Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndingapeŵe Motani Kuseŵera ndi Chisembwere?

“Ndinkalingalira kuti kugwiranagwirana ndi kupsompsonana kunalibe cholakwika, kuti kunangokhala njira yosonyezera malingaliro ndi chikondi changa chachikulu. Ndinalingalira kuti ndikhoza kuleka zimenezi chinthu china chilichonse chowopsa chonga dama chisanachitike. Koma ndinali wolakwa kwambiri.” Ndimo mmene analembera msungwana wina wotchedwa Valerie amene anagwera m’chisembwere.a

ACHICHEPERE Achikristu amadziŵa kuti Baibulo limatsutsa kugonana ukwati usanakhale. (1 Akorinto 6:9, 10) Komabe, ena angakhale osazindikira kuti Baibulo limatsutsanso kuseŵera ndi chisembwere—kumwerekera m’maunansi amene mwachionekere ali a anthu okwatirana.b (Agalatiya 5:19) Kodi zimenezi zimatanthauza kuti kusonyeza chikondi nkolakwa? Kutalitali.

Baibulo limasimba za nkhani ya msungwana wina Wachisulami ndi mnyamata amene anali mbusa amene anatomerana. Ubwenzi wawo unali wachiyero ndi wa makhalidwe abwino. Komabe, mwachionekere iwo anasonyezana mikhalidwe yina ya chikondi asanakwatirane. (Nyimbo ya Solomo 1:2; 2:6; 8:5) Lerolino, opalana chibwenzi ena mofananamo angalingalire kuti kugwirana manja ndi kukumbatirana zili zisonyezero za chikondi zoyenera pamene ukwati ukuyandikira.c

Kuli kosavuta kwambiri ngakhale kwa anthu aŵiriwo okhala ndi zolinga zabwino za kukwatirana kutengeka maganizo ndi kuyamba kuseŵera ndi chisembwere. Kodi iwo angapeŵe motani kuchita motero?

‘Kusamalira’

Pa Salmo 119:9, wamasalmo anafunsa kuti: “Mnyamata adzayeretsa mayendedwe ake bwanji?” Yankho lake? “Akawasamalira monga mwa mawu anu.” Njira ina ya kukhala wosamala ndiyo kusankha mabwenzi anu. “Nthaŵi zonse mabwenzi anga amandiumiriza kuchita chisembwere,” akutero mnyamata wina wa ku America wotchedwa Nakia. Baibulo limachenjeza kuti: “Mnzawo wa opusa adzaphwetekedwa.” (Miyambo 13:20) Chotero magazini ena a achichepere anapereka uphungu wabwino pamene anati: “Menyerani nkhondo pakufunafuna mabwenzi atsopano amene ali ndi mikhalidwe yabwino yofanana ndi yanu.”

Njira ina ya kukhala wosamala ndiyo kupeŵa kulolera molakwa mikhalidwe yangozi. Talingalirani zimene zinachitika pamene mnyamata amene anali mbusa wa msungwana Wachisulami anapempha msungwanayo kukayenda naye. Zolinga zake zinali zabwinodi; iye anangofuna kukasangalala naye ndi kukongola kwa nyengo yangululu. Komabe ngakhale zinali choncho, alongo ake aakulu a msungwana Wachisulamiyo ‘anamukwiyira.’ Osati chifukwa chakuti sanakhulupirire aŵiriwo. Koma iwo anadziŵa bwino lomwe ziyeso zimene zingabuke ngati aŵiri aloledwa kukhala okhaokha m’mkhalidwe wa kukondana. Kodi anachitanji? Alongo ake aakuluwo analetsa zolinganiza zawo zachikondizo ndi kupatsa mchemwali wawoyo ntchito yofuna nthaŵi imene inamchititsa kukhala wotanganitsidwa.—Nyimbo ya Solomo 1:6; 2:8-15.

Kukhala nokhanokha mumkhalidwe wa kukondana kukupitirizabe kukhala kwangozi lerolino. Msungwana wina wachichepere amene tidzatcha Mary akukumbukira kuti: “Pamene tinamka kokayenda pachibwenzi, kaŵirikaŵiri tinkakhala ndi wotiperekeza.” Komabe, nthaŵi ina, anali okhaokha m’chipinda. “Tinatengeka maganizo. Kunali kupusa kwathu kulola zimenezo kuchitika. Tinali ndi mkhalidwe wa maganizo wakuti ‘Sizingachitike kwa ife.’ Ayi, tsopano ndikudziŵa kuti uyenera kukhala ndi woperekeza nthaŵi zonse, zivute zitani. Pangani makonzedwe ena ngati mwalephera kupeza aliyense woti akuperekezeni. Ife sitinazindikire ngozi imeneyo.”

