuonga rubatsiro rwako here?
[Mufananidzo uri papeji 9]
Usakanganwa kuvakoka
[Mifananidzo iri papeji 10]
Itawo mabasa ako pamwe chete nechirikadzi nevarume vakafirwa uye tandara navo