Khalani wozindikira ngozi! Ngati mukupalana chibwenzi ndi winawake, linganizani kokayenda kwanu mosamalitsa. Ngati nkotheka, kayendeni ndi ena m’timagulu, kapena tsimikizirani kukhala ndi woperekeza. Peŵani mikhalidwe yangozi, yonga ya kukhala muli aŵiriŵiri m’galimoto loimikidwa kapena m’chipinda. Kusangalala ndi kukhalapo kwa wina ndi mnzake pokaona zinthu kumyuziyamu, kumalesitilanti, ndi malo ena otero kaŵirikaŵiri nkotetezereka. Mofananamo, mungakumbukire mawu a pa Hoseya 4:11 akuti: “Vinyo, ndi vinyo watsopano, zichotsa mtima.” Popeza kuti zakumwa zoledzeretsa zimachepetsa kudziletsa kwa munthu, kuli kwanzeru kukhala wosamala kwambiri ndi kumwa ngakhale ngati inu muli wachikulire wovomerezedwa kumwa.

Kuika Malire

Pa Miyambo 13:10 pamapereka uphungu wina wofunika pamene pamati: “Omwe anauzidwa uphungu ali ndi nzeru.” Musayembekezere kufikira pamene muli mumkhalidwe wina wachikondi wotengeka maganizo kwambiri kuti muike malamulo. Anthu apachibwenzi angakhale anzeru mwa kuika malire pasadakhale, akumakambitsirana mowona mtima za zisonyezero zachikondi zoyenera. Komabe, onse aŵiriwo ayenera kutsatira lamulo la mkhalidwe la pa Aefeso 4:25 lakuti: “Lankhulani zowona yense ndi mnzake.”

Mwachitsanzo, tinene kuti msungwana akulingalira kuti unansi wake ndi mnyamata wafikira mlingo umene kupsompsonana kotsazikana pokagona kuli koyenera. Komabe, mnyamata angalingalire kuti polingalira za mtima wake, kupsompsonana kukakhala koyesa kwambiri. Powopa kukanidwa kapena polingalira za thayo la kukondweretsa msungwanayo, iye angachite motsutsana ndi chosankha chake choyenera. Koma ngakhale kuti zingakhale zochititsa manyazi kwa iye, ayenera kunena chowonadi ndi kufotokoza malingaliro ake enieni ponena za zimenezi. Popeza kuti chikondi Chachikristu “sichitsata za mwini yekha,” aliyense ayenera kulemekeza malingaliro a mnzake—ndi chikumbumtima—munkhaniyi. (1 Akorinto 13:5; 1 Petro 3:16) Zowonadi, kulankhula za nkhani yovuta yotero kungakhale kovuta ndi kochititsa manyazi, makamaka kuchiyambiyambi kwa chibwenzicho. Koma kungachite zazikulu pakuletsa mavuto kubuka mtsogolo. Mokondweretsa, kukhoza kwanu kwa kulankhulana ndi kugwirizana m’nkhani zimenezi kungachitenso monga chisonyezero cha maziko amene unansiwo uli nawo pa ukwati wolimba.

‘Udzatero Ngati Umandikonda’

Komabe, nthaŵi zina mosasamala kanthu za zolinga zabwino koposa, mkhalidwewo umayamba kukhala wachikoka kwambiri. Tsopano ndiyo nthaŵi yakuti munene zimene mukuganiza! Pondani mabuleki mwamphamvu koma mokoma mtima, titero kunena kwake. Ngati kuli kofunika chokani pamalopo. (Yerekezani ndi Miyambo 23:2.) Bwanji ngati munthu amene mwapalana naye chibwenziyo akana kulemekeza malire ameneŵa anzeru ndi kupitirizabe kukuumirizani kuchita zomkitsa? Nzachisoni kunena kuti achichepere ena agwera m’chinyengo cha mawu onga akuti, ‘Udzatero ngati umandikonda’ kapena, ‘Aliyense akuchita zimenezi’ kapena ngakhale akuti, ‘Tidzakwatirana posachedwapa, nangano vuto nchiyani?’ Monga momwe zinaliri m’nthaŵi za Baibulo, pali awo amene amayesa kunyenga ‘ndi kusyasyalika kwa milomo yawo.’ (Miyambo 7:21; yerekezerani ndi Salmo 5:9.) Musagonje ndi mawu okakamiza!

Choyamba, munthu amene amakukondanidi sadzakuumirizani kuchita kanthu kamene kamawononga chikumbumtima chanu Chachikristu kapena kamene kamakupangitsani kuvutika maganizo. (1 Akorinto 13:5) Chachiŵiri, sizowona kuti ‘aliyense akuchita zimenezo.’ Ndipo ngakhale ngati aliyense anali kutero, zimenezo sizikanatanthauza kuti nanunso muyenera kuzichita. Kumbukirani lamulo la mkhalidwe la pa Eksodo 23:2 lakuti: “Usatsata unyinji wa anthu kuchita choipa.”

Ponena za malonjezo a ukwati, palibe paliponse pamene Malemba amapereka chilolezo kwa anthu otomerana cha kuchita monga anthu okwatirana. Ndiponso, taonani za ziŵerengero zomvetsa chisoni zosimbidwa m’buku lakuti The Compleat Courtship, lolembedwa ndi Nancy Van Pelt: “Yoposa 33 peresenti ya asungwana amene anagonana ndi anyamata anakhulupirira kuti pamene anagonana panthaŵi yoyamba akakwatirana ndi mnyamatayo—koma oŵerengeka okha anatero. Komabe, 7 peresenti yokha ya anyamata ogonana ndi asungwana amene anafunsidwa, ndiwo anaganiza kuti akakwatira asungwanawo. Chinthu chimodzi mwa ziŵiri chinali kuchitika—kuti kaya msungwanayo anali kudzipusitsa kapena mnyamatayo sanali kunena zowona. Sankhani nokha.” Mwambi wina wanzeru umati: “Wachibwana akhulupirira mawu onse; koma wochenjera asamalira mayendedwe ake.”—Miyambo 14:15.

Pamene Mwatengeka Maganizo

Wachichepere wina wa ku Germany wotchedwa Thomas akuvomereza kuti: “Ndinali ndi msungwana wokhulupirika, ndipo tinkaseŵera monkitsa. Koma nthaŵi zonse tinali kuleka kuseŵerako titatsala nenene kuchita cholakwa. Zimenezi zinandipatsa lingaliro lakuti ndikhoza kudzilamulira.” Lingaliro lonyenga limenelo linamloŵetsa m’chisembwere. Kumbukirani chenjezo la Baibulo lakuti: “Chifukwa chake iye wakuyesa kuti ali chiriri, ayang’anire kuti angagwe.”—1 Akorinto 10:12.

Bwanji ngati aŵiriwo agwera m’khalidwe losayenera? Mnyamata wina wotchedwa John akuti: “Pamene bwenzi langa lachikazi ndi ine tinayamba kupalana chibwenzi, khalidwe lathu linali loyera ndi lodzisungira koposa. Koma panthaŵi ina tinayamba kupsompsonana ndi kugwiranagwirana—kufikira titatsala pafupi kuchita chisembwere. Panali panthaŵiyo pamene ndinasankha zolankhula ndi mmodzi wa akulu a mumpingo wanga.” Inde, pamene anthu aŵiri opalana chibwenzi alekerera zinthu kufikira pamenepo, aŵiri onsewo afunikira chithandizo! Musadzinyenge mwa kuganiza kuti mukhoza kuthetsa vutolo nokha. “Ndinkapemphera kuti, ‘Tithandizeni kuti tisabwerezenso,’” akuulula motero wachichepere wina. “Nthaŵi zina zimenezi zinkagwira ntchito, komano kangapo konse zimenezi sizinatero.” Chotero Baibulo limatipatsa uphungu wabwino pamene limati: ‘Itanani akulu a mpingo.’ (Yakobo 5:14) Oyang’anira Achikristu ameneŵa angathe kupereka uphungu, chilangizo, kapena chidzudzulo china chilichonse chofunika kuchititsa unansi wanu wina ndi mnzake—ndipo, chofunika kwambiri, ndi Mulungu—kubwezeretsedwa pachimake.

Komabe, kuli bwino kwambiri kutenga njira zoyenera zotetezera, kuika malire pasadakhale, ndi kukhala otsimikiza kukhalabe oyera pamaso pa Mulungu. Mwanjira imeneyi mungapeŵe tsoka.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 25]

Anthu aŵiri opalana chibwenzi adzakana zisonyezero zachikondi zosayenera